Thank you 
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Youāre handling it, because youāre a really good mom, Dana
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Day 921 AF
Good morning, gang.
I hope everyoneās doing well.
Took the day off for my little manās bday. He turns 5 today. Weāre gonna head over to his grandpaās around noon. Itās his bday also.
I had to cancel a dentist appointment this morning. They were tryna charge over 4k out of pocket. They better hook me up with some gold teeth for that price. Gonna start a GoFundMe, āSave JRās Teef.ā Iāll look elsewhere. Iāve been dealing with gum pain. They wanted to do other procedures that I wasnāt too concerned about.
Anyway, I had a drinking dream last night. It was New Yearās Eve, and we were hanging out at my sisterās house. She offered me a drink. She told me that Iāve been sober for a long time and one beer wouldnāt hurt. She poured me a drink in a glass and I ended up drinking it. I only had the one beer. I started asking myself if I was cured. I didnāt get drunk or start drama. In the dream, weeks had passed. I was back in my childhood apartment on my twin bed. I wanted another drink. I grabbed a beer and poured it into a glass. I told myself that if I chugged it fast, I wouldnāt taste it. After I drank it, I kept telling myself that I was cured now. Iām not drunk. It was just one beer. This doesnāt count as a relapse. I was afraid to mention anything on the forum, so I uninstalled it. But then I started questioning myself. What if I get fucked up next week? Iāve gone through this before. I started panicing. I woke up from the dream and was trippinā for a second. I thought for a moment that I did have a drink. From reading other peopleās stories on here, I know that thereās no cure to this shit. No matter how much time has passed.
Keep pushing hard, gang. Stay strong 
!
Have a great one! ODAAT 
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Day 46 sober & smoke free
Got stressed out at work today not good as remedy was always looking forward to a drink later when i get home as its been a stressful day 
Another pattern ive just broke 
Large Cup of Masala chai (tea) wonderful 
bollocks to alcohol
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Day 301 sh free
I have been feeling overwhelmed a lot lately, and really worried for health, and am trying to do whatever is healthy or going to help. But I canāt seem to stop the thoughts and urges to SH.
I donāt even know why I am feeling like doing it. Not sure what to say these days. Feeling more shut down and reclusive. I have missed yāall here, but for whatever reason havenāt been able to sign inā¦
This too shall pass I suppose. Getting close to the 1 year mark soon. Ive never gotten there, so Iām gonna try really hard
Ps still 562 days sober, just not relevant in this post
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Could you be used to it as habit and feel like youāre āsupposedā to do it. Youāre saying urges though. Go away urges.
Wonderful on the longevity of your days free from sh.
Iām voting for crayola drawing with your youngest. Creativity and expression. Youāre missed around here, cared for, supported, and loved. Take care friend. 
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Day 85
TW (self) body shaming and no sence 
My feeling is so bad I am questioning the sence of this life again atm. Donāt know. Just sad and feeling like staring at a wall is enough. Canāt summarize my thoughts at all. Feeling too unworthy and fat to joyn the new yoga school next week at all. Feeling to unworthy for everything. Like loosing myself and my life at all. Not in danger to use atm.
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Awe thank you for this! I really needed to hear that. Some days i feel like im not doing enough. But i certainly do my best
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My friend!!! Sooooo good to see u posting. Although im sorry ur going thru some rough times right now with thoughts of SHing and feelings of overwhelm. It sounds like alot is going on. I know ur a very busy woman/mom, always putting others before urself, working alot, maybe the thoughts of SHing are due to feeling overwhelmed and not having time for urself? Or maybe it could be bcuz ur nearing that 1 year mark? I know that when i start having more intense thoughts of using and life is just getting tough, thats the time i need to get back to the basics and do what i used to do to to maintain my sobriety. Life gets sooo busy (as u know) and sometimes i dont do all the recovery related things that i need to to be happy, joyous, and free. Do u feel like maybe ur missing out on something? Im just glad ur here and pushing thru, that ur clean and sober, and that ur doing so amazingly well fighting off those SHing urges. I love u friend
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Iām sorry youāre feeling all those strong thoughts that are hurtful. I hope youāll be able to go to yoga if you want to, I think that you want it to take the place of some of the swimming that youāre not able to do.
Youāre smart, sweet, nice, caring and so many other attributes. So much to live for. I hope youāll begin to feel it.
Thereās always going to be stuff we are happy about and grateful forā¦ in our selves, our surroundings, life and relationshipsā¦ and there will always be stuff we arenāt so happy and grateful about.
Iām glad youāre talking about it. Hope you feel better soon and find things to do in your new surroundings that you enjoy and feel comfortable in.
Life is hard. Sometimes it gets harder, sometimes it gets easier. ODAAT
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Checking in day 57. 2nd day after hip surgery. My husband who is caregiving me wrote my X on my 100 day challenge paper I have on the table. I thought that was the kindest gesture yet with all he is doing for me. God and sobriety is such a blessing. My home feels quite spiritual and would never have unless I quit drinking, Amazing how God works.
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Thank You 
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@Hayleylujah congrats on your week+ 
@Jasty2 right there with you on that one š©µ
@DresdenLaPage congrats on moving om 
enjoy your time with your friend
@JazzyS ouch! Yeah I can imagine that does sting! Glad itās helping though 
and thank you, all dental pain has gone and rehab appt went okay š©µ
@Mno I hope the funeral went as well as these things can and Iām sure your friend appreciated your support š©µ
@Just_Laura I can relate! Hmm, maybe something oily, though that risks more mess 
@Timetochange congrats on 10 months
@Thumper1213 congrats on 6 months
@SelfLove_42 good to see you checking-in welcome back congrats on day 4
@Noshame congrats on 350 days good luck with your lessons 
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@MrsOdh Iām so sorry about your husbandās back, I can relate somewhat š©µ
@GOKU2019 Happy Birthday mini and OG GOKUs! 
sorry about your dream and the dentist trying to charge you 4K!!
@Scorpn so good to read from you, congrats on 300+ days free from SH you can get through this Iām sorry about the health anxiety and I hope that whatever is going on is over soon š©µ
@Juli1 sending you love and strength š©µ you are enough, you are worthy š©µ
1353 days no alcohol.
818 days no cocaine.
333 days no vape.
2 days no binge-eating.
I struggled to fall asleep last night so it was late when I did. I drove to my rehab appointment but forgot that the entire road is closed atm, so I had to park in the multistorey in the city centre, then walk as fast as I could to the clinic. I made it just in time, but not without pain. She tested my movement and strength, then put together a new exercise plan for me to do at home (lots of physio exercises). Then I will see her again on 12th June to reassess. I walked back to my car and drove home.
I read 22 pages of my book, going to finish the chapter after posting this, 16 more pages.
I completed my postal vote for some local elections, then walked to the shopping centre to post it. I also bought some healthy food and ate that when I got home.
The urges to binge have been strong, especially when I received a letter with a date and timeslot for a very stressful appointment on 9th May, but I reminded my addict that I will not be resetting any of my ED counters. Now itās craving a pack of 10 cigarillos, but thatās been 508 days, so not a chance!
Now Iāve caught-up here and itās nice and early. I will read the rest of this chapter, then maybe watch an episode of Virgin River (Netflix).
š©µ
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Checking in day 114 AF
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Checking in day 72.
Donated blood yesterday so I have been dragging butt today, but it is worth it to help others. Knocked off a couple more of my community service hours at a food bank. I have been on the move since early this morning so I am ready to chill and catch up here. Have a great evening everyone. 
out!
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Hi allā¦ Day 4. Feeling a little sad today and quite a lot of temptations. Struggling with a couple of friends. Not so sure what to do about that.
Went for a walk and a picnic with my little man and the dog after work. Definitely helped. He never fails to make me smileā„ļø
Hope youāre all well.
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They shall grow not old,
as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them,
nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun
and in the morning
We will remember them.
Lest We Forget
Have an enjoyable ANZAC Day my Aussie and New Zealand brothers and sisters and remember the sacrifices made by our ancestors for us to live in peace in such a beautiful place in the world.
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Day 11
Frustrated with how much ive been eating and sleeping. Want to be productive with my days when im not at work but the environment I live in is so stressful it just exhausts me. Kept getting startled awake today which always just frustrates me and makes me want to go back to sleep because 1) im still tired, and 2) i dont want that to be the way that I start my day - getting woken up by my adrenaline being set off. Its like it makes me put my foot down and say no because i want to have some control over my life and to be woken up like that by someone else is just not it. Cant stop staying up late no matter how hard i try and that just makes it even harder to get up at a decent time. Nighttime is when I finally feel I can have some peace and do the things that I want to/need to freely without being distrurbed.
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Congrats on day 4! Those cravings can be rough. I like to remind myself that theyre not gonna kill me, and they usually pass within 20 minutes. Id rather be uncomfortable for 20 minutes than deal with the consequences of drinking.
A walk and a picnic sounds absolutely wonderful, good on you for getting some fresh air together
Hope things with your friends can get resolved soon 
wishing you a lovely rest of your day, youāve got this 
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