Thank you!
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Checking out day 123 AF
Well first full day on job ( I use the term loosely) working for the city. Oh my! Iāve never been part of such low expectations for work before.
There doesnāt seem to be a lot of motivation nor expectations for achieving any sort of goal or standard, that is for certain.
I think Iām going to find myself rocking a boat because I just canāt go that slowā¦ so much so that after work today I went and did two clients lawns just so I felt I accomplished something, anything.
This is going to test me, of that I have no doubt. Just a very negative, toxic feeling to the gigā¦ Hopefully it gets better but it sure looks like this is the pervasive attitudeā¦
Wish me luck cause I was really hoping to get some exercise from this gig, at least a lot of steps inā¦ Iām not sure how I can though. I had to book a large property tomorrow night as well again, just so as I was getting some work in.
Goodnight sober peeps
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Thanks, I am so glad to have found TS!
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Youāre an inspiration, Eric! I appreciate you and your kind support!!
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Thanks, Billy!! And happy belated birthday!! 
much to celebrate, friend!
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man thatās rough - sorry the new job is turning out to be such a drag. you were coming out of retirement to do this as something that you would enjoy. hopefully it gets better or maybe you decide this isnāt the right fit for you.
Really sorry your first day didnāt go as expected. Hope the after work gigs wore you out so you can get a nice restful sleep.
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Day 24
Feeling the urge to drink.
Probably because Im feeling bored
Todays my day off which ive been looking forward to. Its been very decent. Now im just at the point in the night where im not even sure what I want to do, and feeling frustrated with certain things in my life atm.
Proud of myself for approaching 30 days, and worried if Iām going to be able to keep this up.
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Way to go Zoeā¦you should be proud of your progress 
Boredom can be the worst! Find something of interest to keep your mind and hands busy. Play games, for your art work, read and respond here on TS. Whatever it is to get past the urges. You will be grateful you did
Stay strong my friend 
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So RIDICULOUSLY satisfying, like a puzzle 
Hope you have a great time in Berlin Remember to take deep breaths & enjoy the adventure 
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Ahhh so happy the taxes are done. One thing checked off.
Next onto the advocacy letters to the ministries for my nephew. Everything around him with CPS is very difficult. What are people to do, when they cannot physically care for a dependent child due to their disability? When you cannot afford the supports? The only answer my country has is you are forced to give up custody, to an overloaded foster system. We are pressurized now as my mother will be losing any support from CPS, and without these supports she cannot care for him. She is shattered, tormented is the word by the prospect of what is in front of us. I feel sometimes through this past few years I cannot afford to be tormented. I have to take deep breaths, one step at a timeā¦but I am afraid for my nephew and his future.
This was a heavy thought i had to put down. All in all the day was a good one. I am brainstorming what kind of job to do; realizing I didnt go through any of this as a young person. I was a hard bottom at a young age, and built my life up by just doing what was infront of me and accepting opportunities as they came. Im in an interesting place, where the goal of working in my field (which was very serious and heavy) no longer holds for meā¦a new page, one day at a time and eventually the chapter is written.
The boys are over and at the table arguing the nature vs. Nuture debate. They can go on for hours. Im off to bed. Beautiful night with the kids & hubby, and happy to have our friends here. Sending everyonr love for the 24 hours ahead xo.
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447
I fells asleep on the couch again until 2. Exhausted in the morning so I napped a couple more hours, having the most interesting action packed dream. I thought I was watching a movie until I woke up drenched. Rest of the day was great. First Tuesday weāve been open and only 3 tables for me but I made out a lot better than I imagined. Had lots of good food too bc there was a buffet downstairs 
Feeling perfectly tired for what time it is. Iāve started watching Monk, which I never caught when it was aired but my dad always like it. One episode, then bed 
Goodnight all
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Monk is a great choice. Iāve seen them all some more than once.
Sleep well.
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I really like it. Always thought Tony Shalhoub was funny 
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1796
Up early on my day off. Want to do a longer bike ride. The weather was supposed to better than is is looking but itās not raining, so it and Iāll make do. Today is just for me. Sober and clean.
Been looking in to doing another form of therapy called somatic experiencing. I feel it could be helpful in releasing some of the tension in my body thatās been there for 50+ years. Cycling helps, talking therapy helps, but itās not enough yet. Iāll keep working on it. One day at a time. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Clean and sober. Love.
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Itās so annoying when the weather does that. Iām pretty much always cold so I bring an extra sweater wherever I go. 
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Iām here, Iām alive, Iām sober and Iām happy.
Day 70.
Up early to take the boys to the dentist.
Itās a long weekend here so theyāre having the day off.
My brother wanted to come visit with his kids tomorrow. I offered them to come and watch my 14 y/o folk dance show with us.
He wasnāt really into that cause his kids canāt be still (theyāre like 3 and 4 y/o)
And my kids preferably donāt have their young cousins over so weāll see about that.
Otherwise no plans for this weekend.
Hopefully our old gardener will come over and help us with the garden since we need a tractor to do what weāre planning this year.
But heās been saying that for weeks so I doubt he will.
Weāll see.
Sun is supposed to shine, itās supposed to be a little warmer, so hopefully itāll be a nice long weekend with a lot of BBQ and outdoor fun.
Wishing yāall a wonderful day and a happy weekend.
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@MrsOdh Have a good start into your long free weekend.
@Mno Enjoy your ride 
@Mira_D Thanks you for reminding me to take deep breaths and thinking one step at a time. I really need that right now.
@wahtisnormal You seem to have a very busy work life with sports on top of that. This means that youāre in āaction modeā as I call it a lot. When you have a day off and ānothingā to do your brain and body have to switch to ādown modeā. This switch, this transition can feel very unpleasant and uncomfortable. Thatās when your addiction speaks up and suggests to āease the discomfortā. You know the consequences of using. You donāt want them. Try to find new ways to ease this transition: drawing, a walk, stretching, a relaxing game. Relaxing stuff. The discomfort will pass if you donāt use. Hold on to your sobriety 
@Chevy55 Fingers crossed your work situation improves with time.
@Soberbilly A happy belated birthday 
@Butterflymoonwoman Nice to see your doing better. Sleep is magical.
@Wakikki I Hope sleep finds you soon.
@JazzyS Hope for less weather shenanigans for you today
@Juli1 I really dig Yoga with Horst 
168 sugar
32 UPF
39 gluten
18 dairy
5 overeating/binge
Iāve been having some kind of digestive problems for a few days now. This also includes some intestinal pains with which I woke up this morning. At the same time my period is due these days which tends to exacerbate all kinds of pains and issues. I feel like the pain is getting worse and now I want to be on a train in four hours to my festival for the rest of the week. My mind is playing all kinds of anxiety ridden tapes about me being seriously ill or getting worse on the trip or whatnot. I feel paralysed from fear.
But Iām not going to cancel my trip. Worst case I have to come back home earlier. My fear is getting worse on the other hand. Iāll try to do one thing after the other just as Iāve planned.
I hope I can find some peace, stay in kindness, and find freedom. The same goes to you my sober friends 
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Day 319. Up early. My wife is having alot of problems with pain at the moment so Iām not sure if we are off to and e. Itās been ongoing for a while now
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Happy birthday @Soberbilly 
I hope you had a lovely day!
Glad you are around @Twizzlers, connection is key 
And you are determinate enough to get what you want so go get it.
days @Pattycake thatās a big milestone! Happy for you! 
I know milestones can be tricky days @Juli1 (they are for me!) and you are heading one and aware of that. Thatās a good thing 
Proud of how you are doing it Julia with the yoga and all!!
Have you ever tried PMT @Mno ? (Psychomotorische therapie), it could be helpful for you if I understand your needs right
Thatās power @acromouse , respect! I hope you feel better soon and the festival is awesome! Keep us posted Aga
*Day 2058 
5 days before holiday
Had an easy day yesterday and today will be an easy one too I guess. Have a appointment with the Iranian lady in a pub this morning for a coffee and a chat. After that Iām biking to the city centre for some shopping for my holiday, deffinitely need some t shirts. And toninght my 3 kids are visiting, wednesday is our " familyday" and we use it to catch up with eachother. Iām grateful they still like to come over despite 2 of them having a girlfriend now. I cherish the weekly visits as long as the last
This flower is called āGewone Vogelmelkā , in English itās called āGrass lillyā ore āStar of Bethlehemā. Pictured it yesterday. Itās lovely
Have a nice night ore a good day werever you are TS friends!
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@Mira_D so sorry that you and your family are having to go through this. I canāt even comprehend the justification the system would have to make this process so utterly complicated. It baffles me that they would put a child through this kind of stress and aggrivation. I do hope that you are able to get this sorted with ease moving forward. Good luck with the letters 
@Just_Laura omgā¦ absolutely loved the show - watched and rewatched it many times. They came out with a movie last year which youāll have to see once you complete the series. Happy watching
@mrsodh way to go Sophia 70 days and going strong. A sweater would be handy to keep on hand - thanks for the tip.
@acromouse it was a bizarre day for sureā¦heard we had 3 tornadoes touch down in the area. I was oblivious with my loud music and cooking to notice the sirens. No damage here thank goodness. Hope you have a wonderful trip to Berlin. Oh noā¦Iām sorry you are dealing with digestive issues and painā¦that does not make for a fun train ride. Hopefully itās a comfortable train where you can rest. Sending you hugs my friendā¦ sending energy to push that fear and anxiety away
@timetochange sorry to hear about your wife dealing with pain. I do hope you get it checked out if itās been this persistent and that everything is ok.
Having trouble sleeping with the stupid pain so I thought I would check in with my friends.
Itās 2:39am ā¦ going to try and meditate and get some zzzās.
Hope you all have a wonderful start to your Wednesdays sending you all so much love
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