Day 2240… challenging morning today. Ms. Monkey’s youngest boy decided to let his arrogance shine loudly. It got to the point, I left 45 minutes early for work. I left because I know what I wanted to tell him, was something he needed to hear. However, he isnt in the place to recieve it. I know me, I know him. So i went to work early
On my way to work, my mother called. Mom and dad have decided to get their end of life arrangements made. While, they have no plan on needing them any time soon…it was something I wasnt ready to think about. Niagara falls fell from my eyes.
I have a choice, I can let all this affect me. Or, I can set in it. I can acknowledge it as a part of life.
I feel it’s part of Recovery that you’re feeling this way. Early Recovery that is. Be kind to yourself friend. You’re making way for experiences, and some of them are going to be uncomfortable. Probably very uncomfortable. I’m glad you’re here sharing about them. Keep sharing and keep going. You’re doing much better than you think.
2y2m28d
Morning friends! Another clean and sober day is on the go! The overnight wasnt too bad last night. My son slept soundly and right up until 630am (which is sleeping in for him) so he got a good rest. Im just off to work now. Hoping the day goes by quickly bcuz i already want to go home haha Have a great addiction free day everyone! I know i will
@Thirdmonkey sounds like a hard morning scott. Its hard to think of our loved ones needing to make those arrangements. But ur right, it is a part of life. I hope ur day improves tho @Dustysprungfield welcome back Dave Can i ask… what was happening in ur life for u to plan a relapse? Were emotions running high? Was there alot of stress? Etc They say relapse occurs even before we pick up. It may be helpful to look back and see what led u to this relapse. That way plans can be put in place to help u when ur experiencing the same thing in the future. Im glad ur back and didnt let this slip take u down further. @whereswaldo what a special picture! Those birds are beautiful! @just_laura i absolutely agree. When i was using, i had such guilt. Recovery has given me so much… such as a positive relationship with my son. And just seeing him write what he did, brought happy tears to my eyes. And i thank recovery for that! Bcuz like u said, this wouldnt have happened if i had still been using. Im so proud of u too girl! And all of us on here fighting for another day addiction free. Hope u have a great day friend @goku2019 i can relate to what ur saying about maybe being addicted to recovery. There have been many times over the course of my recovery journey where recovery was all i talked about and thought about etc. Which isnt necessarily a bad thing but i did notice similar behaviours in others around me. I think they were feeling neglected. I guess what im trying to say is that i needed to find balance. Ultimately tho… if we dont have recovery, we have nothing. So recovery needs to be a priority. But balance was something i really had to work on. Unless we know what ur wife is thinking, it will be hard to guess what she may be upset about. I hope she opens up to u tho and u can resolve what is going on.
Happy Saturday! Not much happening today which is ok for me. Finished a couple jobs earlier and now back home to catch up on some house work since I have time. Spending the day with my favorite person " myself" is a perfect day Hoping you all have a great day!!!
Super long sleep in this morning. Couldn’t get to sleep last night after the guests left until way late. I was exhausted and kinda rattled by the whole thing. Wow, was it eye-opening. The discomfort! Very good because I needed to know. Very superficial.
I was reading someone talk about having friends in sobriety vs the ‘running buddies’ of drinking days. Ooooh…that’s them! They’re limited by alcohol like I used to be. They’re not bad people, and we go way back. So the running buddy is an interesting creature. It’s a person you can mostly tolerate that you run around drinking with. They have friendly appearances, appear to be friends of yours but can’t do it. They’re limited. And all these years I couldn’t put my finger on what was missing, what hurt. I’ve heard people call them enemies, but they’re not. They’re running buddies, fairly decent people that fell into alcohol like I did. Somehow halfway kept up appearances but none of us could go beyond the drunken chatter. Low vibration gossip, retelling the same stories. It’s the best we were capable of under the influence, shallow and rather empty. Sad after so many years.
Everything has changed now. I did sense a few moments of antagonism towards my new lifestyle. Because they had to wonder if drinking together, yet again, wasn’t possible, then what are we doing?
I’m so glad I made it through. Now it’s sober Saturday morning! I’m safe and ready to keep learning and growing. Day 71!
I missed your 300 days
It’s hard to keep up here these days
Congratulations
@Tragicfarinelli Happy birthday and I’m glad the sun is shining for you today
@Soberbilly This is very interesting I have sat here for 5 minutes trying to imagine me not moaning for 30 days. Like I’m really serious, and peace and calm came to mind. I don’t moan terribly but I do get moamy about the silliest things sometimes. This has been thought provoking In a positive way. I will think more about this.
Your not alone, just don’t quit quitting! Your back here and that is what is important.
I’m back on Day 6 I think it is.
Your not alone being back at the beginning, but let’s make sure we keep going forward
We can do this
Checking in 76 Days. Began exercising more and have really been getting benefits from that. Got some new exercising shoes to treat my self. I am very excited about it.
This is a powerful realization! Grateful you were able to get through the evening sober and more in touch with yourself @HoofHearted Happy belated birthday to your mom Dan. You are right – she is living her best life and still with you in your memories and spirit. Big hugs friend
Totally makes sense and I am so addicted to staying sober. I do spend a lot of time here cause I can’t talk about it with my family / friends. They just don’t understand the addictive mind like my TS community. I can understand you wanting to not distress your wife but remember that you need support and connection in your journey – hopefully you can find a balance. Hope your wife and your mom had a lovely mothers day. @soberwalker I’m so sorry Claudia. Grateful that she is in safe hands and getting the care she needs. Hope she recovers well Sending you love
IMO you handled it well and it says a lot about him if he got mad over it. I am frustrated about people not following through on work or promises as well. Hope you were able to enjoy some time in the yard and are not too sore. @acromouse impressive timers – 3 weeks no dairy Sorry you are still feeling ill – I do hope it eases so that you can have a easy going trip back home tomorrow. @laner Grateful you have your friend by your side and I do hope that the mountains helped calm you down. These feelings can be overwhelming and nerve wrecking. Sending you hugs my friend. @dustysprungfield Grateful you did not let the shame keep you from coming back here Dave. You have those near 200 days and now that you see that nothing good comes from this way of living you will stack on many more. Its sad that our minds and bodies need to be convinced that the poison it craves is not a solution and has nothing good to offer. Here you are in a supportive community where we have your back. The smug and cockiness of sobriety is also the addicts mind trying to weasel itself back in saying that look at how easy this is – we can for sure go for a bender and get back on the horse. Unfortunately we never know when our last ride will be and it does get harder each time we fall off. I’m just grateful that you are here and working on day 2 – keep fighting the good fight friend @rookie way to catch your fall and get right back at it – that one drink is a slippery slope if you let it and I am grateful to see that you are not letting it. Day 2 and going strong @thirdmonkey Big hugs Scott. You sure had a hell of a start to your Saturday. Smart move on heading out early to work (no matter how much we want to help someone, knowing that they will not receive our words is gold). My goodness – that phone call brought tears to my eyes. I know its inevitable but the thinking process of it all is very sad indeed. Sending you hugs and hoping your Saturday is filled with love and calmness.
Checking in on Saturday morning
I am bummed that i missed the lights. Didn’t even know they were going on till my brother mentioned something around 11 and so then i tried to look for them for next 1.5 hours but nada. I am shocked that people saw such amazing images in my neck of the woods. Grateful for all the videos and pictures this morning.
I had to catch more sleep this morning as i was not ready to get up after 3 hours of sleep. Made myself a lovely breakfast and now after my 3rd cup of coffee i’m ready to go walking. I am glad that i am keeping on top of my walking and exercises (the pain is no joke - just hoping the torn muscles are healing well). They had given me muscle relaxers and pain killers cause it is meant to be a hard process but i have not taken them yet. I am just happy to be moving around and getting some endorphin kicks
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day - sending you all so much love
Beautiful Sophia!
Yes, it’s not much seen here and if we see it we see it at the photo after we make one and not with our bare eyes if you understand what I try to say
I actually had a wonderful day.
Local mechanic went to get the smoker now
(a bit late but that’s not really my problem)
Me and my boys Managed to do a lot of garden work today. The neighbors also helped out. Couldn’t believe my own reality when our old Mr Cranky offered some help, good advice, and told us funny anecdotes from when he was young.
Apparently he was a notorious fighter and drinker in this village. And a great really driver in the 80’s before I was born.
He also used to work on his parents farm until they died.
He stopped drinking after a surviving a severe heart attack years ago.
I had no idea, he never shared that information before. He is usually just cranky.
Our other neighbor offered us to borrow his wheel barrel if we took all the stones from our old outside stair and all the branches from our tree to his yard. He is going to try and build a barrier against the river.
And it seems like the local mechanic guy knows an older man with a tractor who can came and help us out in the garden next week.
Just when I lost hope about humanity I gained it again. With a nice farmers tan as well
Hoping you all have a great day!!!
I have sat here for 5 minutes trying to imagine me not moaning for 30 days. Like I’m really serious, and peace and calm came to mind. I don’t moan terribly but I do get moamy about the silliest things sometimes. This has been thought provoking In a positive way. I will think more about this.
your doing amazing!!!
Sorry you are still feeling ill – I do hope it eases so that you can have a easy going trip back home tomorrow. 
