750 days a huge congratulations 
I will look up refuge recovery, if itās different from recovery dharma Iām interested to see all whatās out there! Dip my toes in everything recovering related.
And also well done for 9 days on your personal challenge. 
Have a lovely day 
Thanks for this recommendation and also sharing some about yourself. I will look into this workbook youāve mentioned. After you writing about how there are triggering things in the other book Iām more hesitant to read that one at this time. Is maybe something to go back to once I get a bit more settled.
I think Iām needing something that is more practicalā¦maybe this workbook you mentioned would be a good fit. Iāll look into it.
Iāve seen this SMART recovery mentioned on here but donāt know much about it. I know for sure they wonāt have this in my country but I will look into it and see about online resources.
I think Iāll take a look at both but leaning towards the workbook because it sounds like it has a more practical application.
Reached 30 days last night 
on day 31 now.
Its super early right now, my alarm goes off in 2 hours but i woke up and I just really miss my fiance right now. And im sad that my memories are slowly fading. I hate it so much. It makes me feel less connected to him. At the same time I know he wouldnt want me to be in so much pain all the time and he would want me to be happy. I just hate these conflicting emotions. I hate that its hurting less. The past 3 years have been a blur and its scary how much I feel like thereās a chunk of my life missing becauss I was in shock/drinking/grieving the entire time. I still just want him back. And I still have no idea if Iāll ever want to be in another relationship again, which is conflicting because I crave physical/emotional/mental connection with someone so much. I dont wamt to spend the rest of my life alone. But so far I cant even imagine myself with anyone else but him.
Gonna start meal prepping today so Iām looking forward to that.
Day 40 has been a success. I still didnāt sleep the best (my friend said I had some of my sleep walking/night terror stuff happening) I always find sleepwalking while camping slightly nerve-wracking especially after waking up outside surrounded by sheep not knowing whatās what. Anyways despite that I was in a fairly good mood. We hiked back home today and Iām tired after that. Then more tired after going to bonyaā¦was nearly asleep in the sauna. 
Was so happy to see my dog Mop. She didnāt come with me this trip and I was missing her I always love her enthusiastic greetings.
I called the embassy to ask if they have a counselor for their employees to use. Unfortunately they donāt so that was a bust. They said they have a list of resources that they want translated that is about trauma recoveryā¦but think thatās a job for another time. Felt more like they were desperate for their translator back than anything. I always feel a bit awkward talking to embassy personnelā¦they always make a comment about how I never visit America or never talk to other expats here and am too Kyrgyz. Blah blah blahā¦
I do have some book recommendations to look into now a workbook that was recommended on here that sounded more practical. Iām gonna look into that and see if it would be something helpful.
My friend suggested that she stays with me for a few days. I think Iām okay on my own but I told her she can stay. I feel a bit bad because she has been worried about me and I donāt want to be in the way or an inconvenience.
Also I realized calling the embassy today how little I speak English anymore. I read and write often enough. Translate on paper but I find myself having to think harder or translate my thoughts into English when Iām speaking. Just made me feel a bit weird 
got me thinking about how long itās been since Iāve talked in person with another American and how I tend to avoid it when the opportunity arises.
Day 181. Cleaned sterile processing department. Over heard some of the girls talking and one said to the other are you still hung over and the girl was like ugh you have no idea. And all i could think was like damn man, imagine coming in hung over on a tuesday lol. Like idk that shits no fun, fuck that hangover mess. Idk it just braught back that feeling of coming in and finding somewhere to sleep way back at some of my jobs. Or sneeking to the bathrooms to do lines of coke. If feels good not thinking or worrying about that shit
@jeanine Day 2 is amazing work. Glad you were able to get past the romantic salesman talk ā that shit can be hypnotizing. Keep going one day at a time and you will be able to stack up the days 
@catmancam Thanks friend ā I did manage some zzzās and for that Iām grateful. Glad that you had a good therapy session and sounds like a intense zoom session too. Way to go on finding ways to deal with the binge urges. ODAAT 
I love this Paul ā That is so true and on point. Wonderful sober time friend ā keep taking those necessary steps
@jennyh So lovely to see you ā a move and hormones and addiction can all be so overwhelming. Grateful that you are back with us and are feeling stronger and hopefully more connected. 
@jonase never apologize for venting ā this is a safe place to do so and hope that it helped. Self sabotage is so real and intense during our journey. SO well put that the better you feel then the need to feel bad increases. I am glad you took the day for yourself and hope that you are able to find someone to talk to ā¦ do keep yourself busy and do not let the mind surrender to depression (this is what mine always does). Here for you friend ā 46 days is impressive work ā keep plowing through
@wahtisnormal There you are loveā30 days and a absolute rock star Zoe! You are allowed to hurt less and still miss / feel connection to your lost loved ones. Like you said ā he would want you to live a happy life and it is what you deserve. Just because the pain goes away does not mean that we loved them any less or miss them any less. Great to see you doing so well in your recovery ā you should be super proud.
@laner 40 days!! Sorry that the embassy does not have any counsellors available. Hope that the workbook or Smart Recovery are helpful. Will keep my eyes open for other possible useful tools as well. The sleepwalking can be super scary ā grateful you had your friend with you. Much love and be safe friend
Happy Tuesday my sober friends
Checking in ā was getting ready for a walk but wanted to chill and enjoy a cup of coffee first rather than drinking it on the go.
Its a beautiful sunny day - hope it does not get too hot on the walk ā gonna head out now ā chat with you all later
Hope you all have a wonderful addiction free day - sending you all so much love 
Thanks for it! Have a good walkš
Heyyyy all
Everything is good here
Day
370 no alcohol
301 no smoking (no loszenges 10days)
32 no form of marijuanna
Stay strong
Sobriety and not smoking is totally worth making the goal
62 days. I may have missed a few check ins but Iām still sober and feeling good 
Your doing amazing man
Keep going please 
@Thumper1213 good morning! Thatās something I still struggle with day to day. Iām working on it as well. I know some people who have the ability to do this easilyā¦Iām not one of them hahahah.
hope you Have a good day! 
@Lighter Good morning, Marie.
so true!
@Lighter thank you!
@Whereswaldo I have family that questions others about me instead of asking me. I think my family does it a way to see if Iām still on it because of my past, everyone knows I would stop drinking and then get right back on it.
& I am so blessed to not harmed or killed anyone with my drinking and driving. Looking back thatās one of the stupidest decisions Iāve made. Alcohol for me was like pre workout. Id get drunk and I would get so much energy and wanna start doing things. I have 2 DWIās and thatās nothing compared to the amount of times I was actually breaking the law. Beyond blesses.
I am glad to know youāre feeling much better today! Letās keep on keepinā on.
@Twizzlers congrats on 9 daysā¦ hopefully youāll rest soon. Keep on keepinā on.
@Twizzlers busy is good! Have a great day!
@Soberbilly 750 days is a big deal! I hope one day someone is able to look at me and say āit is possible to recoverā I hope Iām able to be tht example for someone. Have a great day, Bill!
@wahtisnormal congratulations on 1 month!
@wahtisnormal I can relate, Zoe. I was just telling my mom thatās itās certain parts of my life that I just donāt remember. 2020 ātil January 2024. With drinking, separations from wife, work, rehabs, psych centers, not being able to see kids, physically and mentally ill; there are events that took place and I had idea. I only remember the bad events, i donāt know how i was making it everyday, Every things is blur.
Checking in Day23. Thankful for another day sober. Family is well, I am well. Iām blessedāSlept okay last night. Iām Waiting on doctor to call me back so I can get in and talk about some med changes. I wanna go back to some of the meds I was taken off. Other than that, just a normal day hereā¦have a great day everyone. #ODAAT
Just for today: I canāt afford to be too busy to recover. I will do something today that
sustains my recovery
Day 24
Just checking in.
Be sure to book your ticket(s) online in time, at least two weeks in advance. For the Van Gogh museum that is, not to have coffee with me 
(although I work too of course)
One thing I feel we all have to learn (I certainly did and still do) is to lean on others when needed. We need each other. You friend wants to be there for you and is happy she can help. I feel. Iām glad for you you have friends who want to help.
Thanks my friend, you too!
Yeah definitely need to get better to at letting others help me. Iāve always been so used to having to take care of myself. But am glad to have friends who care and want to help. Especially this friend who I know is happy to help.
Thereās a Recovery Dharma meeting here in town on Mondays. Been planning to go and see if itās something for me. But somehow havenāt made it yet. I will.
Hey everybody! Today is a gray, rainy day here. 
Makes for a good day to watch Netflix and relax! Have had baseball games for 3 of our grandsons the last 3 days. Maybe todayās game will be postponed.
Today is 232 af.
Hope everyone has a good day!
