What a shitty day, but they can’t all be good right.
I haven’t relapsed on alcohol or drugs, but I have relapsed on selfharm. I want to write it here because I don’t want anyone that knows me to think I am crazy that does this. I wish I had someone to talk to from within my circle of people I know and trust that have experience with doing stuff like this. But everyone that I know that has experience with this either doesn’t want contact with me anymore because of the drug abuse I did in the past or have died from succesful suicide attempts. I still regret a lot from the past, but I can’t change the past. Just the present. I had such a busy and stressing day with a lot of craving for my DOC. I also got a call of someone if I wanted to drink and go to a bar which annoyed me even more. Good on me I said no to that, but that’d be the only thing I did well today.
54 Days sober Alcohol & Drugs.
Grateful to be a member of this forum so I can still write this off of me. Hope it will give me a sense of relieve soon.
Thanks for sharing here. Stay strong and maybe read the threads of gratitude. To express in words as you have means you want a positive change to happen. It can.
I appreciate your kind words and advise, I’ll definitely check out what is suggested to me. For some reason this addiction keeps hunting for me, probably now I also stopped smoking cigarettes it relieves me to hurt myself. I probably sound crazy… But something in me says I made a good decision by harming myself.
Still sober.
It’s colder then the days before, lot of rain, but it’s cozy mood somehow.
Was at the outdoor pool again…
Now napping in my chillout area lol.
Nothing much has happened. Did some light cleaning and tomorrow it’s time to go shopping for suits and other stuff. Gonna leave a dent on my income for sure.
What’s slightly concerning is the idealization of drugs/alcohol in my mind rn. Kinda wanting to go all out “one last time”. Which is bs because when did that ever happen?
I know it’s fairly normal in early sobriety but I dislike how comforting the thought of lashing out and relapsing seems rn.
@danwood85 YES – its Friday and you are enjoying the sun in the garden with a Kombucha – life is grand. Way to go with 26 days!
@vanessa8 Great work with your 40 days – keep it going strong
@leroy doesn’t sound crazy at all – self harm is an addiction like any other and its another way for the mind to cope with life’s ups / downs. I am sorry that you did relapse. Do you know what led to the relapse? Are you able to connect with self help hotlines or mental help clinics in your area? Sometimes an outside perspective is what is needed when battling the mind. Great work on your sobriety from alcohol and drugs. Sending you hugs my friend. You deserve love and affection - not pain and distruction Do hope that you are able to tend to yourself and heal the wounds
Oh man that addict voice really does have a sneaky way of making you believe you are missing out on something - the need for the one last time – one last time for what exactly - to put addictive poison into your system and pray that you will be able to recover and try sobriety again? Our stupid brain romanticizes the alcohol and it is so easy to do as its so readily available and literally everywhere you turn. I have to constantly remind myself of my early days and how hard it was to even get to that point. I don’t think i could be that brave and strong again. 49 days and going strong friend – keep pushing forward
Afternoon check in – i was able to take my mom to the botanical gardens in town (funny how i’ve never been before and they are only 15 min away). We enjoyed our time there but left when it got to hot. Looking forward to checking out a nursery now and picking up some plants / herbs for the deck / front of garage area. the planters are looking so empty Be well my friends - will check in later
I like this so much! Proud owner of When Things Fall Apart that was a huge help to me when I was sober between 2007-2013. Now here she is again and I think her books/teachings are a badass idea for me right now! Very applicable to both recovery and things I would like to address. I have a hard edge on me at times.
I spent the whole summer of 2022 meditating in the garden and just living peacefully and not rushing around just really accepting and living life on lifes terms and being okay and at peace with it.
Slowly I have been pulled in to the big whirlwind of rushfullnes, full of expectations life again.
That’s summer going through a very sad situation - it got me through it.
I had never been so calm and full of high energy and light and I am doing that this summer and all the seasons for that Matter.
I look forward to the calm and learning ‘thy self’ because during that time I literally was on a journey of learning my self.
I think it is the hate I have to a trauma that is still happening to the day of today and I could have read a damage letter by my mom or contacted someone before I did my self harm, but I just skipped this and went straight to my own way of doing, my old way of doing. I know exactly what to do in these situations but still haven’t chosen the good way to cope and to handle the situation. I just wanted to harm myself to feel good, which doesn’t make any sense but it does to me, with as thought, “as long as I don’t relapse with alcohol and drugs. It is kinda okay to do self harm now”. I know that if I use alcohol or drugs that I will be kicked out of my Safehouse that I’m living in with 5 other fellows because we get drugstested frequently. You’ll be kicked out immediately because you put the other fellows at risk, and this besides the fact how insanely important it is to me to stay sober and on the right track and how bad I want myself to reach my goals. To study, get a nice job, get my driving license, spend quality time with my mother and my grandma and grandpa. Drugs destroy it all. I’m happy to have written it off of me here on the forum and I’m so thankful for everyone on here to even read my story. Have a good one Jazzy! You made my evening & night much more peaceful.
2y3m4d
Ive had a rough day honestly. Nothing really happened that caused it, i just think it was one of those days. My mental health isnt at its best and im feeling overwhelmed. I definitely emotionally ate today. I did make half decent choices up until supper, when i said, “F it” and ate more than i should. I really need to find better coping skills for this.
Anyway, i have to work this weekend. The trains are not running for part of the track as maintenence is being done on them. So i have to wander around downtown to find the shuttle buses which will connect me to the train down the line. I will be leaving early so that i can find my way around.
Thankfully we have homecare tonight. Im grateful for that. But tmrw i will be doing the shift. I just want everything to return to normal already. Im getting tired of this.
Just going to do some self care now and relax a bit. Have a good night everyone!
Long day, longer week. Woo boy what a freaking load of work. Added 2 clients this week, so now doing 8 properties after work.
Got every one of them done so as my weekend is freed up. Woohoo
Tomorrow is gym gym gym day. Gonna hang out down there for a couple hours. Work on a lot, but specifically some stretching and mobility work then train some muscle groups. Sunday is going to be leg day, then Styx concert in the eve.
Monday (holiday) is work on lawn equipment to get sharpened, greased, cleaned and set for another week at it.
Money has been fantastic and apparently my shop reached a new contract, not that I was paying attention nor cared really, but seems I may be getting like a 25% pay bump from it, so that’s good…
Even though I am working tons and I mean tons, my energy is going strong and I’m sleeping great and feeling even better for those 4am wake ups, without even using an alarm…
I wish everyone could feel this almost euphoric high I get, which gets stronger the longer my day tends to go… like I feel younger each day. It’s really weird but I will take it happily.
Checking in at the end of day 6.
All in all, pretty calm day. Body still really tired so took a long nap. No knocks on the door in my head today. But I know Mr. Salesman will be back.
Did some knitting and listened to an audiobook. Felt good to be present. To listen and engage with clarity of mind.
“Free will is the power to choose our thoughts and in doing so, we can dictate the quality of our life.”
Do hope that you are able to tend to yourself and heal the wounds 
Be well my friends - will check in later 
