Oh friend thank you for saying that - i am grateful that you had a much more peaceful night
That is what we are here for - help support eachother.
I totally get the having the know how and the tools and the mind just totally blanking it out to get to the end (it may be SH or alcohol or whatever but our addict mind just wants the rush of being fed). Maybe have something (like a note to check in) placed where you keep whatever you use to self harm so that maybe you will reach out to someone or read that letter first. I know my mind would just want to shut down and the only way i could shut everything off was by cutting. It has been many many years since iāve done so but i do understand the underlying desire and it makes sense when it is the one release you have with the least consequences (so to speak). You are worth living a pain free life and i do hope that you take care of you. Stay connected with us here and keep working on your recovery journey - big hugs friend ā sending much love
Oh boy. Home after work, i ate a bit more than I had planned, because my family brought home a bunch of food from a restaurant. Since I meal prepped the other day, i really want to just stick to my meal prep so I can stay on track, and I have been. In reality, i only had a few bites of what they brought home, so nothing crazy. Just frustrating because after 30 days of no alcohol I still hadnt lost a single pound and Im getting pretty fed up with it lol. Thats why I started meal prepping, and its been going really well so far.
Just found myself feeling really guilty for being a couple hundred calories over my goal today. But I really need to not look at it that way, and I reeeealllyyy dont want to fall back into an eating disorder. This time around, itās all about self care, treating my body right, and that includes allowing myself treats here and there.
Realized I have nothing to feel guilty for. Iām not drinking, and thats what matters. Thats what winning is. The weight changes will come with time and Iām already doing amazing staying on top of that. Guilt is still lingering a bit, but not as much, just trying to shake it off completely, and awareness helps a lot with that.
Tired of always being stressed out and tired of responsibilities. All I wanna do is chill
Overall doing pretty decently though. Just always a lot to deal with every day. Theres always something.
@JazzyS This woman has always been this way. Sheās acted like a manager way before she got the title. Sheās a brown noser to the max and throws anyone under the bus to get ahead. We get along but I keep an eye out. When I told her about yesterday she goes āWelcome to my worldā, like no one ever does their jobs She is what she is
@Chevy55 As my original workout idol Denise Austin says āYou rest, you rustā. Iāve lived by those words most of my life and theyāre 100% true. Glad youāre finally feeling so great! Iām sure all that sunlight and fresh air has something to do with it too
@wahtisnormal Youāre not drinking and that is definitely what matters When I quit I was only a few lbs overweight medically speaking, but about 20+ lbs heavier than my typical, feel good weight. Around 34 days for me, I hadnāt lost anything more than the bloat. It was around 4/5 months when it really started falling off. Consistency and patience my friend All in all, when you go to bed sober, you won the day!
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There was a blackout this afternoon and I was lucky that in the moments before it happened, I had just unplugged my 100% phone, made lunch, and a cup of coffee! So grateful for that I showered by candlelight, which was actually nice, aside from shaving Then it started downpouring like crazy. It made it sooo humid. Last summer began my severe heat intolerance, which I never experienced before. I think alcohol lowers your body temperature so I wonder if thatās why Iām noticing the heat that much more Everyone at work was complaining too so at least it wasnāt just me. By the end I was drained, and after yesterdays shift my legs/feet are aching. Itās cooler now so hoping for a nice sleep. Waking up on a Saturday with my daughter for the first time in monthes Gotta look at the bright side of my ex being in jail. Goodnight all
@wahtisnormal Good job on recognising how obsessing about your weight or calories and feeling guilty about your eating is not helping you. Great job on focusing on healing and self care. One more thought: Addiction is often about trying to control stuff in our lives. At least it is a major thing for me. Dieting and obsessions about our bodies and weight often are ways of trying to control our bodies or trying to experience control in our lives to the detriment of our health. Just a thought. @Chevy55 Really nice to hear how your life is soooo good @Butterflymoonwoman To self care on rough days @leroy Please come and share here as much as you feel good about. Sharing is connecting. This is the most important part of recovery. And wanting to self harm to feel good does make sense to your brain. Thatās what counts. Getting drunk to feel good also makes no sense but it makes sense to the brain of an addict. Recovery from every kind of addiction means getting to the point where a self harming behaviour does not make sense any more. If you donāt mind me asking: Do you have access to counselling or therapy about your self harm? @Soberbilly Is this really you in this photo? @JonasE When I am in early recovery after a relapse I know I do not want to use. I feel so shitty there is no way I will fantasise about using. But the longer my abstinence the higher the chances of my addictive mind getting into nostalgia mode. As they say: Play the tape until its bitter end. Try to get back the real feelings how your experience of day to day life of active addiction really was. That usually helps me remember all the awfulness of being in active addiction and gets me away from fantasy land. @Juli1 You remind me of a friend of mine. She loves swimming and karate. She will go for a swim in an open pool every day no matter the weather. We have a heated outdoor pool that is open year long even in winter when it snows. She even moved to live closer to that pool Happy swimming. @tailee17 A very Happy Birthday and many happy and sober returns to you! @Laner Thanks for the rainbow Should you not have them on your anxiety helper list I have found some nice guided meditations specifically for times of high anxiety and panic on the Insight Timer app. I highly recommend them. Wishing you a day of peace today. @FalloutSign Congrats on two weeks of freedom!
I am still obsessed with my current game. Being able to create like that is one of the most satisfying experiences I can have, meaning lots and lots of nice feelings. So itās addictive as hell. The same way exercise is. It just gives me the best neurotransmitters. But I know in order to not burn out I have to give it a break. Thatās what I use weekends for. Normal people working normal jobs usually have days free from their jobs too.
So today I am going to do mostly boring stuff. I am going to take care of my IT, water the plants, do groceries, run errands, laundry and some such.
A short workout in the afternoon with some yoga.
And my prize will be waiting for me in the evening: clubbing Iām so looking forward to that.
No matter how āboringā sober life might be, we have a chance at peace, kindness and freedom today friends
Days are racking up. Got four hours sleep, not enough by far but it is what it isā¦ Iām struggling again sleep wise. So annoying. Have a weight lifting class at 9.30am then going to enjoy the last day of the football season, heart in mouth. Maybe a nap is in order, but a nap usually increases my insomnia. I was doing nicely as well sleep wise, but itās muggy now and I hate being warm, plus my feet and legs are always restless. Bear seriously thinks the bed is his bed and Blue believes me to be a cuddle and kiss dispenser at 3am each night. . Enjoy your Saturdays you sober heros.
@acromouse sounds like a perfect weekend! Especially the clubbing Iāll need to try it sober sometime! Glad youāre getting so much from creating your game! Have a nice weekend
I feel asleep about 11 last night, I had 2 magnesium tablets before bed and slept like a logš“ Works taking its toll in my body, woke up aching pretty much everywhere. I canāt sneeze standing straight as it hurts my back so much. But hey, up at 7, stove top coffee pot on and been sitting in the morning sun in the garden listening to music thinking positively about life.
My plan has went to shit as Iāve been so busy and I donāt know wtf Iām doing, itās just donāt drink, work my ass off and enjoy the weekends. It definitely needs work. I was a little tempted yesterday but it passed.
Summer has arrived in Scotland, the days are beautiful. Iāve got a paddle board in the shed Iām going to get pumped up later and get out on the loch. Thereās a new artificial wave pool opening up in September in Scotland, I really want to surf so Iām focusing on that.
Frank ocean in my headphones, sun on my skin. Todayās going to be a good day. Lots of love guys
Itās a bit grey and drizzly here in the UK today so going to take my wife and my girls (twins aged 3) to the supermarket to spend the morning going up and down the escalator (they find it hilarious) and then giving them trolley rides and races up and down the aisles
Sunny here too @Tragicfarinelli, sorry . You have to stay in watch the footy anyway right? Iām OK, not working which is good as I am tired after an intense therapy session yesterday. Which made me realize thereās still quite some ground to (un)cover concerning my teens. Itās when this huge rift inside me opened between my sexual life, which I kept a total secret, or at least I tried to, and the rest. Which consisted mainly of smoking hash and partying and drinking and drugging and not giving a shit or at least trying to.
I realized yesterday that the rift inside me opened up even earlier, with the elementary school teacher who abused me for three years, of which I never told anyone in those years. And who played a crucial role in cementing and perpetuating my mindset of secretiveness and avoidance. Iām not ready to forgive him and I donāt think I ever will. Maybe when he begs for it but he never will either. Fuck him. Anyway, the only one who can help me is me. With a little help from the rest of humanity. Like my therapist. Like my close friends. Like you all. Forever grateful to you all, as without you I could never do this. We need each other. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean or nothing will come of anything. Much love.
@leroy Much love friend. We use the tools we have to cope with all the stuff in our lives but itās time to learn new ones, healthier ones, better ones. I know you are working on it. Keep going. I am too and together we can make this. One day at a time. Clean and sober. Big hugs. @acromouse Some more roses for you and for us all Aga
Day 2247. The owner of where I work decided to do the landscaping āhimselfā. That translated into me, because I own a truck, hauling mulch. 130 bags of mulch yesterday and another 30 today.
Yesā¦this is what itās all about. I know how frustrating it is to give up the calorie dense drinking and not see results in weight loss. Keep at itā¦your body for sure is healing and getting healthier. The better eating habits and healthier lifestyle will show results. Great work on identifying the ED tendencies our minds can manifest and not giving into that mentality. You are doing great Zoe @Just_Laura oh man thatās funny and frustrating. Hope you enjoy your morning with your daughter @Tragicfarinelli yuckā¦little to no sleep or bad sleep absolutely suck. Hope the weight lifting class energizes you. Your little Panthers crack me up. So much love to them TF @Danwood85 the beginning days all I did was sleep, work and play games in my phoneā¦we do whatever we can to get through the thick of it while making the manual disconnections with outlr daily routines and drinking. You are doing great Danā¦glad you are starting to think of living and enjoying life without alcoholā¦love this next step in the recovery process . Wonderful start to your morningā¦hope you are still enjoying your Saturday
Checking in on Saturday morning
Didnāt sleep much or well but am up and ready for the day. About to grab my coffee and head out for my walk. I am grateful that I can enjoy the two together. Mostly am able to drink without spilling when I get in my walk zone looking forward to seeing my sis in a few hours.
Glad I got all I set out for done last nightā¦I was super energized.
Wishing you all a wonderful addiction free dayā¦ sending you all so much love
Getting used to living here out in nowhere. There are a lot of proās to live here.
My 2 rooms got cozy in the meantime (1 for living and working, 1 for sleep and clothing) and we arranged the shared rooms with little changes so that everyoneās needs are full filled.
The village we are living in has 1300 citizens next ācityā 17.000. Found out today that there is even a ecological food store that has some special sourdough bread and even a little asian/oriental grocery store.
It is still rainy and cold but I will hit the pool later anyway. @acromouse weather is never the problem, a free lane means more to me lol! Thatād why I prefer colder weather.
This pool arrangement sounds great! And yeah, I would also even move for a pool. I am save until September (end of outdoor season) and then I will c what life brings to meā¦
Eating regular and without bad judging thoughts works fine atm. Read a lot about womenās hormons and regular healthy eating. I like it healthy anyway. But eating healthy with a bad mindset is shit. As well as getting in contact with my bad thoughtsā¦ Still a good way to say āno thanksā!
After living here for 6 or 8 weeks, I just noticed that I distanced completely from 2 ātoxicā guys I was in contact with. Some of you knowā¦ Especially āthe pool guyā.
It just happened by the change of my area.
And no contact!
I remember in how much emotional chaos and just bad mix he pushed me in. Looking back I am sure that the very strange inflammations I had last summer and several relapses were caused by keeping the door open for those people. āsometimes you better close the door twiceāā¦
Something I read here by a wise lady once!
She is what she is 
When I quit I was only a few lbs overweight medically speaking, but about 20+ lbs heavier than my typical, feel good weight. Around 34 days for me, I hadnāt lost anything more than the bloat. It was around 4/5 months when it really started falling off. Consistency and patience my friend 
I showered by candlelight, which was actually nice, aside from shaving 
Then it started downpouring like crazy. It made it sooo humid. Last summer began my severe heat intolerance, which I never experienced before. I think alcohol lowers your body temperature so I wonder if thatās why Iām noticing the heat that much more 
Everyone at work was complaining too so at least it wasnāt just me. By the end I was drained, and after yesterdays shift my legs/feet are aching. Itās cooler now so hoping for a nice sleep. Waking up on a Saturday with my daughter for the first time in monthes 
Gotta look at the bright side of my ex being in jail. Goodnight all 
Happy swimming.
Should you not have them on your anxiety helper list I have found some nice guided meditations specifically for times of high anxiety and panic on the Insight Timer app. I highly recommend them. Wishing you a day of peace today.
Iām so looking forward to that.
Iāll need to try it sober sometime! Glad youāre getting so much from creating your game! Have a nice weekend 
)
. You have to stay in watch the footy anyway right? Iām OK, not working which is good as I am tired after an intense therapy session yesterday. Which made me realize thereās still quite some ground to (un)cover concerning my teens. Itās when this huge rift inside me opened between my sexual life, which I kept a total secret, or at least I tried to, and the rest. Which consisted mainly of smoking hash and partying and drinking and drugging and not giving a shit or at least trying to.
looking forward to seeing my sis in a few hours.
ā¦ touching my heart like your post 