Checking in on day 89. Doing well. Talking with some people about addiction. One couple has never had alcohol as they feel addiction runs in their family so they didn’t want to go down that road. I loved how they felt about their decision and telling others, loud and proud so to speak. I feel very proud about not drinking just not so loud, lol. But I’ll get there.
Have a great day/night everyone.
Day 117
My trip to Peru was overall amazing beyond words. This is my first day back home and I’ve definitely got that post-travel depression lol. Not only do I miss being there so much, its weird being back home and everything just feels so blah now, but I also developed feelings for someone there, and had to say goodbye. We’re still texting but it’s just frustrating because ever since my fiance passed away three years ago, I haven’t really had feelings for anyone since. 3 years of just being on my own, I havent even so much as held hands with anyone. When i tell you I havent done a single thing with a single person in 3 years, I mean it.
And now, I met this guy, and we both mutually have feelings for each other. We held hands, I leaned my head on his shoulder, he even got me flowers. It all sounds like such small acts, but to me, after 3 years, this means more than I can explain. But it’s like, first my fiance dies, and then after 3 years of being alone, I finally develop mutual feelings for someone… and OF COURSE they live in another fucking country. 
So now I’m just sad about that. I cried multiple times during my trip for that reason, and I cried again today, now that I’m home. My heart just hurts.
I’m glad to have the day off today at least, so I can process things. I’m just volunteering for a few hours tomorrow otherwise I have tomorrow off too. I’m just trying to focus on caring for myself and being easy on myself right now because I just feel so sad. It’s going to be hard going back to work, I don’t want to have to focus on anything right now, I just want to daydream about my trip and him, and curl up in bed and cry. I wish I was still there. But I’m glad for the experiences and the memories.
Hope everyone is doing well. 
Yeah I’m gonna take it easy with it. Hope it’s nothing more than a bad bruise or maybe a sprain. Oh yeah…the road here🤦♀️ it’s closed more than it’s open. Is just a normal thing for here. It’s always being blocked by something usually an avalanche. You can hike out or take a horse but that takes about 2 days so is better to just wait till it’s cleared up. I think I’ll go to the city and get an x-ray just to make sure.
Day 907
Today was a rough day. I was fuming this afternoon when my son and I travelled by transit for 1 hour to only get to the office where his appt was at, and then get told via email 12 minutes prior to his start time that the appt would have to be cancelled. This is the 3rd or 4th time my sons appts have been cancelled due to an “emergency”. So i called him (he didnt answer but i left a message) and told him that we were already here and that we will be going up to the office so that i can talk to him in person about this (i was getting a bit riled up at this point). We took the elevator upstairs where the office was and i spoke to the secretary who was very nice at least. Turns out he hadnt been in the office all day, so who knows where he was at. Anyway i cooled down and sent an email back to him and i said, “I do understand that there was an emergency but at the same time i felt that our time was not being respected. This is the 3rd or 4th time that u have cancelled on us and im quite annoyed, especially with the very last min cancellation that happened today”.
It felt really good to speak my truth and i thank recovery for that! In the past, i either would be over the top belligerent or I couldve been passive by saying, “oh thats okay, thank u for letting me know” and left the office completely pissed off, stuffing that emotion inside, and ruining my day. BUT… i spoke up in a respectful way and i let him know that this was not okay and that its happening too often. Hes supposed to be a professional in his field and im not happy with how things are turning out. Anyway, the secretary gave me a few other people we could potentially see so i will be contacting them soon. Im glad i stood up for me and my son.
Once home we just relaxed. I made supper, ate, played a couple games of Trouble with my husband and son and now just putting my boy to bed. Im grateful this day is winding down. Im grateful i am able to handle intense emotion now without drugs. Drugs arent even my first go-to thought anymore when i get stressed or emotional. Im super grateful for that. Recovery truly is so good. Even tho i had a rough day and even tho i am mentally not the best, i am still going to bed clean and sober. Tmrw is a new day with new possibilities. I am excited to see what comes of it. 
@DresdenLaPage Ugh! As someone who’s worked in a kitchen for 20+ years, that sounds dreadful! I don’t understand why they think it’s okay to operate in those conditions and how they get away with it! So glad you left and easily found a better fit for yourself 
@Lighter We’re all lucky to be here Some don’t get the chance. Others, like me(and possibly you), must endure a certain amount of suffering before finally getting it right. The longest I ever had sober before now was pregnancy. I remember feeling happy and at peace. I always assumed it was the hormones(maybe a little), but it never occurred to me that maybe I was happy bc I was sober 
When I quit intentionally, it took 135 days before I thought just one drink wouldn’t hurt. I blacked out 3 days later! In the next 3 years, I was able to make it 1 month, once, then not even close after that. This is when I realized if I were actually able to quit again, I could never go back. Ever! I don’t care how long it’s been now, I won’t let myself forget the suffering one drink will cause. If you ever feel like you’re beginning to, hop on here and I’ll set ya straight 
540
I finally slept! Accidentally on the couch from 11-2am, then right to my bed until 10am! I even took an afternoon nap! Maybe too much bc I still don’t feel refreshed 
Yesterday after work, we went to the park. It was nice to sit on a bench and relax in the sun the whole time, until I got up and realized it wrecked my back. Sleeping on the couch didn’t help 
Monday, I had to cancel my chiropractor appt bc I was unexpectedly scheduled to work. Now, she’s going on vacation and I can’t get in until the 26th! Idk if more rest is the answer here. After 9 years at my job, my body’s become adjusted to standing/walking for hours on end. Only my feet hurt by the end of a shift, but as soon as I sit down, so does everything else 
I wish there was a happy medium. Hopefully it will lessen overnight Goodnight my sober warriors! Let’s keep fighting this good fight together 
Day 669
It is so hard to keep myself awake long enough to get my little one down.
Since I have been working early, I have been able to get her up most days at 10. Or at least before 11.
But today I went to work at 10 and wasn’t home until after 3, so her father let her sleep in till noon 
Every time I get her on a decent schedule, he lets her sleep late and then she isn’t tired at bedtime.
Tomorrow I don’t have to work until 3, so I guess I should stay up later so I don’t fall asleep halfway through my shift. But I’m having a hard time.
I have to fix another pipe soon as I’ve found a rusted out spot on the exhaust part of the plumbing 
not sure what the cost is, but it doesn’t look like a cheap fix.
I couldn’t keep my disdain of the new, no longer borrowed, second store manager out of my voice or off of my face today.
I didn’t say anything disrespectful, but I definitely was extra short with her and mostly ignored her all day (I did speak when spoken to, but thats all) and today she picked with a 2 year partner, and they put in a 2 weeks notice. She is the 7th one in the last 2 weeks! Our store only has 18-20 people to begin with and almost half of them have quit or will be gone by the end of the month.
i don’t understand how the regular store manager doesn’t get the connection…
I was off early enough, so I took the girls to the playground and took one of them to work. And then went to the grocery store and bought the food my daughter wanted to cook for dinner.
I helped make the food and hung out with the kids while I waited for the phone call to say I’m ready to be picked up, my shift is over.
That was almost 2 hours ago and not long before my little ones regular bedtime. But as it stands…she’s running back and forth, getting into stuff because she isn’t tired. And I’m frustrated.
Everything will be ok…this too will pass. I just need to find a way to calm myself down
Great idea @Wakikki , did the same at my 1 year mark. Any idea what you are going to add and where?
Just woke up, slept little more than 6 hours, which is below my expectations. I did run yesterday and it keeps happening on days with trainings even not that intensive ones. Just can’t fall asleep after 2200 which is my usual time. So, I won’t go to bed that early on these days and will fill those days or time until noon with reading, hot bath etc. Happy there is a coffee😂 have a great day
Checking in
I hope everyone has a safe and sober Friday
Morning
1889
It’s grey and there’s some rain about. Maybe that helps in feeling a bit down this morning. There’s nothing obvious wrong really. So I’ll kick myself in the ass and make this as good a day as I can and expect the same from all of you. Sober and clean of course. Love.
Morning check-in
Feeling much better today than yesterday! I slept like a baby, and woke up feeling good this morning. I’m trying to focus on living in the here and now, and not to dwell on the shame and guilt of my past actions. Off to work now! 
@Lighter oh gosh, I’m so terrified of wasps! 
but I’m glad you’ve got people coming to take care of them in a gentle way 🩵
@Laner ouch! 
I’m sorry about your arm, it sounds very painful, definitely a good plan to have an x-ray done to be sure it’s not broken 
🩵
@JazzyS thank you 
🩵 aww what a nice compliment 
@zzz this is so cool! 
@Refreshedperspective I hope the dinner went okay and that your friend was supportive sending strength 🩵 just seen your update and I’m happy your friend took it well and you enjoyed your evening
@Rob11 grateful that you chose the meeting over the drink 
@Mira_D I hope your nephew’s overnight goes well
@JuliaLuna congrats on all the 3s 
and your week nicotine-free
@DresdenLaPage ew! Sorry it turned out that way, but grateful you’re somewhere much better now, and so quickly too 
@wahtisnormal I’m glad you enjoyed your trip but I’m sorry you had to say goodbye to someone you developed feelings for 
🩵
@Butterflymoonwoman ugh, I’m sorry you travelled all that way then had a last minute cancellation 
but I’m proud of you for being assertive. I hope you can get a new appt asap
@Just_Laura I hope your pains settle once you’ve slept 🩵
@Scorpn sending calming vibes 
🩵
1459 days no alcohol.
924 days no cocaine.
439 days no vape.
12 days no crisps, no binge-eating.
Not much to write today, feeling peaceful since the inspection was over yesterday, slept quite well. I have therapy at 1pm. Before that I will meditate, read, and do my morning routine.
🩵
Day 2
Im new here and taking each day as it comes. I face temptation every minute it feels like! Im annoyed that I feel like I cant be present or do basic tasks or enjoy life without it.
Im trying my hardest for my health to stay sober, the mornings and nights are the hardest.
Welcome Sarah!!! Congrats on making it through day 1 and reaching day 2. Day 1 is the hardest by far. Done that. Now on you go! Coming here can be a great help. Hope to see more of you, learning, sharing, supporting and getting support. Read around and get to know the place. Wishing you all succes on your sober journey. It will get better when you put in the time and the work. We’re in this together and that’s why this works. Big hugs.
I’m here, I’m alive, I’m sober and I’m happy.
Day 163
Still can’t stop smiling because my husband is back home.
Had my morning coffee out on the stairs today, dreaming about that porch. Hopefully we can get it done before Halloween. It would be so much fun decorating it for Halloween, and even for Christmas.
It’s another rainy day, they’ve harvested everything except the oat here. Kids School starts in 10 days. It’s Impossible to not get fall vibes.
That’s all Folks 
Wishing y’all a wonderful day.
251 days
Good day today.
Wifes gone to work and kids are in bed. Glad I’m no longer drinking as times like this would have been no good
Thanks @Lighter and @Just_Laura . I’ve been reading your conversation about your experiences going back to drinking then not finding a way back for a long time. It’s something that I’ve been wary of so its good to read your thoughts on it and agree it is scary.
261 sugar
125 UPF
132 gluten
31 dairy
1 overeating
On vacation.
After yesterday’s hiking in the storm adventures I want to give cycling a try, hoping for less rain. Weather right now looks good.
This is my last day in Kudowa. Tomorrow I’ll be traveling back to Wrocław and need to do some prepping in the afternoon.
Let’s keep our hearts open friends: in peace, kindness and freedom 
ODAAT
@MrFantastik Your welcome Believe me when I tell you, it’s no lie when they say it only takes one. One was all I had that first day, but that’s all it took to open the floodgates. If I never had that one, I could be closing in on 5 years sober soon. I don’t like to think about that bc it’s a one way ticket to the fantasy land of ‘what if’, and I belong right here.
Dumb, stupid insomnia check in 
I can’t believe I’m still awake right now to respond, it’s almost 6am! Wait…yes I can. Wtf is happening with my sleep?! I’ve never had insomnia like this. Or really at all. I only got up bc I was hungry after laying in bed for 4 hours. Trying to fall asleep apparently burns calories. I probably shouldn’t’ve picked up my phone, but I didn’t want to turn anything brighter on. And I’m actually feeling tired now after having a banana and some milk. Maybe I need to start eating a bit before bed 
I’m glad I slept so much yesterday. Maybe it’ll even out, haha (no). One thing I do know for sure is, no matter how shitty I feel tomorrow, it won’t top a hangover, and it won’t convince me I need a drink to get thru my day 
Ew, the damn sun’s about to come up. Back to bed for a tiny while 
I think I will have odaat, and I dont know if i put in some more there: like sobrity triangel or something. Not sure yet. And I think Im going to have it on my foot 
Whats yours like?
