Dealt with the ex for the last time this morning. I needed to ensure that he’d follow through with helping with my move. He’s offered to pay a handyman to take my TVs down and patch the holes and hang them at my new house. For that I’m grateful.
I’m bit surprised that he had no apology for me about the comments he made about my grandkids but then again I’m not quite sure why I’m surprised. He’s not someone that took responsibility for my he issues in our relationship. He does not see that his remarks were hurtful to me. I don’t think he cares.
In hindsight I’m grateful, as an Empath his energy could be draining with his constant need to “debate” absolutely everything. It was exhausting at times.
When I ask myself about the relationship, remove my emotions it’s really more that I’ll miss his money and the security it brought me. There was no passion and no intimacy after 10 months of dating. I stayed for the money. He sabotaged the intimacy we had established when he told me he didn’t want to discuss a concern that I had until we could see each other 5 weeks from the time I asked to talk to him. This was back in April.
Tomorrow is a tough day the anniversary of my mom’s passing.
2y4m20d
Im having an emotionally hard day. Im just very overstimulated, tired, and irritable. As much as I do absolutely love having my son home (and not in school), i just dont get any time for myself. I do try to set aside some time here n there but it never lasts long. My self care time becomes me doing the dishes or vacuuming or cleaning the bathroom.
I read something about emotions today and how people often see uncomfortable emotions as the “bad guy”. Something we try to be rid of instead of purposefully feeling them and going thru them. I thought about it and realized that even to this day, at over 2 years clean, i still use things to escape. Its no longer drugs or alcohol but Im using my phone more often now, wanting to use food to eat my emotions, using sleep to escape. Like today for example… being not emotionally at my best, i wanted to eat to “fix” my feelings. I literally told myself outloud that food will not fix my problem. I was not hungry and knew full well that I was at risk for binge eating. I knew eating would make me feel sick and then id feel even shittier about things. Then i had urges to use my DOC and of course put that thought aside. And ive been on my phone alot. I still am giving my son the attention he needs but yet i am finding myself mindlessly scrolling thru fb or instagram (especially when stressed). I think that if i can be aware of these thoughts/actions earlier on, than maybe i can centre and ground myself *before" i get too emotional. Id like to get off my phone more and be a bit more present for my son. I can imagine what he must think with his mom glued to the phone. I feel pretty crappy about that. I did tho chat with him before typing this up, that mommy needed a break and that ill be close by if he needs me. Hes in his bedroom now playing and im in my bedroom next to his. I think i need to communicate my needs to him so that i can get a break here n there when needed. It would help me be a better mom and i think it would show him in a sense how to handle his own stress better as well. I have to be a good role model.
Anyway, just some thoughts in the moment. I already prepped the Sheppards Pie for supper and am waiting for hubby to get home. Hope everyone is doing well today
Checking in at Day 36 ! Whoop! Been fighting with my now former fiance and life has been pretty stressful, but sobriety is now my rock. Whereas my “rock” used to be the booze.
Progress, progress, progress even in (especially in) the face of adversity.
P.S. feeling really grateful for this app. It’s been my little daily journal and something I’ve come to look forward to. Hope you’re all doing well. Sending good vibes!
@jeanine Sending strength and love as you make the journey home to see your dad. You are not alone – remember to lean on us if you need to @pattycake I LOVE IT – day 8 and counting down to your big soberversary! Looking forward to celebrating your big day with you Patricia – you have come a long way my friend. @aussie_tiger Be proud of your 50 days. Glad you know to stay vigilant an alert about your addiction. Being sober doesn’t mean that life stops sending hurdles our way – it means that we are better equipped to handle them with a clear and sober mind/ body. You have collected a lot of tools in your sober journey so far so remember to keep utilizing them and to stay connected. ODAT @planipennia Thank you so much. Grateful to still have my sobriety in tact and finding better ways to deal with life’s struggles. @bomdhil Whats going on Thomas? You are not weak my friend – I have watched you push past the urges and stack up the days. Sending you strength and love! Please talk to us – you are not alone! My allergies are much better today – appreciate you prayers. @snokeki242 Great to see you checking in Keyana – Way to go on staying sober through the urges. You should be super proud! Keep flexing those sober muscles and stacking up the days! @icebear You ok Drew? Here if you need to chat Glad you are reaching out and checking in sober. @danam56 Grateful that your ex did follow through and help with the move. Also super grateful that he is not longer going to be in your life. You do deserve so much better. Sending you love and hugs my friend – here for you if you need to talk. I’m sure tomorrow will be a rough day – You are not alone
I think you nailed it. I know its hard being home all day and caring for your son and trying to also get all of lifes shit done. You do need some “me” time to decompress and I am sure your son as he’s growing up will appreciate the open communication and understand the need for “me” time. Big hugs my friend – hope you are able to find a balance and find time for some self care. Much love to you
Checking in on Wednesday evening
560 days free of alcohol and weed
975 days free of cigarettes
A much better day today - no allergies and i managed a fairly active day. Got in all my exercises, ran errands and grocery shopped and prepped for tomorrow BBQ.
Had a decent visit with my doctor. Grateful for her honesty and frankness. She has sent in a referral for my eyes to be checked. The stomach pain is either a level 3 muscle tear that can take another 9 months to heal or nerve damage which does not have a end date for relief. I am holding out hope that its just the muscle tear.
A busy day tomorrow. I can handle busy – just hope i do good with being social
I am pooped so gonna start winding down… wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening! Sending you all so much love
Today I am 88 days sober. When I decided to sober up (again) this date was a milestone to reach.
Last July 3rd I got so drunk. If I hadn’t puked all over myself, I probably would have had alcohol poisoning. We were camping and my husband had to take care of me in the middle of the night. I was sick all of the 4th, nursing an awful hangover. Embarrased. Ashamed. Sick.
Did I decide to quit? Oh no.
Moderate? Of course not.
I stopped drinking all of 4 days and only because we didn’t have access to alcohol.
How could I let myself get that bad and continue to drink so heavily? How did it take 8 more months to try and sober up again?
These are my thoughts today. I’m disgusted at the hold alcohol had over me.
But today, I’m so proud of my progress.
I will not drink today. Saying “no” today is so much easier than having to face another day 0.
I feel all of this. And don’t be ashamed at the eight months. Almost 10 years ago to the day, I was in the ER with pancreatitis. Not only did I not stop, I drank more as time went on. Better late than never at all, I tell myself. Every day is a choice, if a really hard one to make. You got this.
Happy Birthday @CATMANCAM !!
Best wishes for a great day and a wonderful year to follow! Thanks for being you, being so supportive of everyone while you go through your own challenges! You’re a star and you’re a cool cat! Best Wishes!! 🩷
Whoa! The busy season’s in full swing. I’ve hardly had enough time to keep up on this thread alone this past week! Another work day I won’t even bother complaining about. Sometimes I’m not sure if the money is worth the amount of physical/mental exertion, but tonight definitely was Better rest up for a day in the sun tomorrow. Happy 4th of July, Americans!
Independence Day! The most celebrated holiday worldwide. Let’s blow some stuff up!
I can’t believe it’s been two weeks. I feel more alert my headache is gone and i don’t really have any brain fog annd I actually feel like my memory is getting better!
I do miss it just a little bit but just not enough to go back. my life has changed for the better in these last two weeks, my wife and I have a deeper bond and a stronger connection. I feel like I’m being a more present father and being more optimistic and open toward things. So it’s all on the up and up for now,
I’ve only been on here for a short time but it has helped me so deeply words cannot describe how thankful I am of all of you now that I have gotten all sappy let’s talk about one of my favorite holidays the 4th of July.
This is going to be my first year ever sober in 7 years I took the 5th off because I figured I’d feel like crap. So I have a 4 day weekend with very little plans I’m honestly excited. We’re trying to decide if we should take out little guy to fireworks tomorrow or not he doesn’t mind thunder storms, but I don’t know how he’ll do with the repeated booms. Maybe we will just try watching them from a distance or something
My weekend’s here. Had a couple of good days at work as experience worker, although I also saw some very hard cases. People that in different ways and at this moment in time just can’t and won’t be helped. We’re all on our own ways and who am I to say to someone they’re doing it wrong?
All I can do is to offer my hope and give a glimpse of my way. And that’s what I’m trying to do. Still it can be hard when people seem totally blind to their own ways, let alone anyone else’s, and seem hell bent on destroying all they have and all they are. OK. One day at a time. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
486
Tonight is the youth session I volunteer for, looking forward to it. The session plan is still to be done, so I’m going to sit down on my laptop with my morning coffee and write it up.
@CATMANCAM Look!!! I got you a baby owl for your birthday!!!
@CATMANCAM Happy Birthday friend, and many happy returns!!! I hope you’ve got something nice planned for yourself either today or in the next days. Love and happiness from me to you @Mno Your patience is really impressive @Lefty624 Congrats on two weeks! Well done Good to hear you also are feeling better health wise Enjoy the fireworks, let them be a celebration of your new life @Just_Laura What do you people in the US do for the 4th of July? Besides fireworks? Any special customs? @Vanessa8 You deserve to be proud of yourself. So much hard work @JazzyS Where do you get all your energy from? You are such a busy bee @stand_like_an_oak Thanks for sharing your new perspective about your rock. It’s nice to be reminded that it is possible to view life through different glasses. @Butterflymoonwoman Thanks for sharing your thoughts on communicating our needs. This is very important, especially if we are tasked with the care of someone who depends on us. And you are so right on the role model thing. Our children learn from emulating us, in all our behaviors. Setting boundries is one of them.
Regarding feelings, discomfort and distractions. We all know it, but I have to remind myself over and over again that being angry at myself, having judgemental thoughts, distracting myself with something, not being grounded, not being present are also ok. Everything I feel or think is ok. The very moment I get conscious of a thought or feeling means I am mindful, I am aware. That is good. That’s all that is needed @DanaM56 Sending love for the emotionally difficult day you have before you @Tragicfarinelli I’m convinced AC/DC have only one volume. No different settings available. You seem to live in an exciting place
225 sugar
89 UPF
96 gluten
71 dairy
3 overeating
Already held my daughter and did my run for today, so I’m heroic. Everything else is on top
I’m going to work more on level maps, collisions, etc. After my experiment with polenta yesterday I’m going to try quinoa in my new rice cooker. Let’s see how this will turn out. Can’t remember ever having quinoa before. Some errands after lunch, maybe yoga in the afternoon if I manage to muster the energy. My ex will come by in the evening to bake with our daughter. Recovery Dharma for tonight.
Let’s go for peace, kindness and freedom friends
A special shoutout to all our friends in the US celebrating today Let this day be the celebration your sober self deserves
Yes it’s the Apollo now. That’s actually my favourite venue for music, good acoustics and just big enough. Looks like they really set Wembley alight with everything they threw at it! They are back on the 7th. I’ll see if it’s as loud and pretty then.
I’m here, I’m alive I’m sober and I’m happy.
Day 127
It’s raining, it’s supposed to rain for a week.
Not that it really matters because we still can’t go anywhere. But at least life seems a bit easier when the sun shines.
Tonight we’re going to watch the new Beverly hills cop, Axel.F.
We’ve been watching to old ones one every night to get in the right mood.
Hope it’s good. But I think it is.
Besides that I’ve got some Fika for today. And I’ve managed to loose some weight again just 1kg the past week, because I ditched the intuative eating thing. It doesn’t work for me, and I rather have a “troublesome relationship” with my eating habits than staying in this weight because I really don’t like it’s or feel comfortable.
I’ve always been on the smaller side and I attempt to stay that way.
I eat what I eat, and that’s it. I don’t need anyone to tell me if that’s right or wrong.
@CATMANCAM happy birthday Cam! Hope you are having a wonderful day @danam56 thinking of you my friend. Sending hugs your way @Vanessa8 lots of reflecting going on today. So happy to have you here doing the sober journey now. You should be proud . Keep rocking this journey @Lefty624 congratulations on your 2 weeks. Happy to see you thriving in your journey. Hope you enjoy your lovely sober four day weekend @acromouse 4th is usually a big BBQ day…pool or beach activity is what I end up doing…but mainly just hanging with friends. Lol…I am going with it …after sooo long battling chronic fatigue I am happy to have the energy and move again. Love your attitude…you are heroic
Thursday morning check in it’s a beautiful day. Happy Thursday everyone. Gonna head out for my walk then swim. Celebrating my mom’s bday this morning and then bbq and poop time with friends.
Happy 4th of July toy fellow Americans
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day… sending you all so much love
Grateful to still have my sobriety in tact and finding better ways to deal with life’s struggles.
Better rest up for a day in the sun tomorrow. Happy 4th of July, Americans! 
he doesn’t mind thunder storms, but I don’t know how he’ll do with the repeated booms. Maybe we will just try watching them from a distance or something 
Good to hear you also are feeling better health wise 
. Keep rocking this journey