These people are probably beating themselves up more than you know we can’t judge anyone I know I can’t as I’ve done some very shameful things but I had to draw a line under it and move forward and forgive myself, resentment is a path back to addiction
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I agree and I hate that I still have this defect but its something I am definitely working on. Progress not perfection.
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We all have them my friend and I still find myself doing it from time to time
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Day 1784 alcohol
Day 1 binge eating
Today I’m starting to stop binge eating which seems to really creeping in to my life for awhile now I found myself going to bed last night with a pot noodle and a multi pack of Kit Kats 
, I see similarities in it till the I drank so it’s something I really need to take a look at in depth I also need to start doing my shopping just after I eat so I don’t buy a lot of crap I don’t need
Anyway hope everyone has a good day 
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Day 125
Second check in.
Just need to complain a bit, first word problems, but it always is. 
Had my usual breakfast banana today, felt a bit strange, felt more strange after a while. And eventually had to visit the doctors office, just to find out that I’m currently allergic to banana.
Doctor says it might be temporary because there’s so much pollen outside. And that type of pollen can make you react to bananas as well.
Not sure what to do If I can’t eat banans anymore. I’ve always loved them, and I’ve been eating one for breakfast for years.
If things could go my way for a little bit, that would be great, thanks in advance universe 
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6 years 8 months. Lately it feels like I’m having to really earn each day. Luckily my partner and I are taking our 2 year anniversary trip to Maine tomorrow. Definitely need to get away for a bit. Pretty blessed to be able to travel, even when other things feel hard.
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Checking in on Day 12
Our little guy is one heck of a night ninja maybe he’s nocturnal he’s doing pretty good we think it’s just a sleep regression but he’s wide awake at 3 am.
My wife has been really supportive and an amazing mother. I enjoy sitting with them more than ever the time is more enjoyable memorable and meaningful sober. My wife and I have a couple things that we’re thinking of doing on the fourth. i forgot that I took the fifth off a couple months ago so I’ll have a four day weekend 
I can’t wait! My med doctor put me on a new anxiety med but it’s out of stock in town.
I fell asleep before I could post oops
Have a happy Tuesday everyone!!
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80
Chaotic morning so far with my mom shouting at me about her delusions. Still have to get ready for work while simultaneously hiding from her. Hope its a quick easy day at work and that I can enjoy the rest of my day after that.
Hope everyone is doing well.
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Day unknown - I’ve got to spend sometime and reset my tracker and get organized.
My body is healing up from my accident. I’m very grateful for this as the pain is minimal now. It’s just annoying aches and tiredness.
Been working everyday and keeping busy. I really need to focus on having a routine. My work schedule is all different hours and pretty much everyday.
I find out Friday morning if we are striking or not for next week. The stress of the unknown is playing on my mind.
I feel very unorganized but aware of this. I’m struggling with motivation and clarity to get organized.
On the bright side, the sun is shining. My eldest started summer camp today so the house is quiet. I’m about to make some breakfast and will break out the pen and paper to get my thoughts out of my head.
Enjoy the day everyone!
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Congratulations on 100 days. Meetings are educational for sure. I have been attending for over a year now. There is one I dreaded when they shared. Now I actually look forward to hear what is going on in their life. Have a nice day.
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Secknd check in
I wanted to upsate you all on the gummies ive been taking to relax and take off the edge
I take 2 good mood gummies with vitamin d and and saffron every morning
2 clear mind gummies with L theanine , choline and alpha gpc 4 hours later at lunch
And 2 stress free with gaba and L theanin and lemon balm 4 hours and a big more later after work
I hounestly love them
I need to be careful though because if i take too much of one i could get really sick
So far so good on my end
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Kit Kats yum! 
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Checking in day 126
It is going to be 110 degrees today.
God Bless air conditioners.
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Not just any Kit Kat but caramel Kit Kats
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89 days sober
Today was hard. When I was away I had a goal to keep me going and focused distracting me from my traumas and distracting me from drinking. Now I’m back into digging up my past and trying to heal. And it’s freaking hard.
It digs up hard emotions and fears. It brings up anger and frustration. I had a moment where I thought about drinking…a solid hour of thinging about it if I’m being honest but I remembered tomorrow will be 90 days. Then remembered I am actually doing well and that yeah it sucks but I can get by. I just need to take it a day at a time.
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Thank you for always being so encouraging!
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154
3rd checkin
I was invited for a free swim today by a lifeguard… 
2500 meters something
Thank you all so much for thinking of me @acromouse @Mno @MrFantastik @Alisa @Binx @Twizzlers @Alycia
Its a bit better.
But this hopeless feeling is realy shit.
I did therapy in the past.
I had good ones…
But I also had, in my opinion, real bad experiences. And I don’t want this anymore.
The german therapy system is very strict and you have to wait like half a year or a year.
I know my past, my patterns…
“you have to go through these feelings”.
I think I have gone through a lot already!
So fck off.
I have so many good ideas and tools, but I do switch somehow everyday. Especially bad thoughts about my body and the whole machinery starts (…!) I am oriented on solutions. I do a lot. And I still feel lost.
Last longest period was 155 days, I relapsed in a similar state of mind. Like now. I will go through it this time.
Maybe this is what happens at this number …
Don’t know what’s waiting on the other side.
Love you guys
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I have experienced periods of deep darkness in my life. The only thing I know of it: Throw everything and the kitchen sink at it and see what sticks. Sometimes it’s therapy, sometimes it’s meds, sometimes it‘s swimming, sometimes it‘s whatever. Try every day. Don‘t stop trying for the other side 
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Day #212 AF
So today i went and signed in the labour market and i have at least 3 months in which i can relax after this stress.
So this was when i start the job #108 sober day and what ive discovered at day #208 they fired me 
so they needed 100 days to show their real faces
Im glad that is finished and from now on i have experience with this kind of jobs.
The plan for tonight is to find a good movie and with my boy just to watch and relax
Have a great evening/ day or maybe morning
#bestrong #staysober 
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I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time Julia. It doesn’t sound like you’re very well supported in Germany, sadly. I’ve so much to catch up on here, and how you’ve been. I hope you enjoyed your swim today? x
You mentioned feeling an urge, please don’t give in. Starting over is so painful, frightening, and an anxiety addled time. I’m coming up to day 4, and although I feel like I’m coming out of the mist, I know what a devil addiction is. I’m still in a dangerous place. I don’t want this for you 
Please remember that it solves absolutely nothing. There’s such a high risk of getting stuck in that cycle again, and it magnifies depression. During my last relapse I wanted to die, it got so bad.
I’m glad to be here, talking to you right now Julia. You’re doing so well on your sober streak, hang tight to it and keep reaching out
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