@Whereswaldo
Thank you so much for listening, i appreciate your support and reassurance that I’m not alone ![:face_holding_back_tears: :face_holding_back_tears:](https://talkingsober.com/images/emoji/twitter/face_holding_back_tears.png?v=12)
@Matt
You’re 100% right, no matter what happens I know I can make it, even if its uncomfortable, and even if things dont get better (thst being said, they usually do at some point - like you said, life is full of ups and downs). It also helps to keep in mind that believing alcohol relaxes me is a false belief - even if it may feel relaxing initially, in the long run, it does the opposite of relax me, and only stresses me out more. Im in bed now, if I can’t fall asleep soon I may do a puzzle on my phone or something similar. I appreciate your recommendations ![:pray:t2: :pray:t2:](https://talkingsober.com/images/emoji/twitter/pray/2.png?v=12)
@JazzyS
I think the urge is fueled by anxiety/fear, and sadness/loneliness. I don’t feel 100% safe where I’m currently at - I also have a tendency to imagine the worst case scenarios due to trauama, so my mind usually doesnt shut up on a REGULAR day, let alone being somewhere I genuinely don’t feel as safe ![:sweat_smile: :sweat_smile:](https://talkingsober.com/images/emoji/twitter/sweat_smile.png?v=12)
I’ve been having intrusive thoughts of people breaking in, or being violent, and playing out in my head what I would do in that situation. Wish I could just turn off my brain and stop thinking about it. I’m also sad because leaving my cat home alone just makes me worry about him, and I honestly just miss him. Again, worrying about worst case scenarios - what if I come home and something happened to him? Unlikely, but my brain just doesn’t wanna shut up. And more than anything I just wish I could communicate to him that we will be back. His previous owner (my fiance) moved, and then he passed away, so his cats never saw him again. I worry that anytime we leave, he doesn’t know if we’re coming back. Ut breaks my heart. But I know he will be home waiting for me when I get there and I’m holding on to that. Thank you so much for your response and for allowing me the space to vent, I genuinely appreciate it. ![:pray:t2: :pray:t2:](https://talkingsober.com/images/emoji/twitter/pray/2.png?v=12)
Update: haven’t had anything to drink. Thank you everyone for helping me get through this. Thankfully I picked up some non alcpholic beer and non-alcoholic wine which was enough to help get me through the urges. I also went out to eat with my family and had some laughs, that helped bring some more positive energy into my night. Me and my dad went around and made sure all of the windows are locked, which was a long process - LOTS of windows, and very old building, so some of them weren’t really locking… but we figured it out. Helps ease my anxiety a little bit.
Currently in bed, I’m still feeling pretty uneasy, although a lot better compared to earlier. Just still uncomfortable. Hoping I can just sleep it off, and tomorrow will be a new day.
Hope everyone has a good night/day/morning ![:pray:t2: :pray:t2:](https://talkingsober.com/images/emoji/twitter/pray/2.png?v=12)