Thank you 
luckily I donāt live there so removing myself From the situation solves it in a little way.
Hugs to you too 
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Just checking in. Yesterday was .y first Fatherās Day without my dad. He died last October from heart disease and alcohol played a large part in his condition. I want to be around for my boys
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What a shit show for you. Thatās completely unacceptable. And all there were complicit and clearly under her control. I really urge you to not see this as anything you did wrong. Maybe you donāt need her in your life, she reminds me a lot of my own motherā¦
Here if you wanna chat and Iām so sorry that happened to you. Shameful on her. Itās abusive, end of.
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Iām really sorry that happened to you, it is truly awful. Iām relieved to know youāre safe now. Getting away quickly was a good idea. It sucks that youāre not safe there. Hugs and thinking of you
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so sorry Twizzlersā¦ totally not acceptable behavior on her part and Iām grateful that you are seeing how not ok it is. Glad you were able to leave when you did.
Love that you have created a safe haven for yourself where you are able to breathe and heal.
My much love 
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Oh man thats brutal. Sounds like some important realisations were made and that will lead to some important healing for you. Your son is lucky to have an inspiring mum who is willing to stand up for herself in a respectful and calm way. Love your outlook and appreciation of all the good around you. Sounds like you are breaking some generational cycles here. Sending love!
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Thanks Catman! Incredible having 28 days with no takeaway! I really need to do the same. I think Iām almost ready, the more I read on here the stronger Iām feeling about it. Thanks for being so inspiring 
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Checking in day 91. I think I was too eager and skipped day 89 a couple of days ago - whoops!
This evening we signed some documents and paid the $3k deposit to go to contract on our build. They will do site tests and surveys and in 6 weeks present us with a final quote. After that, it will be another 6-12weeks before we knock down our old house and they start building! By then, our little girl will be born.
Exciting times ahead that I am sure I wouldnāt be able to do if I was still drinking. I wouldnāt have had the confidence to do this all.
Have a great week everyone!
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Day 108
Iām so glad I got sober. I have a chance now. Drinking kept me down and stuck. I am learning itās frequently not just alcohol that needs to go. Other monsters too. Itās overwhelming, all the haz-mat cleaning I have to do. 
Now Iām ready to go join the hippies. Drop out. Things just seem broken and itās almost like a Hunger games vibe at workplacesā¦ Iām going to have to figure out a better way. Freelance. Lots of possibilities sober. Or, just get on the magic bus to the forest. Make jewelry. Play my guitar. 
Enjoy your sober day. Itās weirdly overcast with tropical humidity. Ready for a drenching. And a workout. Doing better. love you
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Iām very sorry that happened. Kudos to you for handling it the way you did. Donāt think I could have.
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Im in tears girl. Ur post really impacted me. I have no words. Im so sorry uv had to endure this kind of abuse as a child and even now into adulthood. Those words and actions are sooo hurtful and im glad u stood up for urself. Im glad u werent silent like the rest of ur family. Sending u many many MANY hugs
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Hey Thirdmonkey, Iām going through the same with my kid. Similar feelings too. Donāt want to be a hypocrite but I do want to be a pushover either and I donāt want him to lead a similar life to meā¦ itās tough to know what to doā¦ he has a diagnosis of ADHD and has told me everything feels better when he smokes. The problem is motivation to do anything else can go and the drug that helps then becomes the problem as most of us know. Plus brain development at a young age can be problematic when using substances. Certainly was for me. I hope you get some answers friend, good luckā¦Thanks for sharing.
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2y4m4d
Morning friends! Beautiful day out here today. Feeling pretty good but emotional. Ive also been experiencing an intense fear of death lately. This fear is trying to consume me but im doing my best to not let it. Idk what it isā¦ just fear of family dying and fear of me getting old (Im 39) and dying. Im basically half way thru my life and i feel like ive wasted sooo much of it on drugs. I didnt have much of a childhood or adolescences. Struggled immensly in my early adult years with drugs and getting out of sex work. Life was sooo serious and there was very very little joy. I didnt think i would make it past 25 years of age to be honest. And now Im having to make up for time i guess. Ive been seeing obituaries on facebook of people that i know who have passed away. People that i was in the rooms with or in treatment with. Im very lucky to be here and feel so sad for the families who have to bury their loved ones. Im sooo fucking grateful to be clean. Im just trying to make the best of my life now. Trying to live with purpose and to impact the world in some way. Trying to make a difference. Idkā¦ i think i just need a good workout today to release this built up emotional energy. Im running an errand now and then I will workout. Have a great day friends 
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So happy for you Tomek! Big congrats on this major milestone! Hope youāll feel better very soon
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Thatās totally crazy dear Twizzlers! So sorry that has been your reality all your life. Really made me feel sick to my stomach to read about it. Your mother is a very sick woman and nobody should have to endure that.
This shocked me the most. No itās not normal! Itās totally crazy and sick and uncalled for! Big big hugs my friend. Thanks for sharing. Maybe from this some healing for you can begin.
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Glad the surgery is behind you now , hope the headaches will get there too 
Good to hear from you!
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His issue is stress. He has prescribed meds for them. At his age, he fails to see that 80%, atleast, of his stress has been created by him. However, it is his life to live. I can suggest things and mentorā¦ita up to him to run with it.
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Checking in on day 80.
Slept like crap last night.
Gonna attend a meeting tomorrow, something is bothering me but Iām not sure what it is yet. 
Otherwise things are looking good. Need some plans for my vacation. Maybe some writing idk.
Been falling back into this old behaviour of āIāll do it tomorrow.ā
Not the greatest point to be at but tomorrow is another day. Iāll catch up some sleep for now.
See you around and take care everyone. 
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Hey, thanks! Days are up and down but not as far down as I have been so thats something, Ill take it!
Hope you are all well and good
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Day 139 AF
trigger warning triggers and cravings, weight
We had a visit at my aunty in Frankfurt yesterday. It was quite nice. When I wanted to store some mango sorbet back in the fridge, I saw a huge cardboard box with wineā¦
Bam. Triggered a craving. Didnāt have one for weeks. She has a very nice apartment, very nice interior, and I was thinking about her, having that evening wine there. And there it was, me - enjoying wine like normal people. And I missed it.
I know, only shit is waiting!
Am okay now, regarding this.
Somehow okay.
Emotional breakdown with crying this morning caused by panicking about a new job possibility and dramatizing about my body and weight! Was ok during the day, I prepared the presentation. Now itās coming up again. Blah!
Love you guys!
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