We had a visit at my aunty in Frankfurt yesterday. It was quite nice. When I wanted to store some mango sorbet back in the fridge, I saw a huge cardboard box with wine…
Bam. Triggered a craving. Didn’t have one for weeks. She has a very nice apartment, very nice interior, and I was thinking about her, having that evening wine there. And there it was, me - enjoying wine like normal people. And I missed it.
I know, only shit is waiting!
Am okay now, regarding this.
Somehow okay.
Emotional breakdown with crying this morning caused by panicking about a new job possibility and dramatizing about my body and weight! Was ok during the day, I prepared the presentation. Now it’s coming up again. Blah!
Thank you everyone who read my post, I have removed it now as I feel the support from you all was very warming and caring.
I also don’t want it to trigger anyone as it was very detailed.
Thank you for being here for me.
I’m heading to bed soon so will catch up here and read how everyone is doing
Checking in before I go to bed for a well deserved sleep. Didn’t sleep as much well as I wanted during the last two nights, and at the same time I did some intense trainings last four days including today. It was very helpful though, especially today…day in the office was full of meetings, quite stressfull so I told myself I’ll do the training at my max. It helped a lot. Had some cravings, wanted to get a drink, but that was just for a while, the whale would sink me under again. But something odd hapened in the office. I found myself surprised from certain emotions that run suddenly thru me - underestimated myself, low self-esteem, little paranoic with tendency thinking I was treated unfairly and it was just not me - a reasonably confident man. I’m not sober for longer period of time…was whole August and half September, then a week or two again in, then sober for few weeks, then December-first week of Jan again in, and then sober, again in, like two weeks sober, one week in…tomorrow is my fifth day sober. Perhaps it’s just related to it, my brain and soul need some recovery?
Day 150 here.
I was crushing my day, getting a lot done, and then on my lunch break my wife told me very thoroughly that she hates my hair trim I just got. It was expensive, I don’t mind it, and I’m not going to get another one.
Very demotivating!
Sitting here at my desk trying to get my mojo back. See you back tomorrow folks - have a good one.
Edit:
After work my wife said my hair looks great, she just didn’t like how the barber had styled it.
lol whatever. That was better for my mood.
71 days sober, will stay sober today too.
Made it thru yesterday successfully with birthday and Father’s Day celebrations and even a trip to the liquor store for my guests.
Checking in on day 171 AF & nicotine free.
I hope you’re all having an amazing Monday
I need to get my over eating & chocolate addiction in check so I started today. It’s been 24 hours since I ate all the snacks in the house.
People talk about losing weight when they stop drinking, I piled it on because I gave into my sugar cravings. I’m just over 5½ months sober so it’s definitely time to sort another thing in my life.
I started meditating about 3-4 weeks ago, not every day, just when I have time. I’m really enjoying it. I noticed that since I stopped drinking my thoughts are very loud & persistent and I’d like a calmer mind. Today I managed an hour, I really don’t know what I’m doing, I’m mostly just trying to sit still & not think of things that annoy me. Then my sister phoned me, she’s my best friend & I’m so lucky to have that with my sister. She wanted to talk about our mother and the things she did to piss her off, so now my mind isn’t calm anymore lol although I did get angry about my mother I feel that I calmed down a lot quicker than I normally would. Maybe the meditation is working.
@PositiveThoughts if you like your hair then that’s what matters, I’m sure it looks great also hair cuts are temporary anyway so it’ll look different in a week or two. @Vanessa8 well done on your 71 days. You’re crushing it. Buying for others is a tough one, just be careful. If you feel you could be triggered then ask a friend to go for you.
Doing well overall lately. Currently at work chilling.
I’m going to my favorite music festival in 2 days - its a 5 day long camping music festival. This will be my first time going sober. At first I considered drinking and then going back to being sober after the fact, but I ultimately decided against it. I’m not tryna fall down that slippery slope again. And a huge motivator for me is the fact thag I’ve never gone to a music festival sober before, so I’m honestly really excited to prove to myself that I AM capable of doing it and still have an amazing time, it’s gonna be kind of revolutionary lol. I have gone to a couple concerts lately sober which has been new for me, and I’ve been killing it, so I know I’m capable of it. Plus it’ll be nice actually remembering everything and having a clear head. That being said, if I’m feeling tempted, I’m definitely gonna post here. I honestly think I’ll be good to be honest, but you never know what life is gonna throw at you.
Day 127
This morning I feel like absolute shit. I am consumed with anxiety and sad thoughts. I am trying to see the positives but really struggling. I know this will pass but currently just fucking hate the world!!!
Good on you for knowing this will pass. I am so sorry to hear youre feeling that way though, that’s gotta be really heavy. Sending you love and support - try to focus on self care if you can. hope your day turns around for you
I’m here, I’m alive I’m sober and I’m happy.
Day 110.
Been crazy busy lately. And it doesn’t seem to stop.
We spent the 14 y/o birthday weekend at an hotel and at the Old Western/Cowboy theme park named High Chaparral.
Kids graduation was Friday amd we went directly after that to the park.
Came home yesterday, had to pick up my daughter on the way home. And today I had to help her get some order in her life again. Papers that need to be filled in, contact with authorities and all that. It’s driving me crazy. She’s been offered an authority person to do all that stuff for her, but she doesn’t want that. And she gets mad at me doing it too. But if I don’t she won’t be able to keep her apartment or anything like that.
This week is full steam ahead anyway. 14 y/o have Folkdance Almost all week,peak midsummer (Friday) which is an entire day with dance shows around different cities in our county.
After that we’re heading back to my aunts house for another long weekend because my cousin has his first communion.
And on top of that I’m trying to keep my Ma busy so she won’t feel alone. (she only called me 10 times during the weekend and two times today)
At least she’s coming with us to my aunts house.
Brother is still mad at me, but I don’t care more know than I did before.
If he can’t even respect my boundaries without getting mad about it, then he can stay mad.
Anyway after my cousins communion we’re going to visit a knight/medieval festival that’s held in the town my aunt lives in. And after that we’re heading back to the Western/cowboy theme park.
Now you know what I’m up to. I hope everything is good with y’all and I really appreciate that you miss me.
Sending some hugs
On days like this I have to really try to do little things that make me happy. Sometimes that can flip the day to a good one, or at least some parts of it are lighter to deal with.
If not it’s okay to rest, it’s ok to not do anything and just give yourself some time to rebalance
Hope it turns out to be nice for you.
199 days
Early check-in. Still a few hours till the timer ticks over but im on night shift tonight so confident we can put today in the bank.
Went to the gym this morning, only the 2nd time in 2 weeks. Feeling a lot better now, still not 100% but almost.
This will be my first nightshift back at work in a month, looking foward to getting back into the work routine with the crew, always feel like you miss out on a lot when you’re away for a long time.
Just heading out now to walk the dogs while the weather is nice
Today was hard for me, too, Seb. Hang in there and know that tomorrow is another day. I’m glad you know the feelings will pass. Impermanence. I try to remember that it’s life and find the small joys, sometimes just acknowledge that it’s shit right now, and do what I can when the time comes to make what changes I can.
Sorry my sweet friend!
That was better for my mood. 
also hair cuts are temporary anyway so it’ll look different in a week or two.
