Gave myself some YouTube fun at the weekend. Deactivated app again this morning. Might be a good solution.
Happy to be sober. Feeling tired, headache, bloated… Weather and hormons giving “it’s best” lol. Hungry all day long! What next?
At the beautician today… Don’t know if this is my thing! She seamed a bit confused cause my skin is quite good and there is not such a big reason for a treatment like this. Got some sunscreen tips. Blah. Skin is glowy now anyway. Not bad, but a home spa treatment also does its job.
Went on a spree. Almost two hours clean, hope to check in after 24 hrs this time. Planning to do some chores and go on a hike tomorrow to get through day 1.
I haven’t checked in here for a minute, 900ish days no alcohol, 500ish days no cigarettes and around a week no THC. I knew moderation wasn’t my thing but now coffee consumption is becoming a problem. I’m either overcaffeinating at the expense of sleep or undercaffeinating at the expense of sustained consciousness. The answer is probably no caffeine but I don’t wanna! Maybe I need the ups and downs of struggling against something or maybe I just really like the taste of black coffee. Ugh.
Day off and my plans are to pack and clean for the move, grocery shop, hit a greenhouse to get my plant babies some new pots and take a peek at our new place next door, we move into our old neighbor’s two bedroom at the end of the month. I can’t stop mentally decorating it even though I’ve never seen it. Keep doing the things all and stay sober.
Struggling today. Using the art of distraction by seeing friends. I have a group at the house this afternoon. Then I’m going out again to play board games with some of my friends. I’m triggered by the scars all over my body. I showered today and showers are triggering bc I see all my scars and I stare at them a lot. They remind me of my hard times and make me sad. I really want some new tattoos to cover all the areas with scars. Idk… Just discouraged rn after being so triggered. The worst part of all this is that I can’t escape my trigger bc it’s a part of me u know? I can’t just snap my fingers and make the scars go away. I don’t know what to do
I think my eatingproblems have gone on to long. I was at the doctor last week because some dizzy and nausa issues. I had a hard time being honest about how little I eat. Asked about weigthlose and I tougth around 6-7kg, but I see its actually more like 8-9kg. Did bloodwork and they where fine.(I dont have a eatingdisorder, but I feel anything I eat gets stuck.)
Today Im so dizzy and headachey. Not feeling very great.
Day 28 without alcohol, weed and pills. Although I’m still feeling anxious and depressed, deep down I have a feeling that everything’s gonna be allrite as long as I stay sober. I have no cravings which is good, but I’m constantly worrying about my past and future. I meditate every day to get some clarity into my thoughts, but the darkness inside me is still very strong which is normal in my early days of recovery. I’ve been before sober for 5 years, so I know I can do this and it will get easier when time passes by. But handling the fear against past and future is a really big problem for me, I can’t enjoy of present moment, I feel like I haven’t deserve it. But as usual, gotta just grind it through and stay strong. In the end, I love being sober.
Checking in on day 13
I had lunch with my mom today, I’m happy to see that she seems to be doing alright after my dad passed 2 months ago. The 18th of this month they would have been married 55 years!
In the afternoon I spent some time at the pool and had a Magnum ice cream!
I also went to donate blood, which all went fine, my blood pressure was just perfect! (hasn’t always been this way…)
Tomorrow I’m off to a new busy week at work!
Well it was a difficult start to the day but a great end .my higher power was definitely with me .I’ve gone to any lengths for my sobriety today .I caught a bus to a meeting out of town then the train back and a 25 minute walk home. I really needed a meeting today and feel calm and peaceful now. hope everyone s kicking ass In their sobriety today too odaat
@chevy55 Hey Nick – hows it going? Last we heard you were heading to Toronto for some fun – hope you had a good time and hope you are doing well. LOL I was just thinking of you and see that you posted your milestone – how awesome is 7 months! So happy for you Nick! @butterflymoonwoman So glad to hear that you were able to come home early and get a cat nap in. You are a rockstar Dana – happy the night shifts are over and you survived! Hopefully you had a relaxing day (not too much tidying up or running around) and got some rest @danam56 LOL – most boxes unpacked already? You really are not wasting any time Sorry your back is hurting – do hope you take this as a sign to slow down. I know its hard (i too hate clutter and work undone)… you come first! Yeah to your cat settling in @jeanine WOOT WOOT – congrats girl – best grandma you can be! AMEN! Great work on working through the cravings and stacking up the days – days away from 3 months @just_laura SO glad your big weekend went well! Sounds like a hectic tiring night and you handled it girl! Rewarded with dessert ooh yes please. Glad you got to take leftovers home too… sounds like a fun weekend all around @mno hope the parcetamol helped – i hate hurting that area. So hard to get at and such a weird place to feel pain. My pain comes from change in temp that occurs too quickly (crazy i know – it stops my breathing at times too). I do hope yours isn’t so bad and that you are feeling better now @sunny11 SO good to see you back here with us friend. Day 3 and working your recovery – great work @moosetracks WOOT WOOT 700 days is fantastic! So sorry to hear about your loss It does sound like survivors guilt. He had the same chance and opportunity to get clean but chose a different path. I am so sorry that his ended in the way it did (addiction is such an ugly mistress). I am so grateful that you are doing well and that the grief is starting to lift. Thank you for your post and message @laner OOH i like the 123! Great number of days. Glad the session went well and that you were able to walk off the anxiety. @thirdmonkey I hate when that shit happens and you just can’t shake it. Do you need me to come collect rent? JK – hope you are able to change focus and evict the SOB
Oh this is good to hear. Hope you were able to rest and take care of your hurting back. Good luck in getting all you need done prior to Thursday (try to find time to rest so you don’t overwhelm your body / mind). I did sleep a bit better thank you for asking. Still not the best but better than past few nights. I’ll take it LOL @mrsodh OMG!!! So scary and so very grateful that he went in when he did – that they found it in time and are working on helping him now. Drinking will not help anything Sophia. I am so sorry that he is going through this and DAMN August—the month needs to get its act together. No more scary shit for you or your family. I do hope that he heals and recovers . Sending you and yours healing vibes and energy @alena I’m glad you are back with us and working towards day 1. Are you doing anything different to help you stay on track? Do you know what may have caused your spree? Keeping active is a great way to keep the cravings away… support is also essential. We are here for you – lean on us if the cravings get too much @trustybird some great timers friend. OOF that coffee (especially the rich back coffee is like the heavens calling LOL)… i know it was sooo hard to give up. I am luckily able to have it again. Maybe try limiting to a few cups or cut off time of when you are allowed to drink (this is harder for you i’m sure with your schedule). Hoping you can find that balance so you can sleep, function when awake and keep the delicious nectar in your life @jules000 Sorry that you are struggling friend. It is hard when the scars on yourself are what is triggering you. Maybe try to think of them differently? Like see them and remind yourself that you have come so far from that place. You are healing and in recovery. That you have survived the darkest moments and are still standing. Sending you hugs Jules… hope that being with friends and playing board games is a good distraction @wakikki I would say its really important to be honest with you doctor or else you are just wasting time as they are not getting the full picture of what you are dealing with and can’t provide a good solution or any actual help. I’m sorry that you are still having such trouble with eating. Are you able to make drinks instead (like shakes or juices) – so that you are still able to get the nutrients your body needs to function. Going on this way with little food will continue to give you dizzy spells and could be a lot worse down the road. Glad you blood work came back fine. I am sending you love and calm vibes friend – i am so very sorry that you are dealing with this and they are unable to find any way to help you with the anxiety which is causing you to not eat. @mrmoustache The early battles are the worst. WE are learning so much about ourselves and learning new coping mechanisms in how to deal with life as a whole. Remind yourself that you are a ass kicker with 28 days! Your past helped you get to this point but is not going to hold you from moving forward. Your future is unknown (as it should be) and the only control you have over it is the day to day decisions you make in the present. You keep forging ahead with your recovery – i see you doing amazingly well. Looking forward to celebrating your 1 month with you soon. @ncgolfer Awesome work with your 2 weeks of sobriety. Great work Sean. Glad you were able to dodge the weekend cravings! @bomdhil YEAH 13 days Thomas – 2 weeks tomorrow… love the message… Happiness is Self-discipline! Glad you got such a beautiful walk in nature today too @19801 Glad you were able to get yourself to a meeting when you needed it the most. Grateful that it helped and you are feeling calm and peaceful now
Checking in on Monday afternoon
593 days free of alcohol and weed
1008 days free of cigarettes
It has been a super busy day and i’m exhausted. Got a lot of stuff done but really had to push through my symptoms and pain which was even more draining. Glad to be home now.
Took some time to relax and catch up here which was nice to sit. Now gonna get dinner started.
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening - sending you all so much love
(hasn’t always been this way…)
I was just thinking of you and see that you posted your milestone – how awesome is 7 months! 
So happy for you Nick!
ooh yes please. Glad you got to take leftovers home too… sounds like a fun weekend all around 
It does sound like survivors guilt. He had the same chance and opportunity to get clean but chose a different path. I am so sorry that his ended in the way it did (addiction is such an ugly mistress). I am so grateful that you are doing well and that the grief is starting to lift. Thank you for your post and message 
