Day 907
Morning everyone! Just checking in. Have a few things to do this afternoon so im just getting ready for that. Not alot going on otherwise. Have a great day everyone! 
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Checking om 952 days. I think I know what Im going to mark my 1000 days with when I reach it. A tattoo.
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Day 46 - having a bit of a low day if Iām being totally honest. Some temptation reading itās head, but taking shape in some depression I would say.
I have a dinner with a friend tonight which will be nice, but I am also in a way dressing it because I will be telling him I cannot come to a party I previously committed to because of it being a triggering environment for me.
I donāt know why really but I seem to be forgetting the progress Iāve made and just feel down in the dump 
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Great idea! Any thoughts on what ur going to get?
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Not sure. I think maybe odaat. Small and discreet 
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Checking in, day 31. Today has been a good day. I took a 2.5hrs walk in the nature and ate healthy vegan food. Feeling light and pure. I canāt even realize anymore how many years, decades Iāve been living in a pure ignorant hell. But luckily itās never too late to change. ODAAT.
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Day 1328,
Closest to drinking in 1328 days. Going to a meeting saved my ass, f*ck it mode was in reach. Grateful for the fellow who took me for a little walk during the meeting. 
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Oh, Iām sorry, and I get it! Had a little of that type of feeling this week. Remember itās addiction. Itās not always a big event or problem that starts the thoughts. Sometimes that addictive voice will try to wrap itself in an otherwise pleasant event, like meeting a good friend for a pleasant meal. We usually drank at these types of events, just like non-events. And now there is this sentimental feeling about such a pleasant night with a warm (poisonous 
!!) glow. But if you stop and break down how these nights actually went, it doesnāt match the lie that voice tells us. Not even close.
Did I ever have a good evening with a friend eating dinner and drinking? Yeah, maybe a couple times. Like many years ago. And how did I feel the next day? Like crap. Even on the glowy, very rare types of drinking evenings with where I truly enjoyed myself ā¦. Was it the whole time, or for an hour? Did the evening start out nice but deteriorate once we were drunk? Yes. Did I stay up late and sleep poorly? Yes. Cottonmouth at 3 am? Yes. Did I feel like hot garbage the whole next day, and sometimes multiple days? Yes. Did I actually wish I didnāt the next day? YES. Were there crappy parts of the evening that I canāt see in the romantic version, like my friend vomiting or a very boring story repeated by me or others. Did someone burn themselves cooking or accidentally burn themselves with a cigarette when drunk? Did anyone drive while intoxicated? Straight up- someone could have been killed, badly injured or gone to jail. After four or five drinks. On a pleasant night. Alcohol does not care if you had a nice dinner. Someone usually drives on these nights. Stuff like that.
We leave all that out when the dream takes over. The lie. The sometimes pretty and always monstrous lie. That it has something to add. It never does. What makes the evening wonderful is you and your friend together, enjoying a meal. Not the alcohol, it only subtracts. I need to be honest when I start thinking about the new friends Iāve made in sobriety that are ānormiesā. Iāve already had that dreamy feeling that we could have a little wine in the backyard while grilling. What? Is that true it would be like that? NO!!! I donāt have āa littleā wine. Never have. Lies. Gonna check myself every time I romanticize drinking! Be honest about what really happens when you drink and it helps. Weāre not here for no reason.
I will meet these people sober and have a good time. Iām so much sharper and will not make an ass of myself. And can get in my car and go anytime. This life is better. Sending you hugs and support 
Thank you for this great post.
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Day 16. Today I am Exhausted 
. Itās the heat
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@MrMoustache Yup, the ignorance. But no use wasting more time kicking ourselves, itās past and weāve got this great new life. Best place to spend mental energy. Good to remind ourselves why we donāt want to go back there, then enjoy. Big hugs, youāre doing so well and it makes me smile
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@JazzyS thank you my dear friend
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Ewwww! Here too! Brutal and Iām staying in. Grateful for air conditioning. Stay cool!
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@CATMANCAM thank you so much. Crisps are also very triggering for me in my binge food addiction
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Touring some apartments on Tues. Nervous but excited too! Iām ready to live alone but getting everything done and all the packing and unpacking is going to be a lot of work. Luckily I have a lot of support who can help me move all my stuff from the group home and my parents home to the new place. Iām still at the touring phase so Iām trying to take it easy and not get ahead of myself. But all good things coming for me!
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Solid advice 
It really has to be done every single time! Stop it in itās tracks before it has the chance to progress. Itās always lurking, awaiting that perfect moment of disillusion. We canāt ever let our guard down 
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Thank you for wise and kind words, my friend. Indeed, past is past and we have this great new, sober life. Awesome!
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@zzz Hey friend ā that is super cool ā have fun with your gig. Your band looks cool! You will do awesome playing your music sober 
@wakikki That is an awesome way to celebrate your quadruple digits. Have you come up with what you will get? Very excited! Hope you are doing better 
Just saw the update ā that will be cool tat
@refreshedperspective Iām sorry friend ā 46 days is amazing progress and I do hope that you can feel proud of that. I wish you luck with the dinner. It ok to protect your sobriety. Great work on planning ahead and staying clear of your triggers. Here if you need to talk. Hope you are able to feel better
@rob11 So very grateful that you were able to get to the meeting and connect with someone. So grateful that you were able to overcome that fuck mode and keep your sobriety in tact Do you know what led to this fuck it mode? Sending you strength my friend
@bomdhil OOH yeah ā 16 days 
Way to go friendā¦ heat exhaustion can be brutal ā sorry that you are dealing with it. Hope you are able to find ways to stay cool
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Checking in sober. Was tempted to call out of work today. I really struggled to get going this morning and started crying on my drive to work. But I made myself focus on that one next thing. One thing at a time. Just like ODAAT. Canāt solve all my issues all at once. But whatās the thing I can do first. Get out of bed. Go downstairs. Make coffee. Feed the cats. And so on. I often wake up in the middle of the night stressing about things. I have to remind myself that in reality, I canāt do anything about any of it at 2am. What I can do is rest. Thatās the first thing.
And Iām not going to drink today. Thatās all that I can control right now. Canāt solve tomorrow today. Rinse and repeat. OFDAAT
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Yep, a visit to my parents. There is nothing there, I had to much hope. They will not change, I try to approach them lovingly, but thatās damn hard.
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sorry friend ā our family can be our biggest triggers. I am sorry that the situation isnāt better. Glad you were able to find a way out of the mode and keep your sobriety
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