Checking in daily to maintain focus #68

[Mira_D]

Hey all,
Ive was upnorth with no internet and finally connected Missed you folks and getting to read the check ins but also had a really wonderful and busy time

I got uninvited to my dads (a very last minute scheduling mix up on his part), and have still not seen this new cottage he bpught two years ago. I am not welcome by anyone in his family, but was told by him to book a week or two and we can come. Had planned for months to go there then straight to my aunts, as its a 6 hour drive for us and their cottages are on the same body of water. Last minute my dad cancelled our visit, but my Aunt told us to come early so we spent a whole week there with my Aunt, mom and nephew. Hubby took off for his boys cottage weekend and I drove my mom and the 3 kids to her house. Would be lying if i said all of this stuff with my dads family hasnt been playing on my head and heart, but it is what it is and I didnt create this situation. I have to do what is best for me and my little family, they are my priority as is my mom and nephew.

Here for a few days then the long drive hone with my 2 kids. Thinking of findinf a spot along the way to run and have some fun but will have to do some research. For now just want to enjoy the nexr few days here and support my mom and nephew as he goes on his first overnight to his new home.

Sendinf everyone hugs and love. Xo. One darn day at a time xoxo.

[JuliaLuna]

2 days away from 11 months AF! and a week nicotine-free feeling healthier than ever

[DresdenLaPage]

Checking in 9m19d

Holy fucking Jesus, what a month …

So, just to preface - This was NOT! What I was expecting! I committed to this job I was at for 3 months. I didn’t expect much but I expected to at least make a dent in some of the issues they had but my God, I have never been met with such disregard for industry standards in all my career. I mean, everytime I took two days off, the owner who claimed to have 40 years of chef experience would go into the kitchen and turn it into a death trap. Allergenic food contamination EVERYWHERE - kitchen not cleaned down from the night before, flies all over the place, it was disgusting! Restraint of tongue and pen goes right out the window for me when I see someone actively harming other people and not giving a shit about it when called out. It was foul - without doubt the worst owner/manager I have ever worked for. There were initial red flags for me plus an entire staff of people telling me all sorts but truth be told, I’d just lost my home and the only way I could go back to my parents was to take a job - any job and while this seemed like a bit of a challenge, it was fucked from the get-go.

I lost my shit during service and the owner and told her exactly what I thought and walked out. After a meeting with her and her HR person, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing… The fact that her kitchen was a death trap wasn’t important to them, just the fact that I reacted the way I did. You do not have to spend 18 years in professional kitchens to know that you cannot re-freeze shellfish, cook it and serve it - And worse still, she said it was me that did it … I hadn’t been there for 2 fucking days!!

So, I made the decision that I simply could not help this person anymore because they couldn’t help themselves, wouldn’t follow the law, industry protocol, health and safety/environmental health coding and didn’t give a shit who they hurt and on top of that, she has told people their on the books but when we checked with the tax office, no tax has been paid and we all show as “no current employment”.

I was out and in a new job in 24 hours - the place im at now has 2 AA rosettes, it’s clean, it’s organised, the head chef has excellent standards and is completely transparent - helpful, honest, principled and he even took on an apprentice at my request who was being essentially used and abused by the aforementioned owner who funnily enough, used to work for this head chef… turns out, she hasn’t changed a bit.

Thank fucking god that people like her always get caught. If ever you walk into a food establishment and there’s a chef sat outside in their whites, turn around and walk out.

[Lighter]

That is something I have done in the past. Start thinking I’ve got this, everything is fine now and not like it used to be. Even after 6 years sober it IS like it used to be. I didn’t go down hard immediately, my tolerance was nil but it built up within a couple of months. Within a few months I was back to regular binge drinking, and not seeing a problem with it. Terrifying, because it took me another 10 years to put together anything more than a month or two. I told myself I didn’t want to be in a special group for people with problems. Hmm… No, never ever forget! I’m so lucky I made it back at all.

[Lighter]

Sounding good, Julia! Exciting to be approaching a year . Glad you shared some the joy with us!

[Butterflymoonwoman]

Wow… just wow! Thats absolutely horrific! Putting peoples health in danger like that. Im glad u found a new job. Something that is a better fit. I hope she gets caught sooner than later.

[Refreshedperspective]

Wow, ain’t this the truth!

I am glad to report back that I had a wonderful time with my friend, both sober and full of laughs. He really took the news well that I couldnt come along to the party coming up and was so understanding.

Now back home, not groggy and looking forward to a nice sleep. Thank you for your support

[Mira_D]

I love this

[Lighter]

Sounding good. OFDAAT for sure. Early on, later…it’s all we can handle, really. The 2 am stuff usually involves a different, non-today day. So this works! Rest easy if you can.

[Jeanine]

Checking in on day 89. Doing well. Talking with some people about addiction. One couple has never had alcohol as they feel addiction runs in their family so they didn’t want to go down that road. I loved how they felt about their decision and telling others, loud and proud so to speak. I feel very proud about not drinking just not so loud, lol. But I’ll get there.

Have a great day/night everyone.

[wahtisnormal]

Day 117

My trip to Peru was overall amazing beyond words. This is my first day back home and I’ve definitely got that post-travel depression lol. Not only do I miss being there so much, its weird being back home and everything just feels so blah now, but I also developed feelings for someone there, and had to say goodbye. We’re still texting but it’s just frustrating because ever since my fiance passed away three years ago, I haven’t really had feelings for anyone since. 3 years of just being on my own, I havent even so much as held hands with anyone. When i tell you I havent done a single thing with a single person in 3 years, I mean it.
And now, I met this guy, and we both mutually have feelings for each other. We held hands, I leaned my head on his shoulder, he even got me flowers. It all sounds like such small acts, but to me, after 3 years, this means more than I can explain. But it’s like, first my fiance dies, and then after 3 years of being alone, I finally develop mutual feelings for someone… and OF COURSE they live in another fucking country.
So now I’m just sad about that. I cried multiple times during my trip for that reason, and I cried again today, now that I’m home. My heart just hurts.

I’m glad to have the day off today at least, so I can process things. I’m just volunteering for a few hours tomorrow otherwise I have tomorrow off too. I’m just trying to focus on caring for myself and being easy on myself right now because I just feel so sad. It’s going to be hard going back to work, I don’t want to have to focus on anything right now, I just want to daydream about my trip and him, and curl up in bed and cry. I wish I was still there. But I’m glad for the experiences and the memories.

Hope everyone is doing well.

[Laner]

Yeah I’m gonna take it easy with it. Hope it’s nothing more than a bad bruise or maybe a sprain. Oh yeah…the road here🤦‍♀️ it’s closed more than it’s open. Is just a normal thing for here. It’s always being blocked by something usually an avalanche. You can hike out or take a horse but that takes about 2 days so is better to just wait till it’s cleared up. I think I’ll go to the city and get an x-ray just to make sure.

[Butterflymoonwoman]

Day 907
Today was a rough day. I was fuming this afternoon when my son and I travelled by transit for 1 hour to only get to the office where his appt was at, and then get told via email 12 minutes prior to his start time that the appt would have to be cancelled. This is the 3rd or 4th time my sons appts have been cancelled due to an “emergency”. So i called him (he didnt answer but i left a message) and told him that we were already here and that we will be going up to the office so that i can talk to him in person about this (i was getting a bit riled up at this point). We took the elevator upstairs where the office was and i spoke to the secretary who was very nice at least. Turns out he hadnt been in the office all day, so who knows where he was at. Anyway i cooled down and sent an email back to him and i said, “I do understand that there was an emergency but at the same time i felt that our time was not being respected. This is the 3rd or 4th time that u have cancelled on us and im quite annoyed, especially with the very last min cancellation that happened today”.

It felt really good to speak my truth and i thank recovery for that! In the past, i either would be over the top belligerent or I couldve been passive by saying, “oh thats okay, thank u for letting me know” and left the office completely pissed off, stuffing that emotion inside, and ruining my day. BUT… i spoke up in a respectful way and i let him know that this was not okay and that its happening too often. Hes supposed to be a professional in his field and im not happy with how things are turning out. Anyway, the secretary gave me a few other people we could potentially see so i will be contacting them soon. Im glad i stood up for me and my son.

Once home we just relaxed. I made supper, ate, played a couple games of Trouble with my husband and son and now just putting my boy to bed. Im grateful this day is winding down. Im grateful i am able to handle intense emotion now without drugs. Drugs arent even my first go-to thought anymore when i get stressed or emotional. Im super grateful for that. Recovery truly is so good. Even tho i had a rough day and even tho i am mentally not the best, i am still going to bed clean and sober. Tmrw is a new day with new possibilities. I am excited to see what comes of it.

[Just_Laura]

@DresdenLaPage Ugh! As someone who’s worked in a kitchen for 20+ years, that sounds dreadful! I don’t understand why they think it’s okay to operate in those conditions and how they get away with it! So glad you left and easily found a better fit for yourself

@Lighter We’re all lucky to be here Some don’t get the chance. Others, like me(and possibly you), must endure a certain amount of suffering before finally getting it right. The longest I ever had sober before now was pregnancy. I remember feeling happy and at peace. I always assumed it was the hormones(maybe a little), but it never occurred to me that maybe I was happy bc I was sober When I quit intentionally, it took 135 days before I thought just one drink wouldn’t hurt. I blacked out 3 days later! In the next 3 years, I was able to make it 1 month, once, then not even close after that. This is when I realized if I were actually able to quit again, I could never go back. Ever! I don’t care how long it’s been now, I won’t let myself forget the suffering one drink will cause. If you ever feel like you’re beginning to, hop on here and I’ll set ya straight

540

I finally slept! Accidentally on the couch from 11-2am, then right to my bed until 10am! I even took an afternoon nap! Maybe too much bc I still don’t feel refreshed

Yesterday after work, we went to the park. It was nice to sit on a bench and relax in the sun the whole time, until I got up and realized it wrecked my back. Sleeping on the couch didn’t help Monday, I had to cancel my chiropractor appt bc I was unexpectedly scheduled to work. Now, she’s going on vacation and I can’t get in until the 26th! Idk if more rest is the answer here. After 9 years at my job, my body’s become adjusted to standing/walking for hours on end. Only my feet hurt by the end of a shift, but as soon as I sit down, so does everything else I wish there was a happy medium. Hopefully it will lessen overnight Goodnight my sober warriors! Let’s keep fighting this good fight together

[Scorpn]

Day 669

It is so hard to keep myself awake long enough to get my little one down.
Since I have been working early, I have been able to get her up most days at 10. Or at least before 11.
But today I went to work at 10 and wasn’t home until after 3, so her father let her sleep in till noon
Every time I get her on a decent schedule, he lets her sleep late and then she isn’t tired at bedtime.

Tomorrow I don’t have to work until 3, so I guess I should stay up later so I don’t fall asleep halfway through my shift. But I’m having a hard time.

I have to fix another pipe soon as I’ve found a rusted out spot on the exhaust part of the plumbing not sure what the cost is, but it doesn’t look like a cheap fix.

I couldn’t keep my disdain of the new, no longer borrowed, second store manager out of my voice or off of my face today.
I didn’t say anything disrespectful, but I definitely was extra short with her and mostly ignored her all day (I did speak when spoken to, but thats all) and today she picked with a 2 year partner, and they put in a 2 weeks notice. She is the 7th one in the last 2 weeks! Our store only has 18-20 people to begin with and almost half of them have quit or will be gone by the end of the month.
i don’t understand how the regular store manager doesn’t get the connection…
I was off early enough, so I took the girls to the playground and took one of them to work. And then went to the grocery store and bought the food my daughter wanted to cook for dinner.
I helped make the food and hung out with the kids while I waited for the phone call to say I’m ready to be picked up, my shift is over.
That was almost 2 hours ago and not long before my little ones regular bedtime. But as it stands…she’s running back and forth, getting into stuff because she isn’t tired. And I’m frustrated.

Everything will be ok…this too will pass. I just need to find a way to calm myself down

[SoberWalker]

Great idea @Wakikki , did the same at my 1 year mark. Any idea what you are going to add and where?

[Bunto]

Just woke up, slept little more than 6 hours, which is below my expectations. I did run yesterday and it keeps happening on days with trainings even not that intensive ones. Just can’t fall asleep after 2200 which is my usual time. So, I won’t go to bed that early on these days and will fill those days or time until noon with reading, hot bath etc. Happy there is a coffee😂 have a great day

[Lefty624]

Checking in

I hope everyone has a safe and sober Friday
Morning

[Mno]

1889

My weekend’s here. First going over to my therapist for another emdr session. I don’t really feel like it but sometimes you have to do what is right and this is the right thing to go and do it. Afterwards I have to take Luna to the vet for her solensia shot. We don’t like that either but it has to be done. It’ll be OK. After that I it’s home and watch some more Olympics. Eat a good meal. Relax. Breathe.

It’s grey and there’s some rain about. Maybe that helps in feeling a bit down this morning. There’s nothing obvious wrong really. So I’ll kick myself in the ass and make this as good a day as I can and expect the same from all of you. Sober and clean of course. Love.

[Jesile]

Morning check-in
Feeling much better today than yesterday! I slept like a baby, and woke up feeling good this morning. I’m trying to focus on living in the here and now, and not to dwell on the shame and guilt of my past actions. Off to work now!