Thank you for wise and kind words, my friend. Indeed, past is past and we have this great new, sober life. Awesome!
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@zzz Hey friend ā that is super cool ā have fun with your gig. Your band looks cool! You will do awesome playing your music sober 
@wakikki That is an awesome way to celebrate your quadruple digits. Have you come up with what you will get? Very excited! Hope you are doing better 
Just saw the update ā that will be cool tat
@refreshedperspective Iām sorry friend ā 46 days is amazing progress and I do hope that you can feel proud of that. I wish you luck with the dinner. It ok to protect your sobriety. Great work on planning ahead and staying clear of your triggers. Here if you need to talk. Hope you are able to feel better
@rob11 So very grateful that you were able to get to the meeting and connect with someone. So grateful that you were able to overcome that fuck mode and keep your sobriety in tact 
Do you know what led to this fuck it mode? Sending you strength my friend
@bomdhil OOH yeah ā 16 days 
Way to go friendā¦ heat exhaustion can be brutal ā sorry that you are dealing with it. Hope you are able to find ways to stay cool
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Checking in sober. Was tempted to call out of work today. I really struggled to get going this morning and started crying on my drive to work. But I made myself focus on that one next thing. One thing at a time. Just like ODAAT. Canāt solve all my issues all at once. But whatās the thing I can do first. Get out of bed. Go downstairs. Make coffee. Feed the cats. And so on. I often wake up in the middle of the night stressing about things. I have to remind myself that in reality, I canāt do anything about any of it at 2am. What I can do is rest. Thatās the first thing.
And Iām not going to drink today. Thatās all that I can control right now. Canāt solve tomorrow today. Rinse and repeat. OFDAAT
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Yep, a visit to my parents. There is nothing there, I had to much hope. They will not change, I try to approach them lovingly, but thatās damn hard.
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sorry friend ā our family can be our biggest triggers. I am sorry that the situation isnāt better. Glad you were able to find a way out of the mode and keep your sobriety
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Day 1027 AF
Sup ,gang.
Got behind here.
Woke up with a headache. Popped a couple of ibuprofens, but they didnāt do much. Iāll live.
Staying busy with work and the kiddos. We have a back-to-school night tonight, and tomorrow, a meet and greet for my little man. We get to meet their teachers and whatnot. Gonna get lil break from the kiddos at the apartment. Itās tough working from home and dealing with the kids. Shoooot might take a vacation from work and just chill at the padsky.
Anyway, I hope everyoneās doing well. Take care. ODAAT
Much love.
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Hey all,
Ive was upnorth with no internet and finally connected 
Missed you folks and getting to read the check ins but also had a really wonderful and busy time
I got uninvited to my dads (a very last minute scheduling mix up on his part), and have still not seen this new cottage he bpught two years ago. I am not welcome by anyone in his family, but was told by him to book a week or two and we can come. Had planned for months to go there then straight to my aunts, as its a 6 hour drive for us and their cottages are on the same body of water. Last minute my dad cancelled our visit, but my Aunt told us to come early so we spent a whole week there with my Aunt, mom and nephew. Hubby took off for his boys cottage weekend and I drove my mom and the 3 kids to her house. Would be lying if i said all of this stuff with my dads family hasnt been playing on my head and heart, but it is what it is and I didnt create this situation. I have to do what is best for me and my little family, they are my priority as is my mom and nephew.
Here for a few days then the long drive hone with my 2 kids. Thinking of findinf a spot along the way to run and have some fun but will have to do some research. For now just want to enjoy the nexr few days here and support my mom and nephew as he goes on his first overnight to his new home.
Sendinf everyone hugs and love. Xo. One darn day at a time xoxo.
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Checking in 9m19d
Holy fucking Jesus, what a month ā¦
So, just to preface - This was NOT! What I was expecting! I committed to this job I was at for 3 months. I didnāt expect much but I expected to at least make a dent in some of the issues they had but my God, I have never been met with such disregard for industry standards in all my career. I mean, everytime I took two days off, the owner who claimed to have 40 years of chef experience would go into the kitchen and turn it into a death trap. Allergenic food contamination EVERYWHERE - kitchen not cleaned down from the night before, flies all over the place, it was disgusting! Restraint of tongue and pen goes right out the window for me when I see someone actively harming other people and not giving a shit about it when called out. It was foul - without doubt the worst owner/manager I have ever worked for. There were initial red flags for me plus an entire staff of people telling me all sorts but truth be told, Iād just lost my home and the only way I could go back to my parents was to take a job - any job and while this seemed like a bit of a challenge, it was fucked from the get-go.
I lost my shit during service and the owner and told her exactly what I thought and walked out. After a meeting with her and her HR person, I couldnāt believe what I was hearingā¦ The fact that her kitchen was a death trap wasnāt important to them, just the fact that I reacted the way I did. You do not have to spend 18 years in professional kitchens to know that you cannot re-freeze shellfish, cook it and serve it - And worse still, she said it was me that did it ā¦ I hadnāt been there for 2 fucking days!!
So, I made the decision that I simply could not help this person anymore because they couldnāt help themselves, wouldnāt follow the law, industry protocol, health and safety/environmental health coding and didnāt give a shit who they hurt and on top of that, she has told people their on the books but when we checked with the tax office, no tax has been paid and we all show as āno current employmentā.
I was out and in a new job in 24 hours - the place im at now has 2 AA rosettes, itās clean, itās organised, the head chef has excellent standards and is completely transparent - helpful, honest, principled and he even took on an apprentice at my request who was being essentially used and abused by the aforementioned owner who funnily enough, used to work for this head chefā¦ turns out, she hasnāt changed a bit.
Thank fucking god that people like her always get caught. If ever you walk into a food establishment and thereās a chef sat outside in their whites, turn around and walk out.
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That is something I have done in the past. Start thinking Iāve got this, everything is fine now and not like it used to be. Even after 6 years sober it IS like it used to be. I didnāt go down hard immediately, my tolerance was nil but it built up within a couple of months. Within a few months I was back to regular binge drinking, and not seeing a problem with it. Terrifying, because it took me another 10 years to put together anything more than a month or two. I told myself I didnāt want to be in a special group for people with problems. Hmmā¦ 
No, never ever forget! Iām so lucky I made it back at all. 
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Sounding good, Julia! Exciting to be approaching a year 
. Glad you shared some the joy with us!
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Wowā¦ just wow! Thats absolutely horrific! Putting peoples health in danger like that. Im glad u found a new job. Something that is a better fit. I hope she gets caught sooner than later.
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Wow, aināt this the truth!
I am glad to report back that I had a wonderful time with my friend, both sober and full of laughs. He really took the news well that I couldnt come along to the party coming up and was so understanding.
Now back home, not groggy and looking forward to a nice sleep. Thank you for your support
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I love this 
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Sounding good. OFDAAT for sure. Early on, laterā¦itās all we can handle, really. The 2 am stuff usually involves a different, non-today day. So this works! Rest easy if you can.
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Checking in on day 89. Doing well. Talking with some people about addiction. One couple has never had alcohol as they feel addiction runs in their family so they didnāt want to go down that road. I loved how they felt about their decision and telling others, loud and proud so to speak. I feel very proud about not drinking just not so loud, lol. But Iāll get there.
Have a great day/night everyone.
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Day 117
My trip to Peru was overall amazing beyond words. This is my first day back home and Iāve definitely got that post-travel depression lol. Not only do I miss being there so much, its weird being back home and everything just feels so blah now, but I also developed feelings for someone there, and had to say goodbye. Weāre still texting but itās just frustrating because ever since my fiance passed away three years ago, I havenāt really had feelings for anyone since. 3 years of just being on my own, I havent even so much as held hands with anyone. When i tell you I havent done a single thing with a single person in 3 years, I mean it.
And now, I met this guy, and we both mutually have feelings for each other. We held hands, I leaned my head on his shoulder, he even got me flowers. It all sounds like such small acts, but to me, after 3 years, this means more than I can explain. But itās like, first my fiance dies, and then after 3 years of being alone, I finally develop mutual feelings for someoneā¦ and OF COURSE they live in another fucking country. 
So now Iām just sad about that. I cried multiple times during my trip for that reason, and I cried again today, now that Iām home. My heart just hurts.
Iām glad to have the day off today at least, so I can process things. Iām just volunteering for a few hours tomorrow otherwise I have tomorrow off too. Iām just trying to focus on caring for myself and being easy on myself right now because I just feel so sad. Itās going to be hard going back to work, I donāt want to have to focus on anything right now, I just want to daydream about my trip and him, and curl up in bed and cry. I wish I was still there. But Iām glad for the experiences and the memories.
Hope everyone is doing well. 
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Yeah Iām gonna take it easy with it. Hope itās nothing more than a bad bruise or maybe a sprain. Oh yeahā¦the road hereš¤¦āāļø itās closed more than itās open. Is just a normal thing for here. Itās always being blocked by something usually an avalanche. You can hike out or take a horse but that takes about 2 days so is better to just wait till itās cleared up. I think Iāll go to the city and get an x-ray just to make sure.
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Day 907
Today was a rough day. I was fuming this afternoon when my son and I travelled by transit for 1 hour to only get to the office where his appt was at, and then get told via email 12 minutes prior to his start time that the appt would have to be cancelled. This is the 3rd or 4th time my sons appts have been cancelled due to an āemergencyā. So i called him (he didnt answer but i left a message) and told him that we were already here and that we will be going up to the office so that i can talk to him in person about this (i was getting a bit riled up at this point). We took the elevator upstairs where the office was and i spoke to the secretary who was very nice at least. Turns out he hadnt been in the office all day, so who knows where he was at. Anyway i cooled down and sent an email back to him and i said, āI do understand that there was an emergency but at the same time i felt that our time was not being respected. This is the 3rd or 4th time that u have cancelled on us and im quite annoyed, especially with the very last min cancellation that happened todayā.
It felt really good to speak my truth and i thank recovery for that! In the past, i either would be over the top belligerent or I couldve been passive by saying, āoh thats okay, thank u for letting me knowā and left the office completely pissed off, stuffing that emotion inside, and ruining my day. BUTā¦ i spoke up in a respectful way and i let him know that this was not okay and that its happening too often. Hes supposed to be a professional in his field and im not happy with how things are turning out. Anyway, the secretary gave me a few other people we could potentially see so i will be contacting them soon. Im glad i stood up for me and my son.
Once home we just relaxed. I made supper, ate, played a couple games of Trouble with my husband and son and now just putting my boy to bed. Im grateful this day is winding down. Im grateful i am able to handle intense emotion now without drugs. Drugs arent even my first go-to thought anymore when i get stressed or emotional. Im super grateful for that. Recovery truly is so good. Even tho i had a rough day and even tho i am mentally not the best, i am still going to bed clean and sober. Tmrw is a new day with new possibilities. I am excited to see what comes of it. 
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@DresdenLaPage Ugh! As someone whoās worked in a kitchen for 20+ years, that sounds dreadful! I donāt understand why they think itās okay to operate in those conditions and how they get away with it! So glad you left and easily found a better fit for yourself
@Lighter Weāre all lucky to be here Some donāt get the chance. Others, like me(and possibly you), must endure a certain amount of suffering before finally getting it right. The longest I ever had sober before now was pregnancy. I remember feeling happy and at peace. I always assumed it was the hormones(maybe a little), but it never occurred to me that maybe I was happy bc I was sober 
When I quit intentionally, it took 135 days before I thought just one drink wouldnāt hurt. I blacked out 3 days later! In the next 3 years, I was able to make it 1 month, once, then not even close after that. This is when I realized if I were actually able to quit again, I could never go back. Ever! I donāt care how long itās been now, I wonāt let myself forget the suffering one drink will cause. If you ever feel like youāre beginning to, hop on here and Iāll set ya straight 
540
I finally slept! Accidentally on the couch from 11-2am, then right to my bed until 10am! I even took an afternoon nap! Maybe too much bc I still donāt feel refreshed 
Yesterday after work, we went to the park. It was nice to sit on a bench and relax in the sun the whole time, until I got up and realized it wrecked my back. Sleeping on the couch didnāt help 
Monday, I had to cancel my chiropractor appt bc I was unexpectedly scheduled to work. Now, sheās going on vacation and I canāt get in until the 26th! Idk if more rest is the answer here. After 9 years at my job, my bodyās become adjusted to standing/walking for hours on end. Only my feet hurt by the end of a shift, but as soon as I sit down, so does everything else 
I wish there was a happy medium. Hopefully it will lessen overnight Goodnight my sober warriors! Letās keep fighting this good fight together
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