Feel like I’m not real today.
Been triggered into an episode that making me feel dizzy and sick and totally dissociated from myself.
Am glad I know what is happening and I can recognise it - makes it that bit easier.
I want to just lay in bed curled up but I’m not letting myself. I have taken a propranolol prescribed from drs that’s non addictive just waiting to see if it helps really don’t want to take anything stronger - also prescribed but rather keep to minimum that helps.
I hope I can flip this day around.
Already been In the garden with pets and for long walk. I know what’s triggered me and its something I could not avoid no matter what.
And it will be like this on and off this month particularly.
Keep crying and I hope it eventually makes me feel better for letting it out but yh … I need this to pass and not last too long it’s debiltating to the point I can’t move and just stare at the wall so came here to get it out and sat on the arm chair instead of bed. Try help myself.
Hope everyone is doing okay
Edit ; I think the propranolol is helping me enough to pick up the hoover and do something actively physical.
Then cook some meat for wraps later. When I have done all that then I can curl up and put the TV on and just rest my mind and body. This is how I help myself right now in this moment - hoover!
Hoping ur able to pull out of that state my friend hugs Will this be an ongoing trigger for the month? Did i read that correctly? Hope ur day improves and hope that medication helps
Day 908 14 years cigarette free
Last night i took some time before bed to really have a 1 on 1 with my HP. I cried. I asled for help bcuz honestly… im not doing as good as id like to be. Not with regards to my recovery but it has more to do with my daily living and living life.
I realized something else last night during this conversation with my HP. I was completely vulnerable and opened up during that time to what was really bothering me and being that vulnerable for a change made me realize that i often put on a front that everything is all well and good! Im not being authentic when i act as if i dont need help or that nothing is wrong. Sure i talk about stuff that annoys me but for the most part i feel like im a generally positive, upbeat person. And thats great! But at the same time i think i do this bcuz i try to act like nothing is wrong and that Im strong and okay.
Anyway, i felt so good during prayer last night. Today im going to start my morning with more prayer and then go about my day. My son and I have to go to Walmart to exchange some clothes and then once home, Ill clean. Hope u all have a great day!
Checkingbin on day
457 no alcohol
388 no vapes or ciggs (thank goodness) 97 no form of nicotine
57 no form of marijuanna
Im very happy today
My wife let me get new headphone. <3
My other headphones went through the wash and always shut off in the middle of listening. Also couldn’t hold a charge.
Mynnee headphones mean i can quietly listen to more meeting online
127 days sober
Todays been a day. My arm is really bothering me. It hurts but am mostly annoyed that it gets in the way of things I want to be doing. I’ll go to the city the day after tomorrow to get it looked at.
My friend hung around today and filled my buckets of water for me. Then we visited my neighbors for tea. They are the ones who recently had a death in the family. Was good to sit with the ladies and just chat with them. I am also stressing out over my toilet…I’ve slowly been digging a new one and need to finish it before the snow comes. But can’t do that with my arm jacked up. I’m worried about my current one falling over…it’s looking more and more unstable. I might need to hire someone to finish it for me but it’ll cost me a sheep or two.
Hope everyone is having a good day and staying sober!
This from your share three days ago: I know that the first drink is my “gateway” to just . . . not stopping.
As it is for us all Bob. We can’t have just one. If we could we wouldn’t be here. We lost control and we’re never going to find it back. Small glasses, big glasses, it doesn’t matter. We either drink or we don’t. Wishing you success.
All good here on Friday morning. I’ve had a decent week, and today is the best because I slept a full night! . I so love sleep.
Excited about my trip next weekend, and everything that is happening here. The landscape people are starting work Monday on my front yard hardscape. I’ve never done this before so it’s exciting. Especially when the plants go in next month. They’re going to extend the existing beds, put in some rocks and stuff Monday. Even that will be a huge improvement! My grass died last summer, and it’s really too shady to re-sod. Xeriscape it will be! Going for drip irrigation instead of watering weeds and dirt.
Feeling all content and having a couple days at home. I’ve been looking at pueblos to visit, and things I’ll do downtown in Santa Fe. Might have to set a budget. I love the pottery and jewelry, paintings and rugs. Need a plan or I’m in trouble . I also want to go up on a mountain and be cold! Too early for snow but just a sweater would be nice. I’m looking at snowshoes for later
I continue my mini retreat and I sure like what @Just_Laura has to say! I’m reading a lot of people’s posts here and really thinking about how I feel good today because of sobriety. I don’t get to feel this way AND drink. This has tripped me up in the past, thinking I can have drinks and still feel good and strong. No, drinking takes the good feelings away. The first sip starts the destruction.
I’m so hungry but it’s too hot to cook. Rice cooker to the rescue. I love how it helps you. Maybe easy fish and rice today. I was out watering and now am so lazy! It’s okay to rest. Retreat.
Thanks for sharing. It’s important to know that even at day 1328 a f&ckit moment can still pop up. We really do need to stay vigilant and stay connected. Glad you made it to a meeting, glad you had someone there to take you on a walk. Glad your stayed sober.
A full back piece tattoo with a mandala with a green Tourmaline stone in the centre of it.
It’s not a sobriaty tattoo.
I have also a sobriaty tattoo though. That one I got when I had 2 years of sober time I think. It’s the latin name of a flower named “blauwe knoop”. Because the “blauwe knoop” used to be an organisation with non drinkers only. The presented themselves with a blue “blauwe knoop” flower on their suit ore dress. When someone here doesn’t drink we still use to say " you are from the “blauwe knoop”.
I wanted a sobriaty tattoo nobody recognizes as one. Still very happy with it.
Hope you will find one that suits you too!!
I’m having similar thoughts as @Mno on this one. Yesterday you said you were going to be really careful not to have that first drink…and now you’re feeling good that you were able to I felt that way too when I ‘successfully’ had one drink…but that didn’t last very long. I guess I’m not understanding what the goal is here.
Checking in with 124 days sober. I’ll stay sober today too.
Last night I had to deal with some craziness from my middle schooler. Omg!! So glad I was sober.
Looking forward to the weekend with my kids after they’ve been in school for a week. I hope you all have a good day.
Being present in the moment and feeling grounded is what I struggled with most at the beginning of my journey (Day 47 here). I can tell you first hand it gets better!
You’ll be notice the breeze, the taste of food, a good joke, you will be back and you are being so courageous.
Remember to give yourself lots of love and a big hug
. I so love sleep.
. I also want to go up on a mountain and be cold! Too early for snow but just a sweater would be nice. I’m looking at snowshoes for later
I felt that way too when I ‘successfully’ had one drink…but that didn’t last very long. I guess I’m not understanding what the goal is here.
So glad I was sober.
Besides getting clean and sober, quitting smoking was one of the best decisions I ever made. I appreciate the congratulations!