Thanks love…so far so good… finally finished a book I started 1.5 yrs ago 
… Now time for more coffee and something to eat 
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Day 140. I have a friend who always tells me if your comfortable your not growing. Yesterday I did some growing lol. As I have shared before my girlfriend is doing a little bit of prison time for some old crimes. Well yesterday her 8 year old twins decided they wanted to spend the day with me. Its been a long time since i had to handle kids of that age on my own. It was a good day we had lunch and went to ice cream and even watched some cartoons. There was a few times my patience got tested but overall I think it was a good thing for both me and the kids. I hope to continue to build a relationship with them.
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Thanks 
Got myself out in the sun a bit
@CATMANCAM I do that sometimes. Maybe I will a little more often. Thank you
After quit drinking I tougth life would Get better, but this sometimes feel even worse. Like Im fucked no matter what.
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Hey folks. Checking in before going to sleep.
I feel stuck and it’s draining me… I did have some cravings today but they passed and I didn’t relapse, but they’re not what’s eating at me. What’s draining me is my bloody depression. It’s causing me to self-isolate, a lot, despite me being aware of it, and I know I need to snap out of it or I’m asking for relapse out of mere desperation to escape my own self-sabotage! I’ve just been hiding away in my tent for a while now aimlessly binge browsing on my phone and avoiding all people and responsibility. It’s no life and I know it… 
I set off travelling to find myself, and here I am hiding and running from myself, unable to muster the energy and courage to move forward and make lasting sobriety and true growth realistic. What’s bothering me so much? I think… I’m setting my expectations too high. I’m thinking ‘I should just be this superman already’, from one moment to the next, instead of taking small steps from the ground up again. There are a lot of pressures at the moment… First is other people, family, friends who I’ve avoided speaking to for a while as I can’t bring myself to have to admit that I put my roadtrip on hold, currently at a campsite, due to depression. My younger siblings look up to me and my older siblings and mum, god bless them, couldn’t help so far away anyway. The same goes for friends. So I’ve just avoided them as I have my problems. The other point is me, judging myself more than anything! I feel a relief just writing this analysis down to be honest. I even hesitated to expose myself to you guys, but I think honesty and openess are a good start. For myself even, I’m doing this for me after all! A little insight into my life I guess…
I think I need to start small by following through with smaller proactive steps like daily health basics. I have no consequential routine… It’s one thing to know, and another to act, so, I intend to reduce the bar to simply trying to sleep, wake up, meditate, eat, shower etc according to a rough but committed plan from now on. And make sure to get at least 1-3 notably productive things, and 1-3 notably nice things done each day to be able to look back at with a smile. Something like that. I’ll give my best. I think mindfulness and meditation might be more important than I’m appreciating, just to help calm those waves of anxiety or feelings of negativity, and bring me back to the present reality, and my purpose/goal not just in life but that day, or even just in that moment… I’ve started taking note of limiting phone usage too. Start small. I’m not sure I’ve ever started so consciously, usually the pink cloud or an external boost made me take it for granted so it’s somehow an uneasy feeling starting with a fizzle without the more ‘convincing’ bang… 
But that’s bullshit, I know. I’ll just focus on daily routine basics and small but deliberate steps of progress for a start. And meditate or practice breathing/mindfulness techniques more to clear my mind. Slow down, embrace discomfort - I’m a question mark drifting in an endless question mark universe 
I’ve got this… The same goes for you if you’re reading this!
Have as good a day or night as you can friend, sober and mindful 
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I saw your milestone yesterday but completely forgot to congratulate. So Happy belated sober Birthday 
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@Lighter I am sooo looking forward to autumn also! I wrote down in my calender the first day when Starbucks is serving pumpkin spice lattes bcuz u better believe im going haha im all about it! Have a great day Marie!
@Wakikki thinking of u and hoping things begin to improve. Would drinking a meal replacement help u think? That way at least ur getting something
@JazzyS enjoy ur day my friend 
Hope u have a great day!
@Scorpn Hows your back doing friend? Hope its healing up quickly. I really hope ur able to get some rest today at some point. Running on no sleep is brutal 
@Juli1 no need to apologize for being honest. I get it. I have been incredibly hard on myself and my body lately too. Im trying to appreciate it for all that it does but its hard when in the back of mind i am picking myaelf apart but im glad ur here and sober! Im proud of u!
@19801 have a wonderful day my friend! So glad u were able to speak to ur sponsor. Sounds like u have a productive day planned.
@chevy55 wow! U have a beautiful space there! Love how fresh everything looks. And that view of the water is gorgeous. Im juet a little jelous lol Hope ur day is a good one and enjoy ur motorcycle ride out for dinner.
@jesile i applaud u for helping to clean the environment. I cant believe how much garbage was left behind! Thats such a nice gesture that u do on ur walk. Hope ur able to get some rest today in between ur cleaning
@thirdmonkey congratulations on 3 months tobacco free!! Great work!!
@lisa-B always good to see u checking in!
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Glad it resonated with you 
You’re right about a thought being cool but useless without action… I think when the mind feels overwhelmed it’s sometimes unrealistic to expect rationality to prevail, so odaat is really important here. Each little bit of resistance to the ‘usual’, comfortable way is rewiring, and adds up.
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Thank s mate yep I certainly have ,housework done, step work done . Come out for a fast walk to get the heart pumping done a mile and a half in the heat so I’ve stopped for a lime cordial with ice it’s lush 
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Glad you liked it 
It’s funny you mention bookmarking, I do note down a lot of things, but often delete them once I have too many new ones or they feel outdated. But looking back at posts on here from years ago I surprise myself by how switched on and relatable I already was then… Like I keep having to remind myself when tough phases blind me.
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Day 910
Had some of the strangest dreams last night. Nothing related to drugs but still. The past couple nights have been fueled with very realistic and strange dreams. So weird 
I am at work today and even tho i dont necessarily feel like being here, i am grateful that i have a job to go to. I get to go to work and make money for my family, and that is such a blessing.
I am having a decent morning. I found a Tim Hortons that was actually open early enough on a Sunday to grab a coffee so I was excited about that. But the area i was in had a lot of people struggling with addiction and that were unhoused. It broke my heart 
I bought someone a donut who had asked for help with food (I wouldve bought them more but i didnt have the money) and it brought me back to the days where i had been struggling for food. I remember that feeling of being in survival mode. I can honestly say today that i am no longer surviving. Maybe not necessarily thriving to the full extend, but certainly not just surviving.
Anyway, I am full of gratitude today. I am beyond grateful to be clean and sober and all that comes with a life of recovery. Hope u all enjoy ur sunday friends 
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I just finished this. If you can apply the practise, it does help… it was a good book.
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Thank you @Butterflymoonwoman and @JazzyS, it is a lovely space that I don’t get to slow down and enjoy nearly enough for sure.
Yes, I was worried about summer triggers with the summer season Jasmine, for sure, but have dealt with it all pretty smoothly I think, though I’m not done with it yet, couple more friends visiting from afar, a big BBQ to host and hopefully my first camping trip of the season in Oct for fall colors to Meat Cove… but I’m not too concerned.
Me and alcohol have come to an amicable understanding that I no longer find her attractive nor will put up with her manipulative ways any longer… lol, she’s not worth the headaches
Hope you all are enjoying the season as well and are doing fine!!
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129 days sober
Me and my friend traveled to the city today. It was a rough and very bumpy 6 hours😩 but we made it in well. I went already and had an x-ray on my arm and took it to the western ran clinic (saw a Dutch doctor even!) and unfortunately I did break my arm. It wasn’t a bad fracture so need to wear a brace for a few weeks which is too bad. I was surprised when he said there was a fracture. It was hurting and swollen but I was really doubting it was broken so I’m glad I decided to make the trip and get it checked out. While I was talking to this doctor he asked about my medical history and I told that I am an alcoholic but am now sober for a few months. He recommended I get some blood test done just as a check up so I also had this done. He was a very kind doctor.
We will stay for another day here then we’ll make the trip back home.
This doctor said in 6 weeks he is traveling to a village nearby me to do a mobile clinic so I can go see him again while he is in the area to check on if my arm has healed properly and he will show some exercises i can do to make sure its strength gets back up okay. Will be good to do. And happy I won’t need to travel for it again.
Tonight we enjoyed a dinner out in the city and even had a nice coffee and dessert! So that was a sorta special thing. But the best was having a shower! It is one thing I look forward to when I go to the city😂 showers and coffee!
Hope everyone is having a good day and staying sober.
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Thank you
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Sobriety Camping sounds like just what you need. Keep us updated!
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Day 166. Spouse with me most of week. I’m exhausted. All good but yesterday he was in a mood. I prayed and prayed for him and for me to not react to such negativity. By bedtime I pretty much had it.
Scale was kind today and my healthy lifestyle is proving benefits.
Peaches now ripening and back in kitchen to store fruits. Still keeping up with tomatoes. Lots of sauce in freezer. Next spouse recommended tomato soup. Day 10 no added sugar in my meal planning and is an amazing feat in itself.
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Checking in with 126 days sober. I’ll stay sober today too. 
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Congrats on your honesty!
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I don’t mind doing this, it bothers me more to see all the trash lying everywhere in nature! It’s become a habit! Strange habit I guess! People look at me weird, because nobody would bother to pick up other peoples shit! 
Other than that I’ve kept busy today, I went to the public pool in the afternoon, cause it’s very hot lately! 
Now just chilling a bit at home, it’s 9:00 pm already here! I hope I sleep better today, without a party taking place at the town hall until 6:00 am (it’s the fiestas in my small town) I hope you’re doing fine!
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