Off work today. Made it through a busy weekend at the restaurant. Was crazy busy and is only going to get busier with school in session and the winter months coming up soon. Plus catering season kicks in. Busy is good. Have my counseling appointment for probation shortly. The person who leads the group has been sober since the 90s. He was a manager at Burger King then went back to school to be a substance abuse counselor. I get a lot from the groups. When I first had to go to these groups I didnāt feel to excited but now Iām learning to take away something from the class. with the rest of my day will get on my bike and see where it takes me. Get some lunch somewhere new and definitely try to hit a earlier AA meeting. My parents are in Denver Colorado visiting my brother really wish I could be out there but once I complete probation Iāll be able to leave the state. Itās probably a good thing Iām where Iām at and taking care of my recovery and mental health. There will be plenty Iām time for family and travel in the future. Iām grateful for days like this where I get to enjoy my day and be a part of life. In my addiction I was always avoiding life and everything good. I know one thingā¦ Iām not picking up a drink or drug! The only way is forward. Thatās about all for now. Iāll check in soon.
Landscapers are here! Hard scape, mulch, extended beds and drip-line irrigation this week. Plants in September when it begins cooling off. Iām spending my drinking money on rocks! Haha, at least Iām not pissing it away . Iām really excited and happy to watch and learn. It means a lot.
1462 days no alcohol.
927 days no cocaine.
442 days no vape.
15 days no crisps, no binge-eating.
Not much to update. Yesterday I did my laundry, caught-up here, did my meditations, and fell asleep around 7pm. I was awake between 11pm-2:30am, then slept again til 5:30am.
Today I had what I thought was my appointment with the specialist for my back, but it turns out they were supposed to only book me a phone appointment because it was just the physio updating me that the specialist team have accepted my referral. So I was in the city centre from 08:45 and therapy wasnāt til 11:15. I sat in the Sun with a Starbucks, bought 2 pairs of shorts, cards for my brother and eldest step-brothersā birthdays, and some hand cream, it passed the time. I spoke briefly about the photos. I am getting annoyed by how much time I spend talking about my dad, but I guess if thatās what comes up, itās bettter to release it.
I came home, had lunch, and recovered from being out and about in the Sun. Iāve done over 8K steps today, my feet and back are sore but Iām okay.
Tomorrow I am going to the cinema with my eldest niece
Checking in day 708, and today happens to be my birthday. As I turn 36, I reflect on this past year with many ups and some down, with particular challenges lately. Iām remembering the importance of allowing myself to experience joy when Iām able. For the year ahead, Iām setting the intention of living my 36th year with as much presence as joy as possible.
Checking in with 127 days sober.
I had some cravings this weekend but realized they were a craving for an instant dopamine hit. So, I did what I could to earn one honestly by being a good mom, good wife and good to myself.
Itās going to be a busy week with some high emotions since our son is moving far away to college. Iām grateful for being sober. Iāll be the rock my family needs this week.
And I stay sober today too. ODAAT
130 days sober
Iām looking forward to going home tomorrow. 2 days in the city is enough for me. I always get very anxious when Iām here. Cities make me feel uncomfortable and over stimulated. And thereās not really the best walking places.
But I visited a friend who lives there and we did a bit of shopping today got coffee beans and some spices that arenāt available at home. And got fabric so a friend can sew me new trousers and a shirt.
I had to reschedule my appointment with the counselor because of needing to go away to get my arm looked at. Hoping to sleep better tonightā¦itās much hotter here than at home and Iām not used to this heat.
Day 141. I woke up super positive today but that faded quickly. I am a foreman for an excavation company and I have been having issues with an employee who happens to be the nephew of one of the owners. He always side steps my instruction and calls his uncle and gets direction. So i called the owners and asked them to stop causing confusion if they are on the job they dont know what needs done. They told me i have a history of being hard to work with. Which made me wonder why I doing all this work to be a better person if I am only going to be judged off my past. I am extremely frustrated today
Speaking my own storyā¦i drank for decades, the damage accumulated. I was told Rome wasnt built in a dayā¦so dont expect all my past wounds and issues to heal overnight.
141 days is amazing! For many of us, it took longer to repair past damage.
Keep working on you, and in time things will come together. Healing ourselves, healing relationships, growing enough for the outside world to see our change takes time.
Day 35. Iāve been extremely stressed lately because the uncertainty of my financial situation. But today I got good news and the suffering is over, thank God! During the weekend I seriously considered of buying some benzos to calm my crazy mind, but I didnāt buy them, I didnāt give up. Still sober and going strong.
Day 911
Not much to report. Its been a decent day so far. Just plugging away at a few things like laundry, dishes, tidying up my sons room, vacuuming etc. Trying my best to stay focused on my health today so i can start feeling better mentally and physically as well. Hope everyone has a great Monday
It does suck when we are working so hard on becoming better and others are constantly seeing us as the past us. Keep working on your recovery friend. In time people will start to see the efforts and seeing you with a different view. We canāt control how others see us but we can change our own perspective of us. WE can walk with pride for all that we are doing daily.
Be proud of your 141 days and all the mental / emotional growth you are doing. I do like what Scott said too ā¦ healing is not linear or quick. Be patient friend
Hey friend ā so very grateful that you did not give into the urge. It would not have helped calm anything down and you are much better today for staying sober
So glad that you got some good news are are no longer suffering Grateful that you are here with us friend ā ODAAT!
Checking in on day 5
Today I was off, and the truth is I didnāt stop all day long, keeping myself busy. Walk in the morning, dyed my hair (getting rid of that grey hair! ), pedicure, breakfast at the āplazaā, some shopping, cleaned my car, batch cooking for the week, spent some time at the pool, and now Iām finishing some bits and pieces before Iām off to work tomorrow!
I did most things alone, but I felt good. Alone doesnāt always mean lonely. I guess Iām a loner!
. Iām really excited and happy to watch and learn. It means a lot. 
Iām sorry youāre suffering with depression, I struggle too, but I always feel better when I do my daily routine things, and Iāve learned not to beat myself up if I donāt āachieveā everything. Meditation is my biggest tool and has been for 20 years now. I lost all my friends due to mental health challenges, but maybe itās not to late for you to reach out to yours. Wishing you peace 
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Iām glad you took a friend with you and enjoyed your coffee and a shower 
hope you got your horses back in okay. Glad you didnāt drink over the arguement at work 
), pedicure, breakfast at the āplazaā, some shopping, cleaned my car, batch cooking for the week, spent some time at the pool, and now Iām finishing some bits and pieces before Iām off to work tomorrow!