Day 4… Just about to watch the latest episode of The Boys. Tomorrow I am taking my children away for the weekend to the coast. Weather is horrendous but really looking forward to some quality time with them after the last few months.
20 Likes
Second check in for today.
Today the answer on our University applications got available.
In on reserve spots again. This time with better odds than before, but they still aren’t good.
Nr. 77 for the Librarian program and nr. 39 for the gardener/flourist program.
Hopefully I’ll eventually get in to gardener/flourist.
Keep your fingers crossed everyone.
That’s all Folks 
Wishing y’all a good nights sleep.
15 Likes
So glad that you decided to do something creative. I’m sure that it’s good for our souls.
I’ll gladly take some of your heat as well. The weather over here is still pretty bad. Cold and rainy.
Glad that you’re feeling better as well. Summer flu is never fun.
7 Likes
Congrats on the job woot woot!!! Working with kids is so awesome 
Good on you!
5 Likes
Checking in day 135. New member at AA meeting
I got permission to take photo, confidentiality and all. His name is THOR. Hubby due back home today. As of morning chat we are looking forward to reunion this week.
Hot here 109 expecting 112. Gym pool later and looking forward to it.
Take care my sober bunch and stay strong today.
20 Likes
I read almost every post daily here. I don’t always respond. You however have been with me your whole 3 days.
I just started reading Living Sober and it cannot emphasize enough how important just today is in the sober journey. I cannot relate to your struggles fully at this time however when it gets really tough I suggest accept it and try as hard as it is to do something you enjoy. Whatever it may be maybe will lesson the pain.
10 Likes
Congratulations on 5 months!
3 Likes
@kareness Oh I hope all gets worked out at work and you can get on the road at a decent time – a weekend in the mountains sounds lovely. Have a wonderful time.
@timetochange so grateful that you will not be on call for some time and can get back to your own routine. Hope you are already starting to feel better.
@MrFantastik WOOT WOOT triple 2’s – that is great Marty! Keep going strong 
Look at you go Thomas – gonna be 2 weeks tomorrow Realizing that a relapse is only ever a moment away is key to our sobriety. WE can not ever let ourselves become complacent and think we have this addiction kicked. Staying vigilant and working our recovery so that it becomes a part of our daily routines is what we need to do. Should be super proud of yourself – keep stacking up the days
@rob11 YES! 1300 days and going strong Rob! Great to see you shifting in your recovery and love your gratitude list. Keep up the amazing work
I do agree with this! You do need a calmer stress free environment for yourself. Sending you a massive virtual hug. The future is unknown and that can be scary. Knowing that you are already seeking help and looking out for the signs tell me that you are a step ahead and will not isolate yourself into the same state. If we just get bogged down with the what if’s (the good or the bad) then we are living in a alternate reality and not living our own reality here and now. Keep working your recovery – I see tomorrow is 3 months for you! That is a massive achievement. Should be proud of yourself. 
@vanessa8 Hope you were able to shake off that dream… I hate waking up and feeling crappy over what my subconscious went through. Safe travels home. 
@wakikki I was just thinking of you. I am so sorry that you are dealing with such anxiety dread. Hoping that the breathing exercises Claudia mentioned helped. Are you able to just sleep? It may not be possible with a household to take care of but sometimes I find if I just cocoon myself and sleep then I feel more at ease with myself and my surrounding. 
@mrmoustache Stick with it friend – you have a solid plan with your support system. What do you do when the cravings hit? I slept a lot at the beginning. Kept myself busy playing games on my phone and watching mindless tv. Puzzling and knitting also helped. Remember that these days won’t last and once you get past them you will never have to repeat em. Stay strong!
@ladybug1974 Great to see you here and working your recovery. Nothing is wrong with you love. We have all been there and know how hard getting sober is. Before this last time I was unable to string together a few days. I do know that having a solid plan, a new routine and activities to keep myself busy were very helpful for my journey. A good support system is also a must. Stick with us and lets get you to day 2 and beyond
@adultimprover Welcome to the community and the check in thread. Great work on your 18 days so far. It is all about changing up the routines and finding different associations with normal tasks. Keep up the great work.
Oh this I awful! So grateful that the kittens are ok. Hopefully they will find a lovely home
@seb WOOT WOOT! That is awesome Sebastian! Great work on your 5 months 
Checking in on Thursday evening
It has been an interesting day. Started off great with my walk and swim and a quick workout. Then the excess salt tablets i am having to take started to make me sick. It was hard to keep myself from vomiting but i managed. Had a major headache and feel like crap. Did find out my car was fixed so had to go pick it up. Took public transport for the first time since high school (got me almost there) and then ended up walking the remaining distance (about 1 mile). So grateful to be home and relaxed. Ready to call it an early night. Just took the last of my tablets and hoping that this is the last time i have to do this treatment.
Not much else going on. Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening. Sending you all so much love
22 Likes
Checking in on day 16! This week has been the most exhausting and challenging week at work in a LONG time. Today one of my coworkers said “After the day we’ve had, I really can’t wait to go home and have a stiff drink!” And for the first time ever I thought to myself, “Actually, I can’t relate!” I really had no desire to drink, didn’t even cross my mind. The only thought I had was that I couldn’t wait to get home and relax, make dinner with my fiancé and snuggle my cats. I know not every day will feel that way. Not every day will be this easy. Not every day will be free from cravings… but TODAY feels good. And it feels easy. So I will enjoy today for all that it is. One day at a time! Sending positive vibes to all of you, my sober friends 
24 Likes
223 days
Early check-in.
Spent the day getting the house ready for daughter’s belated bday party. Its her first sleepover party with friends.
Movies, games and nintendo are on the agenda.
20 Likes
Checking in at the end of day 61. Been MIA, but doing okay, just traveling back and forth to get things taken care of for my dad. He’s at physical therapy rehab now and doing good.
I haven’t had any alcohol but have been hitting the sugar and comfort food hard. Got back to the gym today and ate a little healthier. Felt good.
Hope all are well and staying the course.
21 Likes
Checking in day 390 AF
I’m so glad the week is almost over. One more work day. I have a weekend full of packing ahead. Trying to get excited about the move. I know I will be once it’s all done. I’m hoping my back holds up or at least it’s not too painful.
I’m hoping my health and energy levels improve. As I’m packing up I’m finding that sheets, towels and even my clothes have these strange yellow stains on them. I’ve tried googling what could cause it I can’t seem to find a definitive answer. Intuitively I feel like this place is draining my energy and there’s something in this apartment that’s compromising my health. Maybe I’m just imagining it.
Mental health has been better without the ex and our friends that set us up are having serious marital issues. Being with the ex would have complicated my friendship. The universe knows what it’s doing. Now I can be there for my friend. I feel for her. She’s also in recovery and her husband doesn’t really understand. They entertain almost every weekend and there is lots of drinking. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be.
I appreciate this community to vent and I’m grateful for the support. Sleep well everyone.
21 Likes
512
Work was a total 180 from yesterday. Got like 10 tables in an hour as well as bar folk. I came home and just layed on the couch watching dumb comedy. Sometimes that’s the best thing to do. I’m tired 
19 Likes
Hi @Seb well done for the 
months Sebastian 
A handful in your pocket 
@Rob11 nice numbers!! 
Gefeliciteerd!
Hope your moving out goes well @DanaM56 Hope your new place has a good vibe and energy in store for you 
*Day 2123 
Looking forward to this day!
Have a workshop silver casting in sand this whole day. As all goes well I take a finished jewelery back home.
Yesterday I made some preparations for our party next sunday. We invited family, 20 people and no special occasion. Hubby and I called it our “vier het leven feestje” (celebrate life party).
That’s also what I’ve learned trough recovery. I cherish what I have: health, children, family, friends, a house and job and today!
We do not earn tomorrow. I hope I have a tomorrow too, but I celebrate today. Alive and kicking and fucking sober 
Time to party all that!
Picture of a butterfly who joined me in a walk
Have a good day ore night all!
23 Likes
Day 641
I’ve run out of s again today. And I have to be at work in 6 hours, so it’s bedtime for me.
I’ve been thinking I want to be a foster parent one day when I’ve got more room in my house… Just a thought. But I do think it would be perfect for me…
19 Likes
That such a nice idea to work towards to!
5 Likes
Checking in
The weekend is so close I can’t wait to sit back relax and watch the world go by for a little while. I’ve been at peace for a couple days and man does it feel good I haven’t felt this way in years. I’ve been doing a little bit of reading and podcasting it’s crazy how much time I spent in the wrong emotional home while under the influence, I heard something that stuck with me a while back it was that discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons i feel ashamed of the things i did while struggling with being an addict . So im righting my wrongs and making progress in the right direction. I feel like my life lessons will someday be someone’s survival guide ya know?
If anyone need someone to lend a ear don’t be afraid to reach out I’ll gladly help however I can
Goodnight all I hope everyone has a great Friday 
17 Likes
Day 999 AF
TW: domestic violence
Sup, gang.
I’m not sure if I’ll be able to post tomorrow for my 1k. Gonna be busy with work and helping my sister with her babyshower.
Haven’t shared my story with everyone. Just bits and pieces on different threads. Gonna leave some stuff out for personal reasons. I apologize for grammar in advance. I’m not the best writer.
I grew up with an alcoholic dad. I had two step brothers and one step sister. My dad hated my step brothers with a passion. They never got along. He would get drunk and start arguing with my mom about it. Almost every other night, there was an argument. I was only a toddler at the time. The arguments escalated to violence. He would beat my step bros to a pulp. I remember there was a day when my dad smashed my bro’s head onto the dining table and broke his teeth. Nights where he would randomly start beating them. There was one night he punched my mom on the head and cracked her open. I remember like it was last night. The blood flowed down her head. It fucked with me all through my childhood. I couldn’t sleep cuz I thought he was gonna drink and start a fight. I would wet my bed from the fear. He tried changing things around and said he was gonna stop drinking. I’m not sure how long he stayed sober. But that didn’t stop the arguments with my bros and mom.
Anyway, flash forward, I was always a nerdy kid during my middle school days. Hung out with the skaters. I would get straight A’s and 4.0s. But that changed when I started my freshman year in high school. Started dressing differently. Hung out with the wrong crew. Taggers (graffiti crews). I was 14/15 years old when I went to a kick-back at a hotel and had my first beer. It tasted like shit. I didn’t like it at first. But I wanted to be cool and fit in. I slowly started drinking a few beers here and there. I had some friends who lived in the same apartment complex. I had gone over to drink. I had a couple of 40 oz of Mickeys and some other nasty ass beers. That was the first time I ever got fucked up. I woke up with the nastiest headache. I didn’t know it was a hangover. Barfing and shit. I said I was NEVER gonna drink again after that. I kept getting fucked up at parties and hangouts. Blackouts. Started venting and crying about my past and trauma. I was always that drunk crying dude, smh. Going to school hungover and barfing in the classroom.
I met my wife my sophomore year. She was down to earth. Cute. She had a bf at the time. I just really really liked this girl. Idk what it was about her. She was different from the other girls. We’d talk and chill. I would walk her to class. We had gone to a house party together, and I was super drunk. I tried kissing her, but she rejected it because she was dating someone. I remember I yelled at her and then left. Shit was kinda awkward at school the following Monday. I didn’t know what to say. She said I was a good friend and didn’t expect that from me. She was hurt. I kept my distance after that. Anyway, her boyfriend broke up with her towards the end of the school year. I wanted to ask her out, but I was too damn shy. I kinda mentioned to her, but it wasn’t direct. I ended up getting kicked out of my primary school due to my grades. I had straight Fs. From ditching and drinking, smoking weed. After getting kicked out, I started to miss her. I missed her a lot. We still talked on Myspace, but it wasn’t the same. I knew she was single and needed to make a move before someone else did. So I took the city bus from my continuation school to her primary school to ask her out, and she said yes. I was happy AF. I couldn’t believe it. My first high school girlfriend. It kinda sucked because we were at different schools. Anyway, things happened between us, and a lot of things started changing. I was still boozing and smoking. I became toxic AF. I started treating her badly. We both ended up taking down our MySpace accounts due to drama with other girls. I was young and immature. After high school, I started working at a fast food joint and ran into a good friend. I began to hang out with him and his crew. We’d be together every weekend. Drinking and smoking, he got me into doing cocaine. Going to parties and hanging out with girls. Cocaine and weed weren’t my thing. Cocaine made me bleed a lot and felt like I was gonna have a heart attack. Weed would get my paranoid. I didn’t like the feeling. So I stopped. I’d be hungover at work. Found another job at a grocery store. I’d literally be barfing at the register in front of customers. I’d sleep in the freezer box to shake the hangover. All bad.
Anyway, my wife moved in with me at my parents’ apartment when she was 20 years old. We thought it would solve some of our issues. But nah, things got worse. I was drinking heavily. I gained a lot of weight during my mid-20s due to the booze and late night fast food. I was about 125 and went up to like 190. It fucked with me mentally. Don’t wanna make the story long. But I was fucked up to her. I’d get mad when we wouldn’t do things. Thought she was doing stuff behind my back. I would drunk text and call other girls. I tried taking breaks from booze but would only last a few days. She got pregnant with our first child. We fought on her bday because of my drunk ass. She left, and we got back together. It was always ME starting shit, not her. I wanted to take a break from booze. I only got to 2 months and thought I could moderate. Shit was just up and down roller coaster from there. We moved out from my parents and got our own apartment. Things went well for a while, but I fell back into my drunken rage. We’d go to family parties, and I’d get drunk. Started arguments. There were times I’d run out of the car in the middle of the intersection. Luckily, I never i got struck by a car. My wife would be out there in the night looking for me. There was a night we went clubbing with my best childhood friend and his girl. I was drunk and started hitting on my best friend’s girl!? Smfh. My friend and I got distant after that. My wife hated my guts. I’d always told her I’d change. I tried quitting time after time. 10 days, 2 weeks, 30 days, 60 days, 90s, and 6 months was my longest stretch. I never thought about sobriety as a long-term. I’d always fall into the moderation trap. I went for another 6 months and thought I had it under control. But one of my high school friends passed away. It hit me hard. Still can’t believe he’s gone. I went back to drinking after that. Got fucked up daily. Punched holes in my bathroom door. My eldest son saw me drunk a couple of times. I remember his face in fear. But that didn’t stop me.
The last time I got fucked up in mid October 2021. My friend had invited me to his wife’s babyshower. We already had our 2nd child by then. He was only 2 years old. Anyway, we were all drinking at the babyshower. Including my wife. I was kinda buzzed and thought my wife was flirting with one of my friends. I didn’t confront her there. But I was angry and started drinking more and faster. I texted her and told her we had to go. I kept my cool because it was a drive from our home, and I had the kids with us. My wife was too buzzed to drive. We started heading out and realized I couldn’t drive. I stopped at a gas station and tried sobering up. I drank a lot of electrolyte drinks and washed my face with cold water. We were in the parking lot for about 30 minutes. I did a test drive and was able to handle it. Drove home on the slow lane. After we got home, I waited for the kids to sleep. I began drinking whatever I had in the fridge. Truly, modelos, etc. I saw something on my Snapchat that got me mad. We got into an argument, and I took off walking to the nearest bar. Not sure how many drinks I had there. Started taking shots. Bought shots for a party. Wasted about $300. My cellphone had died and wanted to charge it. So I walked home drunk. I don’t remember how I got home. I have flashbacks of falling a few times. We started arguing again. I had drunked called one of my girl coworkers. Woke up the following morning not remembering much. Saw holes in my bathroom door. Idk. Something hit me that morning. I got tired of the bullshit. I’m tired of the arguments. Hangovers. I was just done. I didn’t want that life anymore. Began my day one. I didn’t have help. It was all sheer willpower. I’d walk a lot in the beginning. Had the worst withdrawals. Flu-like symptoms. Headaches. Nightly sweats. I didn’t think I could do it. But I kept think about all those fucked up drunken nights. Began walking daily. Stumbled on this app about 120 days in. I wanted to count my sober days. At first, I thought you guys were bots and didn’t bother reading much or posting. My bad. Don’t hurt me. Anyway, I began reading a lot of stories, people I could relate to. It was a game changer. Found replacement drinks. Started exercising. Kept myself busy. Stayed away from events. Kept pushing. The days slowly started climbing. I had my moments, but sobriety was my goal. Beat my 6 month stretch, and I made it to a year, and then 2. I couldn’t believe I was doing it. The toughest part was realizing how fucked up I was to my family, my wife, my friends. Thinking about my trauma and how my mom stayed up at night telling me everything was gonna be okay. Putting my own family through a similar situation. It just killed me inside. It drained me. I was becoming that same fuckin monster I hated. I still hate myself for a lot of things. I’m just trying to make things better now. Be a better person, a better human. Life is too short for bullshit. I wanna thank everyone on here for saving me. Love you guys. Congrats to everyone on your sober time. I wish you the best with your journey. ODAAT
27 Likes
@LovelyLya thank you 
@Dan.h84 welcome back congrats on 5+ days
@Scorpn wtf, that’s ridiculous! I’m sorry 
🩵
@SubmarineMonkey sorry for your loss 
I hope things get easier at home.
@JazzyS thank you 🩵 the bullying I experience on a regular basis really holds me back, I don’t know how to rise above it and think “f**k them” and get myself back out there, and because my inner critic agrees with them, it heightens my pre-existing insecurities. I’m so glad you’re getting out for your walks and able to do other exercising too 
those salt tablets sound awful, I hope it’s the last time too 
@justKaitlin congrats on 2+ weeks wow, I’m glad you were there and able to help! congrats on your bloodwork results too
@zzz congrats on double digits
@MrsOdh we call them Respite Care Homes, I used to work in some. Good luck with your application 
@Joy good to read from you congrats on 5 years 
@MrMoustache keep going, sending strength 🩵
9 Likes
@Binx belated happy birthday 
@Seb woah, that’s scary! I’m glad nobody was killed congrats on 5 months
@SKhan congrats on 2+ weeks
@claire-lo great update congratulations 
@Kareness enjoy the mountains 
@MrFantastik congrats on all the 2s
@Rob11 congrats on 1300 days I’m glad your boundaries were respected
@wahtisnormal I hope you got some sleep last night
@Wakikki I hope your anxiety settled and you got some sleep
@ladybug1974 welcome back congrats on day 1
12 Likes