Oh I’m sorry love. I can’t imagine what you are going through and I’m sorry that you don’t have counseling support to help you through it.
Never apologize for writing what you feel or are going through. That is what we are here for.
Drinking will not solve anything. Won’t bring any comfort. You are at 9 days! Double digits tomorrow. Are you able to take a bath and drink some tea… Go to bed early? Sometimes we just need to put on mindless TV and get sucked in the stories to forget our own.
Sending you massive hugs. You are not alone and you are strong enough to push through these emotions.
Some events in our lives will haunt us like that. I am very sorry you had to go through such trauma, and I am very sorry it is revisiting you today.
You are doing the right thing: You are sharing. Sharing means connecting, connection is the opposite of addiction. You are doing the best thing you can. So please do not apologise but instead be proud of yourself for sharing instead of reaching for a drink.
If you think it might give you comfort share more about how you are feeling. Otherwise maybe as @JazzyS suggested a bit of self care and distraction is a good way to get through this day. Tomorrow will be a new day with new opportunities. Watching a nice TV show - I personally love anime - listening to a podcast, an audiobook, maybe some self massage or a guided meditation to lessen your anxiety - that often helps me when my mind is in overdrive. Sometimes an online meeting is a good idea to feel more connection. Just listening in to people talking.
Take really good care of yourself friend. You can do this
Beautiful cloudy windy day, as the hurricane scoots off east of us. Knocked the temperature way down- it’s delightful! And no damage here. Grateful.
So nice I’ve been outdoors in the middle of the day! Landscape contractors came- I’m going to redo the whole front yard. Been chipping away at replanting but now raccoons, skunks, deer and armadillos have a party digging each night. Lawn is a disaster. So I’ll get the grubs remediated first! Looking forward to it! The past 2 summers have been deadly. I lost a lot. And I was stuck then. Time to go all out, restore and add. Want the place in great condition to sell in a year or two. Now is the time to start babying the yard. Sober goals!
I’m doing ok. Slowly emerging into a new world as a new person. I’ll get after a bunch of things then have to stop. Ramping up. It will all come together. I have time and need time.
Thank you all for the kind words and advice, I am so very grateful. You’ve made me smile today, I needed it. My parents anniversaries are very close together, it was my Dads 7 year anniversary recently too. Every year this hits me like a tonne of bricks. I am going to stick something on TV for after a couple of chores, and I might have a small treat with it. Thanks again my wonderful sober friends
I felt a little off yesterday. Staying indoors doing nothing gets to me. I wasn’t craving alcohol, but I’m dealing with another addiction that I’m embarrassed to talk about here. I didn’t know it was a problem until I started reading other people’s posts. I believe it’s related to the things I went through in my childhood. Anyway, I was able to open up to my wife about it last night. We spoke for about two hours. I honestly felt uncomfortable telling her at first, but I needed to get shit off my mind, and I have no one else to talk to. She listened and understood. It was a good talk overall.
Gonna take the kiddos to the park in a bit. Do laundry and then the grocery store.
I have had a couple of drinking dreams recently. It is very bizarre at this point in my journey. My 4 year sobriety milestone is next month, so maybe it is that. Anyway, they aren’t upsetting, I just wake up confused.
Work is busy, kids are doing good.
A few times recently I have felt criticised or belittled and it makes me go on an angry, then defensive, then hurt, then withdrawn cycle of ruminating. It happens with monotonous regularity, and I am tired of it. Much like addiction, I keep waiting to get suck and tired of being suck and tired, and so it pushes me to change it, but it never seems to happen.
@JazzyS how nice doing kayaking!!! I never have done it. I wish one day. Thanks for your words.
Today I went to a priest to confess my sins. It was very good for my troubled conscience
Checking in 132. Up before 6am and finished some accounting stuff. AA Meeting early morning so gratifying. Home for home cooked healthy lunch. More accounting finishing many items before deadline end of month. I rarely do this always wait until day before. Water walking at gym for 30 minutes. Having to hold back as it feels so good being in pool after surgery.
@Mno Right?! Thanks for the laugh I was actually supposed to work tomorrow, but turns out they had the parking lot paved today and had to close. My daughter is at a sleepover tonight! I honestly don’t know what to do with myself
@Whereswaldo Glad your body’s adjusting well I’ve actually experienced the opposite. In my early years of drinking, yes. I did take tylenol almost daily to battle hangover headaches, but I also used alcohol itself as a pain reliever for everything else. In my last few years, it was extremely rare for it to cause me headaches. When I quit, I suffered from daily headaches for over a month, and still get them frequently, tho I try not to take medication unless it becomes unbearable.
@Vanessa8 You made me laugh and wanted to share Years ago, I woke up to all the lights on at 2am and my ex throwing a blanket around like a fishing net. He caught the rogue bat, put it in a shoebox, walked down 2 flights of stairs and 50 feet into the backyard to release it. No joke, within 10 minutes, it was back in our apartment! I hope you’ve become bat free without too much trouble
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On early tonight. Good day off so far. Feels strange since my daughter went to sleep at a friend’s. As usual, to avoid the cleaning that needs to be done, I cleaned random bits around the house. I did finish the bathroom, but then hyper focused on the kitchen garbage can and scrubbed it to perfection for 30 minutes. Eh, it needed it, but alas, the dishes still sit in the sink and the laundry in it’s baskets Better focus on what I did do
Now I’m waiting to hear back from a friend to hang out. She seemed off at work yesterday and shared a bit why. I hope she’s doing alright. She tends to isolate. She’s always a listening ear when anyone needs it. I was hoping to return the favor. We’ll see.
that’s hysterical! I got the bat out, luckily it landed on a lamp and, moving slow like a sloth, I caught it in a cup and released it outside. Phew! Now if I could just get my kids to keep the door shut…
Yes I do agree the first month I did get worse head aches. I think I am less dehydrated now without alcohol which was probably the main cause of my headaches! Sorry to hear you’ve had the opposite to pain
idk I really feel a relapse coming. I feel like I’m starting to take steps to get my life together but my brain is really not agreeing with it and when I’m not busy with work I’m in a constant state of fighting off a relapse
2y4m25d
Today was quite busy. Did alot of activities with my son, ran some errands, and cleaned up the apartment. Once hubby got home i took the wagon out to the grocery store to get our big shop done. I was really trying to just enjoy the outting but it was super hot and muggy out, lots of people around due to Stampede, ans it was getting late so I was tired. I made a comment to another woman in sort of an aggressive manner and i feel pretty bad about it. She was making a rude face at me so i rudely and somewhat aggressively asked her if she had a problem. She said no and that she was trying think of something. And then she walked away. I felt bad bcuz thats not how i want to behave anymore and also my HP im sure would not approve. I am trying sooo hard to retrain my thinking and acting. To actually behave better and sprak better and think better. More with a foundation of love. Anyway, i wont be opening my mouth like that again (hopefully). Im a work in progress
Lawn is a disaster. So I’ll get the grubs remediated first! Looking forward to it! The past 2 summers have been deadly. I lost a lot. And I was stuck then. Time to go all out, restore and add. Want the place in great condition to sell in a year or two. Now is the time to start babying the yard. Sober goals!
I was actually supposed to work tomorrow, but turns out they had the parking lot paved today and had to close. My daughter is at a sleepover tonight! I honestly don’t know what to do with myself 
I’ve actually experienced the opposite. In my early years of drinking, yes. I did take tylenol almost daily to battle hangover headaches, but I also used alcohol itself as a pain reliever for everything else. In my last few years, it was extremely rare for it to cause me headaches. When I quit, I suffered from daily headaches for over a month, and still get them frequently, tho I try not to take medication unless it becomes unbearable.
I hope you’ve become bat free without too much trouble 
Better focus on what I did do 
