I always love the way you look at things. Very inspiring. Hope you feel less sad tomorrow!
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Same. Same. Iām tired of it. I have been sort of pretending like I wasnāt in a depressive episode but nope, thatās exactly what has been going on for me. I do feel like Iām finally coming out of it. Some of that I have control over and some not at all, I just have to accept that is where I am and wait. At least thatās what I understand about myself at the moment. I hope you find some peace for yourself soon @CATMANCAM
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Checking in day 120.
Big work day done! Early morning work day tomorrow on top of that plus a stack of paperwork to do. Iām looking forward to 4 weeks off when bub comes.
Have a good one everyone!
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Thank you, friend 
. Yes, I woke up not sad. Used to drink over stuff like this. It passes, and you have no hangover. Pretty good deal. Have a great day!
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Day 137
Feeling brighter this morning. I think itās going to be a decent day. @JazzyS yep, the āfeelsā. Eww. Iām glad I donāt have them today. But they have their purpose.
So much to do here, I need an elaborate plan. If not, I spin around like a banshee, finishing nothing. Wait, banshees clean, donāt they? Wait, what is a banshee? No one knows, except theyāre busy, crazy and have clean houses. I donāt qualify 
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Things are looking up for me recently. I realize Iāve been in a summer depression. It happens. The first time I realized I have that pattern was when I lived in Arizona and that seasonal depression made sense with the horrible heat but I didnāt want to accept that still was happening to me here in the relatively mild Midwest USA. Maybe itās not that but thatās what I can identify at this point and the pattern over the years is there. I donāt need to judge, just observe and make some adjustments. I went to the pool yesterday and did some walking with other ladies, made some new friends, and it was really good for me. Just to force myself to engage in society was good. It really makes it concrete for me that joining the YMCA again this fall for exercise classes is going to be a good idea. I donāt do well in isolation even if I feel like Iām a loner and do okay with it. Itās not the reality if I look hard at that. Surviving alone isnāt the same as thriving.
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Work and gym should help
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@RosaCanDo I can relate to seasonal depression! And I think itās more related to excess daylight than temps. I am ready for Fall! August is always better for me because of the shorter days. I feel happier even though itās 100+ degrees
Glad you got out and socialized. Trying to beat the isolation here too. Big hugs 
thank you for sharing. Youāre not alone 
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Day 26
Work was a struggle I was so stressed all day weāve been so busy and have been having a hard time getting the parts we need. But besides that everything on the home front has been good. hereās some swans I saw a couple days ago
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Thatās a freakin hot ride friend 
I would turn my head for sure 
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Checking in on 201 days. 201 days of knowing what I did last night and 201 days of loving my kittens as mightily as my sobriety.
Iāve had a really shitty mood for about a week or less; hateful, blaming, hard edged, cruelā¦ No softness to me, no pink huesā¦ Just black black black darkness. I understand that this is hormonal and I am a person who gets depressive episodes. I am bourne of the tendency to overthink and hyper vigilance. I was never taught different either through example or love.
Throughout my entire life Iāve rejected the hardness of my mold and family unit/system and tried my best to step into light and truth and love. Sometimes I need to remember to walk faster and farther away from the shadows. It can consume me if I donāt fight everyday to stay afloat. Drinking was my way of tapping out of that responsibility towards my own heart and soul. Easy to deny, refuse, ignore that it starts and ends with me. I am responsible for me. Thoughts are thoughts, like clouds are clouds. Just that.
Anyway, I am just back from the shadows. I need connection, I need to not allow that shitty thinking in, I need to keep my fighting spirit alive.
At the very least, I have 201 days of definite freedom. Not all good, but mostly 
better than before.
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Iām glad you made it back from the shadows. Always good to read your posts!
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@Tragicfarinelli I missed 200 days party but 201 is not worse, is even better! Congratulations on 201 days. 201 days of knowing what you did last night and 201 days with your kitties! 
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Day 23 - It is my first day back to work and I am feeling very grateful for my colleagues and frankly my employer. It is a great reminder of the positive impact I have on other being back to the grind in a professional capacity.
Focus moving forward will be to make sure I am continuing to be vigilant about the small things each day that keep me healthy like eating regularly, physical fitness and therapy. Along with of course sobriety!
Go team TS Go!
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Made it to 100 days sober!
This was my goal when I decided to sober up for real. 100 days seemed like forever away. But it was important date to reach for a number of reasons.
Today is my daughterās birthday. Last year around this time she snuck into my booze with her friends and got so drunk, she puked all over herself, blacked out, etc. She was just 14.
But it didnāt stop me or slow me down. I still had 9 more months of blackouts, hangovers, shame and regret before I would realize that I couldnāt go on any further like this.
So today Iām celebrating my sobriety and my sober daughters 15th birthday too. Iām excited for both of our futures.
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Thanks for the reply. I really get it. I just try and pretend like it isnāt a thing and that where I get in trouble. Surviving 100+ temps for almost a decade I should be okay with this humid heat now, right?! Apparently not. Anyway, it also takes time to address these triggers and really identify what is going on.
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I hear you, I read what youāre saying and I relate. Itās a hard life to deal with these feelings. You are doing life though! Youāre getting through the tough shit. Keep going.
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@sadmemequeen I am so very sorry Meghan. How are you feeling today? We really do not know what the future holds for us. I am trying to not let the possibilities of the what ifās in the future ruin my today. Do not let anything or anyone cause you to lose yourself. Harming yourself will not help in any way. You have a wonderful streak going love. Hope that you are able to stay keep showing up for yourself and keeping the streak alive. Sending you loads of love
@scorpn I am so sorry Renee. Your work sounds super stressful and it seems to be only getting worse. I do hope that you have luck in finding other work 
Hopefully something with a steady schedule so you can get a routine down. Sending you healing and calming energy. Hoping that you are able to find some time to relax and find time for yourself. Big hugs love
@sabriana80 OOF that sounds awful. Hope you get some rest and feel better soon. Hopefully the stress at work will calm down soon too 
@thewolf Congrats on 9 days and your new job. 
@j363 Welcome to the community James.
@mrsodh Those are some stories for sure. Glad everything turns out at the end. Super impressed that you can all be so chill about itā¦ I have to learn that art and not get wound up when things go awry. Thanks for sharing your adventures.
I love this! We donāt always have a name for what it is we are going through but we know its not US. Best to do what you are doing ā being mindful of it, taking action to get yourself out of it with socializing and less isolation. Sending you hugs friend ā hoping for better and brighter days.
So good to see you friend. So sorry for the shitty week that youāve experienced and very grateful that you have pulled yourself out of the shadows. We are all here for you and love you. Keep that fighting spirit alive!! 
201 days is amazing work
@vanessa8 WOOT WOOT YEAH YOU!!! 100 days ā triple digits is amazing work Vanessa Happy birthday to your daughter as well ā a double celebration! Very excited for both your futures tooā¦ keep showing up for yourself and stacking up the days 
Checking in on Tuesday morning.
Had a really bad night of sleep ā was tossing and turning and just in immense pain all night. Grateful that it was pouring so i could excuse myself from my walk and then realized that i am allowed a day off. I know that ive been bed ridden so much of the past 2.5 years that now i feel like i can move a bit and want to make the most of it. Its ok to rest.
Had my follow up mammogram this morning and the mass is fine - nothing to worry about. This is great news and i am happy I didnāt need an ultrasound.
Have a kitchen sink leak to fix today at the rental but due to my condition my brother is going to help out with it. I donāt think i would be well enough to work in tight spaces today
I am just going to rest and take it easy today - Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day - sending you all so much love.
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Thanks Jazz, you absolutely must rest. Please donāt try to do too much too soon. Also, donāt create your own activity ceilings where you start to disappoint yourself if the ceiling reaches a plateau. Whatever you choose to do, or not do, day by day, itās enough. Your body needs your compassion.
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