Day 202. Checking in because I rarely do. I have been here for a longggggggggggg time…
It’s the longest clean I have ever seen - even the AF only held Basic Training. Back then, it was pretty easy to start in a long-term language school, unlike most training. It’s all changed now, for what I’ve heard.
Life is not nearly as beautiful currently as my sobriety number. It too will be fine.
@Lighter I think a kayak rack is the perfect addition 
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@Conor80 1800 days strong 
. 2 days now binging …you rock!! Love this … keep the momentum going
@Vanessa8 those dreams are the worst…so grateful when we realize that our reality is safe. Keep that sober streak alive
@Englishd lovely read. Super impressive!! Thanks for sharing this achievement and the knowledge that all things worth having taken effort and consistency. Congratulations on your run!
@Lile01 6.5 days is awesome work and great job and realizing the consequences. The addict mind does not care that you almost died…it just wants its fix. You are stronger than this and with your support system in place, your determination and you efforts…you can defeat these urges. We are right here with you 
@EarnIt longest clean streak is a wonderful milestone 
… Keep stacking up the days and working your recovery.
Afternoon check in
Been a decent day …managed to run errands and get in a swim. Went to see a friend. We always meet halfway point at a bar as that’s the only place in this tiny town … I haven’t gone in sooo long and last time I was able to get a mocktail made but it was filled with sugar and gave me a migraine. Today I found that they have a new sober mocktail menu with low sugar content…like someone was listening . Had a good time catching up and so grateful to be back with my sober streak in tact.
I am super exhausted from socializing so gonna nap.
Wishing you all a wonderful addiction free day… sending you all so much love 
Checking in after 25 days of no gaming and youtube. Today was very hard. I didnt go to the library today because i had a phone appointment and i wanted to try whether i am able to study/work on my applications from home. But just sitting on my desk at home in the same way that i used to sit on that desk when i was gaming is triggering. I felt the need to distract myself from my thoughts all the time. I succeeded but didnt get much done in regards to job search… at least i didnt start gaming again and just talked to my boyfriend on the phone and did embroidery. So i guess tomorrow ill be starting with a new day in the same place i was in yesterday. If i had started gaming again i would start 5 steps behind because i would also need to fight more cravings on top
Day 11 people. Mood boosting sunshine for most of the day 
Thanks love.
Glad you were able keep yourself from giving into the trigger. ODAAT friend… having a solid plan and ways to keep yourself busy was key for me. 25 days strong
2y5m5d
Its been a hard day. Im feeling overwhelmed with no time for myself. Overstimulated with too much noise around. Craving my DOC pretty badly (I almost was going to ask my husband about getting something but didnt open my mouth bcuz I know hed say no anyway. And honestly i dont really want to use anyway). Super uncomfortable with this damn heat wave were having. Hungry. Tired. Feel like crying. Im a mess 
On the plus side, i am clean and sober. I have a home to take shelter in. The noise is due to my loving family. I have food in my fridge and am waiting for a homecooked meal. Ill be able to sleep in like 5 hours in a comfortable bed. And tmrw is a new day where I can try to find some sense of routine in my day. I HAVE to workout tmrw mrng. This not exercising bullshit is making me go crazy. Its my only time for self care, where the world shuts down for like 1 hour. Without this time for me, i feel like im burning out.
Im really feeling like theres a pull to use drugs today. I hate it. And i get frustrated bcuz i know i cant. I have been in recovery long enough to know that i cant moderate or just use 1 time and everything will be fine. Im not built that way. Im an addict and have been since age 16. I just feel frustrated today that i cant escape. That i have to face life as it is. Idk how normies do it haha
Anyway, thanks for being here friends. Im going to do some reading on here for awhile and stay connected. 
Good to hear, Dana. Coming here and being honest was the best thing to do. You’re exhausted, and our addictions can pounce when we’re tired. I hope you can get lots of good sleep tonight. And exercise tomorrow will help for sure.
Just know we are here to listen and help. You’ve got a lot of sober time, and I sure admire you. Sending you hugs and support
Hey there! 
Good on you for seeing that as a red flag. I was just thinking that way a couple days ago…. ‘Maybe I’m cured now. Maybe I don’t need to keep working on this, I’m good.’ Scary. I’ve been here before and it scares me. The bad memories are fading.
TragicF, I appreciate you! You just called out something very sneaky that happens to some or a lot of us. The forgetting. I think it’s part of alcoholism. That weird denial. When I was drinking, I had it. It’s still there, beautifully wrapped in my vastly improved life. Of course it isn’t vomit or stupid text messages! It’s pretty denial. Classy denial. That whisper that says….maybe it’s not that bad and everything is fine now. Fuck I lost six years of sobriety that way! Thank you so much for this post
Or that feeling that you can stop again, you did it once, you can have it all again… So why not give in. That’s when you need to dig deepest and say not today Satan.
Honestly, a part of you dies each relapse. Whether it’s self trust or respect that gives. But I can 
say that future me would not trade 204 days for any fancy drink. I like to think about my drinking as the worst most toxic relationship I’ve had (many) and hold the behaviours up tall to view honestly. Nope, I don’t want that. I’ll take water.
@Tragicfarinelli yeah, that too! ‘OH, just start over…you don’t lose those sober days. How about 99.9% sober?’ Yikes, NO.
Thank you
Thank u so much for ur support Marie 
You know… i always feel bad when i post about having cravings just bcuz i feel like i shouldnt be experiencing them at over 2 years clean. I feel like it sends a bad message to others on here… maybe newer people who see my clean time and wonder if this is what recovery is going to be like at 2+ years. The truth is, is that i am very grateful and blessed to be alive, clean, and sober. I dont know why i get triggered or crave sometimes but its what we do with that craving that counts. I have a toolkit now in recovery that i can access when things get tough. This forum is one of those tools. Im grateful to be here and for all of u. I know the craving will pass and ill be sooo happy to wake up healthy and clean and sober 
Hey all,
Just a quick check in here from the city. Had a really good day today with my nephew. We spent the morning together and took him to visit what will soon be his new home. It was the first time he had a visit where we dropped him off. He first showed me the house, which is quite nice and large (though of course I can see a few thinfs I would love to suggest to make it feel more homey and comforting). He did a really great job, and I was so proud of him. He is such an amazong soul. I hold a lot of hope and positivity for his future, though I know this sweet child has been through more then his share of trauma and transitions. I wish I could suck the pain and difficulty out of his life, and just hover above him always. Life is balance. It is choices, and dealing with what you are dealt and this is not always easy.
I got to have dinner with my girlfriend tonight, and watch a show with my mom this evening. I am just off to bed, sleepy as ever. Tomorrow I will have some time with my mom as my nephew is going with my dad, hus grandfather, for the weekend.
May everyone have a good sleep, and a beautiful day ahead of them. And if anything may at least one thing make you smile xo
2y5m5d
Wel the craving has passed but im not in a good place mentally. I just feel like a failure honestly. Im usually such a positive person. Very upbeat and optimistic. But today is just a hard day. I just finished a shower and feel a bit better. Going to head to bed soon. I think what i need is sleep and to try things differently tmrw. HAVE to get to the gym tmrw lol it will surely help. I have set 2 alarms to help me get up. Hope it works! Have a great night everyone
96
Urge to drink is still present at times.
Getting really frustrated. Going to Peru with a friend and we have 2 full days left until we leave. We have about half of all of our shit booked. Still need to decide on more hotels and tours and book them. If it were just me going, I would have had everything booked a week ago. They’re just extremely indecisive and every step is taking ten times longer than I’d like. We hung out for 4 hours yesterday, and booked ONE hotel.
I know in the grand scheme of things, everything will end up being okay and we’re still gonna have a great time. I’m just incredibly frustrated at the moment. I know trips can be a lot of fun going with the flow and planning things while you’re there, but i don’t want to spend the entire trip PLANNING the trip. Ffs.
Thank you for listening to my rant lol. Hope everyone is doing well 
Update:
Urge to drink is deeeeefinitely there. Dissociating a lot right now, was just with my family talking about things and reality is just… a lot. Would like to dissociate even more and just drink to ignore things but i know it will only make me feel worse and I will still have to deal with things that are inevitable whether I drink or not. Feel lonely and like i dont really have anyone to talk to, and if I did, I wouldnt be able to communicate how I’m feeling anyway.
This depression has been more present lately and I’m getting preeetttyy tired of it. Just annoying. I have so many things to be happy about. And so many things to be sad about lol. I will try to start practicing gratitude at the end of every night again. Hopefully that small change will have some impact.
I think I just am kind of spiraling without realizing it. Now that I’m giving my thoughts a bit of attention it’s like
“Trip isnt planned”
“Family member is moving away and i have 2 days to spend with them until they leave but I dont have any time in those 2 days to spend with them”
“Parents are getting old and will eventually die”
“Need to figure out career”
“Need to move out, and when I do, I will have to learn how to cope with even more loneliness”
“My cat will also die at some point”
“Can’t communicate my feelings to anyone”
Like holy moly. Shut the fuck up, brain, lmao 
now I can kind of see why I feel so heavy right now. Need to take a deep breathe and focus on the present. Maybe I’ll try some mindfulness exercises after I take a shower. Or look some up beforehand and do them during.
@GOKU2019 Awe yeeah! Glad you’re taking my suggestion to rewatch AHS 
I really enjoyed it so much more sober. Enjoy!
@Brian1965uk I’m sorry you’re having these feelings. AA taught me how to stop living in the past by learning how to practice acceptance. Forget who you were. That wasn’t the real you. Be who you are. Don’t try to fit anyone’s mold. If someone doesn’t like you for who you are, that’s their problem. It’s how you feel about yourself that matters. Easier said than done, but practice makes (closer to) perfect 
@Lefty624 Glad it helped 
Vitamin D is a good idea too 
I researched the nutrients alcohol leeches from the body and the top 5 were B vitamins, D, magnesium, zinc, and calcium. I took them regularly for a while after quitting. Just don’t take Bs at night bc they’ll keep you up.
@Butterflymoonwoman You don’t have to go to a gym to workout, and it doesn’t always have to be a marathon to count. I could never afford it so I learned bodyweight exercises and have always worked out at home. Even just a few sets of squats while you’re cooking dinner, counter edge diagonal pushups(which I actually love for forms sake), or anything that raises your heart rate for a moment can give you that lovely burst of endorphins you’re missing 
519
Still very sore and tired. Not a bad day, but pms symptoms got the best of me. Have this ever increasing headache that’s at it’s worst now. I think sleep is all I can do 
Goodnight
Day 1006 AF
Wud up, sober fam.
Busy with work.
Did laundry at the laundromat. Went for a walk at the park. Exercised at home. Gonna watch a couple of episodes of AHS and pass out.
One of my buddies hit me up today. He wants to get together at a pizza and brew spot this Saturday for another friend’s b-day. I’m not worried about the booze. It’s also my cousin’s bday Saturday, so we’re gonna head over afterward.
Have a goodnite, gang! Take care. Stay strong.
ODAAT
Checking in on day 628 AF.
Hope you’re all doing well. 
1868
Going to be a couple of tropical days here. I’m free today (except for therapy this morning), work tomorrow. It’ll be OK. I’m sober and clean. I’m remembering the time I used to drink even more when the weather was this warm. Under the false impression that alcohol would help quench my thirst, while the opposite is true, alcohol dehydrates.
It’s one of the ways our addicted brains make us turn the truth upside down. Making us believe indulging in our addictions would help with anything. While the opposite is true. It won’t quench our thirst, both for real and metaphorically. It will just put us ever deeper in the hole until there is no escape possible. Never again. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it clean and sober or nothing will come from it. Love from my ride yesterday.
@wahtisnormal You’re doing a great job of figuring out what’s bothering you. Planning holidays together is stressful BTW. You’re doing great friend. No problem communicating your feelings here 
. I’m glad you’re here as we’re in this together. Keep going.
@Butterflymoonwoman Thankful you’re here Dana. Good days and hard ones. You’re life’s not easy but you’re doing it. ODAAT. Finding some time for yourself is very important I feel, whether it’s in the gym or somewhere else.
@Tragicfarinelli Very glad you’re here and sober and clean friend
@HolySquid Huge congrats on 500 days friend!!!
