Day 13
No cravings for weed and booze. I’ve been really tired lately, so I’ve been mostly sleeping and resting, no energy to go out to enjoy of summer weather. And that also makes me feel like shit full on shame and quilt. But I have understand that many of you’ve experienced similar on early days?
314 drug free
195 alcohol free
3 nicotine free
Checking in. I have a lot to catch up on. Hope everyone is well! I have been doing ok. Being conscious of reminding myself this is a day at a time program. Started to become addicted to.work. which is not good…my recovery must come first and my connection with my higher power, self, children and others. Being present in the NOW!!!
My desire to get out of debt and purchase a home for the kids and I is leading me in circles.I am tired and aimless. I need to reset and refocus and trust the process. Will be giving my notice for the weekend overnight job this week. Thankful for clarity and courage.
The visit was great. Leaving was hard. And I think my allergies were acting up cuz my eyes kept leaking lol.
Haha that’s hilarious. I often get angry when I drive, but I also know I show it more when I have my wife in the car. Ask your husband if he is as loud in the car when angry, when you are not in there.
To be honest I do think it is natural male response, aggression/anger, however as you get older and mature you learn To control it. It was definitely not appropriate actually going up to these people and screaming at them. But I couldn’t help it.
I told my wife. She was okay with it and completely understood. Only a few days ago a pedestrian was killed by a driver and the driver drove away. That person was caught and is going to jail now. This only happens 5 minutes from this incident.
Once I got home, my wife, son and I all went for. A walk around the park which was a really nice way to decompress. We then got home and had a fire in the backyard and played, then ordered Thai food for dinner. It was a really nice afternoon/evening that I’m grateful for.
@acromouse thank you! I am usually really good with mindfulness, my youth and 20’s was full of depression and anxiety so I learnt good coping mechanisms but I guess I have been trying to hold it together for everyone that it all fell apart! A good lesson I guess. Thank you for replying 
@CATMANCAM you know what, I completely agree. I had a thought afterwards that the only reason I let it all out was that I had lost control of everything. Helplessness is the right word. Thankyou
@JazzyS thank you funnily enough, the headache went away after a nice walk with the family. I do think the screaming helped a bit too haha 
Checking in day 125. Thank you everyone for your support. Having this outlet is invaluable and I am stronger because of you all.
Sunday morning check in.
My 15 month old daughter was sick last night, and up every 1-2 hours. My wife lost her cool.
I’m so very glad I stayed sober yesterday at the afternoon friends party and dinner at the in-laws.
Today would have been a wreck if I drank yesterday. Instead, I got up early and have breakfast ready to go for when my little girl wakes up. Going to bed with no alcohol on board makes the tired parenting mornings at least functional.
Checking in on day 9 of year 2. Sending you all lots of 
@PositiveThoughts hope ur daughter begins to feel better. Its incredibly hard when a little one is ill and up all night. Makes for a hard day in the morning. Sending u all strength.
@Lotusflower i love ur self awareness Des. Its not always easy to see when we begin to get obsessed or addicted to other things in our lives. When i was reading ur post, i could relate to it very much and it made me realize also that i need to refocus on whats most important first. At times i get hyperfocused on fitness and nutrition. And even tho most would probably say that this is a good thing to be focused on, its not always bcuz my relationship to my HP suffers and my focus isnt on recovery. Glad ur working on finding balance 
@MrMoustache absolutely!!! Especially in the earlier days i was fatigued AF. I used to just want to sleep all day and bcuz i wasnt productive or doing much, id feel crappy about it and my mood would then decline. But… ur body is still healing and recovering in early recovery. Its natural to feel extra tired. Give urself some grace friend ur soing an amazing job with 13 days sober! Resting amd taking it easy is STILL doing something for ur body.
@catmancam im sorry to hear about ur binge eating episode. I know how hard that can be on u. I was wondering if u ever had anyone to debrief with after u work on ur cptsd workbook? Anytime i ever worked on something that could be very triggering, i was always told to debrief and get my thoughts out of my head. Reading triggering material was a definite risk of relapse for me back in the day. And so it made me think of how ur working thru some tough stuff and if u had anyone to chat with about what u read? Just a thought
@jazzys have a wonderful day friend 
@seb so glad to hear that uv had wonderful times being sober! Recovery truly surprised us with so many gifts! Also happy to hear that ur feeling different (better) this time around
Day 54! I am closer to 100 than I am 0 
Checking in after 28 days no games, no youtube. Had a good weekend so far, i was able to cook and study a little. Went for a long walk yesterday to finish my 10000 steps for the day. Even though u had trouble falling asleep i didnt relapse. Im actually kind of proud of how it is going right now
2y5m8d
Well im feeling pretty rested this morning. I managed to get some decent sleep. But im feeling a bit down on myself bcuz i havent eaten well yesterday or even so far today. Ud think being obsessed about nutrition and exercise, id be doing a lot better than i am right now, but noooo… thats not the case. From someone who suffers with an eating disorder also, its always a constant battle in my head btwn staying focused and on track with my eating, to overdoing it on food. Its very black and white, rarely in btwn. Tmrw is a new day tho 
Todays plan consists of work until 4pm. Then home to make supper, do some laundry, and then I will give my son a bath. He has an appt tmrw to see his oncologist and to review his most recent MRI results. Im always abit anxious during these appts. Praying hard for good “stable” results.
I guess thats about it for today. Another beautiful clean and sober day! Feeling grateful
Day 8 feeling positive I got over the weekend after some strong cravings I did not give in feeling great to get to a week clean and sober
Great job! The days are adding up! One day at a time
@mrmoustache WOW – check you out! 1 day away from your two weeks 
I know its hard but allow yourself to sleep the day away as this is what your body is requiring. I did a lot of sleeping in my early days and it did suck but I am grateful that I allowed myself to do so. I totally get how it feels like it’s a wasted day but in reality you are putting yourself back together and that takes energy so your body is using all its energy on your repair (that’s how I like to think of it). Keep pushing forward my friend. 
@lotusflower so good to see you Des and wow look at the timers – very impressed with seeing 3 days nic free too Sending you energy and hugs – you are so right to put focus on the things that matter and not overwork yourself. Hopefully the time you will be gaining from leaving the overnight will help you be able to focus better. 
@chase.e.u Oh I can imagine it being a hard visit (especially the leaving part) but hey – the time is going by quickly, she will be home with you soon enough. UGH the allergies are the worst. Sorry friend – hope you find some relief from them soon. They can be so annoying and draining.
OH how awful! That is scary and so disturbing. This would have fueled my anger with your situation too. Some people are just asshole drivers with no care. Very sorry for the lost life I am glad that you got out for a walk and were able to rid yourself of the headache. 
@positivethoughts Sorry your little girl is sick. Sending healing vibes and hope she starts feeling better soon. So grateful you were / are sober to handle this
@butterflymoonwoman Awe thanks friend. I hope you have a wonderful day as well – love the sunflower so will use for you too 
Hope all goes well with your appointment tomorrow Glad you are feeling rested and I want to tell you that you are doing a marvelous job. I know your food intake may not be where you want it to be but I’m sure its way better than what it was on bad eating days. Try to give yourself grace – you are making so many improvements and changes in your daily routines. The progress may not be noticeable to you all the time but it is very clear to an outsider.
@stand_like_an_oak OMG – I’m sorry, missed your 50th! 
Totally spazzed on the day! Hope you had a wonderful day celebrating you Look at you gaining the days – so very happy to see this!
@mossy91 Nicely done friend – a weekend conquered and on day 8! Extra proud for resisting the strong cravings. They will come from time to time but you gain more strength each time you tell them to FO!
Afternoon check in … I managed a nice walk and swim this morning. Got to spend some time with mom (mainly went to pick up some fermented dough so i could make my breakfast bread 
). Glad i got in my weights as well before i cooked and settled in for a movie. Was told i can’t watch anything scary so we decided on the new My Spy – my brother got a call and left me in the middle of the movie 
so i decided to catch up here.
It is a beautiful day - wishing you all a wonderful addiction free day - sending you all so much love 
108 days sober
Sunday group was canceled this morning. I was a bit bummed to not be able to go today. I ended up having a morning hike with a friend and the dogs instead. Then went to her place for coffee in the garden. She told me she did some research into finding me an affordable counselor online (she’s also a westerner living here) and that she wants to help me with it. I have a really hard time letting other people help me especially when it comes to finances. I want to do real counseling because I think it will be more beneficial than me trying to continue to work out things on my own. I want to say yes to her help because I need it and I don’t want my pride to be the reason I say no. I’ve always taken care of myself and I’ve never had to depend on others for financial help…so I just am struggling with that. I told her that I will think about it today and talk to her again tomorrow.
I think I should say yes but want to help also somehow. I tried to ask how much it will cost but she wouldn’t say…just says not to worry about it.
So I suppose it is good news and I just need to take her offer to help me.
Oh i was wishing you a happy birthday and didn’t even put together that it was also your 50 days. LOL – i am making myself laugh right now. Glad you took some time for yourself - a great gift indeed!
Happy 50+ days and Happy belated birthday!
Thank you so much! Yeah, it seems my body and mind needs a lot of rest. Today I’ve been mostly sleeping or staying in bed although outside is a really nice and warm weather. But for me just getting better by allowing me to rest without guilt and shame is priority number one. I can enjoy the weather later on. Ta-daa, back to bed. 
Thanks I appreciate it!!
7y7m6d
Checking in on a Sunday. I’m trying to prioritize my day to deal with the most important things first, especially since Monday and Tuesday are my mega commute days and I will be too tired to do much at the end of the day. I mostly have to do house chores so I won’t bore you. And I need to go for a walk. If I do that before my 12:30 meeting I will be in really, really good shape and feeling good. I can sit on my butt all afternoon if I want after that. Have a good and sober day/night!
