244 sugar
108 UPF
115 gluten
14 dairy
10 overeating
It’s a bit of a cloudy and rainy day today here in Utrecht. Mostly drizzle though. I’m going to explore the city.
Last time I was here must have been about eight years ago. I’ll hop on my bike and look out for Nintje.
Let’s stay in peace, kindness and freedom friends 
Day 15. Today I met my doctor and he made a nasty remark how I have gained weight. I was like wtf? Like I didn’t know it? Now I feel like a total loser and I feel like I need to smoke weed and drink beer, I have serious cravings. My doctor really insulted me. Shit.
Congratulations on your 
@wahtisnormal look at that! Triple digits 
. Sorry about the long unfruitful day. Sounds exhausting. Hopefully you will get on a plane today and enjoy your getaway 
@DanaM56 snuck in with 400+ days. Great work friend. Sorry the addict mind is going hard right now. It knows you have a lot going on and this is prime time to attack…that little fuck! Glad you maintained sobriety and remember to take time for relaxation and self care. It will all get done …we don’t want you burning out in the process
@mno seems like it was a good process to go through and a good thing that you didn’t get the job. Learned a lot of what you are seeking and wanting from the job and in life. Yeah to listening to your heart 
@Chevy55 congratulations on your 200 days Nick. So happy to see you doing so well in sobriety and living your life to the fullest. Keep the momentum going strong 
@MrMoustache I do hate going to the doctor LS and doing the weigh ins…it’s such a depressing time for me. Do not let his remarks bring you down. You are doing fantastic with 15 days and with your new lifestyle you will have more energy. I find that our health and weight all start to improve as we dive into sobriety. It does take time and effort but I know drinking and smoking will only make our weight worse. Stay on course my friend.
Checking in on Tuesday morning
Didn’t sleep well. Feel off still and still hurting but need to move. Gonna try and go for my morning walk. It’s a bit chilly and windy - may be what I need.
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day… sending you all so much love
Thank you for your kind words.
Thank you, my friend. Yeah, I know everything’s gonna get better as sober days goes by. And last time I was sober for 5 years, I remember that I lost lots of weight.
Day 162
I have been feeling UP so long that it was inevitable that a crappy few days were just around the corner. Kinda freaky how things can turn so quickly especially if you allow yourself to get caught in the negative mindspace. No thoughts of using alcohol or anything bad but just feeling a little funky today and yesterday. Things will be ACE again soon
Day 144
Good morning my friends. Back is in painful knots this morning- what did I do? Live to be middle-aged? I just don’t get it.
‘I threw my back out’.
‘Oh no, what happened?’ ‘I was asleep and….’ 
. I MUST think of a better story.
Parasailing 
?
Hopefully this will stretch out. Ice/heat? How do I get this unknotted? I’m such a silly one. I don’t need a reason.
Checking in on day
440 no alcohol
371 no vapes or ciggs 80 no form of nicotine
40 no form of marijuanna
Woke up a little late
Left the house without coffee but i work.at a grocery store so i got a 5 hour energy shot and a pepsi
I feel comfortable
Rainy morning a little
Im taking is slow today
Checking in chin chin 
beautiful day outside and trying to make it beautiful also inside. I was thinking about mindfulness and approach we decide to take on situations that happen to us…and “surprisingly” found out any level of stress, negative feeling of any kind runs through us it’s all driven by pattern / formulas we adopted to that point in life. So decided to get my brain uncomfortable and challenge whatever situation I face, mostly when negative thoughts trigger negative emotions…with aim to identify the root cause, challenge it against facts and work on a change. So, that’s my day and my plan.
Hey all, checking in on day 1500
I hope everybody has a good one!
@MrMoustache Stay positive and on the sober track my friend. You will get to that point again. Remember that you are just past 2 weeks and this takes time. I know that the time it takes gets longer the more we engage in our addiction as it takes more than our time and money from us -it takes away our bodies defenses too. ODAAT - you are crushing it!
@seb so right that we can’t always be on the UP train. Sorry that you are in a funk and sending you comfort and positivity to ride out this wave.
@lighter OH NO – sorry love. Parasailing is a good story for sure Funny how we just look to fast over our shoulder and our whole body goes out of whack. Ice and heat will help. Light stretching too. Be gentle with yourself and I hope you feel some relief soon
LOVE THIS! Thank you for sharing and 100% agree that we need to re-train our way of thinking and reacting. Love the plan friend – keep pushing forward 
@nordique WOOT WOOT!!! 1500 days going strong That’s amazing work – keep being an inspiration to us all 
Thanks, Jazzy, for the support. I feel like shit and hurt, but I’m gonna stay sober no matter what.
A check in for the AM, which is unusal for me…My head is swirling so I must sit down for a moment.
When I am very busy/lots to do, I dont usually take a moment for myself. I want to get in to my yoga more, so I will do 30 minutes today.
Working on “soft” boundaries with my parents. Learning about parentification, and while I have felt that or understood it in the dynamic reading about it is also validating in a way and very clear. Its all there, written out and I have to set loving boundaries with both of my parents. It makes me feel a bit silly to be learning things about myself in my adult life, as though I should “know” these things already. For the first time I have understpod what an HSP is, how being giftwd effects your childhood/personality and how you think, my personality type and now idea of being a parentified child…I think the feeling of being “silly” also comes from how we in society kind of put a stop to when you can have issues with your parents and theres a bit of shame thete around it, and even though theres like this one side of things thats very into self help and growth theres also this whole old school way of thinking that is much less analytical and thinks everyones self diagnosing…do you hear my self confidence issue?
My self confidence js a big thing, always has been. I find it very difficult to be around people I know are judging me, I feel conscious about being judged and it sits on me. I have tp work on this, about accepting and loving who I am so others bad attitudes dont bother me. I dont care necessarily how much money I make even though I have post-grad degrees…my husband and I dont spend much money on things beyond necessities becayse thats just how we both are. His brother is the opposite and super material, he has worked very hard to get a wrll paying job and he talks consfantly about money and how much he makes. Now that is fine, and I dont mind if you have money and enjoy it…it makes sense our whole society is built on tbe idea that we all want it, need to have it and more. I dont judge people for enjoying the capitalist dream, BUT its when the comparisons have to come up and this competition how wr dont make as much as them and they will only ask queations to compare our homes, our income, our vacations. He asked me if I was still working at the daycare, and I said no and explained a bit the circumstance and he said “they were paying you more then minimum wage right?”…its just so inappropriate and meant as a put down. We dont know each other that well, its not like my mom or friend asking me to be curious…its for the comparison to find out how much I am making. Its so EXHAUSTING. I want to find a way OUT of that loop…out of feeling I care and so that energy does not high jack me or make me uncomfortable. We already have distanced ourselves from them, which is very sad because the cousins get along SO WELL; but that is the only real reason we make an effort to see them. They are just so controlling and selfish, and there is a resentment there and tension.
They are coming for dinner tonight and this is all under the surface. I feel in myself tbe place has to be clean (they are OCD neet freaks), and tidy or they will be judginf us. And so I am breathing through a who cares what they think, I LOVE OUR HOME. But i have a very big issue in my esteem becayse judgment on me really upsets me. Our life is this way by design, we have chosen this path and it is so WEIRD to me that people try to make us feel less then for it.
I needed to rant. If anyone has any self confidence/esteem building exercises I am OPEN TO IT. i had a traumatic childhood with being spoken about broadly in a large family (by someone who drank a lot and elaborated atories to be the victim/me the bad/ungrateful child, and so this judgement thing is also rooted in there). Okay time to get to it. Xo.
Work morning check in. Getting ready for a big meeting. Solo parented and had a bit of a rough sleep night, with my wife working overnight.
It’s tough, but I’ve got this.
Checking in day 127.
my wife and I had a better day today mentally, however our nearly-3 year old has become quite sick with a bad cough. If it’s not one thing, it’s something else. I couldn’t handle this all so well if I was drinking. He gets to sleep in our bed tonight which i love because he gives us a lot of cuddles.
127 days seems so crazy. 6 months is now only 55 days away which will go so quick. Half a year sober? I used to drink every night, or at least 4-5 times a week very heavily to black out most times, and one day I just stopped. Not cutting down, just straight to nothing. I definitely could not have done it without the support of you all here. Also listening to this naked mind really solidified my resolve. This is my 3rd or 4th real proper attempt, however there are countless times I said that I would never drink again.
Name something else where doing nothing is so hard, yet so rewarding?
Day 30 - one month in the books, feeling good, but also feeling like I need to be diligent understanding that sometimes my biggest slips have occurred after milestones. I am being sure to continue with my therapy, and foundations that keep me healthy like food and activity.
I am looking ahead to next month, which is my birthday month to set myself up for success and avoid celebrations that revolve around booze. That all said, I want to try to enjoy this accomplishment too.
Keep on going TS, much love to you all; especially those that have relapsed recently! You are you and you deserve to be happy 
Day 27
I’ve been working myself really hard with a constant barrage of activities and “to do” lists. None of which have given me any satisfaction. I actually felt very run down and miserable.
This week (starting yesterday), I decided I’m just going to do a few things a day, in routine and very well. Strangely enough, I’m starting to feel like I’m on track.
Enjoy the day everyone!
