*Day 2135
One month to go and I will reach a milestone Iāve never reached in recovery: 6 years.
I had my 5 years milestone twice because I had a relapse after the first one. So my 6th is special!
Slept bad last night because we discovered our roof is leaking! So we had to put towels on the floor and we couldnāt sleep because of the dripping sound. Shit happens
Got a week off mid August to go to London which will be excitingā¦
I need to make some headway with planning for the course I am aiming to start in September. Again itās in London, so I need to plan where to stay etc
All good. Tinnitus is bad tho so Iām booking another hearing test. I think i need a full service like the car gets
Yesterday evening I had intensive cravings, my attention slipped, my addict mind used the opportunity and I dug into the leftovers of dinner even though I was already full.
Today is a new day and with that lots of new chances to just be present with whatever might come up.
Iām staying here in Utrecht just next to site of the Douwe Egberts company - specialising in hot beverages: coffee, tee, etc. This morning I woke up to the rising sun and the overwhelming smell of coffee roasting
The weather is great, with sun and not much heat. Iām going to go for a bike ride along the old Dutch Waterline: forts and water galore.
Letās stay in peace, kindness and freedom friends
Iām here, Iām alive Iām sober and Iām happy.
Day 147
Took all day to help my Ma with taking things to the city dump yesterday.
And I mean all day, we werenāt home until 21.00.
It was a surprisingly good day anyway, even if my Ma and sister have a diploma in draining my energy. My youngest nephew was there too ans he is indeed a wonderful little boy to be around.
So that helped a lot.
Ma also decided that she didnāt want to go anywhere tomorrow, because my brother decided to come and visit her. So Iām free. Which is a really good feeling.
However my Ma and sister did say that they wanted to do a bbq at our house around next weekend. Iām not sure about that, but weāll see. Iām not sure I want that, definitely not if my Ma get her will trough and brings my other sister. We havenāt really talked for years. Weāre not enemies, Iām not mad at her. She just have a habit on bringing and creating a huge drama wherever she goes, and I try to stay away from that.
Besides that weāre talking more and more to my Ma about eventually selling the house or get other tenants. Mostly because Iām tired of all the drama that comes with it, just wanting to be free to do whatever I want. I will be missing the garden and the possibilities that comes with it. But on the other hand weāre working on getting other possibilities for ourselves in Croatia. And a garden there have much more potential because of the different climate.
Nothings clear yet, and nothingās really decided. But it feels good to have a real plan. An apartment here, and a house in Croatia that we can move to when the boys have finished all school years here in Sweden. Mainly because I donāt want to take that away from them by moving. When youāre done with 9th grade here, you will be splitting up from your friend group and start different schools anyway.
And if that isnāt the case Iām okey with waiting until theyāve finished their gymnasium as well. Itās just 5 years as a maximum anyway.
My Ma doesnāt like the idea, but no matter what I do itās not enough for her anyway. So Iām at the point where I just stopped caring.
Thatās all Folks.
Wishing yāall a wonderful day
Feel frustrated at inertia. Iām getting itchy feet and need a change of scenery Although I love my home, I also love not being at home; getting stimulus from different places and areas. Kittens wonāt be kittens forever, and I need to get my passport renewed. Iāve never been good with feeling āsettledā or still, I get really bored and stir crazy. But Iām also a home body. Go figure. Sounds just like me.
Day 163
Still feeling kinda icky.
I sat in on a work meeting today and one of my fellow workmates had to introduce himself to the group so he proceeded with āHi everyone my names ******* and Iām an alcoholicā to everyones amusement except mine.
I got really fucking annoyed but didnāt show it. It has taken me a long time to admit to my addictions and accepting the whole terminology of alcoholism but I just took it really personally when I really shouldnāt have. Anyhow, another sober day in the bank.
Checking in n day 74. Back home house sitting in a beautiful home. Feels like Iām on vacay. So much so that my cravings came on strong! The salesman disguised as a cabana boy was back in full force. It took some intense prayer, mentally going through my list of the pros of not drinking, what just one will lead to and reminding myself I fell for that lie before and it took me 9 months to get back to zero. It was hard but I made it through
Coming here and reading others posts and experiences really helps to strengthen that resolve not to drink.
Much love to everyone and stay strong! Weāve got this!
Chcking in on day
441 no alcohol
372 no vapes or ciggs 81 no form of nicotine
41 no form of marijuana
When i was about 15 i had a terrible fall and chipped a bunch of my teeth
The last time i aaw a dentist was about 25 years old about 9 years ago
Today i see the dentist
Wish me luckd
Ill need it
Enjoying the afternoon coffee outside in the neighborhood. Now everyone is either at work or sleeping so is perfect time to be outside and to be with the own thoughts.
Hi everyone Day 9 Day 7 , woke up a lot more comfortable with my emotions this morning Iām very sad and panicked still when I wake up I donāt understand it but I donāt try to .I pray and journal read a bit out the big book and get on make a cup of tea ignore shit feelings . Iām doing some laundry for my mum today getting a speedy walk in and going to a meeting Tonight
Checking in day 128.
Feeling a lot better today, despite the family being tired after a rough night with our sick little man.
Hopped into bed a little earlier tonight and had time to read through the forum. It was good to read peopleās stories, it really puts things back into perspective. I need to be kinder to people, I donāt know whatās going on in their lives.
Hope everyone is having a good week, and if not, I hope your week improves
So we had to put towels on the floor and we couldnāt sleep because of the dripping sound. Shit happens 
. Hope your all having a good week stay safe.
Although I love my home, I also love not being at home; getting stimulus from different places and areas. Kittens wonāt be kittens forever, and I need to get my passport renewed. Iāve never been good with feeling āsettledā or still, I get really bored and stir crazy. But Iām also a home body. Go figure. Sounds just like me. 
so is perfect time to be outside and to be with the own thoughts.
