I wont pick up! My plan is to talk with my sponser after work, and BBQ salmon and keep busy. 
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Day 895
Last night i had the looonngest drug related dream ive ever had. It was like it was on repeat. I was searching for my DOC in my dream and thankfully couldnt find it. Woke up to my phone going off at 6am. It was my work asking me to work at another location that I find extremely mentally draining. So i called into work instead. I feel bad but at the same time, i need to protect my mental health too. So then i had all day to spend with my family, which was nice. I also decided to hit the gym for a full body workout which I really enjoyed. It helped me alot!
Outside of the gym, i just did some basic cleaning at home. Made supper and ate. Now getting my son ready for bed. Glad to be here ans glad to be clean and sober 
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2y 4m 95d no self harm
Iāve been struggling for months now to not relapse and Iām exhausted and I just donāt want to fight this addiction anymore. i will continue to because I know that giving up is not an option. but I really thought id stop wanting to come back to it by now. I made a list of reasons to not do it and that helped a bit
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I have to get up for work in just a few hours, but i havenāt gotten any sleep. My mind wonāt turn off.
When I get like this I have to be careful with myself so I donāt let dark thinking take over.
I have been feeling withdrawn and overwhelmed but I know that itāll pass. Itās just not easy sitting with these feelings.
I donāt want to relapse, and donāt think I am in danger of relapse. More concerned about sh thoughts creeping back inā¦
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Checking Day 406 AF
It was a good day. Packing is almost complete. Cleaned out a lot of junk and got rid of it. Handyman is coming tomorrow to pull the TVās down and patch the holes.
I joined a book club and tonight was the first meeting I attended. It was so nice to get out and socialize with other women not interested in going out and drinking. We read a great book called The Invisible Thread. Very heart warming and inspiring. All in all a good day.
Still contemplating finding a meeting to attend in hopes of meeting other sober people. Perhaps Iāll start with an online meeting.
Sleep well everyone!
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@Scorpn Iām kept awake by my thoughts more often than Iād like. Even when my bodyās exhausted. It always seems to happen when I have to be up earlier than usual and actually need to sleep 
I try to imagine somewhere serene and peaceful and focus on every detail I can to derail myself. Doesnāt always work but it pauses the spiraling for a bit 
528
Another chill day spent mostly at home. It feels like the constant standing at work is starting to affect my legs. Sometimes they feel swollen but look normal. I have been neglecting my after work stretching for some time, and now is when I should be doing it most. Got make sure the circulation keeps doing itās thing. Something to work on.
This time last year is when I had my first panic attack in over a decade, and a few more followed. Definitely had sensory overload around 6 months. This year I can definitely feel the stress that comes at this time, but no where near as bad. Iāve learned to separate the big chaotic ball of thoughts in my mind into smaller pieces so all of itās not always in the forefront. Still there, but I donāt focus on it all at once. Makes it feel a little easier 
One lunch shift and another 2 days off. I really did need this time away to recharge. Hoping to have a good shift 
Wishing you all a great Sunday 
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That isnāt strange at all, no worries Rob! If she made an arguement out of that, it said more about her 
Hope they work it out together and still have a lovely holiday together and with her parents.
Have a good sunday! 
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*Day 2139 
Looking forward to 2 days off from work, this sunday and tomorrow. Prosponed my crossfit class to tomorrow because of a sore arm. Nothing serious, but I wanna be carefull.
A lucky 4 leaf clover I found a few days ago
I find them regulary since young age. I used to dry them in my diary if I found them. But not anymore. I make a photo and leave them be
Today? Chill time and maybe going to the museum in Wassenaar. There is an exhibition I sure wish to see.
Have a good day ore night all!
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180 days AF
I feel I need some social media detox. Finding myself totally lost in YouTube shorts in the evenings for hours. Any experiences?
Thought about an extra time frame of 30 minute 2 times a day and maybe deleting YouTube temporarily on my smartphone. Donāt even use TikTok, Instagram, so on.
Long swim and barbecue today.
Life could be worse 
Love you guys
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Iām here, Iām alive Iām sober and Iām happy.
Day 151
After all the work with the garage sale yesterday my brother decided this morning that he doesnāt want to be apart of it.
So heās coming to pick up all the baby clothes they left here for us to sell a few weeks ago.
Guess I donāt have to say that Iām really tired of him at the moment.
But Iām not the only one, my entire family is by now.
In a way thatās nice too, because this way I donāt have to really care about him and his stuff. He showed pretty clear who he is.
Everytime thereās work to put in i vansih, like when we helped Ma. Or now when we prepared for this.
Just to show up everytime he needs help.
Guess heāll be sad when he realizes that he aināt getting anymore help from here from now on.
Iām starting to be pretty good at putting up boundaries. And creating me as the person I want to be all over again.
Itās interesting, and it feels strange to not take anyoneās s**t. I like it 
Thatās all Folks 
Wishing yāall a wonderful day.
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Day 2319. This place was/is part of my recovery program. The last few weeks were equivalent to the tail wagging the dog. No threats to my sobrietyā¦just my balance, my peace, my center shift a bit when I take this place out.
Stay sober friends.
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1877
Easy Sunday ahead. Some house chores and having a friend from highschool over for a meal. And a sh*tload of Olympic sports to watch. Will cook something healthy, something summery. And enjoy this day. Sober and clean.
Had a nice 
ride yesterday, the heath is starting to bloom, always a pretty sight, need to get back to that area soon. For now letās have as good a day as we all can. Letās make it clean and sober or nothing will come of it. Love.
@Juli1 Love you too friend
@MrsOdh Sounds good Sophia. Coming into your own more and more 
@Thirdmonkey Glad youāre here Scott. You are a part of my program. No joke 
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My friend, the feeling is mutual.
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Day 400 
woop woop 
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Right on my friend! Congrats!
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@Mno I need Amsterdam right nowā¦ I canāt wait to get a pushbike and you guys have most of them lol
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Welcome! When you come here and ride your bike be prepared though. Cycling here has it own rules. Hereās some good tips for you:
Extra complication these days are the E-bikes, many have been made faster than legally allowed. Rather dangerous to say the least.
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Do you guys have this electric kickbikes as well? Theyāre in every big city here. A lot of teens use them and is usually more than one on the kickbike as well.
A friend of mine had one if those crashing into him at a street market fair, he broke his foot in five different places. No charge for the teens because they where underaged, and it wasnāt something deadly like a car according to court.
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Thank u Have a fab day
Going to relax here. A beautiful morning
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Hey all, checking in on day 1505. I hope everybody has a good one!
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