Today is day 2. Is “beer fear” the worst thing ever?
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Aww thank you hun! I am clocking out of work and heading home. So hopefully my day gets better
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I’ve never heard that term before, but trusty Google filled me in 
Yes, it’s pretty terrible. It often caused me to have panic attacks the morning after blackouts in my early 20s. Be strong 
bc this is where I gave up many, many times just to feel better.
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Thank you Laura. Trust me. I have no intention of inflicting this on myself again. Literally poisoning myself, for what…
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Just checking in, day 58, life is going on, I’m still in it and not just watching from the side. Sometime very exausting, but very worse it I guess, at least in perspective of the future. Hope your all doing fine today.
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Today at work, my friend was fired, for being finished with their closing shift 15 minutes early, and not using cards for new hires on a shift with all 1year+ employees.
And I got a write up for running out of pastries and cleaning the case before close, and for one of my employees selling a coffee and making an Americano (more expensive coffee) when our coffee brewer was broken.
(First write up in almost 4 years)
But I guess it just means I should stop being complacent in my job, and start looking for something else…
If these are the things people are getting written up and fired for, I’m sure I won’t be there much longer anyway
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Checking in on day 114. Had a shite sleep, waking up at 2am. I had scheduled gym for 7am so am currently there now. Gonna go home and try and have a couple hours sleep before work.
Have a great day all.
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It’s been a hectic month and a half. Stress was always and will always be my trigger. I didn’t realize how much stress I’ve had until the other night. Here is the whole story for context.
At 4:30 AM early in May, my wife woke me up because my sister-in-law, one of her adopted sisters and our daughters birth mother (a whole story in itself), died due to driving while intoxicated. As stated she was our daughters birth mother, but she also left behind a 15 year old, 14 year old, 11 year old, 6 year old, and 5 year old. My 76 and 73 year old parent-in-laws took the kids in while we sorted out a more permanent placement solution. Ultimately, the youngest two are now living with us. J and K (not using names) are great 75% of the time but both have had immense trauma in their life (physical, mental, and sexual abuse from a step brother and birth father plus undiagnosed ADHD and other behavioral issues now being addressed). 12 years ago I got sober because I needed to be a better dad and husband. I had energy and patience. With these two, I am beyond struggling. They have never had an adult male figure living with them that didn’t do things to harm them. As a result they close off with me and actively indicate that I am not needed in my own home. I could post even more, but frankly that is not what I’m here for.
My check in today is know your trigger and watch the signs. Sunday night I dreamt I was in a bar watching the bartender pour me a whiskey sour. It was surreal. I knew it was a dream because I would never put myself in that spot. I took the glass and could smell it. In the dream I drank it and I swear I could taste it. Again, I knew and know it to have been a dream, because whiskey made me an angry drunk and caused me to wretch when I smelled it. I had to work during most of the day meetings and had promised to be attentive to the boys whether they wnated it or not, so I did an online meeting and was reminded to know my triggers and handle them. It wasn’t a relapse and won’t lead to one, but it’s the closest I’ve come in about 9 years.
Love each other everyone and make the right choices. For me that means trying again with these two kids because now I have two more reasons to say One Day At A Time.
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Wow! Thank you for sharing. First I must say I respect you and think you are amazing taking on the responsibility for these two. Second… Find the strength not to drink. I can only imagine how you will feel after such a decision… I will pray for you and your family.
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Thank you for the encouragement and prayers.
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WOW – that’s a great step Thomas – hope it helped and you feel better. You should try kayaking at least once (especially if you like water type activities). I find it very relaxing and soothing.
@sadmemequeen I’m glad you are seeing this and talking about it. A relapse usually takes time to fester before it happens. Knowing that you are always fighting it when you have free time – are you able to fill up your time to keep yourself busy? You deserve good things and I am glad to see things changing up for you. Hold onto the notion that you deserve a happy pain free life. You do not need to hurt yourself to feel alive. You are living now my friend. Stay connected here and keep pushing forward. Much love to you Meghan 
@montanalady77 The drinking thoughts do creep up almost immediately after you quit as the addict mind does not want you to leave the addiction. You are doing great with 3 days. Be prepared for your trip. Have your sparkling waters or whatever else you like to drink on hand so you are refreshed and don’t feel like you need a “drink” in hand. If you don’t have WIFI then have a exit plan so that you can escape to your safe space if you feel triggered. Write down all the reasons you are sober and why you wouldn’t want to repeat day 1 again. Keep it handy to read if the urges arise. ODAAT
@scorpn Sorry you had such a rough day Renee. Glad you are relaxing and hopefully will get some good sleep. Hope today was a better day for you. Sending you a massive virtual hug 
Not a pity party and a valid want. You do so much for everyone and it is natural to want that for yourself. Loads of comforting love your way. WOW that is some crazy shit at work. You are right that these are absurd reasons for being fired or written up.
@mrmoustache Great work on day 1 and you can do this! It is not just about white knuckling it – set out a plan – a routine to help yourself with the cravings. A good support system is key as well. Here you are surrounded by like minded friends who understand the struggle and can help but a meeting or recovery group may also be helpful. If not in real life then virtually. Keep at it friend – you just gotta get through the next moment and then the one after that and so on…
@lighter I’m sorry love – it sucks when we are in the “in between” stage of getting better. Not even sure how long this stage lasts but you are 100% right that sober is the way. Keep working your recovery – I do have hope that it will get better and easier.
@lovelylya Great work on finding your way back to the sober track and checking in with us. It just takes that one time to stick. Stay connected friend – together we can kick this beast!
@catmancam I totally get the hold back from doing physical activities when you don’t feel comfortable in your skin but knowing that the activities will help you get in better shape (physically and mentally) is like a catch 22. I recently said FUCK IT and I got back out doing what I want (when my body allows it) and wearing what I want cause I don’t want to layer and hide myself (especially in the heat). It wasn’t / isn’t easy and I still struggle in some ways but trying to get out of my own head. I wish the same for you my friend. You are amazing and deserve to be able to enjoy your life and your surroundings. Glad you had your therapy session today and were able to talk about your recent triggers. Sending you love as always.
@dan.h84 So good to see you back with us Dan! Great work on getting back on track and wishing you luck with your new counselor and meds 
@thirdmonkey Oh I hope all went well and he’s recovering with ease. Big hugs to him and sending healing vibes your way!
@submarinemonkey Thank you for sharing Chris. Grateful it was a dream and not reality – grateful you got to a meeting somehow when you realized the triggers. 9 years is amazing work – glad you have the tools and the know how to seek support when needed. 
Checking in on Tuesday
566 days free of alcohol and weed
981 days free of cigarettes
A busy day for sure. Feel like i just sat down and have to get up and get dinner started LOL. I am much better today and moving about. Yesterday was rough day with migraines and hurt shoulder. Shoulder is a bit better today so progress.
Having a great day. Hope you all are enjoying a addiction free day as well. Sending you all so much love
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2y4m26
Afternoon friends 
Its a hot 31°C here right now so my son and I ran a couple errands early this morning when it wasnt too bad. Got a nice watermelon from the store. Cant wait to have some for evening snack tonight 
I didnt make it to the gym this morning but I will try for tmrw. I think me waking up at 5am every day is unrealistic, so I think I will try for 3x a week at least. Not much else going on. Recovery is going well and I dont have many urges ro use. Just going to do some cleaning now and prep supper. Have a great day everyone! 
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doing my best to stay busy but i often find myself just dissociating to pass the time and then I get stuck in it and can’t snap myself out of it
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Thank you Jasmine. I’m in therapy for trauma, so I think I’m dredging up a lot of emotions. I just want to jump straight back into life but I have to ramp up. And focus on recovery first. Always doing a bit too much when I wind up but it’s worth it. I’m getting stronger even with insomnia. I appreciate your support . Really helps. Have a great evening
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I am so happy for you and congrats on your sober time!!
So what has worked for you over that amazing stretch to be abstinent from SH?
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honestly just having a support system. without my friends I wouldn’t have made it more than a week
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Well I nearly bought something again on impulse! I had it in my cart and sobriety jotted my brain. I walked away. Left the site and came on here.
Day 1 is nearly over. I stood down the beast today. I could have indulged but I didn’t.
Instead of checking out my cart, I checked in my sobriety.
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Thanks for sharing.
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