I’ve definitely not been using all my tools I’ve been in a but of a self destructive spiral I tend to just sit there with my feelings instead of doing anything about it lately
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thank you. I got through the night, I do think this is what is happening to me i am so used to living in chaos
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2y4m7d no self harm
had a good day at work so feeling a bit better. exhausted from work but better. I also got news that in October i get to go see Hamilton the musical and we got orchestra level seats! I’ve been a fan since the musical came out in 2015 so I am very excited
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He is doing good, little grumpy…but that is to be expected.
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This is such good news! Congratulations on ur new job! Im glad its lifting ur spirits a bit 
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Day 1299,
Can’t sleep. Racing thoughts 
, remembering a situation at a marketfestival here in town a few weeks ago. Went with a group and got myself my own drinks (water). But suddenly there it was, somebody came back from ordering beer, with one beer to many. So there it was, do you want it…?? I know it crossed my mind, oh well they don’t know I don’t drink, that one won’t hurt. I didn’t feel at ease since the situation caught me by surprise.
The next drink is only one arm length away…
Stay vigilant 
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Thank you for sharing, Rob. Always we need to be vigilant. Even when I have no desire to drink, a situation can come up with no warning.
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Glad you chose sobriety.
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Thank you. Now it’s the good ole nose dive of depression…
if you can’t indugle you’re definitely gonna feel it
All things I know. All things I don’t wanna feel but necessary for recovery.
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Checking in on day 14 
I didn’t make it on here yesterday because I had a very eventful day… after an extremely challenging day at work my co-worker invited me to go hiking. Old me would have loved to go home and had a strong drink to destress, but the healing and recovering version of myself knew a hike would feel so good for my soul. So we went and I’m so glad we did, we ended up saving a life!
We had a wonderful hike up the mountain, but when we got back down to the parking lot, we started to hear a noise. My friend thought it was an animal at first but after the 3rd time I realized it was someone yelling for help. We ran inside the visitor’s center and there was no one in there, not a single employee. We heard a scream coming from the bathroom and walked in to see an elderly lady had fallen and was laying on the floor. The stall was locked and we had to crawl underneath to get to her and unlock the door from the other side. She was responsive at first but declined so rapidly. We called 911 and waited until EMS got there. It took them 15 minutes and she was unresponsive and barely breathing when they arrived. It was 90 degrees so there were hardly any other cars in the parking lot. If we hadn’t found her I don’t know what would have happened. The universe knew I needed to be there at just the right time!
On another note, I had a follow-up with my outpatient rehab provider today and my most recent bloodwork showed that my liver function has already returned to perfectly normal levels! Here’s to 2 weeks sober! ODAAT 
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Yes. Not easy. Hang in there with us. I lived here on Day 2. Reading posts for hours kept those feelings in check. It helped me a lot to be online here early on. I’m happy you made it through your first day and first major challenge.
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@sadmemequeen I totally get this. Wishing you luck with figuring out the triggers before the disassociation happens so you can stay on top of it. I know its different for everyone – hopefully you will be able to sense it coming on in time to stop it. Do stay connected with us – you are doing so well my friend. Want to see you happy and thriving 
Hamilton the musical – you lucky girl! So excited for you. Been wanting to check out this for a while. I’m sure you will have a blast and its something you can look forward to.@
@lighter Oh man – therapy and past emotions being riled up can most definitely be triggering and have a major effect on our daily emotions and sleep. Big hugs as you work through this. You are getting stronger and keep remembering that when the insomnia hits.
@lovelylya That’s a big win! Congrats on fighting the addict brain and using your support tools. Day 1 WON! 
Keep going strong! You are not alone. Remember to lean on us when the depression hits and remember that it does not last
@rob11 about to be 1300 days my friend – very impressive. This addiction is so sickening and always ready to pounce. Way to be vigilant. Hope you are able to get some good sleep tonight
@justkaitlin Congrats on 2 weeks of sobriety! Congrats on getting your liver function levels to normal. WOW – what a crazy story. So grateful that you were there for this woman and were able to help. The universe works in mysterious ways.
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Wow. Today in my therapy we discussed GOD SHOTS. Whether you have faith or not yes you were right where you needed to be. Who is to say if you cancelled the hike your companion may not have gone. You are a hero.
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Thanks so much. So many sober days for you!!
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Congratulations on 2 weeks!!!
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Go, Dana!! Fantastic numbers. I do the 5am wake-up for the gym, too. I try for 4 days but cut myself some slack and sometimes only go 3. I’m happy for the days I do go. Hope the watermelon was tasty.
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We had an amazing dinner. I’m still full. Lol. And my sister’s anniversary was today!
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Happy Anniversary to your sister!
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Thank you. I appreciate the reply & care. 
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Thank you xx
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