Checking in day 134.
Thanks everyone for the congratulations 
proud dad here. Pick up our little man from daycare tomorrow and heāll get to meet his new sister! Fingers crossed all goes well. Have a great week everyone.
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Day 151
Difficult few days. Hard. No desire to drink is the very good part. Poor sleep and nightmares. I make progress then get slapped back down. There is no magic pill or fix. I am working hard at healing from trauma. Sometimes that healing feels awful. Facing it with a clear mind and body regardless of the pain. Itās not always bad, itās not always like this. I canāt give up ever.
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I suggest listening to something like Eckhart Tolle The Power Of Now alongside your therapy and sobriety. Draws you in, even if you resist the theory a little. Itās helping me immensely to snap myself out of a non present state. Last week I had a really shitty mental week and it was so annoying and frustrating as my emotions felt like a yo-yo. Sometimes seconds to seconds cycling between happy sad scared joy anxious. It was tiring and Iām teaching myself now that itās somewhat unnecessary TO ME to FEEL THESE NEGATIVITIES. I can withdraw into the present and reset with grace.
Also what helps:
Exercise
Breathwork
Mindful tasks like gardening or a jigsaw puzzle.
Like I said, itās helping me. I am not diminishing how you feel at all, just saying that I am having some benefits of forcing my mind to let go.
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Im not sure if it is helpful at all, but I just made a notice in your writing that you go up and get slapped back down. Im not sure if this would help, but try to shift your thinkinf/self talk to thinga go up and down, ebb and flow of life and what you are experiencing is just the challenging days of early sobriety. If we speak to ourselves like there is some force external or internal out to get us, slap us down and keep us in place, it frames our view and mind that there is some bad force we are a victim to when we are simply going through the downs of life.
Sometimes we are victims, no doubt but I find that framing down times for me in a way where its so personal (for me its more the narrative that I am cursed/what if i can never be happy or not meant to be as the universe/fate is against me) is super harmful. Down days happen to everyone, and the universe or life isnt out to pull me backā¦it just is, and its tough af sometimes but I find this perspective shift has carried me thrpugh so much in my life. I still go thefe during shitty moments, where my brain wanders to that thinking but my perspective is already thete because Ive besn practicing it over the years and years and she says to that part of meā¦āhey, you feel fhat way but you know its not true right? Jusy a shit day/event/week, etcāā¦
Anyway, not sure if its helpful but i picked up on that xo.
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Oh yeah I know it! Learning languages is a bit of a hobby of mine. Iāve got 7 under by belt and my goal is 10 eventually. Am thinking this time Iāll go for learning a new dialect Iāve been looking into. Helps keep me focused.
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@butterflymoonwoman hoping all is well with your son and you are able to get the x-ray and sample done today 
Keep setting that alarm girl - I too have been having trouble getting up and lately sleeping right through all the alarms 
but I know that if I keep at it then it and if I go to bed with the intention to start off with a early workout then it will click at some point.
@danam56 wishing you luck with your move ā it is today right? Hope all goes smoothly for you. 
from the stress of it all. That is a shock to return to. Hope the process to fix / replace is smooth and easy for you
@just_laura OMG that necklace story had me like 
WTF is wrong with people. Like yeah, i am just gonna walk around with these Loved that your daughter practiced and performed at karaoke ā how cool is that. Good for her! Hope you got some good rest last night.
@lefty624 Oh man iām sorry for the zombie feeling ā sending you energy and hoping you do get in the pool today (always so refreshing). 
that your unit arrives on time and in good condition.
@juli1 WOOHOO! Thatās so awesome to see my friend ā 6 months and kicking ass 
You are doing an incredible job Jules ā keep up the great work 
@mrsodh I am a low maintenance wash and go kinda girl. I did a pixie cut and loved it. Only trouble i found with short short hair is that you had to wash it as soon as you woke up cause i looked like i had been electrocuted otherwise wash and go ā used product once in a while to get the spike look but that became too much. That is just my experience with it. Iām sure you will look good with whatever you decide.
@scorpn Good luck friend ā that would be a great fit and hopefully much better hours
@mindofsobermike Ah man that sucks. Did he reschedule or give you a reason of why he cancelled? Try to do something for yourself today! Hope the depression lifts soon ā much love friend.
Thank you Mira! I needed to read this and absorb the words today. So very true and it is very easy to get into the victim mindset. I have felt myself going into this lately and will get my ass back on the positive train Only we can control our happiness (someone said that in a movie the other day and it has been replaying in my mind lately) ā guess this is the final sign to make that change. 
Checking in on Tuesday morning
I am starting to feel a bit better. Still did not get up on time this morning but thatās ok. It is super hot and we are at 91% humidity today so not likely to be walking outside LOL.
I have a lot of odds and ends to get done and hopefully will get some indoor exercises accomplished too.
Starting off with my hot cup of coffee and TS time.
Wishing you all a wonderful addiction free day! Sending you all so much love 
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Sending lots of love! Shitty days or weeks happens to everyone. I donāt have any spesific advice, just wanna support you. You got this, stay strong! Better days are ahead.
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Day 22. Today Iām feeling better than yesterday. No more emotion rollercoaster although Iām still a little bit of anxious and feel fear. But my mental health clinicās support person who visits me once a week came and we went for walk and just talked. After that I went again for a longer walk by myself, took a shower and now Iām in here and listening some music. Soon Iāll pick my book and start reading.
I wish you all a great day/evening/night! We got this!
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Thatās how I look every morning anyway
I either need to pineapple my hair, or make bantu knots to keep the curls decent. Otherwise I need to brush it flat with products, let it dry completely and sleep with a 90ās ponytail where thereās a lot of hairbands in a row to keep it straight down.
So most of the time I just put it up in a German Nanny bun. No brushing nothing 
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117 days sober
Itās been raining all day- dark and gloomy. Was the perfect day to stay in and bake. Some neighbors came over and baked with me it was a nice time together. I got some work done in the afternoon and sent in some emails to get permission for the new translation Iām planning to work on. Hoping to get started on that soon. I found out for sure that I canāt do the worktrip to complete my current project right now so Iāll have to put that aside. Sorta bummed about that but also a bit glad to postpone the travel. One of my friends is from Karakalpakstan and agreed to teach me Karakalpak which is a dialectical language Iāve been interested in learning so Iām looking forward to that as a new thing. Also looking forward to getting to know her betterā¦sheās not someone I know well.
All in all it was an okay day. I felt good and focused today.
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Iāve glamorized drinking in the past. And it Is glamorous for the first hour 
the next few days are where it goes south.
Iām correcting myself when I get into a train of thought about how nice it would be to be sitting in a Spanish bar by the beach sipping cold beers. It would be nice to be in a Spanish bar but sipping beers would quickly turn sour.
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Day 154. I could say slept awful and sore and stiff and I have to fill up the hummingbird feeders which I donāt feel like doing. But I wonāt say that. Up and a beautiful morning. Will stretch feed the birds, go to AA and I get to see my wonderful sponsor today
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Good luck with ur interview tmrw! I hope u get it! A discount on food would be fabulous!
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Congratulations on 6th months, thatās incredible and so inspiring!! Thanks for sharing!
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Just wanted to drop in and see how you are doing. Iām still praying and thinking of you 
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Yay!!! Soooo proud of u for ur 6 months!! Congratulations!!! Uv come a looong way friend 
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Checking in with 114 days sober. Iāll stay sober today too.
One more week until school starts and my youngest starts kindergarten, my oldest starts college. 
Should be interesting, glad I will experience it sober.
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Day 898
Good morning friends! Its been an early start to my day. The repair guys are currently here fixing the wall under the sink and im drinking my coffee waiting for them to finish. Im hoping they are done by lunch so that my son and i can head to get his xray and sample done. Not much else planned for the day i thinkā¦ besides the usual cleaning. Id like to have some time to just sit down and pray, be still, and be quiet. So I will make sure to do that. Hope everyone enjoys their day! Much love 
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Checking in day
447 no alcohol
378 no vapes or ciggs 87 no form of nicotine
47 no form of pot
Had a excellent start at work
After lunch i always bog down so im pretty bogged
Got the day planned for the rest of my shift
I work my nofnal routine for 3 more hours then a new end to the day thatās been going on for a while when i just organize shelf food. I do this my last hour at work
I like this because its a good easygoing end of the day
Thats me today
Take care
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Day 402. My wife has a cousin staying with us a few days which is great but they drank alot last night. They have gone to the shops to buy vodka for cocktails so my guess is they are on track for a few nights of this. I want people to visit and enjoy themselves but I do find it hard.
I will be polite and friendly and a good host and head to bed early again I think for the next few days
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