-10-
āThose who do not move, do not notice their chains.ā
-Q.R.
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Day 997 AF
Good evening, gang.
Went to the movies with the fam to watch Inside Out 2. It was good. We liked it.
Just chilling at the pad right now. Gonna excersise.
Another day sober.
I hope everyoneās doing well. ODAAT 
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1859
I didnāt have the best of sleeps just now. But itāll do. Iām sober and clean. That helps. One day at a time as always. All on our own roads but weāre in this together.
Iāve got another day of experience work coming up, yesterdayās was largely annulled because of staff shortages and a long meeting we had in the afternoon to discuss policy. Highlight of the meeting for me was the guided meditation we did where I fell asleep for a second or two. Started dreaming and was awoken by the voice of the guy doing the guidance. Who has a great voice for it btw.
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it sober and clean or nothing will come of it. Love from my favourite cycling road, the one along the coast through the dunes.
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Day 639
Mentally tired. But happy to be sober. Itās a hard week for me. But itāll pass and Iāll feel better. Itās been hard to eat, play with my little ones, and even shower. But I guess thatās just how the depression is hitting me this time. Just keep telling myself itāll pass and Iāll feel better soon.
Yāall
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87
Feeling empty and dissatisfied. Work was work, but went well. Glad someone picked up my shift for tomorrow. Hate this feeling. Just still in a lot of shock from trauma I guess and thinking about all of it just makes me zone out. Part of me really want to draw or paint something and I feel like that would be what I need right now, but I donāt have the energy. Going to shower and go to sleep probably, but trying to find the motivation to stand up.
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Thank you. 
Iām so sorry you had to deal with that, and Iām so happy for you that you found a way out of that situation.
Unfortunately itās my mom that causes it, Iāve lived with her in this environment for my entire life (27 years) so itās just what Iāve always known. Granted, some times are worse than others, and she slowly gets worse and worse overall throughout the years. Trying to work my way towards moving out. Just gotta work more to save up enough and I should be good to go. Just not sure how long itās going to take.
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Hmm 
Not necessarily. Hereās my take, from my experience on discovering what true depression is. A desolate, crippling, hopelessness that drains you of your will to go on living, and the only time Iād seriously contemplated suicide. This developed, and worsened, in my late drinking years, and Iād find relief almost immediately during periods of abstinence. Finally noticed the pattern 
For me, itās not the horrendous way I act during blackouts, or the inevitable consequences from driving drunk everyday, or the physical proof my body was shutting down, that keeps me from drinking everyday. Itās that I never want to be trapped in that hell again. Living life is my indulgence now. Your skies will clear, so long as you stay the course 
510
Not as productive a day as Iād wished, but pleasant nonetheless. Beautiful weather when thereās low humidity. Ran some much needed errands and spent some time outside. Had to, bc tomorrow predicts a 99% chance of rain. Should make for an uneventful lunch shift. Winding down and hoping for a good sleep. With my daughter away last night, I couldāve slept in as long as I wanted. Instead, my body decided that waking up 2 hours earlier than my usual time, after 5 hours of sleep, was good enough 
Still made it thru the day alright. Hope you all have a good one
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Checking in on day 20
My morning got started a little later than what I would have liked, I woke up with neck pain and was very very tired. As the morning went on it both of the issues got better but after lunch I got really irritable and really honest, which wasnāt necessarily a bad thing it stepped me out of my comfort zone and allowed me to stand up for myself which I donāt do. (For context I work for our family business) but as the clock ticked closer to 5 it slowly got better, Iām still having spurts of anxiety throughout the day but I think my meds are working better now that im not drinking.
I hope everyone had an alright day my med doctor told me that Progress = happiness and it looks like all of us been working on progressing ODAAT
Have a goodnight 
Bonus hereās a picture of some rain clouds rolling in
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Wow, look at you! 2 weeks sober 
A very healthy response after a challenging day: instead of drinking you went for that hike 
And the 2 of you where the lifesavior of that poor lady! What if you did got that drink? You would have a hangover, at day 1 again, filled with regret and guilt andā¦ maybe that lady would not have survived her fall.
Congratulations with making the right decisions! 
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*Day 2121 
Not much to share. Still a sore red arm because of the new ink. Looking forward to see it when healed, it takes time.
Picture of an beautiful painting I saw in the Groninger museum last week.
Simple, but when I saw it I could feel that sun at my body and memories float in about hot summers and beach holidays.
Itās the oposite of our summer this year. It raining most of the time 
Yesterday evening the rain managed to come in my home because of a leak in the roofā¦
So can you all please send us Dutchies some sun??
Today? Work.
See you around TS friendsšāāļø
You are never alone when you come here!! 
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Some days are brighter than others, heres my work view from the past few days.
1y 9m 20d AF
Its been a good week, man theres been some awesome sharing to read lately. Some up and some down. Everyones story adds a little to my day to ponder on.
I dont have alot to share as usual but im always around to talk to if ya need an ear. Or someone to message.
You are all amazingly strong people for putting down that one thing that you thought you needed.
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Everyone experiences it differently hun. Yes for me it is depression because I used to rock climb, I owned my own horse and used to ride, I worked, I used to be able to do the very things I loved and now I am bed ribben to a hospital day every single day. Now because my inability to walk, ever again. I was more of less speaking to myself in 3rd person. I canāt shower myself, dress myself - so yes when I canāt indulge in the addictive behaviors I am having to confront that instead of being distracted and purchasing stuff to deal with the pain.
So as you see just because you donāt understand the entirety of the story of why I feel depressed wrapped with my addictions, doesnāt mean itās not depression.
17 hours clean - today is a new day. Itās going to be torrential downpours today. I was able to talk to my oldest daughter yesterday & she understood - supports me all the way. Grief is so hard at times to swallow, harder when your coping is providing relief in unhealthy ways. But - one day at a time. I am going to push through. Everything feels on edge and magnified 100 times today. Yuck.
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Iām here, Iām alive Iām sober and Iām happy.
Day 132
Woke up to heavy rain and thunder today.
I hope the thunder keep on all day long. It has stopped for now unfortunately. But I love a good thunderstorm.
Made a pot of tea, and is patiently looking outside.
Applied for another job yesterday. My village is about to open a short term facilities for special need kids. In Swedish we just call it shorty. Donāt know what the correct English words is.
But itās basically like a daycare or nursery home where kids with special needs (ages 0-22 I guess, because when theyāre 22 we already have another facility for them) can come and stay for a few days, so parents and kids get some time away for each other. It can be to strengthen the kids and help them prepare for something special, like a summercamp or something. Or for the parents to have a rest, some time off from being Ć” jour 24/7 , or to give other siblings some space and time with their parents.
So basically I will work with kids similar to the girls I was a personal care teacher for, and kids thatās similar to my own kids with autism and other special needs.
Iāve applied for the night shift.
I know Iām getting against all the doctor and psychiatrist recommendations here but thatās why Iām applying for the night shift. Itās usually a calmer atmosphere during the night. And you never work more than 4 nights/ week working full time.
I still want to be a librarian but if I canāt this sounds like a great option. And I will be working in my own village.
Besides that weāre hoping to be able to get to the Cowboy Western theme park next Friday.
Almost forgot to tell yāall.
We really did the best of our one time and one time only sunny day yesterday.
Garden work outdoor play before lunch. Late lunch and play at the playground.
Afternoon fishing in the river, and the boys caught their first fish ever. A really small European perch (or maybe bass is the correct term? Not sure which is the correct one in English. We have to different kinds here, one that lives in the ocean and another one that lives in sweet water)
And then back home for a bbq.
Thatās all Folks 
Wishing yāall a wonderful day.
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I will, I usually tell him that itās okey. Weāre all different. And if he doesnāt want anything to mess around with his things, he doesnāt need to allow anyone to do that. His stuff, his room, his rules.
I also tell him that itās always okey to say no. And to change your mind. Even if you said Yes from the beginning, if it doesnāt feel good you can always change. And if he wants to get home or get away he can always call us,and weāll pick him up.
Same goes for all kids of course. Even the 21 y/o. She knows how to use it, and she does maybe a little too much sometimes (like when she doesnāt want to take the train home) but Iāll rather have that then her getting into something she canāt get away from.
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The important thing is that youāre here and check-in. Sometimes you just donāt have anything to say. And thatās good to.
Not everyone are a babbling Sparkling Disneydeligh chatterbox 
(Friend call me that once as an insult, to bad for him that I took it to heart and use it on a positive way instead)
Youāre view is stunning. I would love to work in that environment.
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Hello my beautiful sober friends, itās been a while since I posted. Iāve missed you all, you progress, your stories etc. I do hope youāre keep sobering on.
Well Iām doing great, the good Lord has been amazing to me. My sobriety resolve is stronger than before and luckily my recovery journey is going smoothly, alcohol and cigarettes are 2 things that donāt cross my mind. Nothing has triggered me since I canāt remember when. Oh how the Lord has been good to me!
Join me with a cup of Masala Chai as I toast 5 years clean and sober. Love you guys, keep on keeping on ODAAT.
Blessings and sobriety yāall!
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Im often out in small rural towns or out in the wop wops as we say here in NZ.
Fresh air and great views definitely help the day go by
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2nd day of being sober. Iām in a really dark place, anxiety, fear, panic attacks and depression. I have lots of cravings and my mind tries to justify to take the edge off by a drink or a joint. But I know these cravings comes and goes and I have to stay sober, no matter what. But oh boy, Iām so scared of being sober, the reality is just too overwhelming. Does anyone else have unknown fear in their guts?
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221 days
Busy day at work. Then when we foubd some quiet time we did dome training. This training today meant up and down a lot of stairs, thats on top of the stairs we already clomb in our normal work day.
Home to an empty house, this would have previously been a big green light for me. Not now . Its 9.15pm and Iām in bed and ready to get some sleep, back to work tomorrow morning hangover free
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@LovelyLya New day, new opportunities. I feel that one of the main difficulties of quitting an addiction is finding better coping skills. I know that I for myself definitely did engage in my addictive behaviors to forget, distract, lessen the physical and emotional pain, āmake me feel betterā. It worked. Until it didnāt. Until the relief was only miniscule and the suffering brought by engaging in my addiction surmounted my life. Confronting the pain brought by the addiction and then the pain I wanted to get rid off in the first place, thatās the work of a life time, I feel. Welcome to the journey 
Good to have you here.
@MrsOdh We had a nice storm with thunder and lightning last night. I enjoyed it immensly. I love the whole spectacle from how the air changes before the first signs and then everything else. 
About your job I assume you know your triggers and can try this opportunity out and be on the lookout for them. Thatās how I started an after school programm after getting burned out in a traditional school setting. And I really am enjoying it. Fingers crossed you find an option that works for you 
@2JTravNZ Thank you for sharing photos form your corner of the world. I always enjoy people sharing about their surroundings, especially if they are so different to mine. I tend to get mentally stuck in my own āworldā and seeing someting as different and as beautiful as this plain and mountain range reminds me to get out of my own funk and remember that we all get funks not matter the view 
@SoberWalker We had some sun yesterday. Maybe itāll move your way 
231 sugar
95 UPF
102 gluten
1 dairy
1 overeating
Yesterday I realized I was entertaining thoughts of āright eatingā. Like if something like that ever existed beyond my mindās insistence that it should exist. Eating only the ārightā food, only eating at the ārightā time and for the ārightā reasons, feeling the ārightā way before, during, and after eating. Having only the ārightā thoughts and emotions around it. 
Brain farts all together 
I already did my morning run today and my daughter is off to her arts workshop. Today itās laundry room weather. Humid, cloudy, warm.
I was going to work some more on state machines but then my mum called and we just squandered the time 
. Later I need to pick up a prescription, and then Iāll go with my daughter to an arts shop for her to choose new markers. Thatās my birthday present for her. I did not want to choose the colors for her as she has her own ideas what she wants to draw and paint. So we are going together. We want to pick up a potted plant from a friend later. Depending on the weather maybe the pool. Some yoga in the late afternoon and Recovery Dharma in the evening.
Have a day of peace, kindness and freedom friends 
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