Checking in daily to maintain focus #68

Congratulations on your 5 months :sparkler::fireworks::sparkler::fireworks::sparkles:

@MrsSlinky congratulations on your 30 days :muscle:

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Well its almost the end of the work day and I am still feeling low, im angry with myself because im know better. The feelings will pass. I have no urge to drink im feeling ashamed :disappointed:

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@lighter There it is officially! 5 months and going strong girl! Did you go get that sun burn celebrating your awesomeness?
@kris So happy that you talked some sense into you. It is crazy how our addict mind works. Grateful to see you looking ahead to achievable milestones. Keep reaching for the stars my friend. :muscle: :star: :heart:
@carlydykes Welcome to the community and glad to see you checking in with 12 days! Smart to try and find a hobby or something to keep yourself busy. Some days I was too tired to do anything so just sat like a sloth and played silly games on my phone till i had to sleep. Whatever gets you through the craving is good. Stay connected with us here too ā€“ this is a great place full of advice, support and distractions. You are among friendsā€¦ keep pushing through ā€“ it does get easier.
@catmancam Thanks friend. Feels good to be sober and keep my timers in tact. Way to go on achieving your goals. Hope you were able to get some decluttering done. :people_hugging:
@laner Sorry about the loss of your neighbor. This can be a very exhausting and emotional time. Grateful you are able to be there for your neighbors :hugs: :heart: Congrats on your 120 days!

Smart move! Best not to tempt temptation. You are doing great with 11 days. Keep stacking up the days and building those sober muscles :muscle:
@jesile Yeah to double digits and man that is a lot of hats. Glad Menmo asked cause I too was curious on what S&M meant. Thank you for the explanation
@butterflymoonwoman Glad you were able to get a hold of the oncologistā€¦ hope he can set up a good plan before he leaves for the week. Sending you energy and calming vibes as you tackle the overnight shift ahead :hugs: :pray: :heart:
@leroy look at you sneaking in. Glad to see you friend. Great work on 131 days clean :muscle: Keep kicking ass ODAAT :muscle:
@bomdhil You are too sweet and kind my friend. Thank you so much :pray: Keep at it friendā€¦ you are at double digits and climbingā€¦ :hugs: :tada:
@button83 Fuck that shame ā€” our addict mind lives on it and that is what it uses to keep us in its throws. You are getting out of this cycle and pushing through with fierceness! The energy levels will be low, you will feel like crap but do know that this does not last. Hang tough my friendā€¦ we are all here in your corner! Keep pushing forward :muscle:

Checking in on Friday evening
590 days free of alcohol and weed
1005 days free of cigarettes
Its been a day. Had the best walk ever this morning followed by a lovely swim. Thankfully the rain storms held off till much later in the day and only lasted a few hours. I did finally get to some paperwork and followed up on some applications that I had filed to find out that they never went through. Grateful I went in person and got it cleared up. Spent a good 4 hours getting it all sorted and have a follow up call in September. Serves me right for procrastinating.
Got a shit ton of errands done. Got super frustrated with my long tangled always damp hair that i took scissors to it today. A total hack job and grateful I was able to get it cleaned up professionally. Feel better and lighter.
Treated myself to some Thai food and watched Space Cadet on Prime. Gonna call it an early night.

Wishing you all a wonderful addiction free day / evening! Sending you all so much love :heart: :heart:

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I feel very stressed out and triggered yet I barely have any stressors going on in my life. I donā€™t have a job I live in a very supportive group home that is free of charge so I donā€™t even pay rent. I have no idea why Iā€™m stressed or why Iā€™m letting it get to me. I didnā€™t get any sleep last night bc I was in sm pain. That might contribute to how Iā€™m feeling. I went to urgent care and got a anti-inflammatory shot as well as litochaine patches and a medication for spasms for my back. Doctor said they could feel the spasms and my back is very irritated. Glad I got some treatment and fingers crossed tonight will be better. Praying no pain waking me up in the middle of the night so I can get some real sleep.

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1883


Working weekend coming up. I should be in Paris to shout my nephew towards a rowing medal this morning but well, Iā€™m not. Will have to watch him at work. Iā€™m a bit ashamed about it but it is what it is and shame is such a negative counterproductive emotion.

Otherwise Iā€™m OK. Did another emdr session from which I came away less exhausted than the previous one. Thatā€™s good. Woke up lots this night, many dreams. Itā€™s muggy and Luna was up and about early too.

Anyway. Letā€™s have as good a day as we all can friends. And letā€™s make it sober and clean or nothing will come of it. Love from the dairy farm where I got some really excellent cheese yesterday. Love.

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@Button83 welcome back :people_hugging: if thereā€™s any left, pour it down the drain, drink some water, get some rest, and start again. You know you can do it, sending strength šŸ©µ
@Laner sorry for your loss :people_hugging::mending_heart:
@Jesile congrats on good sleep :sleeping: and double digits :tada:
@Bomdhil congrats on double digits :tada:
@Jules000 wishing you a pain-free sleep :sleeping: :crossed_fingers:t2:

1453 days no alcohol.
918 days no cocaine.
433 days no vape.
6 days no crisps, no binge-eating.

Yesterday I did every part of my daily routine; I caught-up here, meditated, did my morning routine, did my steps & rehab exercises, listened to an episode of a podcast, and watched an episode of TV in the lounge. I also attended my nurse appointment in the morning, and online therapy in the afternoon.

I havenā€™t slept for a single second. Instead of letting myself fall asleep when I was tired at 8pm, I went with the urge to watch an episode of TV in the lounge, something that is supposed to be part of my daily routine, but that I havenā€™t done for atleast a month, maybe two. So, when I tried to go to sleep an hour later, my brain wasnā€™t having any of it, and I have paid the price of Insomnia. I need to stay awake today too, because I have a lot of jobs to do around the flat, ready for the inspection next Thursday. I am hoping the tiredness Iā€™m now feeling wonā€™t get in the way. :crossed_fingers:t2:

No joke, I have captured and released 5 spiders during the night! In varying sizes. I have a phobia of them so now Iā€™m hypervigilant :grimacing:

Wishing you all wonderful sober weekends. :blush:

šŸ©µ

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Day 12 turned into day 0. For a hundredth time thought I have control, ignored some triggers, went spiraling until nothing could overpower the obsessive thought.
I promised myself Iā€™ll never relapse, and I let myself down. But I woke up today, opened my eyes to the loving Universe with bottomless sky and soothing sound of tender wind. And Iā€™ve braced myself to make it proud, to forgive myself and try as hard as I can.

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Iā€™m certainly not a sado maso expert, if thatā€™s what @Mno was thinking! :rofl::rofl:

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Checking in with 118 sober days under my belt. Took the family to a MLB game. Lots of people were drinking but it didnā€™t bother me. I was happy with my soda, water, good food and good company.
Iā€™m happy I could come out of today happy and sober.

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  1. All good. No other way than sober. When I enter different situations and places and experiences, it teaches me the humble truth that none of my JOY would be possible without this child like state of sobriety. Trusting myself. Honouring my wants and needs. Being present. Feeling realness in all its smoothness and ugly bumps. I canā€™t live happily any other way than this. This is proven and accepted on the daily. I think about the things I accomplish and imagine putting a filter of the drinking version onto that scenario. The picture is so different with alcohol, itā€™s scary and blurred and uncertain and dangerous and full of anger and hurt and recriminations. I know my sobriety is my most cherished gift to myself and that I need to care deeply for it.
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The feeling of rising for work fresh never gets old does it :grin: when I think of how I felt in the past trying to get to work it makes me shudder. Itā€™s among the many gifts that comes with this deal :pray:

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186 days AF

Pushed the button and blocked him, sent a short explanation before!

I feel great, proud, release and immediate healing. Thanks @CATMANCAM for this pov, this helped too :hugs:

Recovery is growth :heart:
Love you guys

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255 sugar
119 UPF
126 gluten
25 dairy
8 overeating

On vacation.

Yesterday one of my many cousins called and organized a somewhat spontaneous get together for the weekend.
In about an hour Iā€™ll be on the train to Katowice and hope to see alot of family I have not had the chance too see in years. This is going to be an exciting vacation.

Letā€™s keep our hearts open friends: in peace, kindness and freedom. ODAAT

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@Lighter Congrats on 5 months! :tada: Youā€™ve come so far since youā€™ve joined :smiley: Amazing!
@Kris Sounds like youā€™ve experienced acceptance :pray: I used to be jealous of those who could handle their alcohol and wished it true for myself. Once I finally accepted it just wasnā€™t, no one elseā€™s actions mattered. To thine own self be true.
@Button83 I really feel for what youā€™re going through Julia :people_hugging: I was stuck in that place for years :disappointed: In the end, it was enduring that hopeless despair for so long that finally made it click. There was only one choice left. I havenā€™t felt that low since the day I quit, and I never, ever plan to end up there again. You will get there :heart: NEVER GIVE UP!
@CATMANCAM This is silly, but I think itā€™s so sweet of you to release those spiders from your home :relieved: So many otherā€™s fear response is to immediately stomp them out, and thatā€™s not fair. They deserve to live just as much as we do. Good karma, friend :pray: Many essential oils are known to deter spiders/insects. I use peppermint, tea tree, and eucalyptus :herb:
@Tragicfarinelli :point_up_2: Very well said :hugs:

534

Another night of little sleep :sleepy: My mind wouldnā€™t shut off again. It hasnā€™t been much of an issue lately, but this IS the biggest weekend of the year, so I understand. Just grateful it hasnā€™t caused me any panic attacks like last year.

Today felt like a normal Friday. The golfing happened this afternoon and I was scheduled for dinner again. The reservation list was rather small(less than 40), but it was obvious our boss didnā€™t keep up with any voicemails/emails when several tables walked in saying they called/emailed :face_with_diagonal_mouth: It was chaotic for a while, scrambling to get tables together on the spot, but it calmed down and turned out just fine. Tomorrowā€™s the big day. Not going to try and predict what will happen bc I honestly donā€™t know. Thatā€™s what I need to keep telling myself. Off to bed now for a good nights sleep :pray:

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7y7m19d
Iā€™ve been depressed most of this week but got through it okay. I just really want to snap out of this. I watched a little bit of the Olympics tonight which was fun. The US menā€™s volleyball against Japan. Iā€™m so bummed I missed all of the womenā€™s gymnastics so far and Simone Biles. Maybe Iā€™ll see if itā€™s on youtube. I had a super emotional share last Sunday at my womenā€™s meeting. Thatā€™s probably part of what has me feeling so emotional this week. Now the pharmacy is telling me that the insurance wonā€™t pay for my full prescription of antidepressants, only half of it. Which sucks but Iā€™m trying to get that sorted out. Meanwhile Iā€™m about to run out of pills and need to see if I can get some more while I wait to hear back from insurance. I feel like I am moving backwards a bit this week with my meds and happiness, but I know I am doing the best that I can right now. And Iā€™m sober.

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*Day 2145 :walking_woman:
Have had a very busy week with work and social stuff. It was good but much.
Yesterday I felled stress boiling up in my stomache because my weekend was filled with social activaties too. No space to rest ore have some ā€œmeā€ time.
So I decided to do something about that and prosponed some of my appointments.
It was such a relief! :sweat_smile:
Iā€™m not a talent in setting boudaries, but Iā€™m deffinitely doing it more often and seeing the results from it.


Picture from the artichoke I saw a few days ago, lovely big flower! :purple_heart:
So today? Some powerlifting at home, house chores and maybe a long bath :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
Have a good day ore night all!

Ps ik zal duimen voor je neef @Mno , we can use another medal :medal_sports:

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Iā€™m here, Iā€™m alive Iā€™m sober and Iā€™m happy.
Day 157.

A bit of a heavy day yesterday, and yet I feel light as a feather, still have some issues to resolve like the one with selling the house. But at least Iā€™ve got a plan there. That helps.

Anyway, yesterday I told my former best friend to go soms place much warmer (and I donā€™t mean on vacation) I told him that if he ever try to contact my in anyway again, Iā€™m going to report him to the police for harassment and stalking.

So tired of this guy, Iā€™ve tried to break up our friendship for years but he has always refused to let me. Yesterday was to much and I got in a state where I simply donā€™t care anymore.
He had written a message online and didnā€™t got an immediate response. So he started to say a lot of mean things, things like that my dreams arenā€™t in line with reality, that he hopes my husband dies from his possible cancer. That Iā€™m toxic and only care for myself. That heā€™s tired of walking on eggshells around me, because he hasnā€™t tried to be anything else than my best friend for 20 years.

I donā€™t usually get mad or upset, I mostly get tired and exhausted. Yesterday I just lost it, I got upset for real. And wrote that if Iā€™m that bad, why doesnā€™t he just stop trying to follow me around, and manipulative me into feel something for him. Because I donā€™t. The I wrote the things I said above, that Iā€™m done with him forever, and wonā€™t let him trying to put me down or control my life in anyway any more. And that I will report him if he ever tries to contact me in any way.

After that I blocked him, everywhere. I feel a little bit bad for it. I usually donā€™t get that upset, and try to not say hurtful things to anyone. I also still owe him a bit of money. But I guess he can always file a claim to the authorities and get them back if he wants to. I donā€™t care.

Besides that issue, we had a wonderful day. It was warm and sunny. Thereā€™s also our provincial accordion :accordion: meet at the village camping spot this week. So last evening we went to their concert. Weā€™re going back this afternoon for another Concert. It was mainly elderly people there, one young lady (with an amazing pixie cut) was playing at the concert.

My 14 y/o felt like they could have something together with his folk dance team for next year, since they played a lot of the songs theyā€™re Dancing to. So he is going back today for next concert which also includes some people from our village that plays for the folk dance team, so they can talk about it.

We where supposed to go back to the Cowboy/Western theme park today. But the boys wanted to stay here for the accordion meet so thatā€™s what weā€™re doing. :blush: :accordion:

Thatā€™s all Folks :heavy_heart_exclamation:
Wishing yā€™all a wonderful day.

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245 days
Good day at work. Managed to find some time to pop out and watch my daughter compete at a little competition.
Finished work and went around to an old friends place, where he was having a get together. Old friends that I grew up with. Partied with. Was good. Didnā€™t stay too long as it was definitely heading in a certain way haha.
Couple of the boys are also sober now, but most are definitely not.

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I poured it out yesterday. Or i mean the day before. Just realzed its after 1 am. I didnt drink. But i am going to eat some kraft dinner , a kittle comforty food. :orange_heart:

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Yea I generally really enjoy my job. Even hungover it was still great, but man some days were tough and dragged on.
Now Iā€™m sober every days a good one. I enjoy spending time with the crew and even the hard times are easier.
Tomorrow Iā€™ll get up early and hit the gym before work

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