Checking in daily to maintain focus #68

The feeling of rising for work fresh never gets old does it :grin: when I think of how I felt in the past trying to get to work it makes me shudder. Itā€™s among the many gifts that comes with this deal :pray:

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186 days AF

Pushed the button and blocked him, sent a short explanation before!

I feel great, proud, release and immediate healing. Thanks @CATMANCAM for this pov, this helped too :hugs:

Recovery is growth :heart:
Love you guys

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255 sugar
119 UPF
126 gluten
25 dairy
8 overeating

On vacation.

Yesterday one of my many cousins called and organized a somewhat spontaneous get together for the weekend.
In about an hour Iā€™ll be on the train to Katowice and hope to see alot of family I have not had the chance too see in years. This is going to be an exciting vacation.

Letā€™s keep our hearts open friends: in peace, kindness and freedom. ODAAT

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@Lighter Congrats on 5 months! :tada: Youā€™ve come so far since youā€™ve joined :smiley: Amazing!
@Kris Sounds like youā€™ve experienced acceptance :pray: I used to be jealous of those who could handle their alcohol and wished it true for myself. Once I finally accepted it just wasnā€™t, no one elseā€™s actions mattered. To thine own self be true.
@Button83 I really feel for what youā€™re going through Julia :people_hugging: I was stuck in that place for years :disappointed: In the end, it was enduring that hopeless despair for so long that finally made it click. There was only one choice left. I havenā€™t felt that low since the day I quit, and I never, ever plan to end up there again. You will get there :heart: NEVER GIVE UP!
@CATMANCAM This is silly, but I think itā€™s so sweet of you to release those spiders from your home :relieved: So many otherā€™s fear response is to immediately stomp them out, and thatā€™s not fair. They deserve to live just as much as we do. Good karma, friend :pray: Many essential oils are known to deter spiders/insects. I use peppermint, tea tree, and eucalyptus :herb:
@Tragicfarinelli :point_up_2: Very well said :hugs:

534

Another night of little sleep :sleepy: My mind wouldnā€™t shut off again. It hasnā€™t been much of an issue lately, but this IS the biggest weekend of the year, so I understand. Just grateful it hasnā€™t caused me any panic attacks like last year.

Today felt like a normal Friday. The golfing happened this afternoon and I was scheduled for dinner again. The reservation list was rather small(less than 40), but it was obvious our boss didnā€™t keep up with any voicemails/emails when several tables walked in saying they called/emailed :face_with_diagonal_mouth: It was chaotic for a while, scrambling to get tables together on the spot, but it calmed down and turned out just fine. Tomorrowā€™s the big day. Not going to try and predict what will happen bc I honestly donā€™t know. Thatā€™s what I need to keep telling myself. Off to bed now for a good nights sleep :pray:

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7y7m19d
Iā€™ve been depressed most of this week but got through it okay. I just really want to snap out of this. I watched a little bit of the Olympics tonight which was fun. The US menā€™s volleyball against Japan. Iā€™m so bummed I missed all of the womenā€™s gymnastics so far and Simone Biles. Maybe Iā€™ll see if itā€™s on youtube. I had a super emotional share last Sunday at my womenā€™s meeting. Thatā€™s probably part of what has me feeling so emotional this week. Now the pharmacy is telling me that the insurance wonā€™t pay for my full prescription of antidepressants, only half of it. Which sucks but Iā€™m trying to get that sorted out. Meanwhile Iā€™m about to run out of pills and need to see if I can get some more while I wait to hear back from insurance. I feel like I am moving backwards a bit this week with my meds and happiness, but I know I am doing the best that I can right now. And Iā€™m sober.

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*Day 2145 :walking_woman:
Have had a very busy week with work and social stuff. It was good but much.
Yesterday I felled stress boiling up in my stomache because my weekend was filled with social activaties too. No space to rest ore have some ā€œmeā€ time.
So I decided to do something about that and prosponed some of my appointments.
It was such a relief! :sweat_smile:
Iā€™m not a talent in setting boudaries, but Iā€™m deffinitely doing it more often and seeing the results from it.


Picture from the artichoke I saw a few days ago, lovely big flower! :purple_heart:
So today? Some powerlifting at home, house chores and maybe a long bath :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
Have a good day ore night all!

Ps ik zal duimen voor je neef @Mno , we can use another medal :medal_sports:

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Iā€™m here, Iā€™m alive Iā€™m sober and Iā€™m happy.
Day 157.

A bit of a heavy day yesterday, and yet I feel light as a feather, still have some issues to resolve like the one with selling the house. But at least Iā€™ve got a plan there. That helps.

Anyway, yesterday I told my former best friend to go soms place much warmer (and I donā€™t mean on vacation) I told him that if he ever try to contact my in anyway again, Iā€™m going to report him to the police for harassment and stalking.

So tired of this guy, Iā€™ve tried to break up our friendship for years but he has always refused to let me. Yesterday was to much and I got in a state where I simply donā€™t care anymore.
He had written a message online and didnā€™t got an immediate response. So he started to say a lot of mean things, things like that my dreams arenā€™t in line with reality, that he hopes my husband dies from his possible cancer. That Iā€™m toxic and only care for myself. That heā€™s tired of walking on eggshells around me, because he hasnā€™t tried to be anything else than my best friend for 20 years.

I donā€™t usually get mad or upset, I mostly get tired and exhausted. Yesterday I just lost it, I got upset for real. And wrote that if Iā€™m that bad, why doesnā€™t he just stop trying to follow me around, and manipulative me into feel something for him. Because I donā€™t. The I wrote the things I said above, that Iā€™m done with him forever, and wonā€™t let him trying to put me down or control my life in anyway any more. And that I will report him if he ever tries to contact me in any way.

After that I blocked him, everywhere. I feel a little bit bad for it. I usually donā€™t get that upset, and try to not say hurtful things to anyone. I also still owe him a bit of money. But I guess he can always file a claim to the authorities and get them back if he wants to. I donā€™t care.

Besides that issue, we had a wonderful day. It was warm and sunny. Thereā€™s also our provincial accordion :accordion: meet at the village camping spot this week. So last evening we went to their concert. Weā€™re going back this afternoon for another Concert. It was mainly elderly people there, one young lady (with an amazing pixie cut) was playing at the concert.

My 14 y/o felt like they could have something together with his folk dance team for next year, since they played a lot of the songs theyā€™re Dancing to. So he is going back today for next concert which also includes some people from our village that plays for the folk dance team, so they can talk about it.

We where supposed to go back to the Cowboy/Western theme park today. But the boys wanted to stay here for the accordion meet so thatā€™s what weā€™re doing. :blush: :accordion:

Thatā€™s all Folks :heavy_heart_exclamation:
Wishing yā€™all a wonderful day.

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245 days
Good day at work. Managed to find some time to pop out and watch my daughter compete at a little competition.
Finished work and went around to an old friends place, where he was having a get together. Old friends that I grew up with. Partied with. Was good. Didnā€™t stay too long as it was definitely heading in a certain way haha.
Couple of the boys are also sober now, but most are definitely not.

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I poured it out yesterday. Or i mean the day before. Just realzed its after 1 am. I didnt drink. But i am going to eat some kraft dinner , a kittle comforty food. :orange_heart:

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Yea I generally really enjoy my job. Even hungover it was still great, but man some days were tough and dragged on.
Now Iā€™m sober every days a good one. I enjoy spending time with the crew and even the hard times are easier.
Tomorrow Iā€™ll get up early and hit the gym before work

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Hey all, checking in on day 1511. I hope everybody has a good one!

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:sunny: -29-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6lwFmPcfZY

Accepting dual poles that always walked separate paths. How can you be in to different places at one time? Truth to be told - in this new life that we are all entering - everything is possible. Expect Miracles to happen. Accept Yourself. Either we can run away from our destiny or we can Accept it. Pain can be part of the destiny too. Running from pain, seeking pleasure - Ignoring Death, Ignoring Darkness, Ignoring Nights, Ignoring Loneliness - Equals - Ignoring Growth, Ignoring Source Roots and Life Itself.

Yet, we Fight - we make Wars - we Divide. Forgive Your Enemies! ā€˜ā€˜Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other alsoā€™ā€™.
We take a pieces of jigsaw puzzle. Pieces might seem different. Shape might look different.
Different colors. They do not seem to connect, But if we Zoom Out - We start to see a Bigger Picture!

If we move towards center - we are getting closer to each other - and If we are getting closer to Each Other - we are getting closer to the Center, away from the Illusion, away from disconnection, towards who we truly are.

Thank You for being here :blue_heart:

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Day 406.got two cheap pair of glassesā€¦ Dad glasses. I canā€™t justify buying expensive glasses anymore. I lose them or break them or scratch themā€¦ So cheap it is.

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Checking in day 138.
Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

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So many days clean thatā€™s truly inspirational as well as youā€™re mentioning your mental activities and wellbeing including non-wellbeing - reminds me itā€™s just life that is not pinky positive there is always some turd in it which we must just accept and in better case if we are able to - clean from our house.

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Afternoon all day 47 sober checking in ,

Feeling good and energised today took my lads blackberry picking so we are going to make a blackberry and apple crumble :blush:

Hope you all have a good weekend stay safe :nerd_face::+1:

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This feeling you have right now will help you to become stronger the next time you are challenged. Keep your head high. You are still one of the special people who are making a choice to not drink. I know itā€™s hard, but you can do it!

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Day 26 and going strong. Today is a rainy day and I donā€™t like it. I wish to go for a walk, but luckily I have a good book to read. I went vegan few days ago. Iā€™ve been vegan before, but always went to back eating animal products. This time I feel confident that I stay vegan. I hope you all have a great Saturday!

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Today I get to spend the day with my niece and nephew.
When I was drinking regularly, my anxiety would be so bad that Iā€™d worry too much about possibly having a panic attack while they were under my care.

Today I get to experience the joy of making memories with them without that alcohol/hangover induced stress and anxiety. Not to mention the exhaustion that comes with it.

Today is a good day to be sober :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::two_hearts:

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Day 2325. Just waiting for work to start. Pondering life, hoping a manager gets here soon, because I really gotta pee!

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