Hey all, checking in.
Money is very tight right now so its on my mind a lot. Went for a job interview today and it went okay, I think I have a lot to offer but there were some aspects of the position I dont have experience with and I was honest about that. Its been a very long time (17 yrs?) since I have had to go out and find a job. I was in school and working for the university for a long time so I feel like a fish out of water. I know the process can be discouraging and isnt always fun, so I am remindinf myself that I am not alone in that. Something will come, i just have to pray on it and work towards it.
As a mom also, I had 3 kids in 5 yrs and then took time off for my nephew. We wsnt to say we can have it all, and Im just not here for that.
I just want to find something that will be meaningful, pay okay and not try to squeeze me. Thats it. I cant say it isnt stressinfbme because Lord it is. I instantly left the interview feelinf I blew it because I didnt have experience in certain areas, but this happens to me in pass fail situationsbwhere i perform and then feel like i tanked.
Anyway, tired of being broke. Trying to remember tobbe grateful, and I realoze i am just trying to control the situation. Somethinf will come. Something will come. Something will come!
@Suzrene Itās good to see you posting So sorry youāre dealing with this situation. I went thru this in every relationship Iāve been in, during times of wanting to better myself(before I knew anything about recovery). Boundaries are difficult to set, especially new ones, but it sounds like youāre doing whatās best for you. Take care of yourself
582
Still pretty tired this morning, but definitely a better day. I am not getting used to waking up earlier, especially when itās still dark I did get to vacuuming, dishes, and a bit more, so Iām happy for that. Today was open house at my daughterās school. All her teachers seem nice, but I especially loved seeing her with her classmates. Iām so glad sheās making so many new friends. There werenāt many at her old school. Itās been nice having 2 days in a row off and no real plans to make me feel rushed. I really needed it. Gonna finish this movie and hit the hay. Enjoy the journey everyone
Having my coffee, getting ready to go to therapy in Utrecht. Taking my friend there to see the town. Yesterday walked around my own town and neighbourhood in the lovely autumn weather. Holidayās winding down, Monday I will be back at work. Itās OK I guess.
Wil make today as good a day as I can, just as I expect from all of you. Itāll be sober and clean for sure as that is what it all begins with. Love from my favourite flower garden, close to my old job. I donāt come there enough these days. Glad I saw it again. X
293 days
busy day, straight into it as soon as I got there, then a full day of training.
Back tomorrow for a 24hr shift. Theres a bit of a party going on tomorrow night for one of the guys. Best if I skip it and stay on at work for an extra shift.
@Mno Is this the garden we visited together? I imagine it to be even more beautiful this time of the year! @Just_Laura I hate getting up while itās still dark. I mean, letās be real here. Even the mighty sun was not able to drag their sorry behind from wherever it goes to sleep, the sun god has not driven his chariot through the sky yet, so how am I - a mere human - supposed to perform that kind of feat. These are pretty unreasonable expectations if you ask me @Mira_D Hey there Tackling something new, going into a situation you are not used to, trying something you have not done in years is a very brave thing to do But all that bravery also is very draining and tiring. A pat on your back than and take care of yourself. It will get easier with time.
303 sugar
167 UPF
41 gluten
41 dairy
Last few nights have been rather challenging and I feel really tired. I also do have marvelous sunshine, a migraine free child and coffee here. So this confirms my assumption that life is a pretty complex trip. I like that
I did my morning run, accompanied my daughter to school, made my plan for the day. Iāll be working on even more story and narrative for my game - Iām hooked! Apart from the usual daily stuff the optician called, my new glasses - the varifocal ones - are ready and I am going to pick them up later in the day. I am pretty curious about the experience. Everyone tells me it will take time. So Iāll take my old ones just in case so I donāt cause a major accident on my way home
And then there is role playing game night this evening. Looking very much toward that. There is that strange interstellar ship drifting through space and the people there are behaving strangely to say the least.
Some autumnal feels from the Junior University in my town.
Day #292
So yesterday as i wrote i went to AA for a second time. @JazzyS as you asked - it went quite good. In this group i think that i can communicate more easily and can be more suitable for me.
Today i have to prepare the suitcase again we are planning to go to the mountain its going to be long weekend in Bulgaria. On Monday is non working day because of national holiday regarding 22th September - Bulgarian Declaration of Independence Bulgarian Declaration of Independence - Wikipedia
Day 2373. I am feeling this weeks work today. My biggest fear was how bad the difference in physicality would hurt, added in my last job I worked a day, then had a day off. This is 5 straight days. I made it to fridayā¦today I feel it.
On a side note, i have been using a nicotine pouch to not use tobacco. My last job I would go through 1.5 to 2 containers every 2 days. I bought 3 containers Sundayā¦and I just started the third one this morning. I wanna get off of this, and didnt think it was possible. Looks like I can step down in mg the next time I buy them.
499 no alcohol
430 no vapes or ciggs 139 no form of nicotine
7 no form of marijuanna
Today i admit i am powerless over my addiction and it has taken a toll on my life. From a young age, addiction dictated my mind and actions even until now. Even in my sobriety i have to remain abstinint to maintain my life because i have no control over my addiction. We can stay sober. Snd if i work thecstepd of AA i have a chance, not to control but to remain absent from alcohol and drugs
Was great waking up this morning at 4, for once! Iām excited about my first little job in sobriety that starts tomorrow afternoon. So Iām cooking and doing laundry. It means a lot. Iām starting completely over. Ready to work with live people , not be stuck behind a screen. That kind of life is not for me. There just isnāt enough talking for meā¦
I might make a carrot cake. Might. I just want my favourite cake and so far, the doorbell hasnāt rung with Cake people.
Nothing better than the day you can feel your life coming back together.
Had a great day today. My classes at one university are coming to an end (5 year limit) and I have been keeping my ears open for something to replace it and may have found something. Todayās classes I was kinda dreading because the students I failed are in them, but I heard them talking to their friends āYeah, I failed last semester, but it was my fault, so I will try hard this semesterā. The drama with a student who was going to complain about me (for following the rules) has fizzled out. I had a nice chat with a teacher I always assumed didnāt like me. Just a day of things that I have been stressing about suddenly working out. And making me realize how much of it is just in my head, probably. I hope I can keep this in mind and stress out less about stuff.
Checking in day 186.
Moving house this weekend. Heading to the MILās place and our house goes up for sale next weekend. I feel like we donāt just stop doing shit and I just want this all to be over with.
Stoked with 6 months alcohol free, itās making things easier.
Iām in the same boat with nicotine pouches. I started using them while I was still smoking(and drinking) so I didnāt have to break at work. Getting covid in Jan '22 is how I quit cigarettes for good, but somewhere along the line I switched from 3mg pouches to 6mg bc āwhy not get more bang for my buck?ā as it cost the same. When I tried switching back, I went thru the pack twice as fast. While I am grateful to be almost 3 years cigarette free, Iām still hooked on stupid nicotine(even more so it seems) Goodluck on conquering this insidious addiction
Good morning sober warriors. Iām super behind on everything here and I even had to make a new profile because I got a new phone and nothing was saved and nothing was working to recover it but Im here and Iām working through day 6. This time around I have added NA. So far just The international 24/7 NA marathon zoom meeting, but Iām planning on going to in person meetings as well. I was going to finally share in this mornings meeting I was in, Iāve been on there for about 3 days, but there were just too many people (not complaining, I think that is fantastic) but I had to get going with my day and wasnāt able to, but thatās ok. This forum has given me so much help and so many tools and I do feel like this is the last one I need in my toolbox. It has changed my perspective so much. Actually listening to and seeing all of these people. I hate to say it but I am getting addicted to the meetings I think thatās okay though right? Anyway happy Friyay everyone and I do not know what tomorrow will bring but I can say for sure that just for today I am not going to pick up. Have a wonderfully sober Friday all of you beautiful souls
My mental clarity and appetite is improved, currently in AA physical meeting. I was very disappointed the last week because no money and no job. Grace of that energy which i believe in i got small two freelance works. This only happened because im sober . Im so happy one day at time
Day 3 almost over here. I had a tough moment with cravings but managed to distract myself and they passed. Would have had the perfect opportunity to go drink like I used to go recently, but I reminded myself that itās just not worth it anymore no matter how much part of my brain keeps telling me it would be the last time now. Happy I didnāt go. Instead ate spicy food and now gaming with a non-alcohol beverage.
So happy that all the fears were faced and ended up being less than what what imagined. I do have a tendency to go far off in left field with my fears and that induced major anxiety.
So sorry youāre dealing with this situation. I went thru this in every relationship Iāve been in, during times of wanting to better myself(before I knew anything about recovery). Boundaries are difficult to set, especially new ones, but it sounds like youāre doing whatās best for you. Take care of yourself 
I did get to vacuuming, dishes, and a bit more, so Iām happy for that. Today was open house at my daughterās school. All her teachers seem nice, but I especially loved seeing her with her classmates. Iām so glad sheās making so many new friends. There werenāt many at her old school. Itās been nice having 2 days in a row off and no real plans to make me feel rushed. I really needed it. Gonna finish this movie and hit the hay. Enjoy the journey everyone 
Tackling something new, going into a situation you are not used to, trying something you have not done in years is a very brave thing to do 
But all that bravery also is very draining and tiring. A pat on your back than and take care of yourself. It will get easier with time. 
its going to be long weekend in Bulgaria. On Monday is non working day because of national holiday regarding 22th September - Bulgarian Declaration of Independence 
Goodluck on conquering this insidious addiction 
but Im here and Iām working through day 6. This time around I have added NA. So far just The international 24/7 NA marathon zoom meeting, but Iām planning on going to in person meetings as well. I was going to finally share in this mornings meeting I was in, Iāve been on there for about 3 days, but there were just too many people (not complaining, I think that is fantastic) but I had to get going with my day and wasnāt able to, but thatās ok. This forum has given me so much help and so many tools and I do feel like this is the last one I need in my toolbox. It has changed my perspective so much. Actually listening to and seeing all of these people. I hate to say it but I am getting addicted to the meetings 
I think thatās okay though right? 