Today is day 1 without antidepressants. I was taking half dosage for 3,5 weeks. What I noticed? I cried two times already. For somebody it might be nothing but I wasn’t crying for… well, I don’t even remember last time I cried. I just couldn’t. Even if I wanted, and I had enough reasons. About 2 weeks ago I burst in tears while running cause I started thinking about my cousin’s and me, how we fucked up our lifes with addictions and how we are fighting. Then I was thinking about how happy childhood I had and some of you hadn’t, that how lucky we are with healthy kids, that we don’t struggle with poverty etc. I was running and crying, happy and sad.
Second time was today morning when I was reading about Fox (@Runningfree).
Antidepressants helped me a lot but probably numbed me as well.
Ps: next week I’m starting to work in kindergarten! 6 years I was staying home mom and I’m super excited for this new chapter of my life.
Checking in on day 443 AFAF.
My daughter messaged me when she got to school saying a woman had approached her and asked for money to get home as she was five months pregnant and had fallen. She was wanting my daughter to go to an ATM for money but then got my daughter to give her all the money she had ( lunch money basically) I’ve heard many people talk of a pregnant woman aggressively begging in my area but I’m shocked she targeted a 12 year old on their way to school. I’ve put a report into the police.
I bit the bullet today and submitted one of my artworks into a national open exhibition today. The initial stage is online, and if the piece is preselected I’d need to go and get it framed and then take it into the physical selection process.
Glad to be doing all of this sober!
Just checking in before going to sleep. I’m grateful that today was a really productive and nice, sober day. Slowly figuring myself and a healthy routine out.
Have as good a day or night as you can friend, mindful and sober…
Thanks @CATMANCAM! Camping was great.
I found when I went to the psychologist I would just type out dot points in my phone, no matter how short they were. I did this because I struggle with good sentences and have a bad memory. I’d eventually have an hour’s worth of stuff to talk about especially as she would ask questions and we’d dive a bit deeper.
Goodluck with your walk!
Slept badly but sure could sleep now. The day must start. AA Meeting then I get to meet with sponsor. Home to work, chores and I must do something with 6 buckets of peaches.
Day 2342. Time to renew my registration on my truck. Actually doing it early, as I am not baby sitting today, dont know when that will happen again.
Showed up at 9 am. Told I needed an appointment. Earliest available is 1230, so I took it. Got here an hour early, because they can get me in if someone doesnt show up.
I now have watched 3 people without appointments get helped. Drunk Thirdmonkey would explode and be a complete ass. Sober 3rd monkey sighs deeply to himself and is patiently waiting. They know i am here. Getting pissed off only raises my blood pressure and makes me look like a complete poo poo head.
138 days sober
I woke up with an upset stomach so ended up taking it easy most of today. Just haven’t felt the best and have felt pretty low on energy. Still got some work done but I mostly stayed in.
Good news is my new toilet is finished and it looks great!!
I’m amazed how quickly this guy worked especially here when 2 weeks usually means 4. My neighbor asked if I had an extra large dog houhouse build🤣 now everyone will come to have a look at the new toilet. Mean while the dogs are afraid to go near this strange new building in the yard.
Well that was my day. Not the most productive but not the worst.
The fanciest toilet around! I figured if my only option in life is an outhouse I’m gonna make my new one look nice. I won’t post the inside…just a hole in the ground so the fancy is all on the outside. I did put a light in though.
The other month I dropped my flashlight in the toilet and for weeks it stayed on looking like some freaky space light shining out but I was impressed how long that battery lasted! All my visitors got a laugh out of that.
I sweat through most the night and did not sleep well. Day 2 AF. I am at work this morning and find comfort in diving into to something that I am good at. Still anxious but am comforted by close friends at work and my ability to be able to be here today.
I have had so many people check in on me and I realize I am truly cared for. At times I feel it’s hard to answer to others when I am down and low but I am happy that I have people that care.
I have been checking in with daily videos of myself since July 23rd. I want to do a daily check in video every day for a year. Somewhat of a journal and a way to gauge my changes thru recovery. The videos are also something I should look back at to see the aftermath of me choosing to have a drink. To know what will happen if I do. Because this happens almost every time !
Feeling low but pushing through like I always do. I am ready to RECOVER & not just abstain.
Day 423. Back at work. All good. Worked 7- 4 ish. Working all week and Sunday. But then off next Monday and Friday. On call the Friday tho. Busy. But all OK. Urge for a beer has passed. Which is good. Will chill at home this evening. Went to a fab exhibition last week in London
Day 43 without booze, weed and benzos. For some reason, today I have had massive cravings to smoke pot. Nothing have happened, life’s been stable, but my monkey mind wants to get high. But that’s just my thoughts, I’m not gonna give up.
My sleeping pattern is all over the place. I go to sleep around 2am and wake up around noon. That’s not good. But I’m still in early recovery, so that might explain why I like to stay up at at night and wake up during day. I’m sure this problem will solve out by itself. Oh well.
).
I did put a light in though.