Oh this just boils my blood. Thats really upsetting and I hope social services does something about this. Im sooo glad u said something
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Second check in for today.
Picked the 12 y/o up fron school with my new haircut. Hair dried fully and is slightly wavy/curly as it should be. Me thinking I look fab.
12 y/o stops outside the car, laughs until he is almost double folded. And after about 10 mins he still laughing and says āBut why did you walk in to the hairdresser asking her to cut it like a Troll, and then payed for it? Was it hard for you to sit still so she could cut straight?ā And then he keeps on laughing.
Then I tried to put it up in a bun to show him that itās also possible, he thought I looked like Pebbles in Flintstone with that bun.
Guess I donāt have to wonder what Iāll be dressing out as for Halloween 
Good to know I raised kids with my humor.
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Iām so glad you got to Talk about it. Things tends to get a little easier when we get help with that.
Reading that wanted me to buy a plane ticket and get over to that orphanage. I canāt stand when kids are being treated badly, and just like you it feels extra hard when they have no one.
Great thing that you went to the social service with it and made them look into it for real. Some people shouldnāt run places like that.
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17 months feels like a million bucks!!! I am beyond thrilled with where life has taken me since the day I FINALLY wanted to change! One Day At A Time!!!
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Hope you have a great time on your vacation! Iām actually hoping to be a housewife in my next life! 
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Just checking in
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I hope they can do something and Iām not gonna let it go. I hate seeing things like this happen. At least I have proof that I bought and gave these uniforms to the kidsā¦
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Yeah talking about things helps for sure. It is just hard to get yourself going and be open.
What pisses me off is that this isnāt surprising and is quite tame compared to what Iāve seen in the past for the orphanages here. But it makes me so angry. The people I talked to at social services also immediately became upset so hopefully something can be done.
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Congratulations on 2 weeks ā
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Thanks 
that made me laugh so if you want so it might happen
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Iām glad it wasnāt something worse, but Iām sad that the situation for those kids is bad.
When I was young my church helped building and orphanage in Ukraine. I just want to save all those kids and give them a wonderful life. I know I canāt, but I want to.
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I feel the same way. Since Iāve gotten residency here I can now buy propertyā¦Iāve been thinking about buying the orphanage which then puts me in a closer position to make sure the kids are being taken care of and cared for. But I know no matter what I canāt save every kid and person.
In the past I had to step away to protect myself because I couldnāt handle seeing all the hurt and suffering but Iām trying to learn to cope better.
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Workday morning check in.
Last night was the 3rd in a row of my wife working overnight and me at home in the evening and night along with our 16-month old daughter.
I wasnāt able to fall asleep after her overnight wakeups. Iām in a spiral of caffeine and busyness this week and month.
Last night I watched the movie The Martian - I hadnāt seen it in a long time.
I feel like Matt Damonās character when heās stuck on Mars. Iām walking around solving problems all day, living more for the future than the present at the moment, and carrying lots of weight around. No excuses, and Iām going to save the pity party for another time!
Glad I will be sober and present with you today and this upcoming weekend.
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Thank you everyone 
got through last night and Iām feeling much better.
Basically this guy Iāve developed feelings for (the first time in years), things are going SO well that I was starting to feel suspicious that something must be wrong. Being hyper-aware, trying to find any red flags I can.
Then my friend showed me a conversation with him about mental health and, being in a foreign country, the way he approaches that stuff and words things is different from what we expect here. Wasnāt really saying to just get over it, but more of a super-positivity vibe, like āyou have so much to be grateful for, its all in your headā etc.
That triggered me spiraling and not knowing if this is going to work out. But i talked on the phone with him for an hour and half about thank kind of stuff and we had a really good conversation where I felt like he really heard what I had to say and respected it and we shared our perspectives, we both share the same opinion that in order to get past something you gotta feel the emotions fully and be honest with yourself about it (i.e. not ignore shit or push it away) and I told him it was funny because he kind of contradicts that when he tells himself and others to push through it, and he heard me on that and was like yeah that makes sense, basically with his job he always has to make people happy so he has that mindset engrained. A lot to explain here but the conversation went really well.
Also told him about how when he told me a few days ago āyouāre not the only one with problems, xā that made me feel invalidated and he 100% heard me and thanked me for communicating how I interpret things so that he knows that for the future, explained his actual intention behind that statement and also apologized.
Just on really high alert because im flying abroad next month to visit him which is absolutely insane of me to do but thatās how much I like him and want things to work out and truly be a healthy relationship. I think its a good sign so far how well we cam communicate and he is completely open to hearing me and different perspectives with full respect. He also isnt afraid to be honest about who he is and his views. I think it would be more concerning if he tried to change things and mask his real views and only try to tell me things I want to hear. So I think so far itās going very well. We also both equally acknowledged that weāve moved extremely fast so far, that weāre both a bit scared by it, and to slow things down a bit. Which I think is also super healthy, and he clearly isnāt making me feel pressured into anything. (It was my decision to go visit him next month, he didnāt pressure me at all, or even plant the idea in my head, it was all me).
Also the fact we had that entire 1.5 hour conversation when we were BOTH exhausted and sleep deprived but we were both fully present, calm amd respectful and understanding of each other is a huge green flag for me.
Working this morning, not sure what Iāll do after work but Iāll probably end up taking a nap like usual. I havent really gotten enough sleep at all this week. Hope everyone is doing well 
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If you do that Iām buying a plane ticket to come and work with you.
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oh well then I definitely have to work more on this plan
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Day 182
Oddly gloomy morning. Makes me think of 
boo
Cleaned and rearranged my bedroom for Fall. Hung different pictures up. Itās so cozy now. Candles. I have been sleeping normally again, at last!
Going on the long road trip has changed me. I feel so much better and will keep the momentum going. Being outdoors and far away in a spectacular place grounded me, and Iām moving forward now. I was worried I was broken or something but nah! Just needed some time and help. Ready now. letās go.
@MrsOdh @Just_Laura Re : cat walking. My cat would put both my eyes out if harnessedā¦hahaha I like the idea, though! In city areas, cats are at risk if let out. Cars, poisons, loose dogs, bad people. I have falcons, hawks, eagles and wild turkeys 
. Coyotes and rarely, mountain lions. The deer could kick but are pretty non-aggressive. Fewer bad people. A harness makes sense! I hope that trends so I can make a living that way
yāall
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So incredibly proud of u for perservering. Sounds like u really overcame alot at the gym. Im super proud of u friend 
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Day 929
Feeling pretty rested today. Im super grateful for my prescribed sleeping medication. I always feel 100% better with a good sleep. Normally it takes me 2-3 hours to fall asleep, with my tossing and turning all night.
Today i have to cram all my activities into a 3 hour time span. Its a half day at school so i have to go to the grocery store for a few things, then to the pet store for crickets for our geckos, and then to the gym, and THEN hubby treated me to lunch money so im getting a smoothie and a chicken wrap. Then home to pick up my son from the bus. Busy morning for sure but super grateful that i get to be busy. That i get to workout. That im clean and sober! Have a fabulous day everyone!!! Much love to u all 
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