273 days
Finished nightshift late this morning. Home to see the kids and wife then bed for a nap. We’ve then spent the afternoon at a friends celebrating their birthday. Few drinks going on but was never tempted.
Its fathers day tomorrow in NZ. Hopefully get to thw gym then out for lunch with the family
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Autumn is on her way, you can tell by the cool overnight air. We keep our balcony open 24/7 as I run very hot and can’t bear to not have fresh air constantly 
. It’s almost a challenge every year to see what date we get to without shutting it all down. The heating won’t go on until December at least, and all windows will remain ajar year round even if the heating is on (which it rarely is). But despite a mini heatwave being due, the evening air has had a perceptible change and shifted season. Spider season. Halloween 
It’s early Saturday and it’s peaceful listening to crows arguing outside after the parakeets have done their morning flights. All I want today is peacefulness and intentionality.
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Hope you find some peace. Although I feel your pain your post did make me chuckle, I like your way with words.
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428
Yesterday I decided to ignore the way I feel (tired and heavy) and worked out. Didn’t play with my kettlebells for good week or two, missed it so much. Made full body wo with 8kg and guess what. I felt less tired after than before 
I also got some proper sleep (10pm was already in dreamland) and starting feeling like myself again 
Its 9:30am here, hubby is at home so can stay with gremlins, I wait a bit cause just had breakfast and bon voyage! I go for a run! Finally
Good to be back.
I was in such a mental and physical fog last days, i barely red here. Hope all good with you people.
Missed you 
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I live in Sweden, corn hasn’t really been a popular crop here until recently. Halloween has gained popularity in recent years as well.
The lady running this corn maze is in my age, and I guess our generation has a little of it all. The American influence and the idea to take what we like and create something that didn’t exist before. And because we’re on the country side we’re used to create what we want to have.
The older generations doesn’t understand the hype and the younger ones just expect things to exist.
When I was a kid me and my friend run the first Halloween party ever in our village. We hade to tell people not to bring birthday gifts, because it was “just” a part for the sake of partying.
When we moved to the neighbor village where I currently live, my boys where the first ones in their pre-school to invite people for a Halloween party. Me and my husband also arranged our village (and countries) first trunk or treat ever, a few years ago. We made it to the local newspaper.
This year we’re doing another one. We where supposed to get support from the city hall, but it looks like we won’t get that. But we’re going for it anyway. Both kids and parents have asked for it this year.
I love all Holidays, and celebrate as much as I can. 
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Oh,I really don’t like spiders. Or any insects at all, they creep me out. Butterflies too.
We pay for our own heating it’s on auto and usually off during the summer. Our house is old and is built to store heat. It gets really warm on sunny days.
This night we kept the window open as usual because the day and evening was warm, had to go up in the middle of the night to close it because the temperature dropped to +7 degrees. And the heating was on 
It’s fall indeed.
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I’m ok with most insects, but seriously not spiders. I was playing hide and seek when I was small and got into a broom cupboard. A large spider ran across my arm and actually bit me. I think I have trauma from that. I’m ok with the small ones, but those half a fist sized autumn ones that invade your home can FRO. I truly hate those garden spiders that make webs in every hedge at this time of year and there’s hundreds of them all over getting massive and fat from bugs. My phobia borders on hysteria if I let it, I can feel myself getting agitated just thinking about them!
We leave ours on auto as well from autumn to spring set at 18 - 20 to flick on if it drops. It never goes on much as this new build is very energy efficient. I’m sure I just get my neighbours heating! I would rather wear a jumper and blanket anyway, to avoid my skin drying out and the old headaches.
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@Courtni Congratulations 
@lgrace143 Welcome and congratulations on your day 2! 
@SelfLove_42 Sending strength 
. What can you do differently this time?
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@Zse enjoy your vacation 
@JazzyS thank you 🩵
@Laner that’s so awful, I hope whoever is doing this gets banned from ever working with children again! I’m glad they have you on their side 🩵
@Ashley_luvz_starz congrats on 17 months
@Courtni congrats on 2 weeks
@Butterflymoonwoman thank you 🩵
@Tragicfarinelli thank you 🩵 it is definitely spider season! I have had 4 beasts in the last 4 days, I also keep my window ajar year round, need the fresh air, but damn these spiders, I’m terrified of them! 
@Shel75 ugh, I hope you got your medication 
@lgrace143 welcome congrats on 2 days
@Jesile well done for all the socialising 
Peanut is so cute 
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@Dirk congrats on 5 days of exercise
@Alycia I hope you get some time to properly relax asap 
1481 days no alcohol.
946 days no cocaine.
461 days no vape.
5 days no binge-eating.
Therapy went okay yesterday, it was nice to have something positive to share finally. I just don’t understand why I can’t feel proud of myself. I’m aware that it was a huge thing for me to go to the gym and swimming, but at the same time, I don’t feel like I achieved something that would be worthy of feeling good about myself. My brain only beats me up for the fact I “should” have been going for the past 3 years but haven’t. Maybe in time, if I continue to keep going and persevering despite how I feel about my size and body and the shame around that, maybe then I’ll feel some sense of accomplishment.
My new swimming goggles didn’t get delivered til almost 8pm, so I was awake later than usual, which meant I had to face my insatiable appetite from my evening meds. I got through it, and I was very grateful when I woke up and realised I didn’t binge last night.
Today, I will do my routine things, and take it from there.
Wishing you all wonderful sober weekends.
🩵
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I hear you so loud on this, my inner critic is a total bitch.
But, there is some proverb somewhere which I shall bastardise and hack:
When is the best time to plant a tree?
100 years ago.
When’s the second best time?
Now.
It’s all you have, let love in each day and try not to allow yourself to cast shame on what you have and haven’t done. I see you making those steps for change, keep going on your journey. 
I’m proud of you.
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Day 1481
The big typhoon that has been heading this way has changed course so we should miss the worst. I did some more tidying (as evidence of how long it has been since I did proper organising, I came across play dough and colouring books, my kids are 11 and 15 
).
My anxiety about making mistakes continues. My heart races and my stomach contacts when I get an email from work or the kids’ school because I think I have done something wrong. Not that it would be the end of the world if I did, I am just tired of disappointing myself and am getting in my head about it.
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Hi Flo. I get these anxieties too, often an overhang from me experience of trauma and emotional abuse… If you are not in a nurturing environment where someone tells you this is all ok, or even helps you out when you need it, then you need to champion yourself. Take comfort in your gains if you can, I know that’s hard, but you are exactly enough how you are. 
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@Mischa84 That workout sounds good 
And sleep! Sweet sleep 
Nice to hear you are feeling better. I was in a fog the last days too. I blame it on hormones and the weather 
@Tragicfarinelli We felt the change in the overnight air on the continent here too. It brought much needed relief. Wishing you a day of peace 
@MrsOdh Panic attacks suck. I get them from time to time. The nightly ones I find most exhausting. There are all kinds of techniques what to do during a panic attack. Research some and try them out. The ones about grounding myself through bodily sensations work for me best. Others do well with breathing techniques.
Should you go to the maze do share some pictures with us Have a great day 
@GOKU2019 Nice new profile picture
@Mno You dutch people are nuts. What have you done to all the cars? Why are there no cars in your picture? It’s a street! 
@Alycia You came to the right place here Parenting is just so much sometimes. Especially if you have TWO teens driving you nuts. Sending you waves of calming, ‘not giving a fuck’ energy 
@Dirk That is some commitment and consistency there
@SelfLove_42 Hey there 
Good to see you coming back. Any ideas what you could do differently? How you could support yourself to stay sober? What you might need to get through the day?
@Bomdhil Good to hear your sobriety streaks are getting longer 
@Alicat22 Great job on getting through the cravings Enjoy your son’s tournament 
283 days no sugar
147 UPF
21 gluten
21 dairy
Thankfully my daughter’s migraine lessened yesterday afternoon. My mum picked her up and she stayed even over night. I know that my worrying is intensified by hormonal changes - I’ve never been prone to worrying before. It was nice though having the evening for myself without being pestered by worries about my kid’s health. Today she is migraine free. I am also feeling much better and ready to tackle the day.
My IT tools need some maintenance, my plants care, some chores and errands want to be dealt with. Some yoga in the afternoon and depending on how much envergy I’ll have I’m either going to go to the cinema or join an online meeting.
Whatever the day let’s keep your minds and hearts open 
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214 days AF
Checking in, happy and sober 
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Instead of focusing all my morning energy at the gym, break time listening to things that don’t help me, i will do therapy work as a top priority. I also Will reach out to sponsors on here and in my real life.
Killing selfish behavior and fighting my default settings is half the battle. Im what you call self consumed at times.
I need a mental makeover. Time to get to work.
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I talked with my wife about anxiety yesterday, i realize i was super stressed out and i acted out. I had heart palpatations most of the evening. Still that is no excuse for my behavior, just a poor coping mechanism. They’re is never a reason for me to cheat with my eyes and my heart. This part of me needs to go away. Every single day i need committment. I need that same energy ive been putting into the gym but now on recovery.
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@k_s wishing you well in your journey as you make this change to help heal yourself and recover 
94 days is impressive work Kenny
@lgrace143 welcome to the community friend… day 2 and climbing…we can only deal with the moment at hand…just keep pushing forward. Glad you are here with us
@Jesile how sweet of you and think you’ve made a friend…love it. Sorry to hear about your friend… hopefully she can get treatment and recover peanut is adorable 
Oh I love this…yes- you’ve got a good momentum…keep it going 
. Lol…I’m not sure if I am good or if she is getting old:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:… May have to play someone else to see if my skills are worth bragging about …it is a great game and brilliant to keep the mind active and alert. Hopefully you are able to play it often
@SelfLove_42 ah I’m sorry friend please be gentle with yourself. I know you’ve had setbacks but I also have seen how far you’ve come. Doing this on your own is hard work and I do hope you are still reaching out to your sister to talk. Refusal to give up!! Love that attitude . Sending you love and strength…ODAAT:heart:
@Dirk great Milestone…just gotta do some kinda of movement every day and soon it’ll become habit. Congratulations on your 5 days in a row . Join us on the Daily fitness check in thread if you’d like
@Alycia I am not a parent but can imagine how exhausting it is - hope you were able to find time for yourself to relax and unwind . Working out angry can be beneficial as I tend to go hard but also very tiring as I’m so tense. Sending calmness your way
Oh yeah… I do love those … looking forward to hearing about it when you go. Sending you comfort as you deal with the panic attacks…they are so overwhelming and tiring
@catmancam I am very impressed and proud of you for how you are doing… going to the gym, with your binge eating and overall attitude. We can always be hard on ourselves for not doing something in the past but that’s useless self abuse as we can’t change the past. You are doing it now and that’s what counts. I hope you can start feeling as proud of yourself as I am of you
@Alycia so grateful that your daughter is migraine free…what a relief
@Misokatsu I like what TF said … you have to find a way to champion for yourself when your environment doesn’t have that support to help you see how amazing you are. Of course we here online know this and can be your virtual champions . Sending you hugs and hope the anxiety reduces
Checking in Saturday morning
I feel good mentally. Physically is still a challenge but I am grateful for the positive mindset…makes everything possible.
Not sure what is in store for today. Had a quick night time disturbance in sleep and then knocked out for a late start…I love it.
Wishing you all a wonderful addiction free day… sending you all so much love
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I always appreciate your encouragement Jasmine. Me and my sister still talk, just not as much as i need to.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1539. I hope everybody has a good one!
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