@laner UGH Sorry that you are dealing with such anxiety. How are you doing today? Grateful that you know that drinking is not a solution and are working on healthier ways to deal with it. Are you still working with you therapist? Sending you strength and love! 
@Ccn31 Welcome back and congrats on your upcoming 60 days! Great work 
Hope you had a wonderful Halloween
@Butterflymoonwoman Sending energy your way as you get through tonightās overnight shift! I am super excited for you too ā quadruple digits is so exciting
@Climbin A move is always scary as you venture into unknown territory. Iām sure you will do great wherever you go. Like you said - do more research / ask questions and prepare yourself for what to expect. A one way may be better so you are not bound by time and can play it at your own pace 
@Juli1 Heck Yeah! Congrats on your 9 months girl ā that is so incredibly awesome. So very proud of how far youve come and where you are headed! 
Glad to hear you had such a positive feedback meeting too - rocking it!
@Joyce19 Yeah that mentality is sneaky and its your addict mind trying to convince you that you never had a problem and you can control this habit. 4 days is remarkable. Donāt listen to the lies. No good comes from drinking. Its literal poison that your body / mind is craving. Why would you want to do that to yourself. Keep at it - it gets easier and the waking up knowing what you did the night before and with no hangover never gets old! 
@james83 Congrats on your week of sobriety! WOW - i love that you have found people in your life that know the sober you and accept you for you! That is a great feeling. Keep up the great work on your journey
@Bomdhil OH Iām so sorry to hear about the floods and the tragic loss of life. My thoughts are with you 
Great work on day 3 and regaining hope!
@Jules000 Sorry that you relapsed. Do you know what led up to this and are you able to find a way to keep yourself safe from that trigger? Grateful that you are going to talk to a therapist tomorrow. Stay connected and give yourself some love
@mnfast That is incredible news. Keep putting in the work and healing
@GOKU2019 ooh check out the 1ās! Hope you start feeling better soon
Checking in on Friday morning
680 days free of alcohol and weed
1095 days free of cigarettes
It was a wonderful Halloween. The weather was perfect! We only got 2 trick or treaters so that sucked but enjoyed some good spooky time with friends.
Its past 1 and I canāt sleep. I donāt do painkillers as Iām sure that will just be another addition Iāll have to come down from but this shit is getting worse.
Glad that this weekend is low key and hopefully if all goes well I will get to see my sister on Sunday. Been way too long since Iāve seen her.
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening sending you all so much love
Thanks im going to look onto it and thanks for the in put
Day 5.
I donāt have any withdrawal symptoms, but I do crave alcohol. Not all day, but it pops up again and again. Then I try to think HALT and think of one day at the time. Sometimes one minute. I try not to think about Christmas, New Yearās Eve and what Iām going to do then and how. Thatās stressful and what do I do when Iām stressed? Drinking alcohol.
Only to be even more stressed afterwards.
And barely getting through the day. Poor sleep. Emotional fluctuations. Red eyes. Abdominal pain. Headache.
I donāt want that anymore.
@Joyce19, I am so glad to read that your sobriety is holding, congratulations on 5 days!
If youāll allow me to give you some friendly advice: the holidays are WAY too far away to worry about any of that now. No-one can confidently predict what the/your world will look like in 50 days from now, so there really is no point worrying about sobriety or indeed anything else.
Once the holidays are maybe two weeks or so away, you can make a solid plan to get through them and people here can help you with that plan, if you want to. For now, try to focus on the first 30 days and get those under your belt.
Hope that helps, here when you need support!
We have Lampionnenoptocht tomorrow in the village, not sure about singing part etc cause its first time for us. Could it be early St Maarten celebration? Definitely something nice for kids. The kid in me is also already excited 
Since Iām not wasting my time (and my life) with drinking I started to really enjoy this local events with other parents and kids, Im getting more social.
1973
Today is the memorial service for my colleague and friend who killed himself a week ago. Iām going. The cemetery is supposed to be beautiful but a bitch to reach by public transport. Would like to bike but itās a 90 minute ride. Hope it doesnāt rain. It sure looks grey out there. Some days I do miss having a car.
But Iām alive. Iām sober. One day at a time. Life sober isnāt always easy either but it beats being in active addiction. A day sober will always beat a day drunk. By a huge margin. Letās have as good a day as we all can friends. Sober and clean or absolutely nothing will come from it. Love from Luna and me.
Good luck today @Mno, I hope your friendās service is beautiful and fitting to honour the man. 
Sounds like withdrawal to me Joyce. Hang in there and keep going. ODAAT and all that. Easy does it
I probably expressed myself incorrectly. That was under the influence of alcohol. Now Iām physically fine. Till now
Still in a wee funk and I know itās hormones but itās also a sense of impatience and unease. My brotherās son was two y.o yesterday and I havenāt met him or their new daughter. The reasons are complicated, but I still go thru the motions each time, each birthday, each milestone, each holiday of missing any sense of having a family at all.
Impatience is just a lingering anxiety around job applications, the balconies being fixed, the problems I have on the surface.
Anyway, itās Friday. Letās Friday
2y 7m 30d no self harm
Iāve been having more and more close calls and been quite suicidal. today I opened up to my therapist and she believes i need to be hospitalized. so she calls down a crisis evaluator since they determine who needs inpatient. even with me saying i was 80% sure I was going to harm myself in some way if they let me go home, and I couldnāt pass simple cognitive tests like spelling world backwards or counting by 7s.that wasnāt enough to qualify. so I just get to sit here and suffer. Iām never asking for this kind of help again we created a safety plan that involved my parents locking up meds and razors but apparently my parents donāt take me seriously either because they havenāt done either. itās really good to know that when Im at my worst i canāt rely on anyone in my home.
Strange at is may seem this place has been my safe place for years now. But all the more so before I got into therapy. I have no one at home but Luna. Weāre here Megan. Youāre not alone.
Iāve never felt more alone honestly. i pushed away my friends with my own self destructive attitude and now theyāre hesitant to help me. i ruined everything on my own. theres not much left to hold on to
I can imagine how lonely you must feel. But youāre not really. Weāre here. Your friends might be hesitant but they are there too. Hang in there friend. Hugs.
Iām sorry that youāre feeling so low and that you reached out for help and the help was not forthcoming and has left you very much feeling alone and unhelped.
If you were at a period where you definitely were going to hurt yourself if you went to an ER, they would have to take you and listen to you and treat you.
I wish you could get involved with 3-D support group. I donāt know enough about it to be able to suggest one.
You are worthy, you are a wonderful person. You deserve to have a good life. You are young and sometimes being young is confusing and everythingās messed up and then often times it straightens up.
Your parents get an F for not taking you seriously.
We are all here to help you as much as we are able to.
Iām hoping somebody might come up with a suggestion of a support group that would be helpful for you.
Like N.A. or AA or Al-Anon.
I know you have seen so many of our members get so much benefit from going to the regular meetings either in person or online.
Maybe your therapist has a suggestion of a group situation that you could go to.
Letās try to find one thatās perfect for you. Maybe somebody will have a suggestion.
Iām glad youāve been posting lately, I hope thatās helpful for you.
my therapist is having me go to an LGBT support group. thatās really the only group resource we could find for me in my area. i go Monday
Are you going to be all right until Monday? One thing that has been talked about on the site has been getting sharpie markers or pens or any type of marker and if you feel like hurting yourself using the marker instead of something that would do damage.
I understand how you can feel really alone and very uncared for and I hope that the LGBT group will make you feel a part of a group like a family since you donāt have that at home and that you will fit in and have a friendly environment, there for you.
Iām glad that your therapist figured out something for you instead of just leaving you dangling without any help