Day 950
Today is going well even though i do for sure have a head cold. Thankfully my son doesnt seem too sick. Hopefully it stays thay way. I went to the pharmacy to pick up some meds and some lemongrass ginger tea. Then off to the post office to mail a letter. Came home and had an appt here for my sons wheelchair. There were 3 things that needed to be fixed. But when the technician was doing his assessment, he noticed that the chair had not been put together properly!!! He said he felt uncomfortable with my son using it (it was that bad). My son had his chair upsized a few months ago and we were having problems with the footrest and one of the brakes. Upon the technicians inspection, the alignment was all out of whack, thats why the footrest and brake were acting up (they werent lining up properly). I am grateful that this technician did their work thoroughly. Im extremely grateful that my son wasnt injured by a faulty out together wheelchair. We should be getting a loaner chair monday so my son can still attend school in a āsafeā chair. Im pretty pissed tho at whoever upsized this chair. Im so glad my son wasnt hurt. Hope everyone is having a safe and clean and sober friday!
@dustysprungfield Great job on not drinking David and having a good time at your dinner! I know you feel bad about the NA beers ā glad its not a major issue and that it will not be a trigger. Hope you were able to get in your run @jbaldwin84 That is awesome my friend ā always great to see your actions rubbing off on your loved ones. Glad to hear that your step father is a month in Love that the home environment is becoming more like āhome againā @acromouse Yeah that your new specs are ready ā smart to keep your old pair on hand till you get used to them. Have fun with your game! @zse Oh that is good to hear. Glad you found a group that is more relatable and that you can feel comfortable connecting with in real life. Have a wonderful time on your holiday! The mountains sound lovely ā love that you can go to the mountains or the beach @noshame Hey Matt- You are kicking butt my friend ā 500 days tomorrow for AF and 1 week no weed today! We got to work it for the work to show ā you are doing it my friend @frank68 Aah ā we (in Michigan) just got the rain that you were taking about ā wasnāt meant to rain till next week LOL. Hope it does cool down now as its been brutally humid. Wishing you the best of luck on your open house! Sending calming energy your way @flux great to see that you stuck to your guns and reminded yourself that drinking is a mirage and has nothing of sustenance to offer. Day 3 and going strong my friend ā keep it up! @laner hope the sleep helped. Sorry that you are not feeling well ā hopefully you are not coming down with anything. Sending healing vibes your way ā glad you are able to rest for the next few days. @one4theroad Glad that you are here with us and love that message / reminder. Funny how people just assume that if we have some time away from alcohol or whatever DOC then we are ācuredā. They donāt understand the disease and therefore canāt understand the recovery process. This is a lifelong battle for us and we are kicking ass / wining each day we do not engage in the addiction. @butterflymoonwoman OMG!!! WTF ā Iām pissed at whoever would put together this chair with such disregard to safety. SO grateful for this person who noticed it and is helping fix the issue. Thankful that your son is safe and was not injured. Sorry Dana ā that has got to be so damn frustrating to hear especially when you knew there was a problem with the footrest and brakes.
Checking in on Friday afternoon
639 days free of alcohol and weed
1053 days free of cigarettes
Not the best of days lately ā feeling so frustrated with my body but trying to push forward when I need to get something done (but boy the pain is crippling at times). I am pushing myself to get my PT exercises and forcing myself to move about the house. Just woke up from a 4 hour nap and going to possibly call it a night soon. I know it will get better ā¦
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening. Sending you all so much love
@One4theroad For sure, people think sobriety is like a broken bone or something, once it is healed, you donāt need to do anything else. But actually, it is like building muscle, you have to keep training.
@Butterflymoonwoman That is so shocking! I am so glad it has been noticed before some kind of accident.
Doing better than I couldāve ever imagined! Hardly have any thoughts of self harmā¦ Learning how expensive living alone is but itās going well despite that
Day 950
I am sooo grateful to be clean and sober right now and of clear mind. Earlier (shortly after I posted about my sons wheelchair issues), I get a call stating that they have a loaner chair for my son and for us to come pick it up. So, I take a cab with my sons broken chair to this company to exchange it. I get there and they have this beat up chair with no hooks on the front or back (which is needed to take a cab for appts or for him to take the bus to school). I complained about this and so they had to go back and spend 20 min finding a better chair. I was already pissed off from earlier and so that trickled into my appt, where i so lovingly tore into them about how upset and dissappointed i was about my sons chair and how unsafe it was. I asked for the persons name who upsized my sons chair and asked why a safety check wasnt done. They had no answer for me. Im grateful for my recovery bcuz i can advocate for my son and to ensure that his safety is a priority. I can speak my mind without becoming aggressive so to speak, and thats thanks to recovery. I am grateful for my recovery and the financial stability it has given me, to be able to spend $60 on a cab to and from the appt on a whim. I wouldve never had money just lying around before while in the problem. Im grateful for TS and the safe space it gives me to vent. Im ready for this day to be over lol Work this weekend so have to prepare for that. Much love to u all!
Checking in after getting home from a work trip. Staying sober for these things is a big deal for me, so I am proud to have been successful. Nothing beats the clarity of fresh, hangover free mornings. Onward, friends.
Pulled an all nighter last night studying (slept @ 5:30 am). Pulling another tonightā¦also studying. Havenāt run in 2 days due to a heinous looking bruise on my foot. Still trucking though fighting the sober fight. Will be 30 days sober in 5 more days!
I have definitly been a bit off lately, beinf sick didnt help.
My bestie and hubby have been so great supporting me on this job search endevour. I just have to breath, and remember that change is EXCITING too. Somedays I feel that, other days it feels like i will never find anything.
My mom is coming tomorrow and I should feel excited but I have been so wraped up in my own head about work and money, that I havent let myself relax. So, while my mom is here I am going to press pause on thr job hunt and obsessiveness. I am going to open up my search to ABA therapy as well, and I have to just remember that things will work out the way theh are going to work out.
Oh, and I have been smoking TOO MUCH these last two days! I was doing so wrll for a while, down to 3 or 4 and then boom stress and thisvis why we cant have 1. Gah. Next onbthe listā¦xo. have a good night everyone and sorey i have been a cranky all consumed bugger lately XO.
Sorry you hurt your footā¦ hope it heals quickly so you get back running.
Good luck with all that studyingā¦ remember to let your body and mind rest too (helps retain the information )
Thank you Jazzy! Iām definitely trying. It just seems like deadlines are approaching immediately after I complete one assignment. Iām working through it though! Hopefully I can maintain the pace for these next 4 months before break.
Just did a bit of self-analysing to help me stay on track, feeling good.
The weather isnāt suited for outdoors calisthenics today, but at least I can still meditate in the tent before packing up. Iām committed, all I can do is try to make the most of what I have. Keen to do some walking in nature today before driving on!
Try to have as good a day or night as you can whoever and wherever you are right now friendā¦!
Iām glad you were firm with the company. Places that make/set up equipment like that need to be reliable. You making a fuss will make it safer for others in the future.
YES, to having money to get a taxi, and also having the energy and clarity to make and get to appointments. Recovery gives us the opportunity to be the person we deserve to be.
Change is in the air with the last weekend of my holidays beginning. My friendās leaving tomorrow morning. And the weatherās about to change too. Iām going to enjoy today for that is all I and we all have. Sober and clean or nothing will come of it. Thatās something that will not change. For drinking and using never brought anything good. Never again. Have as good a day as you can all. Clean and sober. Love from yesterdayās Utrecht.
Some days my number looks crazy big to me and I think āWow, canāt believe itās been that long already!ā I honestly never thought this far ahead. Taking one day at a time really starts to add up.
So, something Iāve been thinking about recently. You know how we all have that voice? The one that tries it all to convince us to drink/use? And then thereās our real voice, the pushover. The one so easily swayed. It never took much convincing. It just mindlessly believed and agreed with what the other said about why we should drink/use and went along. Like a lemming. Might as well have followed it off a cliff. Itās crazy tho, bc itās been me the whole time. Alcohol controlled me? Yeah maybe, but I was the one who let it in the first place. I always knew what was happening, I just didnāt care. Until my real voice became so insignificant I could barely hear it anymore. The only way to fix this was to change which side I stood on. Shift the power back where it belongs. Stand up and set boundaries to that side of myself until it became insignificant.
I thought about this bc over the past few stressful weeks Iāve had, thereās been a few occasions where that voice was trying to get louder. A shitty night at work, serious boredom, or an aching body. āYou know how easily you could āsolveā this problem right? ā Fuck that noise! Get tf outta here with those bullshit lies. Iām not naive anymore and Iām not giving you the time of day. Iām stronger now and what I say goes, bitch And thatās reallly what my brain sounds like sometimes. Itās worked for me thus far ODAAT
294 days
Just short of Halfway through a 24hr shift. About to take a bit of downtime and watch the All Blacks play Australia. Its an early game so falls kind of at shift change over. Been a busy day so hoping for a quiet couple of hours
Good morning Iām part way into day 7. I love having my time set for 7 p.m. everyday, it does something for me mentally to wake up and almost be half way through another 24. Iām starting to feel better physically and Iām feeling pretty good mentally also, but I know this is the tricky part for me. Something about one week, 30 days and apparently 90 days because that was one of my longer stints a little while back, and it was day 91 or 92 my addict brain popped up and was like oh hello itās been downhill ever since. Then of course I wallowed in my self pity of how I threw away 90 days and that led to guilt and shame, which of course led to me using more and justifying it. Iām starting to think so differently about addiction. This time is feeling like the time I got those 90 days but I feel even stronger and more prepared. Adding NA has been so helpful. Between this place and the zoom meetings, I literally have an entire network of people who truly understand me and my struggles right at my fingertips. I have a friendās birthday party tonight that I am supposed to attend. I already have a plan though and my husband and best friend will be with me so Iāll have a good support system. Have a superb Saturday sober warriors!
Love that the home environment is becoming more like āhome againā 
)
ā Fuck that noise! Get tf outta here with those bullshit lies. Iām not naive anymore and Iām not giving you the time of day. Iām stronger now and what I say goes, bitch 
And thatās reallly what my brain sounds like sometimes. Itās worked for me thus far 
Iām part way into day 7. I love having my time set for 7 p.m. everyday, it does something for me mentally to wake up and almost be half way through another 24. Iām starting to feel better physically and Iām feeling pretty good mentally also, but I know this is the tricky part for me. Something about one week, 30 days and apparently 90 days because that was one of my longer stints a little while back, and it was day 91 or 92 my addict brain popped up and was like oh hello 
itās been downhill ever since. Then of course I wallowed in my self pity of how I threw away 90 days and that led to guilt and shame, which of course led to me using more and justifying it. Iām starting to think so differently about addiction. This time is feeling like the time I got those 90 days but I feel even stronger and more prepared. Adding NA has been so helpful. Between this place and the zoom meetings, I literally have an entire network of people who truly understand me and my struggles right at my fingertips. I have a friendās birthday party tonight that I am supposed to attend. I already have a plan though and my husband and best friend will be with me so Iāll have a good support system. Have a superb Saturday sober warriors! 