Hey Megan Close your eyes for a moment, feel your heartbeat and take a deep beathe… That’s you right there: the most prescious little golden opportunity of your life. Your very existence, life and consciousness are so much more worth than we could ever comprehend! What might your ‘ideal’ self do or say to you now…?
Take a look in the mirror and repeat to yourself: hey you, I love you, through thick and thin, and can, will and want to overcome this!
The past is past, thoughts are thoughts, but you, here, now are a light meant to find yourself and shine, one step at a time
Life can be a bitch, but with a simple switch also so beautiful…
I’m assuming you’ve already seen a doctor and are taking steps to treat the kidney stones?
And do or have you considered seeing a psychologist or therapist?
Try browsing online (youtube, google) to better understand and find more ways to help work through the pain and self-harm thoughts, ‘seek and ye shall find’ as the saying goes… In the meantime stay mindful & strong ey, you’re not alone here
i guess my ideal self would know what to do and what calms me down but i currently have no idea what that is. I’ve been clean for nearly 3 years but learned very little coping skills. so i will do some research on coping skills. I am seeing a doctor about the stones and i am also in therapy and on mental health medication. thank you
@mxelle how’s your day treating you? Hope the cry was a good release Grateful you have a good partner who is there for you no matter what. Sorry to hear that the addiction played on your mind most of the day. That is an interesting connection Thought about this a bit since I read your post. Wondering if it was Fear that led me to addiction in the first place. In addiction I found a veil from reality and so the fear was not so present. You’ve given me a lot to contemplate and I appreciate this line of thought. @Tragicfarinelli I wonder if it’s something in the air? Hoping this mentality ceases soon and you can see yourself as the kick ass strong woman that you are @Rob11 happy birthday . Glad you had a good day celebrating with your girlfriend @PositiveThoughts how’s the evening treating you? Sending positive productive vibes. Hope you are enjoying putting up the Halloween decorations @seb That sounds awesome - a two hour drive to capture an elusive bird? I do hope you were successful Look forward to seeing some of your beautiful photography @newbeginning1 Never apologize for working your recovery! Check in as many times as you need and reach out as much as possible. During the early days I did replace the drinking with loads of sleeping and ice cream. Both have evened out since. Do what you must at the beginning to just not drink - that is the major win! @Juli1 Wonder what it is about the weekends that causes the down mood? Sending you loads of positive energy and love! :heat: @Pamela 20 days is amazing and three weeks tomorrow It is normal to go through the lulls. Drinking does not make you interesting. Half the time I thought i was so “cool” while drinking and the home videos show a different story. We just have to realize that we are awesome without it. Yes - this does take time for adjustment. Keep working the recovery - drinking has nothing good to offer @Jules000 Great to see you posting. So proud that you did not give into that urge and were able to get rid of the SH device. Are you able to talk to a sponsor or call a self help hotline? @SadMemeQueen Sorry Megan. Here if you need to chat. I’ve never had kidney stones so do not relate to that type of pain. I have heard that it is super painful and I am sorry that you are going through it. Hoping that they will all pass quickly and without the need of surgery Make sure to drink loads of water and if possible lemon water or orange juice which can help break up the stones and flush them out. Maybe talk to your doctor to see if they would recommend something to help break up the stones without surgery.
Checking in on Friday evening
674 days free of alcohol and weed
1089 days free of cigarettes
Today was exhausting. Lots of running around and getting shit done with little sleep from the night before. I did attempt a nap but that didn’t take. So happy that my brother said yes to checking out a haunted asylum with me – it was awesome! They took part of it and made it into a haunted attraction. This building is known to be haunted apparently and attracts many ghost hunters LOL. They really did a great job. It was not scary at all but still a fun time. I am super pooped and hoping that I will get some sleep tonight.
Wishing you all a wonderful addiction free day / evening - sending you all so much love!
Sorry for the loneliness! Game was really fun. I know I speak for all of us here. Stay connected here it really helps not feeling isolated. Always you will find an ear to listen.
The start of a working weekend for me. Glad I was in bed early and I slept OK. The vaccination I got so far doesn’t seem to affect me. Good.
Yesterday I was planning on doing just a shortish bike tour to do grocery shopping on the other side of town. But half an hour in the sun came out and it was so gorgeous out there that my legs took me ever further, ending up at the beach and taking me through the town of Haarlem that I hadn’t seen for quite a while. It was very nice.
So here I go again. Sober and clean. I’m going to have as good a weekend as I can and expect the same from all of you. Love.
@Seb Hope you’ve seen the bird friend @Juli1 Hugs to you X @Pamela Good days and less good one Pamela. We don’t drink. Hope you get some good rest. Hugs. @SadMemeQueen Working on those healthy coping mechanisms seems like the perfect plan to me friend.
Busy day with work. Meds are helping with my stomach pain. Did laundry at the laundromat after my shift. That’s pretty much it. Frustrating day with the kiddos. I wonder how the fudge I made it sober for this long. With work, the kids, these bills, and back pain. I miss doing push-ups and sit-ups, but I can’t right now.
Anyway, it’s back to the same routine tomorrow. Beats getting fucked up, breaking shit, beer shits, hang overs, getting plumped, regrets, embarrassments, blowing away your money, barfing, and pissing everywhere.
Even tho I didn’t sleep long, I felt refreshed. Much more relaxed and less pain today. I guess it was hormones, as I got my visit today. It’s strange how some months I’m not affected in the slightest, but other’s hit me with every symptom imaginable Now it’s just my carrying arm that’s tight. I try to alternate sides, but I have much better balance with my left, even tho I’m right handed Ah well, I see my chiropractor Monday. She’ll fix me up
Another fruitful night at work with another trainee shadowing me, but at least she’s probably the most promising of the year. Definitely a good addition to the team. On the contrary, another trainee hasn’t got it after 3 weeks. She can’t remember anything and has no sense of urgency. It’s becoming more obvious that she’s on something. My coworker, a recovering benzo addict, thinks it’s that, but it honestly looks more like opiates to me. Sad either way. On a positive note, there’s been a drastic improvement in my boss’s attitude since the firing of the old chef. They butted heads from the jump as she tried changing his whole kitchen, but the new chef is much more flexible to her ideas(dumb as they can get). Anyway, got out real late so now I’m up real late. Just glad I don’t have to wake up before the sun tomorrow Happy Saturday
1 AM so I guess it’s Saturday haha. Its good to be sober at this time on a weekend and even gooder (my made up word) to have no desire to drink.
Today is my birthday and I get to spend it doing something I love and that makes me happy. Black Belt testing is this evening and I get to promote 7 new ones. The look in their eyes and the family members is awesome.
Checking in on Day 36. I am not writing every day but am here reading. Thank you all for being here and sharing, it really helps focus me on the goal. Once the nausea passes and I feel more human, I will try to contribute more.
@Juli1 weekends can be hard for me too. Maybe it’s because on weekends I have more time for myself and I’m more alone with my thoughts. Weekdays I’m on autopilot.
@Pamela I think it’s normal to have ups and downs in early stages of sobriety. I know I have. Some days I feel fantastic and future seems bright and some days I feel I’m the dullest and saddest person in the world. I’m waiting my emotions to balance after awhile. I’m still learning who I am as a sober person.
@Mno thanks for posting photos. I loved to see cows this morning. I miss cows. We had cattle when I was a kid.
This morning one of our kitties came to get cuddles before I got up. I spend an hour stroking that sweet boy and listening a happy purr. Then I had delicious breakfast and got back to bed. I’ve been sleepy last few days because I’m little under the weather, common cold I guess. I might take a nap. I love this lazy, sober morning.
329 days
Man last night at work was busy busy. Then my wife was working today and the kids had a full morning of swimming lessons and training. This afternoon our gym had organised a full kids fight card that my girls wanted to watch as their friends were fighting. I watched a couple then left them to catch a ride home with their friend so I could get a nap in.
Was a good day, tiring, but I enjoyed spending time with the kids and mates from the gym watching some youngsters throw down.
Close your eyes for a moment, feel your heartbeat and take a deep beathe… That’s you right there: the most prescious little golden opportunity of your life. Your very existence, life and consciousness are so much more worth than we could ever comprehend! What might your ‘ideal’ self do or say to you now…?
Grateful you have a good partner who is there for you no matter what. 
Thought about this a bit since I read your post. Wondering if it was Fear that led me to addiction in the first place. In addiction I found a veil from reality and so the fear was not so present. You’ve given me a lot to contemplate and I appreciate this line of thought.
. Glad you had a good day celebrating with your girlfriend
Look forward to seeing some of your beautiful photography
Now it’s just my carrying arm that’s tight. I try to alternate sides, but I have much better balance with my left, even tho I’m right handed 
