Day 257
6.30am Saturday. Today I am driving around 2hrs North to try photograph a bird who so far has been elusive. Only in these parts for a few months in breeding season so hope to see one today. Have a geeat day folks.
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Sorry for checking in so much. Day 3 still. Work in 15 minutes. Had a huge meal. Will have to watch how much i eat now that im getting clean. Might be replacing one addiction with another by eating too much. Ill take eating too much over the other things ive been doing.
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269
Every weekend my mood is going deep down.
Donāt c any sence.
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Checking in day 298 AF 
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Checking in day 20. Went for dinner this evening. Felt pretty disconnected and low energy. Wasnāt tempted to drink but I did feel a bit like I just wasnāt having that much fun. Feel like Iām being boring and not being myself. Dunno if it will just take time to adjust to doing everything sober, was on a good streak up til now, now I just feel pretty deflated. Maybe Iām just tired as Iāve not been sleeping. Who knows. Anywayā¦ 
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Hey hope everyone is having a great last few day. I have had a few days with my son and and his boys i love spending time with them. My son and his childrenās mother seems to be getting along and first time i have ever through maybe they sholud consider getting married but i didnt say anything lol maybe i should have well i hope everyone is doing well (odaat)
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After Yesterdays Workout - Work Today was Hard. After Todays Work - Rehearsals was hard too.
Done 
Preparing for upcoming Gig next month 
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Iām trying to be more mindful about posting.
I am feeling soooo much better in life. A miracle compared to over 5 months ago. Iām hooked in pretty well to a home group and up to step 4.
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I progressed to step 6. Step 4 was tedious. Sponsor was kind of tough on me to soul search my past. It had to be done.
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Itās been a while. I nearly succumb to self harm. I was in my room, I had a sh object next to me and I just contimplated what itād be like to use the object. I spent about an hour in a major battle with my mind. I very nearly slipped but eventually got up and got rid of the sh device. Iām worried it may get harder and I give in. Idk what to do or who to go to.
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Day 241. Rocky start to hubby home last night (seems a pattern) . Today much better. 2nd Doggie Daycare for Yunna. Next visit will be for 3 weeks. I am positive all will be fine! Have plans for dinner with Hubby and watch baseball. When all the planets align hubby is a blast to watch sports with. Knowledgeable and opinionated with a large dose of āit doesnāt really matter the outcomeā. Loving sober calm!
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It is the spooky season, just sayinā 
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Day 5 nightime. My addiction played with me today. Many times I thought of using. It grips. Had a beautiful discussion with someone tonight, not about addiction, but he make a connection between fear and addiction, randomly, and it stopped me in my tracks. Is fear at the heart of my addiction?
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not great honestly but hanging in there
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2y 7m 23d no self harm
seriously on the edge of relapse
well I have multiple kidney stones as I mentioned in my last post. itās only painful when theyāre moving but if Iām not in pain Iām spending my time afraid for the pain to come back. i donāt know how im supposed to live like this. I donāt even know how many stones I have so i have no way of knowing when itās over with
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Good morning guys 
Iām genuinely grateful for yesterday having been such an amazing dayā¦ A reminder to stay strong!
A glimpse into my morning routine checklist, my plan after this is to: get up, drink some water, stretch, pack up my rooftop tent, brush my teeth, have breakfast (usually cereal with fruit), clean the dishes, meditate for 30mins, workout for ~1hr, shave (every 2-3 days), plan my day (including the next nearest public or caravan park shower as there is none where Iām camping) and hit the road, the rest of the day is free to enjoy whatever little gems cross my path. For me, the mental and physical morning commitment really sets the tone for the day though. Growth requires investment! Odaatā¦ 
Anyways, appreciate your taking the time to read this if you did, addictions and fears are NOT who we are. Weāve got this 
Try to have as good a day or night as you can wherever you areā¦ 
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Thays such an interesting idea about fear and addiction. I spent some time thinking after I read ur post and i think fear kept me in the problem. I truly do think fear ran my life back then, even tho i acted like i wasnt scared of anything. Fear of feeling emotion, fear of the unknown, fear of failing, and even fear of success, fear of just doing something different and foreign to me (recovery), the list could go on n on lol. I think fear guided alot of my behaviour, especially with regards to addiction.
On a side note tho, im super proud of u for getting thru another day!!!
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Day 985
I actually had a very busy day. Still not feeling 100% but things had to get done. Had to pick up halloween items for my sons haunted house for school. Then my son had an appt in the early afternoon here at the apartment. Thenā¦ i did a big grocery shop. Feels good to get this all done! I was extremely overwhelmed and overstimulated at Walmart tho. The people were non-stop cutting me off, standing in the middle of aisles with their carts giving no room for people to get by, some people were rude. I was just sooo done with peopling today. I got home and relaxed. Put everything away. Made pizza for supper. Cleaned up. And here we are im tired. Have work this weekend so have to also get ready for that. Thats about it for me! Hope everyone is enjoying their day/evening!
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Do you still have a case manager?
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