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Its ok, itāll be ok. Its normal to miss calls, even if I totally get the anxiety. 
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@positivethoughts Glad you had a good time yesterday but Iām sure you are exhausted today. It is hard with a young toddler and busy schedules. I honestly donāt know how working parents do it. I do hope you are able to find some time for yourself. Cutting out more sleep is not a good idea as you are already stretched thin. A nanny or part time babysitter (one that could come by so you could nap or rest?) may be something to consider. Sending strength. It does get easier as school will soon take care of some of the time 
@newbeggining1 Grateful you stayed on course and did not let that slip gain momentum. You are doing great friend ā looking forward to celebrating your 1 week with you tomorrow
@mxelle 8 days is great work. Sorry the anxiety is so strong. Would breath work or some deep yoga help? Onwards is exactly the best attitude ā keep at it friend ā it does get easier 
@jonase So true that we are not set in stone. That would mean that none of us were capable of change and this community is a wonderful example of how untrue that is ā people here are changing every day. I like your take on it and how youāve expressed yourself. Keep working on your plan for dealing with Winter and also how you will go about in finding yourself. Remember that this is not a quick answer to be had and will take a lot of internal back and forth. Be patient with it but have fun with the journey Congrats on your double digits of no smoking 
@james83 welcome back James. Great work on day 4 and your new approach to sobriety. Keep working the journey and utilizing those tools 
@pamela Oh man I do know that conflict well and its not an easy dialog to have. I remind myself that alcohol is literally poison (its dressed up and tastes great but it is poison) and Iām paying good hard earned money to fill my body with poison??? Why? This idea was driven home more when I read the Quit Like A Woman book. Have you tried any Quit Lit? Many great books that help with understanding the addiction and give great tips on how to stay sober. You are coming close to 1 month ā keep at it friend. Remember the crap feeling of day 1 ā you will never have to deal with that again. The more days you add on the easier the withdrawals and urges become
@bomdhil So sorry friend. What happened? Do you know what led to the relapse? Glad you did get to a zoom meeting ā hope it helped! I see your resilience and its great ā keep fighting the good fight
@butterflymoonwoman Sorry you are not feeling so well today. Iām sure your body is still recovering from the illness. UGH ā missing an important call and not being able to get a hold of them is a source of anxiety for me. For sure, she will call back and you will connect. It is out of your hands and all you can do is take care of you at the moment. Hope you are able to practice some self care and find calmness for that anxiety. Much love my friend 
Checking in on Monday evening
677 days free of alcohol and weed
1092 days free of cigarettes
It was slow start. I really had 0 motivation and was in a lot of pain but finally got myself moving around noon. Glad I got in my walk and tidied up a bit more of the garage. So grateful that the weather is not cold and I have been given enough time to sort through this mess. My brother has been holding / storing shit for just about anyone and everyone and some people arenāt even in his life any more. I just assumed it was all his stuff from different projects as hes always building something or fixing something. Already so much space cleared up and looking forward to creating some more. He should be happy as heāll be able to park in the garage again soon. 
Super tired and calling it a day shortly. Hopefully will get some zzzās tonight
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening - sending you all so much love
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I have never yet run out of likes, wondering if that makes me a heartless, grumpy so-and-so? 
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1970
That was my day off. Did a walk through town yesterday which didnāt really lift my spirits. Had a good meal. Cuddled wit Luna. Hung around here. That all helped a bit. Was in bed in time. And slept and dreamed.
Back to work today. Lets have as good a day as we all can friends. Sober and clean or nothing good will come from it. Good times and bad ones. Love.
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Day 1108 AF
Busy day.
Working from the office tomorrow for a Halloween staff luncheon. Wifey dropped me off at a workerās house. Spending the night here. Gonna carpool. Gotta be up by 4 a.m. Not a big fan of taking calls from the office. It gives me anxiety. But itās good catching up with my co-workers and getting outta the apartment. Should be a chill day. Gonna have a costume contest and all. Iām not dressing up. Iām a party pooper . Damn costumes are so expensive these days. I wanted to be Frankenstein (jk).
Gonna try sleeping on this couch. Goodnite, yall.
Luv ya. ODAAT
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Maybe you just donāt like seeing the heart turn pink? Could be a color-phobia š©· 
haha
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I am actually pretty colour-blind, please tell me that the hearts turn red like I see them do when I like a post? HELP! 
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@james83 Welcome back James! Great job getting thru those first few days 
I know theyāre the hardest for some(like me). It does sound like acceptance. The same thing happened to me. Once I was truly honest with myself about what I am, it made telling others a breeze. The truth will set you free 
Keep coming back
621
I physically felt a huge weight come off my shoulders today. Like, itās actually easier to breathe 
I was starting to panic over my financial situation going into this winter. I learned how to survive poor when I moved out on my own. I always get by, but itās getting harder and harder these days. With all thatās happened to me this year, the constant stress over money has worn me down. I have a pretty substantial roth IRA that I donāt think of it as anything other than my daughterās future(and that trip to Australia Iām taking the day itās unlocked 
), but I know itās there. After contemplating this for months now, I made the decision last Monday(before I knew my insurance was fixed) to withdraw enough money to pay off my credit cards and have a chunk left to sit on in case of emergency, like car troubles(knock on wood, she hasnāt let me down once in 7 years(cue the Toyota ad 
)). The check came and it felt so good depositing it. They say money canāt buy happiness, but not having enough is really the only thing making me unhappy soooā¦
Relief.
No headache today. I saw the chiropractor and feel sore, but better. We got a pumpkin and I roasted the seeds for the first time. I put this ranch popcorn seasoning on them and they turned out great! Weāre carving it tomorrow 
Have a great 24 everyone!
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Ok they turn red when you see them.
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273 days AF
The loosing weight thoughts kicking in again. Still not sure if I am ready to open this topic in my recovery journey. When I am starting the gym, they might offer messuringā¦ And goals. Hm. Am I ready? Might this trigger un-intuitive eating habits. I just donāt know. Sobriety is more important, thatās what I know. And I am a fit girl. So - donāt know 
Love you guys
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I know the struggle. I gained a little weight because Iām more focusing on having a healthy mind instead of a slim body.
Itās a weird world we live in, where looks are still more important than how healthy someoneās mind is.
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#96 Iām fresh, capable & feeling quite positive heading into work this morning after a bank holiday weekend. In the past today would have been very difficult. Due to the effects of a sporting occasion and BH weekend with the associated binge afterwards. But I abstained. I abstained and feel so much better for it and again got to flex and exercise my sober muscles proving to myself once again that I can and I will.
Have a great day
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Day 493, up early, i find rhe clock changes donāt help much on the sleeping front. Ended up working 7.30-5 yesterday so i will take some time back later on
Have a good day folks. Hard to believe this time next week will be 500 days.thats crazy
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332 days
Busy day of errands. Car stuff, cooking, cleaning.
Dropping off and picking up the car did mean i got a couple of 30min extra walks in.
Picked up the kids from school then they had training. I did a little bike and stretch.
@JazzyS you could be right, It may also be due to stressing over a training exercise we have tomorrow at work. Funny thing is doing stressful things at work doesnāt bother me as its always just sprung on us, this exercise will be no different than our day to day work and training but as I know its coming its added stress.
And to think I would have likely been hungover doing these things a year ago.
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Day 298 AF
Looking forward to month off work.
Be well
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@MrFantastik I once read somewhere that people who work in first responder type of jobs deal very well with stress in an imediate kind of way - something needs to be dealt with right now! But they might find anticipatory stress situations - this is going to happen somewhere in the future - far more difficult to deal with. Maybe this is your kind of situation.
@Dustysprungfield Yay to flexing those sober muscles over the weekend
@Juli1 We get so many conflicting messages - especially if we are read as female gendered - about how our bodies are supposed to be. They all tell us: Your body is not yours, it is supposed to fulfill someone elses expectations. But this is your body, only yours. So is are these thoughts about loosing weight yours? Or maybe party yours and partly expectations?
@Just_Laura From my experience having money in our world means not having to deal with a lot of nuissances on top of everything life throws on you as compared to not having money. So no, you donāt get happiness with money. But you get fewer unnecessery stress. And that is a prerequisite to happiness. Glad to hear your headache is gone 
@GOKU2019 You could wrap yourself in toilet paper and go as a mummy 
@Mno Still sending love your way 
@Dirk I also have never run out of likes. Apparently we both are heartless and grumpy
@JazzyS Your decluttering story reminds me of my motherās house. Every time I think about ever having to get this place sorted out I feel the dread of a horror choker 
@Butterflymoonwoman Sorry to hear you are in such a stressful situation. I hope it gets sorted out soon.
@Bomdhil What happened? Are you ok?
342 sugar
206 UPF
80 gluten
80 dairy
16 distraction-free eating
I am so tired today 
Could sleep through the day. Not going to happen, but I am going to take it a bit slower.
Did the groceries, kid is off to school. I want to solve a software problem in the morning, have a class at about noon. Planning the weekend including Halloween is also on the menu today. Some yoga, maybe RD in the evening.
Todayās picture is from my summer trip to Rotterdam. I really liked the huge bird. Also me with the bike 
Peace and love for life always 
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Its fear, mostly sadness, anger. Its been like this since childhood, when the sad build up inside and is to overwhelming and I dont know what to do with the feeling, I Sh, to let the feelings go.
My body is very much in survival mode. Ive been doing everthing by my self for to long, and my body have for a long time been pushing the stop button.
Thank you for your kind Words
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@Pamela what really helped me through that stage was reading the Annie Grace book. Specifically, the parts where she goes on about changing your mindset from ā I canāt drinkā to āI donāt have to drink.ā For me, it was a complete game changer when I realised how little value alcohol added to my life. The risks got too great. Life without it is worth getting through each craving.
Day 654.
Iām completely and totally emotionally drained. There are things weighing on me but I struggle to put them into words. Itās mostly the past, the present and my ADHD struggles for executive function. I get overwhelmed by simple things so so easily it frustrates me and makes my brain explode. It doesnāt help that Iāve been sleeping like shit. The bed at my in-laws is tiny, me and my husband are not. Itās also a really old matress.
On sunday weāre going to our airport city and staying a few nights so we can get some shopping done before our flight and so I can see my bestie and meet her new baby. Iām quite excited about the shopping. Even after losing 40 pounds this year, itās hard to find clothes that fit me in my little end of the European continent. They have larger sizes at designated fat people stores complete with highly offensive advertising. I refuse to walk into one. But Primarkā¦ primark delivers cute clothes in my size at a great price. Iām also looking forward to sleeping in a nice hotel bed.
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Happy Tuesday!
A great day to be sober. Lots of positive things going on at work. Its also going to be 80 degrees today (Iāll take that in October here in Chicagoland).
5:15 herevso its time to get my butt out of bed and hit the gym.
MAKE it an awesome day my friends!
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