I am sorry you relapsed, @Jules000, that must be distressing 
How do we best support you?
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Checking in man trying to figure out how to do everything i need to go. Idk what the hell im doing. Lol
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Being here for me like you are
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I certainly am and I will be for another 4 or so hours so please shout if I can do anything else to lighten your load!
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Very fond childhood memories, @Mno, thanks for digging this up! The paper lampoons were a challenge, because rain and wind in November in Holland is quite common and because we actually used tealights in them 
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301 Sober.
Went to another follow up appointment from an Ultrasound to check on my liver procedure. The radiologist said it all looked good and I no longer have to have appointments with them. I just need to go to my doctor for regular check-ups.
I never thought Iād be able to do this.
I feel better than I have in decades.
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Up late again and still anxious, hoping I donāt have a concussion. Still feeling repulsed by alcohol but i know that will fade soon enough and the f*ck it demon will start whispering again. Well, he can sod off! 
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Day 1111 AF
Woke up feeling like poop. Sore throat, and my TMJ gave me some nasty earaches. Fml. Made it to the kiddosā Halloween parade.
Just got back from trick or treating with the kids. Gonna take some meds and pass out. Hope everyone had a safe Halloween for those celebrating.
Take care. ODAAT 
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624
Done with this day 
I woke up feeling good, but somewhere along the way my mood turned and I felt miserable. Idk why. I love Halloween and it was the most beautiful day I think weāve ever had for it. I just wasnāt in the mood for any of it. Zoi wanted to go with her friend from the building so her family came with us. They moved here from somewhere else so I took them to the good part of town bc our neighborhood is pretty beat. They have two younger sons, 2 and 5. We stuck together but I kinda wish I just had the girls. Iād hoped walking would make me feel better but we had to stop alot and wait for the little ones, so it wasnāt anywhere close to exercise. Iāve forgotten how much you have to slow down with that age. After, they did the required candy exchange and all I wanted was to veg out on the couch. Peace at last, but still feeling blah 
I hope sleep comes early tonight. Have a good one
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Cool number 
Hope you feel better
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Ty, sista.
I feel ya on the trick or treatin. My eldest ran into some friends and wanted to tag along, but my little man was zoomin door to door. I didnāt realize how fast the little dude was. I had to keep stopping for my eldest and his friends. Plus, he couldnāt walk in his inflatable squidward costume. He kept complaining that he couldnāt walk or see. Halloween and the holidays are kinda just meh to me now. Just another day. Hope you get some rest.
Oh, I was playing the AHS Murder House Soundtrack today.
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Today had its rough edges and challenges but I made it through another day sober and for that Iām grateful. I was able to rely on support and love from some good people to help keep me afloat. The urges to act out werent present but given the feelings that I was having, they could have turned into resentmens later. Amen for surrender. ODAAT 
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@laner UGH Sorry that you are dealing with such anxiety. How are you doing today? Grateful that you know that drinking is not a solution and are working on healthier ways to deal with it. Are you still working with you therapist? Sending you strength and love! 
@Ccn31 Welcome back and congrats on your upcoming 60 days! Great work Hope you had a wonderful Halloween
@Butterflymoonwoman Sending energy your way as you get through tonightās overnight shift! I am super excited for you too ā quadruple digits is so exciting
@Climbin A move is always scary as you venture into unknown territory. Iām sure you will do great wherever you go. Like you said - do more research / ask questions and prepare yourself for what to expect. A one way may be better so you are not bound by time and can play it at your own pace 
@Juli1 Heck Yeah! Congrats on your 9 months girl ā that is so incredibly awesome. So very proud of how far youve come and where you are headed! Glad to hear you had such a positive feedback meeting too - rocking it!
@Joyce19 Yeah that mentality is sneaky and its your addict mind trying to convince you that you never had a problem and you can control this habit. 4 days is remarkable. Donāt listen to the lies. No good comes from drinking. Its literal poison that your body / mind is craving. Why would you want to do that to yourself. Keep at it - it gets easier and the waking up knowing what you did the night before and with no hangover never gets old! 
@james83 Congrats on your week of sobriety! WOW - i love that you have found people in your life that know the sober you and accept you for you! That is a great feeling. Keep up the great work on your journey
@Bomdhil OH Iām so sorry to hear about the floods and the tragic loss of life. My thoughts are with you 
Great work on day 3 and regaining hope!
@Jules000 Sorry that you relapsed. Do you know what led up to this and are you able to find a way to keep yourself safe from that trigger? Grateful that you are going to talk to a therapist tomorrow. Stay connected and give yourself some love
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@mnfast That is incredible news. Keep putting in the work and healing
@GOKU2019 ooh check out the 1ās! Hope you start feeling better soon
Checking in on Friday morning
680 days free of alcohol and weed
1095 days free of cigarettes
It was a wonderful Halloween. The weather was perfect! We only got 2 trick or treaters so that sucked but enjoyed some good spooky time with friends.
Its past 1 and I canāt sleep. I donāt do painkillers as Iām sure that will just be another addition Iāll have to come down from but this shit is getting worse.
Glad that this weekend is low key and hopefully if all goes well I will get to see my sister on Sunday. Been way too long since Iāve seen her.
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day / evening sending you all so much love
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Thanks im going to look onto it and thanks for the in put
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Day 5.
I donāt have any withdrawal symptoms, but I do crave alcohol. Not all day, but it pops up again and again. Then I try to think HALT and think of one day at the time. Sometimes one minute. I try not to think about Christmas, New Yearās Eve and what Iām going to do then and how. Thatās stressful and what do I do when Iām stressed? Drinking alcohol.
Only to be even more stressed afterwards.
And barely getting through the day. Poor sleep. Emotional fluctuations. Red eyes. Abdominal pain. Headache.
I donāt want that anymore.
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@Joyce19, I am so glad to read that your sobriety is holding, congratulations on 5 days!
If youāll allow me to give you some friendly advice: the holidays are WAY too far away to worry about any of that now. No-one can confidently predict what the/your world will look like in 50 days from now, so there really is no point worrying about sobriety or indeed anything else.
Once the holidays are maybe two weeks or so away, you can make a solid plan to get through them and people here can help you with that plan, if you want to. For now, try to focus on the first 30 days and get those under your belt.
Hope that helps, here when you need support!
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We have Lampionnenoptocht tomorrow in the village, not sure about singing part etc cause its first time for us. Could it be early St Maarten celebration? Definitely something nice for kids. The kid in me is also already excited 
Since Iām not wasting my time (and my life) with drinking I started to really enjoy this local events with other parents and kids, Im getting more social.
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1973
Today is the memorial service for my colleague and friend who killed himself a week ago. Iām going. The cemetery is supposed to be beautiful but a bitch to reach by public transport. Would like to bike but itās a 90 minute ride. Hope it doesnāt rain. It sure looks grey out there. Some days I do miss having a car.
But Iām alive. Iām sober. One day at a time. Life sober isnāt always easy either but it beats being in active addiction. A day sober will always beat a day drunk. By a huge margin. Letās have as good a day as we all can friends. Sober and clean or absolutely nothing will come from it. Love from Luna and me.
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