Day 10.
Early morning start,Hope everyone has a great day.
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@Just_Laura Aaahā¦I totally get that. Itās funny when you find something and are like 
ā¦huh- have I had that all a long orā¦?
Omg! Yes!!! I hope that for her too and you just gave me stomach cramps from laughing so hard. So very relieved that this is all coming to a close and you found a competent person to work your case.
Seriously glad itās not something serious but wondering whatās causing your body to react to cold this way now. Stay warm my friend 
@seb ah man I canāt even imagine what you are going through. I do know how important a gym / workout routine is for mental health and am hoping you are able to get something from walking/ cycling. This is not forever. You will be back to your normal routine soon enough 
. Gotta keep that positive attitude friend. Here if you need to chat. Next week is your appointment with brain surgeon - right?
@Lighter safe travelsā¦ looking forward to seeing pics.
@Shel75 sending healing vibesā¦hope you feel better soon
@Thumper1213 double digits 
great work Billy!
Checking in on Wednesday morning
Not sure how I slept. I donāt remember waking up during the night but I feel disoriented and so tired now and starting to get a massive headache. Iām gonna try to wrap my head and lay down for a bit longer.
Have a busy day planned but nothing is urgent so no pressure.
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free dayā¦ sending you all so much love 
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Unknown 6
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Hey all, checking in on day 1592. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Checking in day 219.
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I love that I have reached 300 days (again) of sobriety from my most deadliest foe: alcohol. I canāt believe how it held me tight for so many years, thrashing me under water to drown, then holding me up for short breaths to believe it cared. My most recent group therapy was full of addicts of addicts of addicts and we all pretty much held dear this escape/mask to actually survive what we suffered. In that respect, I do now think of my addict part as a part/mask of myself that deserves to be loved and cared for, now that Iām in control as Self.
No more believing that part must protect me fiercely. With this love and compassion, I can see and feel that I did the best I could to fight my demons, but that I now have the choice to push mySelf forwards. Myself is everything and all my parts, āthe addictā comes with me too and I love her as well, but she no longer needs to drive cos Iām taking good care of that job already.
Iām over two weeks off vape now as well. Just back from the new Body Balance 105, I think I like it a lot. My hips feel mobile and I get a hell of a lot out of stretching them in classā¦ Itās like they are freed up a bit and burning slightly with movement.
I have a follow up at 3pm with my therapy provider and I do have constructive feedback and a request for CBT or other modalities now that the heaviness has left some room for tweaks. And thatās nice, because when I thought about repeating the process again, something inside said I didnāt need to go thru the same process again. But it did acknowledge I will accept help if appropriate. Itās no secret that I didnāt find talking therapy that helpful, but I will remain open to options.
One of my old colleagues reached out to me today, and sheās in hell at work with my old employer. Though I really like this person, the difference from what they say on LinkedIn and to me privately is vast and I really fucking hate that. Iāve never been able to pretend to people, always shooting my mouth a bitā¦ Iām going to be sympathetic but remain completely impartial. I hate those people who run with the hares and hunt with the wolves. Iām so glad that Iām seeking a complete career change. Itās been a humbling experience where Iāve felt really unsure, but one that I know to hold fast to no matter how scared and little I feel jumping in. Funny thing is this week I was head hunted by a major company in my old industry. The knee reflex was there to take the easy option of sinking back into that warm bath of already tested waters. Iām not going to, job or no job, I deserve better. 
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@JazzyS thank you 
Iām having a migraine day with you hoping they both pass asap š©µ
@Raspberry congrats on 30 days
@Lighter safe travels 
@GOKU2019 sorry youāre dealing with all these physical symptoms I hope the ER figured out the abdominal pain. Feel better soon š©µ
@Just_Laura thatās good news about the claim case 
Iām glad you found your earring, I was hoping for that happy ending bc I hate losing things 
Madness about the empty flask and shooters though!
@acromouse Iām glad it was nothing serious, but I would have been alarmed too so Iām glad you went to get checked out. Congrats again on your milestones
@Shel75 feel better soon š©µ
@Thumper1213 congrats on double digits
@Tragicfarinelli congrats on 300 days AF and 2 weeks no vapes
1534 days no alcohol.
999 days no cocaine.
29 days no binge-eating.
13 days no vape.
Yesterday I did manage to unpack the catsā supplies delivery. I can now open all the doors properly. I also dismantled all of the empty boxes that I seemed to have collected, and took them out to the recycling bins.
Today would usually have been meeting the Safe Soulmates volunteer for our walk, but she messaged yesterday to cancel as sheās not feeling well.
Iām currently meditating for around 3.5hrs a day. Iām not doing well mentally, but I think itās helping.
Tomorrow itās my testosterone shot, which is always a good day, it may also help my mood level.
One of the side effects of reducing my first med is nausea, and itās persistent. Itās not stopping me from eating though! Since I stopped restricting/bingeing, I am eating more than I have each day in a long time, so Iām gaining weight and I donāt like that. Iām hoping once Iām eventually completely off this first med, my appetite may reduce. However, the insatiable appetite is also caused by another med that I take, so it could take a long time until Iām finally off them all and my system is functioning without psychotropic medication. I need to be patient. Not my strong suit.
I check-in with yesterdayās numbers every day, so today is actually 1000 days of no cocaine. and 1 month of no binge-eating.
š©µ
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Checking in after taking a major step forward yesterday. After 6 years, finally told my wife of my setback. She was really disappointed and let me have it, but in a way that wasnāt emotional, she got to the root of my issues, which is my selfish behavior. Today for the first time iām seeing a therapist. Hoping to actually not just talk about doing the work internally, but actually doing something. Glad to be clear with the wife again and i have to work hard to stay that way.
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Today is full day 3, and I have timer now. The withdrawals are typical, lack of appetite (even nausea when eating), difficulty sleeping, headaches and a new one is pangs of anxiety. Short and swift, yet present.
The why is more simple than I thought. I want to be fully sober because Iām not myself when Iām using. Integrity was the most significant learning curve during my 6 years of sobriety from alcohol, and it currently remains an important value; one where I can assess that when using, i lack wholeness, honesty and generally a high principled person, I lack principled actions.
@Tragicfarinelli your share in response to my day one rang true for me and helped me piece something together. When I use, I seek nothingness, what a key word to describe what I want. I want to feel nothing, I want to be nothing, but then I wake up with less purpose, less drive, less focus. Thank you for your feedback.
Merci to the community for just having a lot of integrity upon my return. I donāt take lightly how I was able to be received with open arms, with connection, with reconnaissance of how much we delight in each otherās e-presence.
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Apparently getting old can do this kind of crap to you. So, mind my words, donāt get old 
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@acromouse thank you. Today I feel better after attending to another meeting. Itās really cool you are in the Polish-Czech!
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Glad to hear you are feeling better 
I am originally from Poland and I spent a lot of time in this place at the border. But in my childhood this actually was border territory, and that ment it was heavily guarded and we never could go there. Now with both countries being in the EU and in the Schengen area this has become a wonderful hiking and biking area and I get to discover new places avery time I visit.
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Congratulations on 300 days!!
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Day 487. Working 8-7.30 today
All good
Bit tired but all ok
Im studying again as well as working. Iām not 100% confident in my brain yetā¦but will do my best.
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Hey things been ok. Guess not sure what im supposed to do with all the signals coming my way right now. Once iām able to make a move i donāt know if im heading in the right direction. Who knows i just want to make the most of the next part of my life still feels like im going to pay for my past choices for the rest of it tho. Does it even end and go away? Well have a great day everyone (odaat)
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Day
31 AF
0 weed free
Oh shiiiiiit, I relapsed and smoked some weed. But I try not to beat myself up too much, because these things happen. Now Iām looking forward to pot free days. On day at a time.
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202 days sober
Iāve been having a terrible mouse problem. Okay this is wicked gross but the mice is so bad the past few days that they run across me at night when I sleep.Today I literally stayed home all day just to kill mice. I killed 38 today! I seriously have no clue why this startedā¦in the past it is normal to get some mice but not like this. My neighbors are having the same problem as me. They also have never had it this bad either. My house is kept obsessively cleanā¦other than keeping traps constantly laid I donāt know what else to do. But I canāt stand laying down to go to sleep knowing mice will just use me as a human bridge. 
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Day 983
Morning everyone! I am quite sick today unfortunately. I thought i was over the worst of it but my throat hurts, im congested, ears are popping, head pressure pain. Ugh. I decided to not go to the gym today even tho my son is at school and i have the chance to go. Im going to take it easy today. Have a nice bath or something. Nap. Just relax and try to get better. Hubby is sick too but he had to go into work as they dont have anyone else to operate the heavy machinery. I feel bad for him. Hope everyone is enjoying their day so far
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I donāt want to sound harsh, but I donāt know how else to say it so: These things donāt just happen. They happen because we let them happen my friend. Itās true we canāt turn back time but please try to learn form it. Why did you smoke? What lie did you tell yourself? How can you prevent this happening next time? What do you need instead? Etcetera. Success.
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Yeeey 
Thank you for sharing 
The issue with your finger sounds like Raynaudās disease. I have it. I donāt get blood in my toes and fingers if I feel cold or if itās too dampā¦ Itās not pleasant and in spring this year, I finally got some medicaments to manage it a bit better. I am quite curious about first winter being on them. They already improved my day to day life 
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