I’m so sorry to hear this Mischa. What a horrendous spot to be stuck in. The point you cannot even get a days grace for self care without being aggravated by him. I’m sorry you have this happening.
Hopefully you find an avenue to happiness as that’s no way to live and I’m sure your boys know this as well.
I wish you best on this journey of sobriety made harder by your situation. 
Day 317 AF
Had a great day yesterday. Did an upper body session and then as I do, started rearranging things in gym. Think I have it set up how I like though it’s a constant evolution.
Today I will do a leg superset, bike for 30mins then if the weather holds start wrapping some of the evergreen trees in burlap for winter.
The wind, ocean spray and cold is hard on them as they are still young freshly planted trees mostly as the last hurricane a couple winters ago stripped us of 32 mature trees on property.
Sending you all positive thoughts that today is a good day for you all!
@Lastry congrats on your week+ AF 
and your opiate-free time too feel better soon 🩵
@MrFantastik I hope you’re enjoying your getaway 
congrats on 350+ days
@SussexGuy congrats on 6+ months
@Grayce1 welcome to the checking-in thread congrats on your days so far and good luck for your court date 
@Brian1965uk belated congrats on 2 years 
I relate a lot to what you shared 
@scaredsmol congrats on 2+ weeks
@acromouse thank you 🩵 good luck with solving your game problem
@Thumper1213 congrats on double digits
@Wolf182 belated congrats on 2 years
@wahtisnormal congrats on 7 months I hope you can get some proper rest asap 
I’m sorry life is so fkin challenging right now sending strength 🩵
@Mindofsobermike belated congrats on your year
@EFountains congrats on 800+ days
@james83 congrats on 3+ weeks
@JazzyS thank you sending love 🩵
@Vanessa8 belated congrats on all the 2s
@GOKU2019 sorry about the rough night Thurs I hope you’ve had better sleep since and congrats on another month
@Lighter good to read from you but sorry things are rough I can relate, sending strength 🩵
@LittleMissLaura good to read from you congrats on 5+ years
@Amy30 oh gosh, that is not good timing I hope you got through it, sending strength 🩵
@Mischa84 it’s really not normal 
he sounds like he acts like a teenager, he should get up at the same time as you and help, even when you’re not sick, and definitely take responsibility as a father and let you stay in bed to get the rest you need when you are, it’s no wonder you’re not recovering sending strength and I hope you start feeling better soon 🩵
@HiyaKat welcome back congrats on 22 days
@SudsNStuff sending strength 🩵 don’t listen to those addict lies
@sobernow congrats on your week
@Alisa @TeaCosy @JazzyS @Amy30 @Chevy55
Thank you all for your your support and suggestions, I do appreciate your input if I was closer with my family then maybe something sentimental would suffice, but sadly I caved in to the pressure, to unburden myself of the stress of it all. None of us are religious so it really makes no sense to me to celebrate the occasion at all. I plan to stay at home alone with my cats on Xmas day. 
1559 days no alcohol.
1024 days no cocaine.
38 days no vape.
11 days no binge-eating.
Thurs: I had my check-up at the dentist. Mostly okay, except an impacted lower left wisdom tooth, completely on its side. The tooth in front of it has some decay below the gum line. So the options were; to have the wisdom tooth surgically removed, in order to assess the tooth in front to see if it could be restored, but the dentist said that would be unlikely, then the second option would be to preemptively remove the back tooth and leave the wisdom tooth as it is. Then the third option was to leave it all as it is, until the back tooth starts to cause any pain, so I went with that option due to finances and not being in any pain currently. I also booked in for a clean with the hygenist for tomorrow, as I don’t have therapy.
Then on my way home I started my Xmas shopping. I couldn’t cope with how I was feeling about it.
Started to feel a little better.
Fri: Psych was unwell so therapy was cancelled. Finished my Xmas shopping. Spent even more than last year. So now I have to try to live off shakes and protein porridge. Any real food I do buy, will come out of the money I’ve saved for my annual car insurance (due the first week of January), so I may end up having to pay that in monthly installments, instead of all at once, which will cost more overall.
My mood seems to have balanced out, and I’m definitely less stressed about Xmas. I know I shouldn’t have had to make an adverse financial decision out of pressure, and I do appreciate all of your feedback and suggestions, but the thought of not giving anyone anything was making me feel worthless, and I don’t even know why because my family and I aren’t even close, we only see each other on special occasions, and even that hasn’t been every time this year. They are all also very materialistic and value money above anything else. It’s a shame. When I used to have friends, I used to be shocked at how little they’d have to buy for their families, because I’ve always felt I have to buy so much else my family would be disappointed and think that I hadn’t made an effort.
Yesterday, I went back to exchange a few things, and to the big supermarket, as it said online they had strawberries in-stock, (they did 
). I also bought everyone’s Xmas cards and some rolls of wrapping paper. I should have everything else I’ve ordered online by next weekend, so will probably wait until then and do a marathon wrapping session.
Today I’ve caught-up here. I will be doing some meditating, reading, and I am also going to attempt to watch some episodes of the show I haven’t watched since I last binged, but without bingeing. I also still need to hoover, my brain infuriates me! 
🩵
Update:
I just came back from emergency room. I was having troubles with breathing, my heart was racing. It was freaking me out so I called them, they told me to come, so I did. And what? Nothing. Heart bpm a bit high (100-120 resting) but ekg was fine. Oxygen saturation fine. Lungs fine. Most probably flu.
I got some more info about that blood test result. They found some amount of bacteries causing whooping cough but not enough to without doubt say I’m sick… Bcs or it was some time ago and I almost recover, or it’s just beginning… They must check again in which direction it gonna go.
All in all, I’m in bed again. Husband is cleaning the house downstairs, probably he feels bad about being a dick.
I feel a bit better now. Good to know Im not having heart attack.
Dentist! 
You just reminded me a needed to book my back crown in still… I’m six months overdue because I didn’t want to pay £800-1200 for a porcelain crown 
even the hygienist has gone up to £119 at my dentist. It’s shocking… Glad you feel a bit better though. 
Day 1,620 clean and sober today. Hi everyone I hope you all have been well!
In the last 11 months I have finished all of my courses, completed my internship and passed my state exam and am now a certified substance abuse counselor.
I got promoted to counselor at work with my own office and caseload and it’s really been freaking cool. I hope everyone has a kick ass day today, love you guys! 
Edit: I am sorry so many of you were worried about me! I can see all of the mentions in my alert section and I am trying to go through them so I can respond to you.
Thank you for caring!
Check-in Day 2
I have been into fasting. I prayed to the temple and my mother made dinner for me. I’m searching for projects on the internet. These days my financial situation is really worse because of drinking. I know if I stay sober for last 1 month. I’m able to save some money but anyway past is past.
Living one day at time. Hope everything come to normal.
227 days sober
I don’t know what was wrong with me yesterday maybe it was a migrain but it was the worst more weirdest headache I’d ever had. I feel much better today but sorta felt like I hd a hangover? Can you get a hangover type feeling after a really bad headache? 
anyway feel pretty normal but still took it a bit easy. Today is election day here…I always think Sunday is a weird day to have an election…everything was closed for this so I mostly hung around with a friend chatting, had coffee and she made a pumpkin pie for us to have.
I wanted to have a run this morning but still felt a bit off so did a long walk instead. Hoping to get one in tomorrow or at least a good hike. Am feeling some pent up anxiety thats needing to be exercised out.
Robbbiiieeeeeeee!!! Great to see you my friend. You’ve been missed sorely. Thanks for the update. Congrats on your career. Love ya 
Thank you I missed all of you too!!! Love you right back Menno!!!
Rob!!! Sooo good to see u posting 
sounds like uv had a busy 11 months. Congratulations on becoming a certified Substance Abuse Counsellor! So glad to hear things going well for you! 
Awwww thank you Dana!!! It’s good to be back I’ve missed you all!!
Day 1008
Morning TS! Just on my way to work now. Feeling tired this morning and really wanted to take the day off, but decided to go in and take care of my responsibilities instead. Hope the day goes by fast. Other than that, im feeling alright. Hope everyone enjoys their day!
Weve missed u too Rob! Hope to see u posting more 
Congratulations on ur week sober!!! Great work!
Hooray Rob!!! So wonderful to see you and kicking ass, too! I’m so proud of you. You’re going to be such an asset to your organization and I hope this path is fulfilling and gives you a sense of purpose. It’s such important work and as someone with lived experience you will have a special insight that will help you support the people you work with. How freaking awesome is this news! Thanks for updating us. What a treat to see this morning
Glad u took a few hours for urself. Mental health is just as important as anything else and if u were in a funk, its best to take care of you great self awareness!
Day 2689.
Feeling a bit wobbly. Combination of my sister (lives on the other side of the world) our mother and me is a big trigger. Our visions and experiences differ quite a bit 