☆ Day 2267 
Fake it untill you make it.
Cranky after another bad sleep and woke up because hubby his alarmclock at 5.45 in the morning 
8 days to go…
Today? Work.
Have a good day ore night sober people!
8 days to go…
Today? Work.
Have a good day ore night sober people!
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I love the boot countdown!! Just one leap-week to go 
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2005
Not sure what I’ll do with today yet. I’m pretty well rested. I have food for today already in the fridge. The laundry basket is empty. My apartment isn’t a mess. Outside it’s not very inviting though.
I might go and try to write a bit. But also would like to do something a little bit more social. Will see. For now I’ll have my coffee and take it easy. I’ll make today as good a day as I can. And expect the same from all of you. Sober and clean or nothing will come of anything. Love.
@Butterflymoonwoman Happy Birthday Dana! 40 is the new 30! Hugs and love.
@Mischa84 Sorry for the mishap friend. Time to try and start saving for a newer bakfiets maybe?
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Day 689.
Today’s advent surprise was the best one yet. It’s the really nice smelling hand cream I bought myself in Italy for my birthday but couldn’t remember where it was from! I got way more excited than any reasonable human should get over hand cream. Some jumping for joy was involved 
But hey, its one of the few benefits of BPD. I feel the bad emotions way more intensely than everyone else, but that also applies to the good stuff.
Today we’re doing a big grocery run and getting a couple of extra decorations so we can put the little tree up and get my house into the xmas spirit. I’ll be fucked if I allow outside influences, stress, fear, or my mental illness ruin my second sober holidays!
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295
Feeling ok, called the hospital today to see if there was any update on my scheduled appointment with neurologist but alas still no news unfortunately.
Thinking of the weekend just passed, I sat in a beer garden, restaurant and then in a home all surrounded by people drinking and I barely flinched. I did get fomo once when sitting in tbe beer garden but it was good to realise I wasn’t really missing out on anything.
Hope you guys are all doing well.
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Happy Big 4-0, @Butterflymoonwoman, hope you’ll have a wonderful celebration with your family today! 
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Hey all, checking in on day 1633. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Checking in on day
572 no alcohol
81 no form of marijuana
212 no nicotine
Helping out a different store today
A little extra time and z little extra money 
Have a wonderful day everyone
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Thanks Dirk! Yeah, i think its time to let boys bike to school. My inner always-worried-self doesn’t like this idea cause it’s very stressful for me, pay attention to 3 still little but super active boys. All 3 of them have different dynamics and the one who is the fastest is ofcourse also the one who doesn’t listen the most. We will see.
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@Butterflymoonwoman A very happy birthday to you friend, and so many happy returns 
Enjoy your very special day!
@Amy30 Good hand lotion is worth a lot. Especially one that makes your hands feel great and where you really like the smell. So enjoy your advent surprise. The calendar looks very nice.
@SoberWalker I don‘t think I have ever bin invested in someones plaster as I am here with yours 
Great countdown.
@Mischa84 So sorry you had that crash love. I remember having one with my cargo bike on ice a few years ago. No fun. These things weight a ton and when they fall on your legs… I very much you will be out of bruises soon, and you can find a way to fix that bike 
@MrMoustache Good to hear your mood is in a good place. Sleep deprivation sucks. I hope you get good sleep soon.
@Dirk I‘m with you on the first Austin Powers being the funniest one. Although I have to admit that I loved the ‚Dutch‘ villain for his roller boogey skating shenenigans. Thanks for sharing that vid. I had so much fun watchig it: the choreography, the costumes. So much fun!
@zzz Thanks for the daily advent calender gif 
@HiyaKat Sorry to hear you are beset by so much anxiety. I find calming yoga and meditations on Insighter Timer very helpful. Hope you get to feel better soon.
@JP123 Loving your intention about avoiding harm. Good to see you checking in daily!
377 sugar
241 UPF
115 gluten
115 dairy
51 mindful eating
After yesterday‘s faint spell I got thoroughly checked through by the medical establishment all morning till now. Some of the procedures were rather uncomfortable - especially the tilt table I can not recommend 
But at least I have a diagnosis and the reassurance that the important things like heart and circulatory system are ok.
So now I‘m ordered to rest for the rest of the day and I am going to take doctor‘s orders very seriously here Video games, tv, reading, naps and very relaxing yoga. That‘s my day friends.
And TS reminded me that today is my one year TS anniversery. Sooo very life saving I found this community 
For today‘s picture I am sharing a bit from my last November hike.
Peace and love for life always 
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I do photography as a business and I tend to hate everything I do creatively. Recently I’ve tried to push myself to do some new things and I again really don’t like how they turned out as usual. I know taking a break from it will give me less anxiety, but also less growth as a professional and less money. I wish I could get through that feeling if failure that sits so heavy on top of everything I do. I could hear 199 people say I’m great but I still think they are all lying. I don’t know why it’s worse in the evening but it’s becoming a huge hindrance to life in general. I will try to journal as replied above. Maybe I would normally shove those feelings down with alcohol and now I’m not? Maybe it’s always been there and I’ve just always drank through it?
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Happy Tuesday!
IT IS COLD here in Chicagoland. Im delicate so should movev to somewhere warm haha.
Life is very lifey at the moment. I know however everything will work out as it should.
MAKE it an awesome day my friends!
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Day 1,636 clean and sober today. Insomnia kicked in last night and I’m exhausted this morning (further side effects of quitting my medication) and I hope it balances out soon. I hope everyone has a great day today, love you guys! 
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Day 16 AF. Had a great day.
Walked 10kms before breakfast. It felt awesome. Walking always makes me feel great. My legs are sore but it feels good.
I had to make a business presentation later in the day. Rode to the venue. It was a very pleasant ride. I love riding on the highway on my motorcycle. The presentation went off better than anyone expected and I got selected to lead a new project.
Later, i had a moment of temptation when I thought it would be so nice to go out and celebrate. Maybe have some beers. Just a few beers.
I was tempted, but it passed. I had to remind myself that I would be giving up everything that I have achieved in the past couple of weeks, and I would be back to where I started.
A few beers today will mean many many more tomorrow and then I will begin on the whisky. Soon I will be mixing beer and whisky. I have done it too many times before. I cannot do it anymore.
It is these moments I fear. When my mind tries to convince me that I “deserve a drink” and “one drink will not matter”.
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That’s the kicker. Celebrate with a beer, etc… it took me a while to get it in my head that alcohol does not equal celebration… it’s the opposite, it’s regret, illness, disappointment, embarrassment.
We’ve proven so many times in our lives what it leads to, and the small percentage of it being a good celebration can be counted in a hand.
Happy you refrained man… it’s a tough time of year to keep that straight in our head.
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