Checking in daily to maintain focus #71

[JazzyS]

@SadMemeQueen

debating whether i should get one last time before I go in

That is your addiction trying to make this sound like a rational decision when it totally isn’t.

You’ve come this far and there is absolutely no need to hurt yourself. You are already hurting my friend (with all that you are going through)…no need to add to that . So very happy for you that you got accepted into the clinic and will be going. I really think that is going to be helpful for you.

Please do not throw away your time. You deserve a pain free and happy life. Sending comfort and hugs your way

[SadMemeQueen]

thank you. I realize how irrational it sounds reading it back. I just know I’m going to be spiraling until monday

[tailee17]

Please don’t hurt yourself! I care about you ! Hoping you will get the help and support you need to whip this addiction.

[JazzyS]

Monday is a ways away but you have come this far and that’s not nothing! 2 years 8 months 12 days of not harming yourself. We got you my friend …you are not alone in this. Use your tools, lean on your support…just give yourself some kindness. Much love to you Megan

[tailee17]

Checking in on day 260. I caught up reading here and couldn’t remember if I posted or not. In reviewing my posting history I found I have posted 5K times as of right now. My pleasure to have shared so much with you all. I listen too. I have read 128K posts.

I have boasted that I have no cravings or triggers to fight for alcohol. I know I am fortunate. Today after AA meeting, feeding the dog, taking the dog out for a run (me on quad dog runs), ran to market, Two loads of laundry, fixed lunch, cleaned out dishwasher I thought to myself what if I had bought my DOC this morning. Hell no, I would not have got anything done, felt like shit and would want to end it all. Sobriety has opened up a whole New World. I still have struggles in the relationship department and hoping For less conflict in the future. Big trip planned and hubby a bit stressed over finances and says he can’t go! I am praying and staying calm with this new event. I am asking God to give me the right words to respond. God has come through recently with other challenges and I am counting on him to deal with this one.

[Bomdhil]

Day Zero.
the only good thing is that I attended to a meeting and I was honest
“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”

[Just_Laura]

@Dolse71

I knew if I moved then I was going to go straight to the shop

So many times I put on my shoes, leys in hand, and just paced around my house until I sat back down. Again and again. But all that mattered was I didn’t let myself go out that door. Whatever it took

@Mindofsobermike Maybe Leap Year I was wondering how that was gonna work bc my day rolled over at 7pm on the dot, but it started fluctuating after Feb 29th, just not enough to make up for a whole day by my sober date Congrats either way Proud of you, man!

637

Early check in. Not enough sleep again. Was fine once I got moving at work, but tired by the end bc it was slooow. Not much after. My daughter said her friend was allowed to come over but I called and text with no reply and then actually drove there(across town) but they weren’t home. Kids Anyway. Another day won

[GOKU2019]

Day 1124 AF

Wud up, gang.

The little man finally got some sleep last night. He was showing all his classmates his missing teeth .

Went to PT after dropping the kids off at school. Work. I’m about to log off in a bit and then go for a walk at the park.

Not a whole lot to report. Staying sober. For me, the wife and the kiddos.

I hope everyone’s doing well. Stay strong. ODAAT

[Ccn31]

Day 72 AF done, sleep well everyone

[One4theroad]

I am glad for you that you have a clinic now.

When I read your thoughts it reminded me of my own. Giving up any kind of control of some sort was scaring the shit out of me. Trapped in my mental cage being threatened by people trying to help me.

You’ve made it so far. You’ve fought until here. You are doing the best you can with the tools at hand at the moment. I hope you will find new insights and other approaches in therapy. You can do it.

[Mno]

1986

One day of work before a 4 day weekend. Happy with that. The 4 day weekend that is, although work is OK too. Glad the trains are running today so I don’t have to bike again. It’s just a bit too far to do daily. Hoping to hear from the manager of the new place I want to work today, to set up a second interview. Will see. In the meanwhile I’m going to have as good a day as I can. Sober and clean to begin with. And expect the same of all of you my friends. Love.

@SadMemeQueen Hang in there Megan. I’m glad you got this place. SH is not worth it. Hugs.

[icebear]

Checking in sober on Wednesday evening. Hope everyone is having a good week

[CATMANCAM]

@November_Rain welcome congrats on your days so far
@Thumper1213 congrats on your week+
@sobernow welcome congrats on your days so far
@Ccn31 congrats on 70+ days
@Raspberry congrats on 50+ days
@Seb belated congrats on 9 months
@Mischa84 congrats on 500+ days I’m so sorry that was going on in your home
@One4theroad congrats on 2200+ days
@Mno I hope your trial shift went well
@Tragicfarinelli well done for getting through the haircut

[CATMANCAM]

@Noshame congrats on 60 days no marijuana
@SudsNStuff welcome congrats on your days so far
@MooseTracks congrats on 800+ days
@Butterflymoonwoman so cute, I love it
@SoberWalker oh nooo, I’m sorry
@Bunto congrats on double digits
@AAboy210 welcome congrats on 3 days
@SadMemeQueen glad the ED clinic has accepted you, stay safe until then, sending strength 🩵

1556 days no alcohol.
1021 days no cocaine.
35 days no vape.
8 days no binge-eating.

I’m feeling quite unstable and depressed. Also overwhelmed with the stress of Xmas fast approaching, and I have to chose between buying food every day, or buying gifts, I can’t afford both. I was full of rage Monday and that made me want to crunch (crisps), but I also didn’t want to at the same time. It helps that it’s dark outside when I’m craving, because I don’t feel safe outside when it’s dark so I’m way less inclined to go to the shop.

Tuesday was my SILs birthday, so I visited her and my 10 month old niece. I had to make such an effort to arrange to see her, and it really makes me feel like they don’t want to see me. The next time I see them will be Boxing Day, and that will be over 3 months since I’ve seen my eldest niece and my brother. Makes me so sad.

Yesterday I went for my walk with the Safe Soulmates volunteer, I fed some water birds, and we did 7.5K steps. I wish I could say it lifted my mood, but sadly not. It was nice to breathe some fresh air though.

I just feel so overwhelmed. I feel like I need therapy every day. I don’t want to speak to my GP because he will just want me to increase my dose back up again, but that’s the opposite of what I want, so I need to manage this myself. In 3 weeks I will be completely off the first med, then I can start reducing the next one. I’m just worried about how much worse it’s potentially going to get.

I’ve been awake since 11pm last night, it’s now almost 5am, glad I’ve had the chance to catch-up here though.

🩵

[sobernow]

Thank you

[Alisa]

What is Christmas?
Unfortunately, for many it causes a lot of anxiety and stress.
You are a very giving type person. But you shouldn’t have to choose between giving a gift or eating.
I am a giver, I like to give things, but I also see that the giving around Christmas is totally out of hand. It’s totally out of hand, and it does things like stress people out because they don’t have the time to buy stuff. They don’t have the money to buy stuff, they don’t know what to buy for whoever they’re buying it for. It turns it into a mountain of stress and anxiety, when the religious part of Christmas should be celebrated if the person celebrates the religious part, and if they don’t, then Christmas is a time of peace and love. Peace and love. Peace and love.
It’s still however many days it is away. I would consider writing everyone a heartfelt card. It would probably mean more to them than that pair of socks or that meaningful whatever you picked out for them would mean.
Somehow find a way to take the anxiety away from the holiday. Eliminate what you have to eliminate to do that, if you have to choose between a material gift or eating, you need to eat.
Start a new tradition and maybe give something of beauty that you find, something natural out in the natural world. Or write a really nice card and feel good about it and feel good about yourself. You are a wonderful person, always believe that about yourself. Big hugs from here.
I know that you will fear resentment from the ones you are giving to and I don’t want you to be in that position either. Thinking of you however it ends up short of you not eating.

[Lastry]

Check in.

Another day sober. It got a bit hairy last night, so I followed in the wise @Dazercat’s footsteps and scrubbed a toilet! It had passed by the time it was done, and I could get on with my evening. I’ve been looking for a gratitude journal to use and found one that is almost what I am looking for. It asks every day

• what did I do for myself today

• what did I do to bless my home today

• what did I do for my recovery today

• what did I do to find joy today etc

I really liked it, but I think I may take all the good ideas I have seen and make my own. I will print the sheets and put them in a binder so I can adapt them as my recovery evolves. That way, I can add some colouring sheets in between and make it my own.

Something big is happening in my workplace. The company is either buying another company or being sold, something big. We all know it and can feel the uneasiness it brings. There is a lot of rumour-mongering and hearsay. I am ashamed to admit I have played a big part in that, but it stops today. I will not share anything anyone says about it from here on out. I will respond by saying that I am sure whatever happens will be exciting and present opportunities for us. I will not add my 2 pennies worth of speculating and then go on to spread the latest gossip. I can’t control it or change it, and I didn’t cause it, so I am letting it go.

A week ago today at 10 pm I had my last drink. It was at my dear friend and colleague’s wake following her funeral. Her death and funeral had nothing to do with my decision, but it did have a part in my plan. I was ready. I drove the 3 hours to get home the following evening and knew I had a half bottle of wine to pour away as soon as I walked in the door. I was utterly confident that I would not drink it because, let’s face it, half a bottle was not going to be enough, and it would have just made me want more, which I didn’t have. When I got home and started looking in the cupboards in case I missed any, there were 9… yes, NINE bottles ranging from a quarter to three-quarters full. I thought – Now we are talking! There is enough here for a session, and I can make tomorrow my start day. My phone flashed, and there was a message from my son that said, “I am so proud of you, Mom”. I poured it all away and went to bed sober that day.

[MrFantastik]

348 days
Quiet day. Stayed in for much of it. Heading off tomorrow for another little weekend getaway. This time with the kids.

[Alisa]

Congratulations! You are winning! You are stronger than the addiction!
You: Ten plus
Addiction: Zero
Toilet: A win here, too!!

[Amy30]

Day 670.

Well this morning I woke up hopeful about my cold being done. But… nope. Still sick.