Yes of course there’s nicotine in vaping. Which is addictive. But in the whole scheme of things here my point was that it’s the least of my issues… I’m not perfect. I kind of meant that at least I don’t get broken bones from it or send drunk or high messed up messages, or what not. I’ll work on it. 
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Checking in! 
I’m kicking off my weekend! Right now, after I’ve had my breakfast, I’m chilling on the couch. Cats are going crazy right now, chasing each other! 
Today it’s going to be “cleaning day”, while I listen to an audiobook, weird enough I enjoy this! 
Tomorrow morning I have a doctors appointment, but after that I might go for a short hike! The weather is very nice again! 
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Checking in on Day 9. Clearly I can’t count on my own but my trusty smart phone told me it’s day 9 and I believe her.
Yesterday we went shopping and followed our usual route through the supermarket. We always did the wine aisle last and then went to the tills. I follow my hubs lead around the shop. He is the shopper, I am just along for company and putting any treats I want in the trolly. He walked straight past the wine aisle people. Even when I have stopped drinking before he always follows the route just in case I have changed my mind and want a bottle. This time he skipped it. When we got in the car I told him I appreciated that he skipped the wine - he said there is nothing down there for you.
He is right. There is nothing down there for me. Sainsbury’s Firey Ginger Beer is where its at!
Hubs is off to watch a band with his friend today/tonight so I am making a roast chicken and deep cleaning our bedroom after Church. Then I am going to curl up in front of the TV for a movie or two. I have a cold/bug that just won’t shift.
Have a safe sober day everyone.
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Absolutely! I already told all 4 of them yesterday that tomorrow (so today, it’s 9:30am here) I’m staying upstairs in bed, daddy has to take care of them, I’m not at home 
He (father) is already complaining I’m fake ass cause I dont have fever anymore so I’m not sick. And that I’m this and that cause I want to stay alone. I don’t even care anymore. I need rest and recover cause tomorrow I have to be full power again. I wish I would have enough money to leave him. Im affraid I can’t take care of 3 boys, even feed them, buy clothes, what about some extra football lessons, swimming lessons, new bikes etc. I don’t even have driving licence yet and I live in the village. But I’m also aware of fact that because of him I live in constant stress. I’m far away from happy. I feel better when he’s not around. Our relationship started cause I was mostly drunk and he was stubborn. Then I got pregnant with our first child and here we are. For me, I’m 100% sure I would be happier without him. I just don’t know if I can handle raising boys alone, not gonna lie - mostly because of finances. Ehh…
About sickness - I feel better. No fever, no chills. Only weakness and heavy chest. If I rest today, should be ok 
Thank all of you for your support. You are really one of the brightest things in my life. I’m gonna cry 
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@SoberWalker Thank you. I will, and I will aks her, if she has a place at least on the internet, where one can checkout her work.
361 sugar
225 UPF
99 gluten
99 dairy
35 mindful eating
Very short checkin. Am off to a hike. Weather is very November-ish. Hoping the movement will wake me up. The sun is not really up for that job today.
Peace and love for life always 
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I’m glad you’re feeling better and I hope you get the rest you need today. Good for you for telling them they have to do it on their own. Hugs for you. Tears too. Kleenex too.
You’re doing everything right. You’re working, that’s good, and it’s one step at a time.
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Day 1429,
Fourth day no cigarettes. Ugh…found my distractions so far. Cravings are there on the fixed moments. Just ride them out or drink water. Thought it would be easier, but it should be worth it, although it feels a bit naked 
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I always appreciate your kind words, thank you. 
still feeling depressed overall but doing a lot better today. Trying to hold onto that mindset that making healthier choices is what matters.
Sending hugs and healing. I hope you can find peace today and allow yourself as much time and space as you need, to just be. I also hope you can figure out the sleeping situation soon, that sounds so frustrating!
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Hey all, checking in on day 1617. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Day 13 Checking in.
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Checking in 244. Have a great week everyone
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Goodmorning everyone!!!
557 no alcohol
65 no form of marijuana
197 no form of nicotine
Yesterday i was in a funk
I ended up leaving work a little early. J personally think it was a good call. I was all messed up clean wise and too much in my head
I got home snd cleaned myself up. Got rid of all my dirty clothes and called my dad. We were talking about something completely off this topic and he said work harder which was the answer to all my problems.
I got use to work and life. I maintained work and life for a long time and i am good at it. Now… i work harder
Im glad i took a break yesterday. My 3 hour mini christmas vacation. I needed it no doubt but now im content and im ready to work harder
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1 week sober
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I’m so sorry to hear this Mischa. What a horrendous spot to be stuck in. The point you cannot even get a days grace for self care without being aggravated by him. I’m sorry you have this happening.
Hopefully you find an avenue to happiness as that’s no way to live and I’m sure your boys know this as well.
I wish you best on this journey of sobriety made harder by your situation. 
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Day 317 AF
Had a great day yesterday. Did an upper body session and then as I do, started rearranging things in gym. Think I have it set up how I like though it’s a constant evolution.
Today I will do a leg superset, bike for 30mins then if the weather holds start wrapping some of the evergreen trees in burlap for winter.
The wind, ocean spray and cold is hard on them as they are still young freshly planted trees mostly as the last hurricane a couple winters ago stripped us of 32 mature trees on property.
Sending you all positive thoughts that today is a good day for you all!
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@Lastry congrats on your week+ AF 
and your opiate-free time too feel better soon 🩵
@MrFantastik I hope you’re enjoying your getaway 
congrats on 350+ days
@SussexGuy congrats on 6+ months
@Grayce1 welcome to the checking-in thread congrats on your days so far and good luck for your court date 
@Brian1965uk belated congrats on 2 years 
I relate a lot to what you shared 
@scaredsmol congrats on 2+ weeks
@acromouse thank you 🩵 good luck with solving your game problem
@Thumper1213 congrats on double digits
@Wolf182 belated congrats on 2 years
@wahtisnormal congrats on 7 months I hope you can get some proper rest asap 
I’m sorry life is so fkin challenging right now sending strength 🩵
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@Mindofsobermike belated congrats on your year
@EFountains congrats on 800+ days
@james83 congrats on 3+ weeks
@JazzyS thank you sending love 🩵
@Vanessa8 belated congrats on all the 2s
@GOKU2019 sorry about the rough night Thurs I hope you’ve had better sleep since and congrats on another month
@Lighter good to read from you but sorry things are rough I can relate, sending strength 🩵
@LittleMissLaura good to read from you congrats on 5+ years
@Amy30 oh gosh, that is not good timing I hope you got through it, sending strength 🩵
@Mischa84 it’s really not normal 
he sounds like he acts like a teenager, he should get up at the same time as you and help, even when you’re not sick, and definitely take responsibility as a father and let you stay in bed to get the rest you need when you are, it’s no wonder you’re not recovering sending strength and I hope you start feeling better soon 🩵
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@HiyaKat welcome back congrats on 22 days
@SudsNStuff sending strength 🩵 don’t listen to those addict lies
@sobernow congrats on your week
@Alisa @TeaCosy @JazzyS @Amy30 @Chevy55
Thank you all for your your support and suggestions, I do appreciate your input if I was closer with my family then maybe something sentimental would suffice, but sadly I caved in to the pressure, to unburden myself of the stress of it all. None of us are religious so it really makes no sense to me to celebrate the occasion at all. I plan to stay at home alone with my cats on Xmas day. 
1559 days no alcohol.
1024 days no cocaine.
38 days no vape.
11 days no binge-eating.
Thurs: I had my check-up at the dentist. Mostly okay, except an impacted lower left wisdom tooth, completely on its side. The tooth in front of it has some decay below the gum line. So the options were; to have the wisdom tooth surgically removed, in order to assess the tooth in front to see if it could be restored, but the dentist said that would be unlikely, then the second option would be to preemptively remove the back tooth and leave the wisdom tooth as it is. Then the third option was to leave it all as it is, until the back tooth starts to cause any pain, so I went with that option due to finances and not being in any pain currently. I also booked in for a clean with the hygenist for tomorrow, as I don’t have therapy.
Then on my way home I started my Xmas shopping. I couldn’t cope with how I was feeling about it.
Started to feel a little better.
Fri: Psych was unwell so therapy was cancelled. Finished my Xmas shopping. Spent even more than last year. So now I have to try to live off shakes and protein porridge. Any real food I do buy, will come out of the money I’ve saved for my annual car insurance (due the first week of January), so I may end up having to pay that in monthly installments, instead of all at once, which will cost more overall.
My mood seems to have balanced out, and I’m definitely less stressed about Xmas. I know I shouldn’t have had to make an adverse financial decision out of pressure, and I do appreciate all of your feedback and suggestions, but the thought of not giving anyone anything was making me feel worthless, and I don’t even know why because my family and I aren’t even close, we only see each other on special occasions, and even that hasn’t been every time this year. They are all also very materialistic and value money above anything else. It’s a shame. When I used to have friends, I used to be shocked at how little they’d have to buy for their families, because I’ve always felt I have to buy so much else my family would be disappointed and think that I hadn’t made an effort.
Yesterday, I went back to exchange a few things, and to the big supermarket, as it said online they had strawberries in-stock, (they did 
). I also bought everyone’s Xmas cards and some rolls of wrapping paper. I should have everything else I’ve ordered online by next weekend, so will probably wait until then and do a marathon wrapping session.
Today I’ve caught-up here. I will be doing some meditating, reading, and I am also going to attempt to watch some episodes of the show I haven’t watched since I last binged, but without bingeing. I also still need to hoover, my brain infuriates me! 
🩵
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Update:
I just came back from emergency room. I was having troubles with breathing, my heart was racing. It was freaking me out so I called them, they told me to come, so I did. And what? Nothing. Heart bpm a bit high (100-120 resting) but ekg was fine. Oxygen saturation fine. Lungs fine. Most probably flu.
I got some more info about that blood test result. They found some amount of bacteries causing whooping cough but not enough to without doubt say I’m sick… Bcs or it was some time ago and I almost recover, or it’s just beginning… They must check again in which direction it gonna go.
All in all, I’m in bed again. Husband is cleaning the house downstairs, probably he feels bad about being a dick.
I feel a bit better now. Good to know Im not having heart attack.
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