After 45 wonderful days I relapsed like an idiot. I am again in day 4 and a kind of disheartened but I went to a meeting and still committed with a better and deep recovery. I hope this year will be my year
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Checking in day 8. Was talking to a friend whose also in recovery about the thought patterns that trick us into drinking again. All the familiar ones like after youāve had a period of sobriety āmaybe I donāt really have a problemā, āIām not really like these other people (in meetings)ā, āIām sure if I really tried this time I could control itā, āitās not that badā, āif i just do X {insert attempt at moderating} i will be okā, āa couple here or there/ at special occasions wonāt hurtā. Gotta start seeing these thoughts as danger signs that Iām falling back into addiction and take some action. Most of my relapses these days arenāt impulsive acts of weakness, but instead times Iāve thought myself into it being ok to drink now over a series of days or weeks. These are my warning - gotta look out for them and stay alert! What are your warning signs? Hope everyoneās having a good day!
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Checking in on day 34.
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673
Iām home alone tonight. Well, just me and the cat 
My other half is away on business until Saturday. Our daughter is staying at a friendās house until Thursday. Itās ages since Iāve had the house to myself.
I poured half a bottle of wine down the sink. I donāt mind my family drinking at home, but leaving open bottles in the fridge and disappearing for days? Big NO NO 
Relaxing evening with the fire on and the telly all to myself.
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Iāve had to change therapists in the past with not much to go by except how I FELT. It was a hard decision to make. But I didnāt regret it one bit once I found someone better. I say go for it! Youāll know when youāve found someone whoās a good fit for you. Unless you have already changed your therapist multiple times in a row in rapid succession which I doubt, I think there is nothing wrong with requesting a change. Good luck!!
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Day 6.
I believe the withdrawals are at their worst now.
Still taking it one day at a time but will get through this.
Out with the kids to them to their class. Just waiting for them to finish.
Then will be dinner with the kids.
Homework help.
Will be a relaxing evening. Not much and will go to bed early tonight. Will probably do some reading before sleeping.
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Day 1059
Busy day for me today. Had to do a huge grocery shop at Walmart and then went home to put everything away. Then off to the gym for a workout. I didnt end up eating until like 2pm, which isnt good but I ate as soon as i got home from my workout. Made myself a high protein smoothie for lunch, took my supplements, and will enjoy supper shortly. Today has been good! Grateful, grateful, grateful 
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I used to get that stinkin thinkin A LOT in early recovery. Usually thoughts similar to what u mentioned. A big one for me was āit will be different this timeā. When i know full well that it wont be. Lies lies lies. I learned that i dont have to act on my thoughts. That my thoughts are just thatā¦thoughts. I used to be very impulsive too, thinking that I must react to every thought I have. This simply isnt true. These thoughts can just float by and have no impact on me now. I do still get the odd addict thought but the longer u dont entertain those thoughts, the more lessened they become.
Youre doing great by having such amazing self awareness Pamela! Its great that u recognize ur addict/alcoholic thought pattern so that u can build a defenae against them! Way to go!!
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368 alcohol and by extension drug free days
Pretty chill day, got oil changed in my truck. $300 poorer and Iām good for a few thousand kms more I guess.
I am off for the week for ābereavementā leave, I guess. Paid for so I guess Iāll take it and get more gym time in between family stuff.
Anyway thatās the kinda non exciting things happened todayā¦.ooh ooh, wife changed sheets and asked me to put the clean duvet cover on which I just didā¦ very exciting times when you can do by yourself as she is once again gone to workā¦ sucker!!
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Thank you 
& yes got to just observe these thoughts as part of the addict mind rather than give them any credence. Iām going to do myself a favour and predict that in a month or so these thoughts will come up, as they always do. But this time Iām not going to listen, Iām just going to see them for what they are, the addict mind trying to trick me. Ignore.
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Day 3 coming to a close. Have been sleeping well but very tired and confused and sluggish throughout the day. I have a very busy couple of work days ahead and I also have an interview tomorrow that I set up a while ago that I donāt feel up for or qualified for, and Iām worried I might feel terrible about myself afterward. I was unemployed 8 months last year and it killed my self confidence. So I need to be careful about it but Iām dreading it. Also I donāt get along with my manager and drinking used to be a way I could escape my anger toward him or was a way to get through dealing with him. I drank because I didnāt know how to handle all these thoughts and feelings and my coping skills are shot because of all the drinking I did. Anyway Iām ramblingā¦ I know i have a disease and I canāt drink EVER and I donāt want to have to ever go through this early sobriety phase againā¦ Iām working on my program actively but still feel overwhelmed. Thank you for all the welcomes and guidance, this is such a great community and itās lovely to see all the lengths of sobriety. Gonna keep going one day at a time!
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2nd Check in today.
Great meeting tonight. Fantastic shares, someone celebrated 24 hours sober, visitor from New York. All the feels.
Also this happenedā¦
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Itās great seeing your name in the check-in thread again!
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Sometimes it takes a while to find a therapist who is the right fit for you. It sounds like you like her and find her empathic but youre not really making the kind of progress that you want or getting what you need from her. If youāve been trying with her since September but not seeing the progress, if it were me I would perhaps look for someone else who might work in a way better suited to your needs! Just my opinion, obviously you have to do what feels right for you. Good luck with it 
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Thank you 
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Treat it as a practice interview @Catmama23. Forget about getting the job or not. Just do it purely for practicing your interview skills. That way its not about success or failure, its about self improvement and who doesnāt love that!
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I really like your avatar 
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Congrats on 2 months 
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Oh yay. 50 no alcoholā¦ That is so wonderfulā¦ Congrats on the weed days too.
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Thank you! Iām starting to feel like a human being again, haha
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