Day 563. Work ok. Feeling a bit more into work again. Enjoying not drinking over Christmas and new year . I feel a much better person, even if maybe alot less social . All okay. It will be 18 months sober in a few weeks , but the main thing is i feel better without alcohol and living a quieter life.
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Sameā¦ I tend to start searching for something to occupy my time but not activate the hyperfocus if that makes sense. I spend most of those times on here jamming to my sober playlist lol. Youāll get thereš©·š©·
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@Scorpn
Itās really nice to see you checking in especially when youāre feeling super challenged.
Here for support for you.
Im glad the thought of using is not even in your mind.
Hope that the children have gotten back in school, that your weather is not too awful, and that youāll soon be employed.
Consider the grounding exercises, possibly they could help with the feeling like youāre floating away.
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2946
I emailed my boss today and asked for a salary/performance review, which was nerve-wracking. Havenāt heard back yet. Iāve been there 21 months and havenāt had one yet. On Thursday I have to get a urine and blood test for life insurance. I hope they donāt find anything! One thing for certain is there will be no substanes in my urine so for that I am grateful. I am curious about my A1C since I have tested as pre-diabetic in the past and hope it is still āpreā. We will see. Nothing I can change by worrying, but of course I am still worried! Hopefully things have improved in the last year with diet changes and more exercise. Kids went back to school today. Nothing much else. Have a good day/evening!
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Thank you 
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Anyone have advice on whether or not I should request a new therapist? Let me explain why I ask. So I am a person who is very aware of things that I need (therapy focused) and Iāve been coaching my therapist on what Iād like to work on because she has a little bit of a hard time keeping on topic. I try to be firm but calm with her because she jumps from topic to topic even after Iāve told her exactly what my goal for therapy is. Therapists have to ask in their first session with a new client what their client would like to focus on. When my therapist asked, I told her I would like to work less on trauma and more on working through emotions surrounding having a job. Quick background about my work history, I havenāt worked in 3 years now and thatās because I am extremely hard on myself. Every time thereās a new shift that Iām scheduled for, I spend the entire day before anticipating every possible bad thing that can happen, some scenarios even ending with me hurt or dead. Yes, I understand itās irrational but itās very difficult to be aware of that in the moment that Iām thinking about it. So, thatās why I want to work about it in therapy. So, Iāve explained this to my new therapist (Iāve had her since September) and she is a GREAT listener, donāt get me wrong, but unfortunately she struggles to challenge my thoughts and ideas which is what I had originally asked her to do. Iām not trying to make my therapist sound bad because sheās very kind and empathetic but she has such a hard time focusing on just this topic. So we donāt get as far as Iād hoped to by now. I am so beyond TERRIFIED to get a job and I need her support as well as a little tough love. Im just not sure if my expectations are too high or how to proceed. The thought of having a job right now sky rockets my anxiety. I want to work in this so much but Iām trying really hard to push my therapist and I donāt think sheās understanding. What should I do?
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After 45 wonderful days I relapsed like an idiot. I am again in day 4 and a kind of disheartened but I went to a meeting and still committed with a better and deep recovery. I hope this year will be my year
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Checking in day 8. Was talking to a friend whose also in recovery about the thought patterns that trick us into drinking again. All the familiar ones like after youāve had a period of sobriety āmaybe I donāt really have a problemā, āIām not really like these other people (in meetings)ā, āIām sure if I really tried this time I could control itā, āitās not that badā, āif i just do X {insert attempt at moderating} i will be okā, āa couple here or there/ at special occasions wonāt hurtā. Gotta start seeing these thoughts as danger signs that Iām falling back into addiction and take some action. Most of my relapses these days arenāt impulsive acts of weakness, but instead times Iāve thought myself into it being ok to drink now over a series of days or weeks. These are my warning - gotta look out for them and stay alert! What are your warning signs? Hope everyoneās having a good day!
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Checking in on day 34.
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673
Iām home alone tonight. Well, just me and the cat 
My other half is away on business until Saturday. Our daughter is staying at a friendās house until Thursday. Itās ages since Iāve had the house to myself.
I poured half a bottle of wine down the sink. I donāt mind my family drinking at home, but leaving open bottles in the fridge and disappearing for days? Big NO NO 
Relaxing evening with the fire on and the telly all to myself.
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Iāve had to change therapists in the past with not much to go by except how I FELT. It was a hard decision to make. But I didnāt regret it one bit once I found someone better. I say go for it! Youāll know when youāve found someone whoās a good fit for you. Unless you have already changed your therapist multiple times in a row in rapid succession which I doubt, I think there is nothing wrong with requesting a change. Good luck!!
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Day 6.
I believe the withdrawals are at their worst now.
Still taking it one day at a time but will get through this.
Out with the kids to them to their class. Just waiting for them to finish.
Then will be dinner with the kids.
Homework help.
Will be a relaxing evening. Not much and will go to bed early tonight. Will probably do some reading before sleeping.
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Day 1059
Busy day for me today. Had to do a huge grocery shop at Walmart and then went home to put everything away. Then off to the gym for a workout. I didnt end up eating until like 2pm, which isnt good but I ate as soon as i got home from my workout. Made myself a high protein smoothie for lunch, took my supplements, and will enjoy supper shortly. Today has been good! Grateful, grateful, grateful 
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I used to get that stinkin thinkin A LOT in early recovery. Usually thoughts similar to what u mentioned. A big one for me was āit will be different this timeā. When i know full well that it wont be. Lies lies lies. I learned that i dont have to act on my thoughts. That my thoughts are just thatā¦thoughts. I used to be very impulsive too, thinking that I must react to every thought I have. This simply isnt true. These thoughts can just float by and have no impact on me now. I do still get the odd addict thought but the longer u dont entertain those thoughts, the more lessened they become.
Youre doing great by having such amazing self awareness Pamela! Its great that u recognize ur addict/alcoholic thought pattern so that u can build a defenae against them! Way to go!!
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368 alcohol and by extension drug free days
Pretty chill day, got oil changed in my truck. $300 poorer and Iām good for a few thousand kms more I guess.
I am off for the week for ābereavementā leave, I guess. Paid for so I guess Iāll take it and get more gym time in between family stuff.
Anyway thatās the kinda non exciting things happened todayā¦.ooh ooh, wife changed sheets and asked me to put the clean duvet cover on which I just didā¦ very exciting times when you can do by yourself as she is once again gone to workā¦ sucker!!
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Thank you 
& yes got to just observe these thoughts as part of the addict mind rather than give them any credence. Iām going to do myself a favour and predict that in a month or so these thoughts will come up, as they always do. But this time Iām not going to listen, Iām just going to see them for what they are, the addict mind trying to trick me. Ignore.
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Day 3 coming to a close. Have been sleeping well but very tired and confused and sluggish throughout the day. I have a very busy couple of work days ahead and I also have an interview tomorrow that I set up a while ago that I donāt feel up for or qualified for, and Iām worried I might feel terrible about myself afterward. I was unemployed 8 months last year and it killed my self confidence. So I need to be careful about it but Iām dreading it. Also I donāt get along with my manager and drinking used to be a way I could escape my anger toward him or was a way to get through dealing with him. I drank because I didnāt know how to handle all these thoughts and feelings and my coping skills are shot because of all the drinking I did. Anyway Iām ramblingā¦ I know i have a disease and I canāt drink EVER and I donāt want to have to ever go through this early sobriety phase againā¦ Iām working on my program actively but still feel overwhelmed. Thank you for all the welcomes and guidance, this is such a great community and itās lovely to see all the lengths of sobriety. Gonna keep going one day at a time!
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2nd Check in today.
Great meeting tonight. Fantastic shares, someone celebrated 24 hours sober, visitor from New York. All the feels.
Also this happenedā¦
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Itās great seeing your name in the check-in thread again!
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Sometimes it takes a while to find a therapist who is the right fit for you. It sounds like you like her and find her empathic but youre not really making the kind of progress that you want or getting what you need from her. If youāve been trying with her since September but not seeing the progress, if it were me I would perhaps look for someone else who might work in a way better suited to your needs! Just my opinion, obviously you have to do what feels right for you. Good luck with it 
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