You got this. This kind of anxiety is natural, I think, as long as it’s in control. It sounds like you have a great set-up and you’re attentive and considerate of your guests’ needs. That’s all you can control. I’m sure everyone will have a great experience.
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@MrFantastik glad to hear that you won’t be totally laid out. Do wish you a speedy recovery 
. I believe spring is 3/21… Yesterday was the last day the sun would set before 6 pm until the fall…this is a wonderful thought 
@zse what a beautiful reminder 
. Sending hugs your way. 
@Tragicfarinelli it is a dangerous battle but you are already winning by acknowledging it and working to keep your connections through it. I do hope your day turns around for you. Keep fighting the good fight
Now that’s a great payment 
. I used to love yearly treat of girl scout cookies. Glad you had such a blast. I’m sure the kids will forever remember this experience
@mreeclee sending positive vibes…hope all goes well with your test results
@Laner triple 3’s!! I love it. Glad everyone is settled in. I know it’s easier said but try not to worry. I’m sure your guests will understand. I do hope you all have a wonderful training sessions
Sorry to all of you suffering from a crappy night of sleep. 
Checking in on Monday morning
Sleep was ok enough. Having a slight headache and trying to kick my motivation into gear.
Sitting with my coffee and TS. Sun is shining outside so that’s a plus.
Wishing everyone a wonderful addition free day - sending you all so much love 
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Checking in on Monday morning. I was traveling last week and seem to have picked up a nasty tummy bug. Had to call in to work. I feel like some of this is sheer mental collapse that has been a long time coming. Sending you all love. Stay safe and stay strong.
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Second check-in.
I was enjoying my time with my horse sitting in the sun (we finally have sun!!), and the landlord came by and sat with us. She claimed my time for about 45 minutes and talked about lots of small, non-specific and irrelevant stuff. Man, she is draining… It took me 2 minutes to get irritated… She is able to give you the feeling you are doing everything very, very wrong and she likes to talk shit about neighbours and other people. Very judgy…
Happy to be home now, but it sucks as this was an amazingly beautiful day and the only one who I’d want to spend it with was my horse.
I must be extremely anti-social to let it get me this much 
Going to reflect on it a bit more when I feel less irritated about is.
Hope you all who had some real bad sleep with weird dreams still have a great day! Synchronised bad sleeping, how weird. Hope you all have a better night coming.
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My second check in as well. I just heard of the death of Dieuwertje Blok, Dutch TV personality that the whole country at some point has been infatuated with. Or still is. I have been for decades, and still am. Such a sweet kind loving humane face and personality. It’s strange how much it can hurt to lose somebody you never really knew, except from a TV screen. She started doing TV in 1980 when I was 14 years old, and had to stop working last year after she was diagnosed with cancer. She planned on coming back but that didn’t happen and she died yesterday, 67 years old.
Would this have happened before I got sober, I would have gone to the bar and got drunk tonight. Now I share my sadness with you lot. I feel old. Will miss you sweet Dieuwertje. Love.
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I don’t know her or of her, but she looks really kind.
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Oh shit!!! She passed away? I knew she stopped with Sinterklaas Journaal because she became ill but damn. Another icon from my youth gone.
Check in day… Idk. I kind of lost track of time. I also had to restart the counters almost every day, be it one, the other, or several. So I guess check in Day #1 again? Hmmm 
I don’t like this one bit.
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Checking in again at day 1 AF. Got a bit of a rough start, but I’m not giving up!
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Checking in today with 330 days sober.
Doing well.
You know what’s crazy, is I still have that complusion to have a drink in my hand. Lucky I’ve gotten used to only drinking water, tea and coffee but still, it’s kind of annoying.
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I think for some of us the rituals are almost as hard to give up as the high. I don’t want to drink, but I miss the process of mixing a cocktail or the feeling of holding a tumbler, inhaling the first sniff of the drink, smoking a cigar (which I rarely did when I wasn’t drinking). I know long-time sober smokers and heroin addicts who talk about their rituals with affection. But, these are things we need to grieve, bury, and let go. Mixing mocktails or measuring the heft of a tumbler full of seltzer will never do the trick. But trying to let the physical experience of drinking go is, for me, a significant part of changing my mindset regarding my drug.
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Day 31
I didn’t do much today. I spent all day reading. I’ll do my work tomorrow since my deadline is Wednesday. I’ve also been learning about birds. I might take the year to learn enough to start bird watching next year. It’s so peaceful I think and that’s all I want now, just peace, calm, and stability. Still sober, feeling better, ODAAT.
I’ve also discovered icecubes! When my herbal teas don’t do the trick I just chew on ice and it works! Reminds me of when I was a kid, it’s quite fun to do.
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Day 66. Relatives visited us which was nice. I went skiing 4 km (about 2,5 mails) in nice weather. It was a good day.
Have a good 24
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398 days AF
9 days no shopping
400 soon.
Yippi yeah.
Had to do some shopping for hypoallergenic cosmetics that I need. Shopping but doesn’t count. Triggers again, new shirts. Lol. I love uboot neck long sleeves with 3/4 arm and I think I got around 15. And around 10 normal t shirts. Haha. Interesting.
Got lower back pain.
Happens twice a year.
Do some excersices.
I stepped one step forward at work today. Hard to explain but still realy happy with the my employer.
Love you guys
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Day 1114
Feeling actually pretty good today! Its snowy and slushy outside but even that isnt effecting my mood lol I went to the gym this morning. Had a good workout. Came home to have a nice shower, a good healthy meal, and now Im going to putter around the apartment and clean. Not a bad Monday. I made sure to pray to my HP this morning for guidance and I really feel like it improved my day. Have a good day everyone!
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Hi folks, day 27! If you are new here, please keep going. I never thought I could stay sober and actually enjoy life but that’s exactly what seems to be happening. Yes, I’ve had cravings (some major) and I would ALWAYS give in to the wine demon in the past but somehow I’m keeping on going and my motivation is getting stronger every day.
Life is easier, more enjoyable, I have more patience and my relationships are so much better (particularly with my daughter and partner )
The only downside is I seem to have replaced alcohol with many, many cups of tea but that’s definitely a better option! (Need to cut down from 2 sugars though 
)
Keep going, you have got this, sending love and strength to everyone and my absolute gratitude for this site 
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Checking in. 37 AF, 40 without weed. Still at the psych ward. This day has been really hard. I was feeling really anxious and suicidal, so I talked to my nurse and cried a lot. I felt like I don’t have any hope, I won’t survive from these mental health problems and I still feel like it. I’m feeling such a loser, I’m 45 yrs old and all I have gained are my children that I love so much, but I don’t see them almost at all, except my oldest son. I have lost all my jobs, dropped out of polytechnic and university and I feel I’m too old to achieve my dreams. All of that shit has happened because of my mental health issues and drinking and using substances to ease the pain and chaos in my mind. Sorry for this rant, I just feel like a total loser at the moment and I don’t know how I’m gonna handle all the stress and bureaucratic paperwork regarding my move to the new apartment. But I have my faith and I trust in God that He will carry me through these difficult and stormy times.
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Day 20
Not drinking today
And ive only had 2 nights of drinking since December. And its been 2 years since i last smoked weed. I used to do it every day.
I wouldnt say my life is Better but if i hadnt stopped smoking id have a higher likelihood of ending up dead or in jail.
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Checking in, past day one, no urges today. Just tired and still feeling sick, this cold goes and then comes back, been since Thursday. Trying to get some chores done, before the kids get home.
Haven’t been sleeping well, which I know is normal, but even with my medicine back on board, I slept like crap last night.
Things just feel off lately, can’t put my finger on it.
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I just got way too close to a bad relapse. But I pulled myself together, started talking myself out of harming, took deep breaths and walked away from the blades… Guys this is HUGE progress! So damn proud!
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I love your posts. If you know me even a little I live to think out of the box to provide some humor. I am having houseguest soon. I was thinking maybe we should just say we are fasting and meals are on you. Some of my guests have religious diet restrictions and their kids are just plain fucking finicky. I always try to accommodate. I want to just say this is what I prepared take it or leave it but this Fasting idea has my evil mind spinning. No I won’t do that.
I am positive all will work out fine for you. How could it not? You are the Hostess with the Mostest!
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